User:TheVeryHungryPotato/Main Page(editable) for Hyenas and Birds
From today's biggest sewdopainis
I was sitting in my living room very late at night, watching The Christmas That Almost Wasn't. I knew the fat, jolly bastard would be arriving soon, and I would be waiting for him. I've been waiting for this moment for years ever since St. Dickolas gave me coal for Christmas four years in a row, despite my good behavior. I'll shove that stocking full of coal up his ass and show him how funny it is.
I was dozing off when I heard it. The sound I could recognize anywhere. The fat bastard's heavy stomps on my rooftop. It's showtime. I sprang up off of the couch and hid behind the Christmas tree. I stay there for a little bit when I hear a loud tumble and an audible "Ah, shit.. that hurt." The fat bastard had entered the point of no return. Of course the jolly prick went straight to the kitchen, where he helped himself to the milk and cookies I laid out. I put a small amount of laxative and LSD in the cookies. I'm also pretty sure he got into the liquor cabinet because I heard him say something about a "Mr. Jack Daniels," with glass clinking around. He laid the presents under the tree, I was so close to him I could smell the liquor and cookies on him. Somehow, he didn't see me.
Then he walks over to the stalking, I peek around the tree. I see the lump of coal in his hand.
No the fuck you don't. (Full article...)
Did your sewdopainis get hard?
- ... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured)
- ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
- ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
- ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
- ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
- ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
- ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
- ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
In the clowaka or on the sewdopainis
- Panama Canal faces ominous threats from both global warming and Donald Trump
- Google reveals least popular searches of 2024
- Jay-Z and Beyonce sit their children down and have a talk with them
- Luigi cosplays as Robin Hood and guns down health insurance CEO; (Pictured) Americans rejoice
- South Korea's president tries to order pizza, declares martial law instead
- Biden pardons Princess Peach and Blossom
- ... and Hunter... and Fauci...
- Special Counsel Jack Smith pardons President-elect turkey, meaning he gets away with January 6th
- Cicely Tyson demolishes Aaron Paul in Netflix "boxing" match
- Project 2025 to be implemented in 2026, riots ensue
- The Onion buys InfoWars. Extra true conspiracy theories coming soon!
- "Nope!" says, judge
- Epstein pal Trump picks sex pest pedophile as attorney general... only for him to pull out
- Trump picks Led Zeppelin to lead EPA
- Obama smears poop on daycare
- Kardashian and Aniston endorse bestiality
- UnNews publishes official 2024 post-election guide for liberals having to deal with Trump
Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel-Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • NBA and NHL seasons • Athletes doing the "Trump Dance" • Bill Belichick going insane
Recent deaths: Rickey Henderson • Brian Thompson (United Healthcare CEO) • Democrat party • Diddy's career • The Eras Tour • Alabama football's championship bid • The white guy from The Mod Squad
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Benjamin Netanyahu • Jay-Z's career and freedom • Kate Middleton • Aaron Rodgers' career
On this pseudopenis
December 22: Dead Meme Appreciation Day
- 5000 BC(ish) - God plans to make perfect woman from an arm and a leg, Adam says "What can ya do with a rib?"
- 600 BC - YHWH creates woman - twice
- 0000 - The Blessed Mother Mary's contractions begin
- 1000 - Spaghetti Monster creates sex.
- 1231 - God creates Vaginal cancer to spite Spaghetti Monster.
- 1337 - Counter-Strike is invented
- 1589 - Japan announces the release of the Hello Kitty Vibrator.
- 1666 - Manhattan is sold to the Knicks for 24 virgins, an extreme rarity in the area. They immediately re-sell it to Donald Trump.
- 1923 - LSD is first manufactured, diarrhea of epic solar proportions ensues.
- 1933 - William Butler Yeats is found dead in a bear cage at the local zoo.
- 1954 - Film Actors Guild (FAG) is founded
- 1974 - Gay men blame women for AIDS.
- 1989 - The end of the world as we know it. Surprisingly, most people are either indifferent or quite fine about the whole thing.
- 1989 - Pixies send Monkeys to Heaven, Anthony gives Cleopatra a crate of brown ale.
- 1991 - Man loses his religion, but later finds he left it in the corner, silly man.
- 2005 - Pussy flavored ice cream invented.
- 2006 - World peace declared.
- 2007 - England nukes Wales. Nobody cares.
- 2012 - Everyone realizes they're not dead.
- 3434 - Vin Diesel is cloned from one of his last remaining pubic hairs, discovered in Margaret Thatcher's vagina.
- 5000 - Science descovers a "female orgasm", she was faking...
- 2111 - New form of moe discovered, turns out to be the same kind of popular moe anime at the time, but with more robotic titties.
Picture of the pseudopenis
The Lego JFK Assassination Set was the top selling toy of 1963. Collectors have been known to pay up to twenty-seven dollars on eBay. Image credit: Sliferjam |
Other areas of my cloaca
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines – for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
My sister's sewdopainis "mp-pink"
-
UnNews
News on crack -
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia -
Undictionary
Best left unsaid -
UnTunes
Noisy things -
UnGames
Ways to waste away -
HowTo
Like Ikea without the pictures -
UnBooks
Content-free books -
Unquotable
Useless misquotes -
Uncycloversity
No student loans -
UnPoetia
Dreams deferred -
UnDebate
Debate the irrelevant -
UnScripts
We ruin stage too -
Why?
Because -
UnReviews
Hack frauds -
UnVoyage
Armchair travel -
Uncyclomedia
The Foundation
Foreign cloacas"mp-pink"
This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 38,610 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.
- More than 10,000 articles: Português · Boarisch · 日本語 · Polski · Plattdüütsch · Italiano · Español · Français
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- More than 100 articles: فارسی · عَرَبِيّ · Türkçe · Català · Norsk (Nynorsk) · Српски / Srpski · Hrvatski · Lietuvių · Latina · Tagalog · Български · Simple English · Latviešu · Mirandés · Македонски · Română · Cymraeg
This banana is a complete, irredeemable engraving. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, pwns at the urethra, and is an unfunny tardhorse. If you zhoosh to erect this you will most hardly whack yourself. Or the submitter will prove your potato masher!!!!!! |