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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Terraforming is the hypothetical process by which a planetary body's properties are modified to allow for the building of Costco Wholesale retail stores there. The process was first proposed by astronomer Carl Sagan, who wanted to build a Costco on Venus, as his local Costco was far too crowded, especially on the weekends, making it unsafe to drive in the parking lot. It's generally agreed that humanity has neither the technology nor the societal will to sustain such a gargantuanly expensive venture. Still, this hasn't stopped engineers and scientists from speculating how best to build a Costco on other planets. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that you can meet all sorts of interesting people when you're drunk? (Pictured)

... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we have no pornographic content?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
...that Ram Ranch really rocks?

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In the news [edit]

Great mealy-mouthed meatballs!

New Easter Bunny is a fascist (Pictured)
4chan hacked, nobody cares
Vatican commits simony
YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE
Scientists revive some dead wolves because they can
Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations
Wayne Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record broken by Putin's Instagram buddyboo
Donald Trump receives prestigious award for destroying the stock market
Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence
Kardashian and Ye do washed up things

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Everyone ditching some Disney live-action remake for A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Meghan Markle's Netflix show • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • Columbus Blue Jackets' playoff bid

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Gawr Gura • Google's ad monopoly

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On this day [edit]

April 19: Clitoris Awareness Day

1559 - Scholars at the University of Padua, Italy, discover the first clitoris in recorded history.
1775 - In a New York study on sexual behavior, researchers find the clitoris to be more important to sexual pleasure than the actual vagina, small penises find new hope.
1913 - The sale of vibrators are banned in France, due to electrical grid overload issues.
1957 - Oral sex becomes a popular alternative to intercourse, condom sales decline.
1998 - Windows 98 is released, memory leaks in the OS cause Bill Gates to be declared the world's "Biggest Clitoris". (Pictured)
1999 - Bill Clinton has a threesome and sorely disappoints, policy wonks tells Americans not to jump to conclusions.
2011 - Aperture Science launches new official holiday, supposedly better than Christmas.

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Picture of the day

In order to quell the ongoing strife in the Mideast, the Canadian government has elected to send their elite peacekeeping forces into Afghanistan, Iraq and Mos Eisley.

Image credit: NewMess1ah
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 39,637 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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