User:Zamboner/Element

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Element is a book by an ancient Greek dolt, relating not to elements but to mathematics.

Also, the bits of stuff that little bits of stuff are made of.

Most elements contain protons, electrons and a nucleus. Some also contain a creamy nougat centre.

History

In 1978, Ice Cube proved that the number of elements is ℵ-null large, thus disproving the widely-held notion that the universe contains a finite number of particles. However, since one particle of element-1812 (or any higher element) has more mass than Earth itself, practical chemists are concerned only with the lower order elements of the what is known as the Mahmoodian Table of the Elements.

Some well-known elements

Element -1 (LSD)

LSD is the most basic element and comes even before the first. It is a popular drink in many countries, and has been reported to have side effects such as going Deaf, or completely exterminating other senses.

Element 0 (Nihilism)

There is no Element 0. Unless you believe in theories, where Element 0 is formed in chocolate covered black holes. Element 0 is also formed by the Cabal.

Element 1 (Air, known by crappy philosophers as wind)

Air is the basis of all life on earth. Indeed, it is the most common element in any living creature. You can observe the importance of air yourself with this fun experiment - confine any living thing to some enclosure. Then fill the enclosure with water - this will displace the air. Within minutes, the living thing will have died. This is why fish periodically swim to the surface - they must get air, just like all life forms.

Element 2 (Twins)

Can occur anywhere, at any temperature. However, Swedish sources of this element are the hottest.

Element 2.5 (Two and a Half Menium)

Causes people to engage in sexual acts more than the average person. Can induce extreme bouts of farting, transexualism or both at once. Long term or extreme exposure may result in an over-excessive use of drugs, multiple girlfriends, or the feeling that you may be "winning". Be very careful if you around any source of this. Especially if you are around your boss.

Element 2.718... (Eium)

Eium (pronounced Eee-um, not to be confused with E-i-e-i-o-um), while very large and dense, is not the most useful of elements. It is what logs (natural ones, anyhow) and screams ("Eeeeee!") are made of. So popular that it had its own letter named after it: Q.

Eium is useful in music: adding it to drums helps them produce more organized beats, by causing their molecular structure to resemble wood. The resultant drum produces natural log rhythms.

Element 3 (Bacon)

Despite being number 3, bacon is the fifth element (after -1, 1, 2, and 2.718...); it is also perceptible by the sixth sense, and therefore attracts fat people and members of the fourth estate. According to the Bible, it is the material of the seventh seal. The eighth wonder of the world, Beethoven's Ninth symphony, was the Ode to the Joy of eating Bacon. Naturally occurs most abundantly in Chicken and Bacon sandwiches,

Element 3.1415926535... (Pie)

Pie comes in six stable isotopes: Pork, American, Cherry, Steak & Kidney, Apple and sweetie pie. A seventh variety, Hair, is rumored to exist, but has not yet been seen firsthand by any scientists.

Pie is one of the densest elements known to science, one noticeable effect of this is the mutual attraction between pie and massive objects, such as fat people. More usefully, pie's great density can be harnessed to manipulate space-time.

For instance, by amassing a large amount of pie, the Time lord Doctor Who was able to travel through time.

'Chocolate pie' is the densest material known to theoretically exist in the universe. It is the equivalent of a black hole, only in pie form. Chocolate pie dramatically shifts the gravitational pull in a wide area around where it resides.

Essentially, the formula $Who_{8}\sum \pi$= Who ate all the pies.

did you know that if you poured coke over bacon or pork and left for two hours maggots will start to frow on top of it! try it home... its a true fact

Element 5 (Hydrogen)

An explosive element used in the creation of Milk when mixed with Air. (H2O) It is generally recommended that one stays away from Hydrogen, as it still hasn't gotten over that failed ionic bond with Lithium.

It is also speculated by some that the fifth element is actually 'Love', but the ending to that movie sucked ass and we just won't talk about it.

Element 6 (Fire)

Fire is an element present in most dry substances. It has the property of Making Food Good. Although it is harmful when applied directly to the skin, it is perfectly safe, indeed extremely healthy, when mixed with tobacco or marijuana and consumed through the lungs. Many important objects are made of fire, including the Sun, thundersticks, chili, electricity, and love.

Element 7 (E-i-e-i-o-um)

Being related to the chemical Eium, this element is also very useful in music but so far it has only been used in one song. This element can also be used to make compounds such as the Pentagon when it forms a bond-bond here and a bond-bond there with other elements.

