Australian Empire
Australian Empire | |||
|---|---|---|---|
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| Motto: Unted n'ar Grébretann United against the British | |||
| Official language(s) | Straiyan, Paraguacho-Straiyan | ||
| Established | 2993 BC | ||
| Religion | Curritianism | ||
| Population | Approx. 2 billion | ||
| Area | Australia(the island) | ||
| National animal | Human(Homo sapiens) | ||
| Internet TLD | Too ancient for internet | ||
The Australian Empire (From 2993 BC to 1788) was a very powerful empire in the island of Australia, that got completely wiped off anyone's mind when the dang brits arrived. They were very powerful, though.
“Australian Empire? Whatcha talking about, bloke? (sips tea) Australia was just a big desert before we came and took it for ourselves, now it's only a lil' of a desert. Just like the Sahara is still a big desert because britons were cut off from it, those french frogs only added MORE heat!”
“From what Mr. Archeologist told me, I think the Australian Empire did their formatting pretty well for that time period. Better than this article's author, even.”
History[edit | edit source]
The history of the Australian Empire is divided into pre-grébretann and pos-grébretann(names derived from the Astraiyan language).
Pre-grébretann[edit | edit source]
As said before, this country was entirely omitted of being known of by the brits, so it is not referenced in the History of Australia. In 3000 BC, the Erva-mate Empire[1] that controlled Paraguay and the brazilian state called Paraná(by exploding the largest mate ever, Iguazú Falls), sailed across the Antarctic Ocean and arrived in a huge island they called Australian, because upon arriving they found a lion from Austria.
They realized the island's waters only went one way, inward, so they were stuck there. Then, toghether with the aboriginal population and all wild animals on the island(emus, giant spiders, kangaroos, etc), they formed a very powerful empire, the Australian Empire. This empire was so strong, that if they could travel to other continents, in a century they would conquer the world.
And for the rest, passed 4-and-a-half millenias of no major changes in the island, a time nicknamed Pax Australia by nerds. The most important event was in 500 BC, with Mount Eruptus and Mount Volcanus erupting at the same time, attracting a few million foreigners who were violently sprinkled across the island after setting up an enormous australiaphobic dock called "per the law, this land is cursed"(shortened to the first 5 letters, Perth).
Pos-grébretann[edit | edit source]
After many events, such as the double eruption(500 BC), the Coin-lands-on-side incident(1000 BC), the founding of a religion(1500 BC), the blowing up of a ship dressed as a whale(2000 BC), the Party Pooper Party(1000), the predicting of the "Brits-will-land" phropecy(788), eh, I could list these goofy things all day... anyways, in 1788, it happened.
“Crikey! Cunts dan Grébretann apterran! Mate, controllo poditrins, bretannos hay hidrtrins strang. MATE, NIIII!!!!! FACK YEM BRITI, AUSTRALIAN, ME HAY MASU. CURRITO, SELABEN! NI...”
One of the prophecies in the religious book "Currito hay nota Australian" claims in 1788 some very evil empire by the name of Grébretann will appear and conquer the island. The british, realizing they could be proven evil, immeadiately destroyed all evidence of this "Australian Empire" and everything they had done, instead creating a new country, similar to the former at first, but severely brainwashed. The new country was called Australia, and any civilization before it was called "Aboriginals". Secret, by the way, before 1788 the brits also created 3 islands called "Tasmania", "New Zealand(south island)" and "New Zealand(north island)" to easen the invasion of Australian.
Religion[edit | edit source]
The religion of the Australian Empire was Curristianism. Curritianism comes from the name of their god, Currito. The religion was founded in 1500 BC. Here are the first verses of their holy book(translated to English).
“In the first year(1500 BC), the first day(January 1), a paraguayan drank a mate, but it was so cold he freezed. The next day(Jan 2), 10 paraguayans drank a mate so cold they freezed. Then 100 next day(Jan 3), then 1000 next day(Jan 4), 10000 next day(Jan 5), but the next day(January 6) everyone said "WE NEED TO STOP THIS! 11111 PARAGUAYANS HAVE DIED!1!1!1!1!1!"”
“Then came 11112 pigs, and the one in the very back said "I am Currito. I have a solution to all things. Worship me and paraguayans will revive." All worshipped Currito. He disappeared and all other pigs turned into humans that claimed to be revived by the god Currito.”
And so, by 1492 BC, everyone in Australian had converted to this big heresy. Very unfourtunate, indeed.
Sports[edit | edit source]
According to Curristians, in 1491 BC a flying pig made a smooth landing into the grass, and that is how the Australian Empire was introduced to sports.
“The pig, with all eyes on him, proclaimed: "I am not the great god, Currito. I am one of his assistants, Durrito, for when the evil ask if I will betray him I say 'Durr, No!' because I am loyal as you all should be."”
“He explained: "And I see the word was spread fast. Now, Currito has sent me to announce that you shall make a new thing; Racing. Those of Australian will run towards every place, to keep fit their body and make more of time. You will also run among each other as competition, the best will be king of the land." They cheered and ran around the grass, calling on Currito's name.”
However, nerds, once again, decided this unnatural pig stuff was made up because, like the first ever nerd said, "If it's holy it ain't surely". However, some nerds disagree, tweeting #ItsHolyAndSurely.
Anyway, Durrito's speech caused the Australian Empire to start doing races, and the best runner was Chimarruto XVI, which became king of the country. Every time the king died, a new race would be disputed, decided the aussies.
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ This empire is nowadays referred to as the Guaraní tribe, which is in the same location.
