Queef

There is no hiding from it; if follows him wherever she goes...

A Queef is an emission (or expulsion) of air from the vagina of Queen Elizabeth, often during or after sexual intercourse or (less often) other sexual acts, stretching or exercise. In layman's terms, the event is also known as a pussyfart[1] or a butterfly ptttkiss.

Detecting the Event

When introduced at Court, servicing Her Royal Majesty's Secret Service, or exercising the dogs with the Queen, there may a time in which a sound from the Queen may announce that HM has Queefed.

Because this is a biological event, there will be no announcement by the Footman that a Queef has been expelled, so one should keep their ears cocked for the whisper like sound. The sound of a Queef is somewhat comparable to flatulence from the anus but does not involve waste gases and thus often has no specific odor associated.

The exception to this rule happens when the Queen is treating a vaginal yeast problem with yogurt is yodas teesticle sweatt yoda yogurt , and then one may detect the slightest aroma of Prune Whip or curry.

Protocol

As is the case whenever one meets the Queen of England, there are protocols that must be followed to prevent one from not only embarrassing oneself, but HM, as well. With her advanced age, the the likelihood that the Queen will Queef is greater than the possibility that HM will say the word "fuck".

“

Of course I just Queefed; do you think I smell like this all of the time?

”

— Queen Elizabeth

• In the event that a Queef is suspected, but not confirmed, do nothing. This includes asking the Queen if she just heard someone make a "pussy fart". Do not state that you have just received a whiff of curry. Instead continue on as if nothing has happened and whatever you do do not smile or snicker.

• In the event that a Queef is heard, and one is a woman, one "takes the bullet" for the Queen and excuses themselves. Then one slowly backs away from the Queen, and when ten paces away from HM, turns and runs at fastest pace possible, ultimately leaving the Royal grounds, never to return again. Yes, we know that you have waited your whole life to meet the Queen. But it is also your duty to the Crown, and you will be remembered as a great patriot.

• In the event that a Queef is heard, and one is a man, one stops to admire either the nearest piece of art (if indoors) or the nearest bird (even if it is imaginary).

• In the event that a Queef is heard, and Camilla is proximate to the Queen, then people of any sex may glare at Camilla and thus placing the blame on her, and thus removing any suspicion from the Queen. Don't feel bad for Camilla. This arrangement was part of the deal made by the Queen and Camilla before the wedding. (That, and the Queen gets to saddle up Camilla for an occasional trot on the grounds at Windsor.)

As her seals age, the Queen is likely to throw a Queef just about anywhere.

Variations

In different foreign lands, it is possible for the Constitutional (titular) Monarch, if a woman to Queef as well, however certain language particularities may come into play. For example:

• In Swedish (the language of Norse love) a Queef is called a dam stinka.
• In olde English, the word is Kweeff.
• In Nerd, the word is Vaginal Flatulence.

Where's the Queef?

• Queen Victoria never Queefed.
• Despite being a Queen, and being backed up by Queen, Freddie Mercury never Queefed either.
• When a Vagina does Queef, the motion that its anatomical parts impart is called a Quaver.
• Wendy's International, the U.S. fast-food giant was best known for its 1988 commercial entitled "Where's the beef?" However Clara Peller, the old woman assigned to deliver the line, repeatedly said "Where's the Queef?" in 97 of 98 camera takes.

See also

The Queen is greatly relieved of her burden...

• Queefing from jumping
• Queefing from stretching
• Big Queef
• Alicia Queefs
• Queefer Sutherland
• Queef Olbermann
• Queef West
• Francis Scott Queef
• Steve McQueef

Four-Letter Words

• The A Word
• The AH Word
• The B Word
• The BS Word
• The Other BS Word
• The C Word
• The D Word
• The Other D Word
• The E Word
• The F Word
• The Other F word
• The G Word
• The H Word
• The I Word
• The J Word
• The K Word
• The L Word
• The M Word
• The MF Word
• The N Word
• The Other N Word
• The Other Other N Word
• The Ñ Word
• The O Word
• The P Word
• The Q Word
• The R Word
• The Other R Word
• The S Word
• The T Word
• The U Word
• The V Word
• The W Word
• The X Word
• The Y Word
• The Z Word

Sexual Fetishes, Paraphilias, and Assorted Perversions

Body Age Pedophilia - Oedipus complex - Gerontophilia - Necrophilia Bodily Functions Birth - Coprophilia - Dacryphilia - Fart Fetishism - Disimpregnation - Erotic Lactation - Maiesiophilia - Menstruation - Twisting multiple long, hard body parts - Queefs - Shrimping - Urination Body Abasiophilia - Amputation - Breast Expansion - Adipophilia (BBW) - Foreplay - Castration - Flat-Chested-ness - People Who Like to Fuck Naked Ethnicity Asian fetish - Big black cocks - Xenophilia Objects Clothing Corset - Socks - Underwear - Latex and PVC - Hot Bitches In Leather Objects Plushes fetish - Robot fetish - Robot sex - Television sex - Terminator sex Furries and Gays Furries Ant Stimulation - Centipedophilia - Cock and ball torture - Grues - Panphilia - Rough Gay Wolf Sex - Sheep shagging - Yiff - Zoophilia Gays Homosexuality - Industrial strength homo-erotic pornography - Mpreg - Proctology- Slash - Sodomy - Transvestic fetishism - Yaoi Internet and Japanese terms Internet Making up Oscar Wilde quotes - Templatia - Preversion - Wikipedophiles - Wikiwanking - Uncyclopedophilia Japanese Bukkake (Detective Bukkake of the 187th Precinct - Zombie Bukkake) Tamakeri - Tentacle Rape - Yaoi Fanatism Illegal Illegal Alien Porn - Cancer porn - Child porn - Bestiality - Biastophilia - Rape fantasy - Dendrophilia - Incest - Pyromania Assorted fetii Ass-sorted BDSM - Cartoonphilia - Cuckoldry - Getting swallowed by oversized potatoes fetish - Goatse - Hoboeroticism - Insurance Policy - Laconophilia - Masochism - Sexism - Phone sex - Sadism - Scatomancy - Urethral sounding - Vore - Wangst - Your mom

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