Element 8 (Carbon)

Carbon is more commonly known as the element of Beauty or Creation, it is commonly thought to have been created by God to taunt unbelievers as to how it could have been created without divine intervention.

Element 9 (Spermium)

Spermium is the most common element known to man (and most women). Spermium is a magical white substance. It tastes like cinammon, soap, and mountain dew, and smells particularly like chlorine, found in swimming pools. Some do not like the taste and rudely spit it out when they drink/eat it. It has been said to heal yeast infections. It is only found in ores mixed with element 700.

Element 10 (Knee-Yawn)

Knee-Yawn is a noble gas, meaning it does not interact with other elements. At parties, while all the other elements are out on the dance floor having fun, Knee-Yawn is the element who's hiding under the refreshments table and occasionally popping up to eat an Hors Deourve. Knee-Yawn is related to Nerdium, which is so noble it never gets invited to parties in the first place.

Element 11 (Corbomite)

Chemical symbol Co-ow. Corbomite is a highly explosive element which reacts with almost anything it touches. In the Star Trek episode "The Corbomite Maneuver," Captain Kirk claimed that his ship was carrying Corbomite in order to scare his opponents into not attacking him. Corbomite binds with element 17, but since no one knows what element 17 is it is unknown what it forms. It also bonds with idium to form Co-owi, a delicious food that looks like salt, is violet, and drains all water out of your body if you eat more than 50 grams of it in one day. Scientists have found the reason Co-owi is only popular in Russia is one of those properties in 2008.

Element 12-and-a-half (Samuel L. Jacksonium)

Also known as muthafuckin' blacknium, this reacts violently with element 50.

Element 15-(Unobtainium)

No one knows the properties of Unobtainium, as no one has been able to obtain it in large amounts. The corporations are trying to keep it a secret, man!

Element 16-(Oxygen)

A few radical scientists came up with a theory of the existence of this element. However, these scientists were found to be Communists and were beheaded. Their discoveries were found invalid despite roughly 64 lbs. of evidence. There is no such thing as Oxygen.

Element 18 (Nerdium)

Being a noble gas, this element has no friends. Its main pastimes are going to dumb, pointless websites like this one and doing other elements' homework for them so that they don't beat it up and steal its electrons.

Element 19 (Irony)

A very redundant element in the universe, but strangely it is contained in no animal at all except for humans(and maybe dolphins and mice). Irony is speculated to be the basis for consciousness, and is therefore often used to value humans over each other and over the animals. It is known to form compounds such as Ironic oxide, (I₂O).

Element 23 Illudium Phosdex: The Shaving Cream atom

Now in short supply. The only remaining source is believed to be on Planet X.

Element 35 yet not 35 (Contradictium)

Contradictium is an element, yet not an element, that always contradicts its own properties. It is extremely unstable, yet very stable. It is recommended that you eat it regularly, although I doubt it would be any good to you, even if it has all the vitamins in the world, from A-Y (Where's Z?) Even this whole website is made of contradictium due to its contradicting nature. Oscar Wilde loves and hates this element.

Element 41 answerium

this element is believed to be breakable into the mysterious ANSWER! particles.

Element 42 Nothing in particular

It is generally thought that if there is an element 42, it is not important or revealing.

Element 45-A (Crapium)

Crapium was discovered in 1945, shortly after the detonation of the first atomic bomb. The people most credited with its discovery were J. Robert Oppenheimer and Albert Einstein. Thinking it would be a good practical joke, Einstein recovered a piece of Oppenheimer's fecal matter from a Los Alamos toilet and chilled it to 3 degrees on the Kelvin scale. Einstein then rigged it to drop on Oppenheimer's head from 10 feet as soon as he stepped through a door. Unfortunately, the impact caused Oppenheimer severe brain damage, but the projectile crashed through the floor to a depth of 13 feet. Today, crapium is known for being the strongest material in the world, and is used in many things from bullets, to armor, and (ironically) sewer pipes.

Element-50 (Snake)

Snake is a common metal important for the function of reptilian cells and the construction of nuclear armed walking battle tanks. Often found on Element 55.

Does not react well to element 12-and-a-half.

