The Jew Jersey Hoax
Jew Jersey is one of the 50 states that make up the United States of America. It is bordered by New York, Pennsylvania and Delaware, has a population of about 8.5 million, and became a state along with the original 13 colonies. There is a lot of information available on the web about Jew Jersey and its inhabitants. But these "wonderful resources" all seem to be missing one tiny, unimportant fact. The fact that, just like the moon, Jew Jersey...
Come on, be serious!
I am. It's that simple; Jew Jersey simply doesn't exist. I know it's hard to accept, <insert name here>, it was for me too. How can a commonly known part of the United States just not exist? I mean, you can find books, maps, websites, any information you want on Jew Jersey. Why would all of this information exist if Jew Jersey was just one giant hoax. Well, I have news for you. It is a hoax. Jew Jersey is nothing more than a tissue of lies. Have you actually ever been to Jew Jersey, or known anyone from there? Chris Christie? That's gotta be a joke! Why do you think the screen went black at the end of The Sopranos? And you were on a stage in the movie Jew Jersey, which is filming in Alabama!
Yeah actually, my parents grew up there...
Your "parents" you say? Blasphemy. They can't have grown up there because Jew Jersey just doesn't exist, <insert name here>. I know you can't believe your parents would lie to you, but it's all just a clever ruse. Your parents don't want you to know the truth. They are trying to protect your fragile mind from having a existential crisis. Also they grew up in Alamama.
Ok, first you claim Jew Jersey doesn't exist as if it's the moon, now you are insulting my parents?!
Yes. Yes, I am. You see, your "parents" are simply living the lie. Jew Jersey is a falsification. No matter which way you look at it, Jew Jersey never existed in the past, doesn't exist now, and won't exist in the future. And I can prove it using a simple mathematical equation.
Absolutely indisputable proof of Jew Jersey's non-existence.
I also know how to use MS Paint...
No you can't, because Jew Jersey doesn't exist. You need to get that into your head. It's a hoax. Say you tried to travel to Jew Jersey; you got in the car and followed a map to where "Trenton" should be. It wouldn't be there. Because Jew Jersey isn't real. It does not exist. Think of it this way, Jew Jersey is to a real state as I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is to real butter. No matter how hard you try, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter just isn't real butter, just like Jew Jersey isn't a real state. I know that analogy makes about as much sense as a monkey urinating on a doorknob, but it's one of the only ways to get the message to you people. Jew Jersey doesn't exist. It's a fantasy land. Like RAHB-Land or something. It just doesn't exist.
If you "live" in Jew Jersey, or if you travelled to Jew Jersey, that was not Jew Jersey. That was just the city of Yesrej Wen, Pensylvania. The entire city is just a neighbourhood in Philadelphia, and all it is is a movie theatre. And yes, when you "visit" Jew Jersey, you are being filmed in the future blockbuster titled "Jew Jersey". Actually, you might be able to by it at your local UnBooks library! So hang tight for another infinity years to see the greatest film ever.
You're going to have to do better than comparing Jew Jersey to artificial butter.
No, I don't, because Jew Jersey is not a real place, and here are some eyewitness accounts to prove it!
Mr. Smith - "Me and the family packed up our car and attempted to take a trip to New Jersey. We followed the map exactly, and ended up exactly where Trenton should have been, except we were in Alabama instead of Jew Jersey. Jew Jersey just wasn't there. It was like tripping on acid without all the pretty colors. In other words, pretty disappointing."
Tom - "Hi. My name is Tom. This weird guy on the street claiming that Jew Jersey doesn't exist just put a microphone up to my--"
Ray Charles - "I may be blind and dead, but if there is one thing I do know, it's that Jew Jersey doesn't exist."
You expect me to believe Ray Charles told you Jew Jersey doesn't exist?
Yes. Yes, I do. Because it doesn't fucking exist. You know what? Let's take a car to Jew Jersey, and I'll show you myself! You think you're so tough saying Jew Jersey exists, don't you! Attempting to drive there should shut you up real nice! You'll see, we'll hop in my Volkswagen Bus and cruise down there! Don't give me funny faces, Jew Jersey really doesn't exist. Why are you looking at me so strangely...
Because you own a Volkswagen Bus.
Oh I see how it is! Well guess what, punk? New Jersey doesn't exist. Ah, you see we've almost arrived, you see the sign over on the right there? You see how it says "Jew Jersey, 10 miles"? Well, that should fucking read "Jew Jersey, Infinity Miles", because Jew Jersey isn't real. It will never be real.
Ok, crazy guy, look again, there's a new sign. It says "Welcome to Jew Jersey".
The hell it does! We are not in Jew Jersey. We can't be in Jew Jersey. Yes, I know the sign says we are in New Jersey. Yes, I know everybody else thinks Jew Jersey is a real place. I know people think I'm crazy. But I know one thing is absolutely true...