Compton, California

A map of Compton in 1991. Some claim that it's actually 2b2t's spawn, but everyone knows the latter is way more organized than this.

“Yes, I can rap and no, I’m not from Compton.”

~ Nick Crompton

Compton was a nature preserve made for white people in California, but is infamous for being ruined by that darn rap music, resulting in rape, murder, and drug dealing. The "gangsta" rap group of N.W.A (Niggaz Wit Attitudes) was a group of blacks who turned Compton into a terrible area in 1987, the music made everyone tear down country clubs and build ghettos. The music also contributed to the formation of gangs, such as the They See Me Rollin' 60 Crips and the Southsith Crips from the rapping of Hard-R's single "Multigenderz-n-tha-Hood" which was written by Hard-R with no involvement from Magma Cube, despite allegations. Magma Cube also did some gangsta rap-esque music in 1986 which was one of the things slowly corrupting Compton before Hard-R and N.W.A.

History

Early history

Like many areas in the West, Compton was colonized by the Spaniards, who later fled from the area after a shaman revealed that black people would not be slaves in the future. As a result, the area was abandoned until the Comptons, settlers from America, travelled to the area in the 1860s. Although the first few years were rough, after copious amounts of incest, cannibalism, and misery, in 1888, the city of Compton would be incorporated, having a total of 500 white people living there. According to the whites, it was a majestic paradise, and in the 1910s, it was converted into a nature preserve for white people, becoming the last openly-segregated place in the United States. That was until the black people came with their icky-wicky blues, soul, and southern accents. Luckily, in the 1930s, they were all exterminated by a government-sponsored earthquake, posstponing the eventual black-dominated demographics later seen.

Two gay men preparing to flee Compton in 1986 due to the city's rampant homophobia epidemic

White flight

For a while there were Japanese people – but during World War II they all mysteriously disappeared for no reason. By the 1950s blacks began moving into the city, causing all the whites to flee in disgust, allegedly singing "Coon, Coon, Coon" as they left. With the government not caring about black people at the time, this caused a steady decline in the city's infrastructure. Additionally, many of the rich black people who originally stayed there fled to neighboring cities. All this caused the city to begin garnering a reputation for gang violence. The 1970s and 80s were a really bad time, as gangs from Los Angeles began tracking to Compton, seeking to take advantage of the city's proximity to the nearby marijuana farms.

Peak of gang violence

“Can’t touch this.”

~ MC Hammer on the city's crime rate

In 1987 the "gangsta" rap group of N.W.A (Niggaz Wit Attitudes began releasing rap in Compton, turning Compton into a terrible area in 1987, the music made everyone tear down country clubs and build affordable housing projects, or as the blacks call them, the "'jects". The music also contributed to the formation of gangs, such as the They See Me Rollin' 60 Crips and the Southsith Crips from the rapping of Hard-R's single "Multigenderz-n-tha-Hood" which was written by Hard-R with no involvement from Magma Cube, despite allegations. Magma Cube also did some gangsta rap-esque music in 1986 which was one of the things slowly corrupting Compton before Hard-R and N.W.A. Hard-R and Magma Cube's rapping made Dr. Dre and MC Ren (later DJ Yella and Arabian Pimp) join and form a group called N.W.A, spreading gangsta rap across the nation, making even more gangs such as the Harley Davidson Stans, Crips, Bloods, Italian-American mafia, and more.

Normalization

“Of course I can stay in Compton for the weekend!”

~ Carlton Banks to Will Smith

“Police have found the body of a rich black man in a car. Police say he was likely apprehended by local gangsters and brutally murdered.”

~ CNN on the death of someone unrelated to Carlton

The streets of Compton, once a hotspot for gang wars straight out of a video game, are now reportedly calm enough for local kids to play hopscotch without fear of stray bullets ending their lives. This was due to one man, and one man only: MC Hammer. Raised in Oakland, Hammer already knew how to shoot innocents, flee from the police, and frame other blacks for his crimes, hence the title of his 1990 album Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em. Now dominating Compton politics, Hammer helped restore some of the rules of the original democracy, but sadly, after Ice Cube, a hip hop purist, took over the city a few months later, most of these rules were removed. However, due to copious amounts of government spending as well as charitable intervention, Compton is now in the top 5000 least-deadly cities ... in California.

What the city is hoping for: white people

Future

Compton will be developed into a metropolitan area with big skyscrapers and more importantly, white people. It may take many years but progress will be made. It will be glorious with nightclubs and bars and an area for the existing population called "Ethnictown", Ethnictown will be a melting pot for Compton with all the ethnics being given free reign to do whatever they want as long as they follow the rules of the local government. Some citizens have expressed concern that the future of Compton will result in their being sidelined and claim that Ethnictown will become nothing more than "a glorified jail"; there is a threat of a potential riot like the one in 1992 but Compton officials have expressed that they do not give a shit about their concerns and will #MakeComptonMagnificentAgain by any means necessary.

Government

Originally Compton was controlled by a city council but, after all the poor blacks resorted to rioting in the 1980s, the city is now controlled by regional warlords, or "Multi-Platinum Recording Artists". These warlords gain their status by participating in Compton's national sports of badminton and jazz competitions. Each warlord controls a piece of land, or "unit", which varies in size depending on the jazz album sales of the warlord. Every four years, the warlords will send their best jesters into the city. The jesters roam the city, and when two jesters encounter each other they must engage in a comedic collaboration and then a violent tongue-twister façade. The winner's warlord will then become the ruler of Compton for four more years until the next competition.

See also

• Gangster Rap Appreciation Day
• Fried chicken
• Stereotypes