Element-53 (Idium)

A highly reactive nonmetal with symbol i. Idium is the only element to have a symbol in lowercase. Idium is so reactive it is never found as a free molecule. Idium commonly forms the molecule di-idium (i2)

Idium was first discovered by the R&D labs of Apple, which is currently experimenting with the element. One of these experiments has led to the molecule Idium Podiate (iPod).

Element-55 (Manganese)

A radioactive element. People exposed to manganese will grow large eyes, unaturally colored hair, and very visible popping veins (when mad). There have been reports that otaku syndrome afflicted those who were exposed to manganese for prolonged periods of time.

Element-60 (Podium)

Chemical symbol: Pd

An element used in the creation of the chemical element Eternium.

Element-61 (8=======D)

Discovered by the famed antropologist and deadbeat dad Dr. Livingston in Madagascar. It is not clear exactly its uses although it is very shiny and Dr. Livingston was eager to sell us the rights for some drinking money.

Element-63 (Cola)

One of the most valuable elements to be found on earth, it is mined in the remote South American Jungle by natives, who traditionally make it into a powder which is a narcotic, it is mixed in the western world with a high quantity of African Yam Milk to produce a refreshing soft drink. It is ilegally imported into the western world and mixed with Water and Carbon Diairxide to produce a substance that is drug like but that does not kill westerners (Unlike pure Cola).

Element-64 (Dirt)

(Also known as Earth) Most higher order elements are less common than lower order elements. Dirt, however, is unique in that it is much more common than element-63 (cola). Understanding how this is possible is central to unlocking the secrets of the origin of Earth.

Element-69 (Senenium)

Senenium is found mostly in a liquid form at room temperature, and its appearance is somewhat white and milky. It IS sex. It accounts for approximately 69.6989% in healthy humans. In those with either a whore disorder like Paris Hilton or those who are just f'in studs, like me, this percentage is close to 469%, by mass. Senenium molecules are quite unreactive usually and are noted for their ability to penetrate. However, if exposed (in a Michael Jackson-type manner) to air (which produces a pungent odor not unlike Dick Cheney), Senenium (abbreviated 'Se' in the World of Warcraft community) will often react with Oxygen. Anyone who has heard the song "Love is Like Oxygen" will know how this effect affects Se molecules (God I love parentheses.).

Element-71 (Chicken)

Naturally found in its most abundant form, Ginster's Chicken and Bacon sandwiches. Interestingly most other elements taste like element 71.Its natural state is inert and caged in a battery farm.

Element-75 (Hamium)

(Known commonly as Ham) Unique to the chart of elements, Ham is the one element that can be both created and destroyed without expenditure of energy. Ham is the key element in the construction of radio, originally invented by ham actors.

Sometimes ham can also be eaten, but what kind of sicko does shit like that?

Element-76 (Spam)

When elements 71, 75, 137, 298, and chemical x are mixed under high pressure in a complete-vacuum chamber, they coagulate into an edible mass that can be substituted for ham when allowed to cool and oxidize. Note that in its pure form, element 76 is very volatile and will often find its way onto computers, where it reacts with the desktop to create element 76B, a dangerous substance that can flood email accounts. It is also an object of attraction to Vikings.

Element-77 (Cheese)

Cheese is an important component in the manufacture of cows and some kinds of metal. Note that all records must contain a large amount of this element before they can transition to the next one, Platinum, below.

Element-78 (Platinum)

A rare metallic element, symbol Pt.

Made from discarded automotive catalytic converters, it is commonly sold as jewellery to upper-class idiots who cannot differentiate it from gold.

Credit card companies also have begun marketing "platinum" cards to these idiots so that merchants can easily identify them. This allows for carefully targeted efforts to relieve fools of excess wealth.

See also Plutonium and the fallout from plutonium credit cards.

Element 79 (Chucklogen)

A common element, liquid at room temperature, with the symbol Cx.

It was discovered and named after it's 18th century discoverers, brothers Paul and Barry Chuckle, now well renouned genuis figures in comedy.

Don't you touch it, Wilkins.

Element 92 (Polonium)

It's just Polonium.

