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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Mario Kart is a ~~CIA-assisted conspiracy project~~ driving simulator franchise developed by the power-hungry Japanese corporation-from-hell known as Nintendo. It has went on to become one of the company's best-selling franchises since its beginning in God-knows-when. Various characters from Nintendo's Super Mario franchise are placed into a massive friendship-destroying hellhole to drive go-carts and annihilate each other with various weapons of mass destruction. While its well-known origins as a coordinated attempt by the paranoid American Central Intelligence Agency to sever bonds between youth in order to reduce the possibilities of juvenile uprisings around the U.S.A. (and the rest of the world) still have influence over the development of modern Mario Kart games, the main driving force nowadays is Nintendo's endless lust and greed. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)

... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?

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In the news [edit]

Free bus passes and shawarma for everyone! Until the money runs out..

United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports
A new candidate enters the upcoming 2028 presidential race
US government shitdown inundates over 1000 flights with shit
- Democrats finally cave and end the shitdown
New York City goes full Commie, elects Zohran Mamdani as mayor (Pictured)
Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
Dingo eats a woman's baby
Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government shits itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC

Recent deaths: Charlie Kirk • Robert Redford • Jane Goodall • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • A guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!)

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career • Coral reefs • ~~The economy of~~ Capitalism in NYC • Bills Mafia's livers and kidneys after losing to the Miami Dolphins

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On this day [edit]

November 11: First World War Appreciation Day (Commonwealth States)

1911 - After four bloody years of battle, the first World War finally comes to an end on November 11, 1911, at twelve minutes past eleven o'clock. FDR took too long in signing the papers and spoiled the symmetry.
1914 - Archduke Franz Ferdinand is assassinated in Bosnia. His final words were: "I know I won't be leaving here (with you)." While people are still wondering what the hell he meant, War is declared against France.
1914 12:15pm - France surrenders.
1918, 13:51pm - France claims its total surrender was a tactical ploy to draw the enemy onto their battlefield of choice.
1918, 13:52pm - Whole world laughs at France for being undeniable pussies.

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Picture of the day

Popular Al Jazeera reality series "Jihad My Ride" features, among other Muslim celebrities, Mahmoud "I-Wanna-Jihad" Ahmadinejad taking normal automobiles and making them "The Bomb".

Image credit: RadicalX
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