Top Secret Nazi Moon Bases
“We will fight them in the craters, on the lateral ridges, in the plains of endless cosmic dust, and in our formal gazebos. We will never surrender.”
“They have a lovely view of Scunthorpe up there, I've heard.”
It is a widely accepted fact that at the end of World War II, the highly-acclaimed sequel to World War I, the Nazi Party established Top-Secret Nazi Bases on the Moon. The Nazis sent hundreds of German storm-troopers, along with Adolf Hitler (and his designated successor, Barack Hussein Obama) to colonize the Moon. Because the Moon has a very similar atmosphere to ours, the insanely evil Germans could walk around wearing nothing but flip-flops and singlets. In the 1960's, when the United States sent people to the Moon, they were invited into the secret space-bunkers for tea and scones, which they all top-secretly enjoyed. Many Mexicans were involved as well, even as notable as Boaz Larson or Fernando McSuavesworth. They were ousted, however, when they were learned to have to many disappoint.
Super Evil Genetic Deformities[edit | edit source]
While on the Moon, the Nazis devised a plan to become Super-Evil Semi-Humans. This plan involved extensive inbreeding as well as the disgusting "Anal Birthing" technique, both of which the all-male Nazi stormtroopers were quite painfully familiar with. After only two generations, these super-evil genetically-deformed Nazis completely displaced their progenitors, and are now the sole inhabitants of the secret Nazi Moon bases. (For further information on their mating habits, see Elton John.)
It should also be noted that nothing in this article is true, including this statement, all future versions of this statement, and any statements about this statement that may have been made in the past or may be made in the future.
Other Nations Involved[edit | edit source]
In addition, it is now generally accepted that the United States, Russia, and Japan also have top-secret Moon bases. As a side-note, everything NASA tells you about the Moon is a lie designed to keep the "Moon Club" as exclusive as possible, and deny entry to those pesky Third World nations. In the late 1940's, in conjunction with the Nazis, the Japanese sent a space-dreadnought to conquer Mars. It was armed with several thousand platform-mounted rail guns, and during an intense battle that lasted for many years, the Japanese managed to kill a space dog. They also accidentally collided with former US President Bill Clinton, who happened to be orbiting the planet at the time, when one of their engines misfired.
Gandalvalosus[edit | edit source]
Rumor has it that several Nazi Moon Bases have also been erected on the planet that will formally be known as Gandalvalosus. The Nazis allegedly discovered Gandalvalosus in 1942, and built at least two bases there, one of which is used exclusively for sewing and embroidery classes.
Types of Spacecraft[edit | edit source]
The Nazi Moon bases are equipped with a great deal of advanced technology, including several spaceships ready to do battle with Earth forces at a moment's notice.
- Haunibu600: Generic intergalactic cruiser
- Miethe: the German's sauerkraut carrier
- Mitsubishi Magna: Japanese dreadnought that fart a lot like dora
- Scheißewagon 2000: The Fuhrer's personal transport
- Xenu Planes: For when Scientologists drop by to chat about old times
Defenses Against Super-Evil Genetically-Deformed Space Nazis[edit | edit source]
While most lunar Nazi genetic mutations involve things like having extra ears, larger spleens, monobrows, and so forth, some of their "deformations" give them special "X-Men" like powers, against which a variety of advanced weapons have been developed to defend Earth against a potential invasion by the Nazi Moon-men.
- Super-powered lasers that the US government has kept secret from the public since 1786
- Nuclear missiles
- Large spud-cannons
- Barack Obama
Note: If any of these weapons fail to stop a super-evil genetically-deformed space Nazi who may or may not be attacking you at this very moment, just give them a firm punch in the groin area; thankfully, all the years of inbreeding has left them rather weak.