User:Orangutang94/Marshawn Lynch
Hello, I'm here with Uncyclopedia trying to write yet another article. I have here former NFL player Marshawn Lynch, also known as Beast Mode.
"Yeah."
He's here's to answer any questions we have. Surprisingly, no one roasted him here on Uncyclopedia until 2026! Is there really no one on this website know anything about the great Marshawn Lynch? What a bunch of nerds.
"I'm just here so I don't get fined."
Fortunately, I might know a bunch of stuff about Beast Mode!
"Yeah."
Is that.. a blunt you're smoking, man?
"Yeah."
Well, I mean, you're not playing anymore, so it's all good.
"Yeah."
Early life[edit | edit source]
So.. Marshawn, where were you born again?
"Yeah."
Is that all you're gonna say?
"Yeah." [coughs]
Come on man, you gotta give me more than that! Can you help me out?
"Yeah."
You know, you're kinda giving me a vibe, kind of like a West Coast kind of vibe!
"Yeah!"
Lemme guess, you grew up in the 'hood?
"Yeah."
Compton? You know, the way you talk, kinda reminds me of Snoop Dogg, who's from Compton.
"Naw."
Hmm, alright... Can't be from downtown LA, San Jose or Orange County either.. San Fran?
"Naw."
..Oakland?
"Yeah."
Daaaamn. So you, like, grew up there? What's it like? That's like the ghetto side of the Bay!
"East Bay represent, mothafucka! Nothin' wrong with being a lil ghetto! We just chill, man. Got some good ass music, some good weed, good football when the Raiders were in town, and just a good vibe, man. We even got a good ass school up the freeway and some good ass tech companies, dawg. We ain't gon' bite!"
Hey! You just spoke more than one word, let alone sentence!
"Yeah."
Beast Mode nickname[edit | edit source]
So moving on, so you're an Oakland native and proud of it. Why they call you "Beast Mode", man? Cause you're a beast on the football field or something?
"Yeah."
Like, in what way? You seem like the kind of guy who's big and stocky and run people over.
"Yeah."
You fast as well? I think they say you played running back!
"Yeah."
Were you the fastest guy on the field?
"Yeah."
Strongest?
"Yeah."
Fattest?
"Naw dawg, you wanna see fattest, check out my cousin JaMarcus Russell. Dawg eats out of a ma'fuckin' satellite dish and shoulda been a lineman rather than quarterback! N***a could chuck da rock waay downfield though"
So you're saying he was a beast at throwing the football?
"Yeah... Naw."
What do you mean by that?
"Yeah."
Well?
"Yeah. Well, you want me to explain to y'all, that n***a could chuck a ball 80 yards if he wanted! He just lazy cause he been sippin' da purple drank so he be throwin' picks left and right. And he also a fatass."
Are you also a beast at throwing the ball?
"Yeah."
No really??
"Yeah. There was that one with Buffalo, they had me throwing the ball cause J. P. Losman was a joke at throwin' the ball. I even got a tuddy!"
Okay. You a beast at anything else?
"Yeah."
What else?
"Yeah."
Ah, well, I shoulda known better that you were gonna go back to one-word answers. How about I name something and you say if you were a "beast" at it?
"Yeaaaah."
Playing basketball?
"Yeah."
Good enough for the NBA?
"Naw."
I figured, you're a beast at football!
"Yeah."
College career[edit | edit source]
Professional career[edit | edit source]
Buffalo Bills[edit | edit source]
Seattle Seahawks[edit | edit source]
Oakland Raiders[edit | edit source]
Some indoor or arena football team.. wait, am I reading that right?[edit | edit source]
Other stuff he's doing[edit | edit source]
Yeah, he's definitely Beast Mode[edit | edit source]
Yeah[edit | edit source]
Yeah?
"Yeah."
Yeah. I'm sooooo stoned right now.
"Yeah."
Yeah.
"There ya go! Now you get it!"
Yeah?
"Yeah."
...wanna get some In 'n Out? I think I got the munchies.
"Yeah."
Yeah.
