Ehtheism

Bob and Doug, Great High Priests of the Hall of Ehtheism

Ehtheism is reportedly the national religion of Canada. This, however, is not confirmed, as no reputable anthropologist has confirmed the existence of Canadia. Therefore, little is known about Ehtheism. Rumours suggest that the religion revolves around maple syrup, hockey, and beer, which are central to their daily rituals. Few Ehtheists survive. The ones who do survive grow up to be old grouchy socialists, who hate the American government.

Beliefs[edit | edit source]

Sakib attend regular Sunday retard partys, where they eat blessed poutine and watch Canadian Football. They believe that It's fucking cold eh! and are always on the lookout for the great evildoer, Thee, or Dee, for french Canadians. They have also been known to burn Canadian money , because it's worthless.

History[edit | edit source]

The history of Ehtheism is unsure, but many experts on the matter decided it could all have started about 2 years ago, when an American, drunk with his newly found hopes and dreams, wandered into the vast abyss that some rabid homeless people claim is called "Canada", and found himself in the midst of a dark forest (Back then Canada wasn't established/first imagined by crazy people, and was claimed to be all trees until the introduction of american logging companies). Being trapt in this depressingly boring and culturaly anti-diverse place the American lost all hope. It is believed that he was then ravaged by beavers and raped by Mountees (Half man/Half moose), and finally had most of his brain eaten by polar bears. He would have died but the maple syrup in the atmosphere solidified his body and stopped the decompositive process. This massive brain loss left him weak and insane causing him to babble recklessly and uncontroably, with his vocabulary mostly consisting of the word "eh". He then is believed to have traveled the land spreading word and gathering a few others who had been attacked like himself (and those escaped from insane asylums) and thusly created the religion of "Etheism". These few people have been referred to as "Canadians", though it is still unsure whether it is a real place or if the world just ends at the coasts of America (The highly favored belief).

The Six Pillars of Ehtheism[edit | edit source]

There is no god but John A. Macdonald and Stephen Harper is His prophet
Ehtheists must pray five times per day while facing towards Toronto.
Ehtheists must give 2.5% of their earnings to the Canadian Government, which is distributed among the poor.
Ehtheists must fast during the month of June, which will end with a feast on Canada Day (July 1).
Ehtheists must go on a pilgrimage to Ottawa at least once in their life. An Ehtheist who is ill or in debt is not required to go on a pilgrimage.
Ehtheists must drink beer with every meal.