Element 101, B.A., M.A., Ph.D., etc. (Alumnium)

Alumnium (not to be confused with aluminium) is one of the most valuable elements in the universe, but only to universities. Coincidentally, universities are also the only known source of alumnium atoms (known as alumni). They are produced in three or four year cycles by sending teenagers into particle accelerators, but upon reaching the state transition to alumnium nearly all atoms have acquired so much kinetic energy that they escape the gravitational pull of the college and never return; the college uses fundraisers and alumni magazines to attempts to recover some of them, or at least some of their money. (A few alumnium particles never manage to achieve escape velocity; ironically, these are the ones most universities do not wish to retain, as they tend to coagulate into tenured professoriate, which, though not necessarily dense, is one of the most immobile and incomprehensible substances in the universe.)

Element 113 (Bolonium)

A very delicious element bond well with element 77 to form Che₂Bo₅ also known as Arby'sMeltOxide

Element 115: (Euphonium)

Euphonium is a chemical element with an atomic number of 115. The glowing metallic substance was originally discovered by Bob Lazar of Area 51 while on a mining expedition to the Zeta Reticuli system. (Zeta Reticuli is also known as "The Island of Stability", named as such by the locals who live there.) Euphonium exhibits many fantastic properties which can easily be applied to many lucrative industries, the most popular being interstellar transportation, recreational pharmaceuticals, and musical instrument manufacture. Euphonium is quickly gaining popularity over the substance known as "spice" which has recently been discovered to be nothing more than dehydrated worm shit.

Element 116: (Blu Tac)

A myseterious element indeed, with many uses throughout modern society.

Such as sticking posters to walls, posters to doors, posters to goats, posters to continental breakfasts, posters to 'Ooh'.

And so on...

Element 119 (Unununium)

The newest metal used in coinage, the world's best tasting element.

Element-121 (Awesomnium)

wow

Element-135 (Queef)

The element queef is scattered all throughout the world in various caverns containing clitoral stalagmite and stalactite. Though it is a fairly rare element, abundances of Queef have been known to gather wherever large groups of lesbians are located, with the area of greatest Queef content being at the house of Amber the lesbian queefer. Queef is also a fairly valuable element being somewhat difficult to capture. It requires that you bottle it up within seconds after its creation or it will diffuse into the air. A good indicator that you have successfuly bottled some Queef is if it smells like fish. On the negroid marketplace, a 20 oz. bottle of Queef can fetch anywhere from $2 to $30000 depending on demand and the Queef Quality (QQ). Queef is useful in making products such as air freshener, Axe body spray, and the T-Virus.

Element-137 (Glue)

Like dirt, glue is surprisingly common due to its high order, even more so, as it is several billion times more common than element-135 (queef gas). Its astonishing abundance is one of the infamous Things Scientists Cannot Explain. Some grade-school-age children believe that element 137 is edible.

Element-182

Caused the World of Warcraft to be forced to the outerspace of with the Angels and Airwaves when exploded after Tom Delonge copyrighted the number in 2005.

Element-265 (Gerbyllium)

Gerbyllium is the somewhat complex item that gerbils are made of. A particular isotope of Gerbyllium, Gerbyllium-438, is radioactive and can be used to fuel nuclear reactors, George W. Bush, and your mom.

Element 311 (Wii)

Often called the "motion sensitive element" Wii is by far one of the greatest elements ever made. Discovered 2006 it rushed the world by storm. Although recently discovered this elements original source is from a famous band by the name of 311. Element 311 is often damaged by Element 1337 but is also used by it as well causing Wii to glow a bright blue. Oddly enough, it is closely related to Element 700.

Element (404)

Error Element 404 cannot be found.

Element-434 (Yourmomium)

Discovered in the [70's] by your mother whilst experimenting with pot, Yourmomium is composed entirely of your mom. This is a most curious and quite possibly impossible situation, as to discover the element made of herself, she would have had to go on a journey of self-discovery.

Element-666 (Iron Maiden)

Iron Maiden is known to be the heaviest metal naturally occurring on Earth (Though the existence of a heavier metal, termed Slayer, in other parts of the universe, has been speculated upon). A derivative of Iron Maiden - Bruce Dickenson has been found to have applications in aviation. However, such applications may result in hallucinatory effects, such as seeing Anthrax performing on the wings of the plane.

Recently, controversial figure, Corey Taylor, has proudly proclaimed that Slipknot is the true element 666. When questioned, Iron Maiden supporters have rebutted: "They aren't a true metal."

Element 700 (Penis)

Possibly the most explanatory element, penis is found in nature at anywhere from 0.000023 inches to 6 feet. If it does not contain element 9, there's either a problem, its been tampered with or has been bombarded with radioactive isotopes of element Pie.

