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UnNews:"COVID-23" said to spread throughout American airspace

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Monday, February 6th, 2023

A high-altitude balloon of suspected Chinese origin (given the fact that the balloon read "Made in China" on its stern) moving through North American airspace at 60,000 feet has, since the beginning of February, given rise to a China–U.S. diplomatic row. Nobody was really certain about the balloon's purpose, however, several assumptions claimed the balloon was a bioweapon, mapping out nukes, an extraterrestrial spacecraft or perhaps even a Chinese New Year lantern celebration gone drunkenly out of control (minus the firecrackers).

The Chinese government denied any intention of espionage on good ol' 'Murica, and simply stated the balloon was a "civilian airship" used for "meteorological purposes" that had been "blown off course by the Westerlieswtf?." U.S. authorities at the Pentagon were not convinced by this assertion and went on to assume the balloon was indubitably a surveillance device used to spy on military sites and your mom.

On Saturday, the balloon (reckoned by experts to be about thrice the size of a double-decker bus) was shot down with an F-22 Raptor off the coast of South Carolina by the U.S. Air Force under President Joe Biden's orders, as with every time the U.S. government gets suspicious about something. The balloon's detonation appears to have released a swarm of unclassified viruses into the backdraft from its helium payload.

What exactly the aforementioned viruses are that have since contaminated the Atlantic is up for debate, but some people have put forth that a new variant of SARS-CoV-2 (albeit a less lethal one) or a whole new virus altogether ("COVID-23", according to the proposed hypothesis) has perhaps come out to play. Physicists from all around the nation are currently investigating the debris left by the balloon on South Carolinian waters in order to fully understand the balloon's mysterious objective. The carcasses of countless seagulls have, during the investigation, since been discovered lying across shores across the east coast (very sad).