Home (old people)

An old people home, commonly known as home, retirement home, nursing home, or death nursery, is a building where old people are thrown when they actually get too old to live by themselves, or alongside younger members of their family.

The most well-known homes, as of 2022, are Buckingham Palace, intended for a single person, and Instagram, intended for the entire population of the world. There are almost no references to homes in popular culture, as it's not very popular to refer to them; the only well-known ones are the 1997 song "Help the Aged" by the Britpop band Pulp, the 2012 South Park episode "Cash for Gold", and the Israeli Netflix drama Shtisel.

History

Before using homes to imprison old people, young people used to simply send old people to freeze to death in the Japanese wilderness, or throw them off a cliff onto a surface of huge Swedish rocks. For sanitary reasons, the first homes began to appear in 1761, when King George III had bought the Buckingham House for his aging wife, Queen Charlotte, and turned it into the Buckingham Palace, because he wanted to get it on with the much-younger Elizabeth.

In 2009 the second major home known to mankind, Burbn, was created, disguised as a pub for the elderly, where old people could drink whiskey together. They changed their name to Instant Camera Telegram Palace, or Instagram, in 2010. The purpose was to make the entire world a place where people can instantaneously telegram to each other pictures of themselves, and make them actually watch the pictures, with no chance to escape the task of watching those pictures. Thus, the ultimate goal of Instagram is to make the entire world an old people home, without actually freeing the old people from the actual homes they are actually imprisoned in.

In the future, the users of Instagram are doomed to look at their Instagram accounts when they are old, eat their hearts out, and use lots of burbn in order to kill themselves.

Celebrity residents

• @Your Mom
• @Queen Elizabeth II
• @Claudia Schiffer
• @Slayer

The dining room

The dining rooms are the hotspots of all old people homes. They serve gefilte fish on Friday nights and sometimes have acoustic music concerts by old people who were able to sing fifty years ago.

Cats

Some homes have street cats roaming in the hole ways, which is unhealthy, of course. But it's much healthier than most of the elevators.

The elevator

Getting into the elevator could be very dangerous, as most of them are always under construction, like the elevator in The Truman Show. So it's always better to NOT get into the elevator, like I did just now, and just pretend you are getting into it, while applying another method to get to your room.

Your room

It's basically the elevator+a window, a bed, a TV & some fresh fruits. So just as well get into the elevator cause the TV has no Netflix in it anyway.

See also

• "Drowning in Emotion" by Madonna #WelcomeHome