UnNews:Pink Floyd killed by coronavirus

Saturday, May 30, 2020

NEW DELHI, INDIA -- English rock legends Pink Floyd, while visiting India, were killed by the Great COVID-19 Corona Virus Disease Pandemic of 2020. This happened just a few hours ago, while the band were attempting to entertain the infected citizens of India.

Wait, we have new reports coming in. In fact, Pink Floyd were not killed at all by coronavirus; those were fake news. The real news is that an Indian lady monkey clitoris was circumcised by religious fanatics, just for being pink. No way this is for real ... let me check that again.

Oh, I see. Sorry about that. What REALLY happened is that the movie Joker totally came true. Some racist cop murdered a black rapper for no reason, and the protesters killed Batman's parents in return. That's right. No, I ain't kidding. This black dude was called George Floyd. No English band was killed and no monkey clitoris was cut off. A black man was murdered by the police. Not the band The Police. The actual American police. Yeah, I know. What the fuck. Oh, and also Trump is at war with Twitter now. He keeps tweeting racist stuff, and Twitter keeps putting its knee on Trump's neck, by labeling all his tweets as racist. It's pretty cool, I guess.

Wait a minute ... we have new reports now ... this is unbelievable. There was no George Floyd murder, after all. That was just CNN trying to put its knee on Trump's presidency. Let me tell ya what's the deal here. It's not Joker at all that came true, it's Citizen Kane. Turns out this entire UnNews article was a parody of the movie Citizen Kane, and we're about to reveal what Rosebud is.

Rosebud's the fucking monkey clitoris.

Breaking news: I never saw Citizen Kane. I don't even know what it's about. It's all about the George Floyd murder, after all. We just need to find out who's Joker's therapist in this equation.

Okay, that's totally Donald Trump.

UPDATE

SECOND UPDATE

MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota -- Fittingly-named, disgraced former police officer Derek Chauvin has been found guilty on all three charges in the killing of George Floyd. It would be in bad taste to joke about it, so ...

Sources

• "George Floyd protests spread nationwide" CNN, May 29, 2020
• "Monkeys snatch blood samples of suspected Covid-19 patients in India" CNN, May 29, 2020
• Mike Hayes, Melissa Macaya, Melissa Mahtani, Meg Wagner and Veronica Rocha "Derek Chauvin guilty in death of George Floyd" CNN, April 2, 2021

COVID-19

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