Element-835 (Taxis)

A truly confusing element, taxis seem to be insanely abundant on Earth, especially in New York City, until you actually need one, in which case it is rarer than all elements of lower order combined. The free movement of taxi particals contravene the speed of light and often doppler shift backwards in time in order to be not there when required. This is in accordance with the first law of taxi dynamics which states that the urgency of your taxi need is directly proportinal to the ethnicity and lack of local knowledge your taxi driver will encompass.

Element-1776 (Americium)

Once considered merely to be an isotope of Element-3.14 (Apple pie), the Americium was first isolated at the Windsor-Detroit Tunnel by customs agents looking to classify it in order to determine how much import tax to assess.

Americium has been known to react violently in the presence of Europium.

80.5% evil by mass, Americium is the element from which evil nuclear weapons are constructed for deployment against Texas if they don't stop sending over those blasted Lasers.

An somewhat common isotope Americium-1776(Heavy) has by far less evil then its lighter counterparts about 00.05% by mass and is known to react violently presence of Islamium and Terrorium.

This isotope is usually found in large amounts near Coltium, Bitium, and Surprise.

Element-1811 (the earth)

Scientists first retroactively made the earth from an accident at CERN in 1982, quickly disproving both the religious nutters and the palaeontologists

Element-2980 (Dew)

An essential ingredient in the production of urine, which is in turn used to produce the popular soft drink, Mountain Dew.

Element 555555555 (Boredism)

A very dull element that is just gray and moves very slowly. This can be turned into element 76 (spam) very quickly depending on who it affects. This elements is caused by matter to repeat it self over and over until the matter just doesn't find it fun anymore, and this happens a lot so boredism can spread very quickly. However usually the matter changes into a much more entertaning substance, or gets destroyed by depper bordeism (depressism, actaully thinkinghuim, etc.).

Element 8571309 (Bromine)

An ingredient often used by Coca-Cola, Bromine is known as the sweetest tasting of all the elements. This element is quite rare due to it's tendency to amalgamate into a crucial molases.

Element Wg (Wagnerium)

A German element which composes most things high in bombast, Zeitgeist, Teutonicism, Valkyries, and anti-Semitism. Addictive, highly toxic especially to non-Aryans, and acts as a mind-altering drug. The philosopher Nietzsche was briefly addicted to it before suffering a violent negative reaction. Bugs Bunny also briefly experimented with it.

Wagnerium is technically a hyper-heavy metal: it is so heavy that all other heavy metals are magnetically attracted to it. This can be determined by asking a member of any heavy metal band (see Element 666 above) "What are you most influenced by?" Regular heavy metals can in fact be produced by diluting Wagnerium with cheese.

Element 360 (Xbox)

This is a very common element that was discovered some time this year by some guy whose name is not important. It has been said that when brought within a 300 yard radius of a ps3, the XBOX gets all emo and commits suicide.(Red ring of death). However, this is completely true. Nothing is more powerful that the almighty Wii and it will soon conqure the world along side Hello Kitty. Unless however some idiot speaks a language that Wii does not translate to, causing utter chaos and end of Nintaendo (Original spelling).

Element 420 (Weed)

More commonly known as weed, smokeable. green in colour. Usually exists in solid (bud) or gaseous (smoke) form. Its rare liquid form was documented by biologists Cheech and Chong in their documentary "Up in Smoke". Its isotope, Weed 644 (Town where bad things happen to Lennie) is found commonly when in the presence of Mice and Men. Also named for its discoverer, Mary Jane.

Element 800! (Surprise)

Probably the best known and most valuable element. The main weapon of the Spanish Inquisition. Often used by cooks in cafeterias, especially in meat dishes. The only element Chuck Norris recognizes.

Element 999 (Stuff)

Stuff is the most common element in the multiverse. Must not be mistaken with Staff, which can be equipped by mages and clerics.

Element WTF (meaning of abbreviation unknown)

Discovered by Hideaki Anno in the year 20XX. Makes your head asplode in all directions and dimensions. Often used for cult suicides. A primary constituent of 733t.

