UnVoyage:Niagara Falls, Ontario

Niagara Falls, Ontario

Welcome to Niagara Falls, Ontario: possibly the most overrated city in the country. While the Falls are cool for like five minutes, Niagara Falls is a city surrounded by tacky tourist traps and bland food.

Got a specific question? Better learn the language!

Get In

• If you're driving, be prepared for endless construction and detours that will test your patience and navigational skills.
• If you're feeling particularly masochistic, you can also take the bus or train. Just be prepared for delayed and overcrowded vehicles, and the distinct smell of body odor and fast food. Good luck with that.
• And if you're planning on flying in, congratulations! You'll get to experience the joys of landing at the tiny, overcrowded airport that is Buffalo Niagara International. Just hope that your luggage makes it onto the same flight as you do.

Get Around

Congratulations! You survived the process of getting in, but fear not: getting around is just as nightmarish!!

• Your best bet for getting around is probably walking. Just be prepared to dodge hordes of selfie -stick wielding tourists, aggressive panhandlers, and the occasional stray pigeon.
• If you insist on using public transportation, good luck with that. The buses are infrequent, overcrowded, and often delayed. You're better off just walking (or maybe hitchhiking with your friendly neighborhood serial killer from St Catharines!)
• If you decide to rent a car be prepared for heavy traffic and aggressive drivers. In Niagara, it's every man for himself and the devil take the rest! Good luck!

Do

• If you're feeling particularly adventurous, you can go on a boat tour to get a closer look at the falls (for a hefty fee, of course). Just be prepared to get drenched by the mist!
• Or, if you're feeling lucky, you can try your luck at the sub-standard casinos.
• If you're looking for something a little more family-friendly, there's always the wax museum. You know, because nothing says "fun for the whole family" like staring at creepy, lifelike statues of celebrities.
• All in all, there's not a whole lot to do in Niagara Falls past looking at the Falls for around twelve minutes.

Buy

You can spend a bunch of money on an "I heart Niagara Falls" sweatshirt.

Eat

• You'll be hard-pressed to find anything that isn't deep-fried or covered in artificial cheese. The local dining scene is dominated by chain restaurants, like Swiss Chalet (where you can get mediocre rotisserie chicken and soggy fries), Montana's (where you can chow down on overpriced burgers and subpar ribs in a corny faux-western atmosphere), Boston Pizza (where you can indulge in greasy microwaved pizzas and pastas. Delissioso!), and Kelsey's (where you can eat mediocre pub food in a sports bar atmosphere). Yum.
• And whatever you do, don't fall for the "authentic Canadian poutine" being sold at every other street corner. It's just reheated fries with lukewarm gravy and rock hard cheese curds, and it's definitely not worth the price they're charging.
• If you're feeling particularly adventurous, you can try some of the local food trucks. Just be prepared to risk food poisoning.
• All in all, the dining scene in Niagara Falls is pretty bleak. You're better off bringing your own snacks or just eating at your hotel

Drink

The wine is probably one of the only worthwhile things about Niagara Falls, however it is also often overpriced.

Stay Safe

Niagara Falls is reasonably safe. As long as you don't try going over the Falls in a barrel you'll be fine!