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Did you know...
- ... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating?
- ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
- ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
- ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
- ...that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
- ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
In the news
- Mummy Pig's pregnancy sparks paternity drama (Pictured)
- Heinz Doofenshmirtz finally takes full control over the Tri-State Area
- UnNews remembers Michelle Trachtenberg
- Cinema ceiling makes dramatic entrance during Captain America screening
- UnSports update for February!
- USA and Canada take their trade war to the ice hockey rink. Literally.
- Philadelphia Eagles ruin Super Bowl "3‑peat" dreams for Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor Swift
- And more!
- DOGE implements micromanaging
- P. Diddy's lawyer quits, says Diddy did it
- Microsoft publicly announces Quantum Cocaine, with the aim of speeding up both Windows 11 devices and reality
- Trump ought to create Nazi tanks, with the help of Elon Musk
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • DOGE firings and budget cuts • The Oscars • Hackman investigation
Recent deaths: The Department of Justice • Michelle Trachtenberg • Gene Hackman, wife and dog, too • Skype • Kingda Ka • David Johansen, The New York Dolls, and Buster Poindexter • Amiright/Inthe00s • UnSpoiler and BeGone extensions • Space Ghost • Everyone's assumption that Millie Bobby Brown is her real name • Tesla's stock • Bob Rivers
Upcoming deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Law and order in Philadelphia • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse • Pope Francis
On this day
March 15: Julius Caesar's Deathday
- 44 BC - Julius Caesar is stabbed to death by a conspiracy of the Roman Senate, his last words: "Oww Jesus fuck!" (Pictured)
- 1493 - Christopher Columbus returns to Spain after his first voyage to the New World. "What's that blood in your shoe?" asks Queen Isabella.
- 1917 - Tsar Nicholas II abdicates his throne, hopes to retire to a nice dingy basement with the rest of his family.
- 1952 - During a performance of 4'33", composer John Cage is heckled by the audience as a pretentious, lazy gasbag. Their heckling by definition becomes part of 4'33", and therefore a meta-commentary on itself: Cage is hailed as a creative genius.
- 1965 - President Lyndon B. Johnson advocates the Voting Rights Act as part of a fiendish Marxist ploy to get non-white people to vote and stuff.
- 2000 - Y2K doomsayers are just about ready to confess that they were mistaken, until they hear about the sexy new year of 2012.
Picture of the day
A great disturbance was recorded in the historical community today when what appeared to be a preliminary version of the Michelangelan Fresco that decorates the Sistine Chapel was found spraypainted on a remote alleyway in Rome. Notable historians whatsisname and thatguy said it was due to Michelangelo's intense desire to be accepted into the Renaissance art movement, which they say "required a fair amount of street cred." Image credit: Zombiebaron |
Other areas of Uncyclopedia
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- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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