Pierre Trudeau

Pierre "Canadian for Sexy" Trudeau
Rank	15th
Predecessor	Lester B. Pearson
Successor	Joe Clark
Date of Birth	October 18, 1919
Date of Death	September 28, 2000
Place of Birth	Montreal, Quebec
Spouse	Margaret Trudeau
Political party	Liberal
Other successor	John Turner

“I’m actually just the greatest person in the history of everything. No, really! Ask Lennon, or my son, or Canadians with vaginas, or even Lenin.”
~ Trudeau on himself

“I’m the kind of G the little homies want to be like. Been spending most my life living in a gangster’s paradise.”
~ Trudeau on other Liberals

Pierre Elliott Trudeau was the prime minister of Canada and self-proclaimed Emperor of the North. As per Canadian custom, Trudeau won his title after winning all four WWE championship belts – although his smackdown victory is disputed because the referee was knocked unconscious for a short period and did not witness Trudeau's employing several illegal moves.^[1]

Trudeau was noted for his flamboyant nature, and often engaged in such whimsical actions as Break dancing in the parliament, and snorting cocaine. Canadians affectionately referred to him as PET, for his habit of petting women half his age.

Upon his death, Trudeau's son Justin tried to claim the Canadian throne but was unable to overcome partisans loyal to Ben Mulroney. Justin continues to plot in exile in hopes of bringing the Sith back to power and building a second Death Star.

Early life[edit | edit source]

Trudeau (right), with John Lennon (left) and Yoko Ono in 1969. The band stayed together until 1984.

The issues of Trudeau's birth are hotly disputed, though the official story maintains that he was spawned on Mt. Trudeau in the late 19th century to double rainbows. As a young man, he dreamed of one day leading Canada to a shining future, and also of being naked in a supermarket where all the other shoppers are gorillas.

A socialist intellectual, he avoided service in World War II, and there are some accounts that he rode around on a motorcycle, and actively conspired with Farmer Jones to put down the animals' revolution.

In 1963 Trudeau was installed as Canada's leader. All records of how or why this happen have been purged, as "Year Zero" was proclaimed, with all history that occurred pre-Trudeau being declared an enemy of the people.

Cuban president Fidel Castro (left), planning the Socialist Sexual Revolution in the form of song

War Measures Act[edit | edit source]

Trudeau used the War Measures Act in 1970 to allow him to arrest anyone anywhere at any time. His first act was to put lawn gnomes all over the Bell Centre (Canada's "white house"), then he built a large sculpture of a Q-tip which is also used as a hockey arena for Canada's national team, The Mighty Ducks. With the act in place, Trudeau was on top of the world, and celebrated by smiting Yogi Bear, thus making him have the power to love. He also ran a tank through a beaver dam, thus creating the Trudeau River that acts as Canada's main transportation route. Just watch him!