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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Hello and welcome to our one hour special on the American Man, brought to you by cool, refreshing, Coors Light! In the next hour, you will learn the ins and outs of being a true man according to our sponsor, Coors Light. Silver Bullet!

Many of these qualities are (or should be) entirely obvious to any man living in America, sitting on his couch with his dumbass friends, a plate of wings on the coffee table, and a frost-brewed Coors Light in his hand to wash it all down with. However, for those wishing to study the subtle mannerisms of the species, for lesser men hoping to become less of a wimp (or straight), or for annoyed girlfriends/wives who are sick of repressing their rage for their beastly better halves, we present the following crash-course in manhood as our sponsor, ice cold Coors Light, would have us do so. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)

... that in Spanish, "chinga tu madre" means "have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?

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In the news [edit]

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Time travelers protest Trump's inauguration, reveal we're stuck in a time loop
Taylor Swift and Hailee Steinfeld set for Celebrity Deathmatch as Bills-Chiefs halftime show
TikTok gets banned and unbanned in the US within 24 hours.
Who's performing at Trump inauguration? (2025)
David Lynch dies, weird town to investigate (Pictured)
Los Angeles Rams rest starters in playoff game to disastrous results
Donald Trump given three Nobel Peace Prizes
Donald Trump uses his get out of jail free card
California's real estate market is on fire... literally.
- And in shambles.
- Steve Guttenberg comes to the rescue... without those goofy sound effects
South Korea's president arrested for "accidentally" declaring martial law while ordering pizza, sentenced to play in the Squid Game
Trudeau resigns after making a mess for a decade, Canucks rejoice
Alcohol gets the Surgeon General's Warning for cancer; sparking "Dry January" chaos
Jimmy Carter kicks bucket at the ripe old age of 100
Panama Canal faces ominous threats from both global warming and Donald Trump
Google reveals least popular searches of 2024
Luigi arraigned for gunning down health insurance CEO; pleads not guilty

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • College football championship game • Another Josh Allen/Patrick Mahomes playoff game. Spoiler Alert: refs rig game for Chiefs again

Recent deaths: A CEO who died peacefully and surrounded by his loving family • Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright

Upcoming deaths: TikTok • The Kansas City ~~Chiefs~~ Refs season • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Israel–Hamas conflict • Laura Palmer

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On this day [edit]

January 22: National Cover-Up Day

0 - The Messiah was definitely born to a virgin and not the result of a time-travel religion scheme.
1605 - Guy Fawkes was definitely not a secret Protestant double-agent trained to make Catholics look bad.
1914 - The squirrels had absolutely nothing to do with the assassination of Franz Ferdinand.
1952 - Adolf Hitler is obviously not swimming in the frozen Arctic sea as a merman after a radiation experiment gone wrong.
1977 - AIDS was not at all created by the FBI and pinned on the CIA after they won the inter-agency tennis match last summer.
2001 - The Twin Towers were definitely not brought down by the Swedish as revenge for all the shitty Ikea jokes.
2016 - The perfidious Russians never spent millions on Vermin Supreme's presidential campaign.

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Picture of the day

Experts advise against chlorinating the jean pool, as it causes the dye to bleed, and acid-washed jeans haven't been cool since '86.

Image credit: RadicalX
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