Element X (Dutchium)

This element has only recently been discovered. It has been made through a series of experiments with other elements, such as the element of surprise, elitium and water. This was done in a secret base on Antarctica by the evil corporations. Large amounts of Dutchium are more dangerous than gamma-rays, or songs made by N00boo, a clone of Nobuo, the composer of the soundtracks for the Final Fantasy games. If you are an American, you're most likely die an instant, horrible death and end up in a place where many Canadian Jews live, who can only speak Dutch. As the name implies, the only known survivors of this deadly substance are all Dutch. Also, according to Dutch myth and legend, Element X was responsible for creating the Power Puff Girls.

Element 00 (JUNKIUM in MY ANUSIUM ANd TRUNKIUM)

This element is the hardest to penetrate with a cock of all elements, it is destroyed when it comes into contact will Element 1337 (Elitium). It usually mixes with the element hackium when playing online games. n00bium is also known as MichealHowletium and KrisThompsonium.

Element i (Imaginarium)

This element does not exist. Its atomic number may also be referred to as the square root of negative one. Even though its existence is logically impossible, some scientists still believe in this element, and these scientists predict that this element is what will eventually cause Hell to freeze over. They also believe that they will one day be able to use this element to help pigs fly. Honest politicians, helpful customer support people and hackers who have friends are composed primarily of this element.

Element 1911 (Coltium)

A powerful element most often used by gun makers. Maybe a source of Anti-terrorism radiation.

Element 01001101 (Bitium)

The strange element that makes computers work.

Element #FF3300 (Hexium)

An element that causes and comes in a rainbow of colors and sometimes shows up in computer code written by short order programmers.

Element CC-BY-NC-SA 2.0. (Uncyclopedium)

Uncyclopedium (or Uc) Is an element that can take form of any other existing element. Anyone can change or "edit" as some say the form of the element. Some newly discovered elements are a by-product of this element, such as Wildeium, and Wikium.

Element 220 (Wikipedium)

Similar to Uncyclopedium aside from the inability to mimic other elements. It can still be edited though by anyone although sometimes these "edits" are not valid and revert back to their pre-edited state. Wikium is a common isotope but only created in the presence of Uc.

Element 298 (Danielcraigium)

This element has a very mean gun, a very mean temper, and very mean balls.

Element 300 (Spartaium)

Spartaium (or Sp) Is an element that instills great courage in front of total annihilation. Examples of this element in use were the 300 Spartans, Tank Man, and Master Chief. Sp is often found in small to medium amounts near where ever Americium is usually found.

Element .01314 (JackThompsanium)

This element has no known uses, except that slight exposure to it will cause you to begin ranting that random events, such as the holocaust, were caused by Video Games.

Element 454.9854 x 10² (iCalcium)

iCalcium or (iCa) the Beta version of calcium. First discovered by scientists at Apple inc., iCalcium can hold up to 443GB of music and comes in several different models. It is highly reactive and is therefore always kept away from sunlight, oxygen and handmade wooden furniture (factor made furniture is fine - for obvious reason. duh.).

Element 1966 (Governmentium)

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Element 1966.9 (NHSium)

Similar in composition to "Governmentium" but only found in the UK. When mixed with Consultant's (A form of Dr with no regard for the general laws of physics or common sense) and "Patient's" the half life is increased to 25 years and the whole thing becomes critically unstable.

Element 1337 (Elitium)

Also known as the 'elite' element, it pwns YOU!

Element 1979 (Islamium)

Often used as a substitute filler in bombs in third world countries and in devices (most often books) that spread [AHIFV/HIFV[Muslim]] viruses.

Element 2001 (Terrorium)

A side product of Islamium when in the presence of several elements Elitium, Coltium, Spartaium, Americium (of course), Hamium, Hamium, and Europium. At least three other elements seem to produce this element as well but not confirmed yet.

Some well known non-elements, often mistaken for elements

• Water: Water is about 70% quicksilver, 29% heavier elements and 1% Slowersilver (found only in Canada and Borneo). It tastes like old fish.
• Earth, Wind and Fire: Used to be primary elements. Started life as Earth, Wind, Water and Fire - Water left the group in 1812 citing "autistic differences".
• Light: Light is made out of the souls of our dead ancestors.
• Slipknot: Slipknot is composed of a medley of metals comprising 1% of it, while the other 99% is made up of drums and anger.

See also

• Periodic Table
• Idiotic Table of the Elements
• Canadian Periodic Table of the Elements
• Primary elements

External links

• New supercollider experiments discover governmentium.
• Scientists discover Tedium, the most boring substance ever found.

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