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From today's featured article
Albert Arnold "Al" Gore, Jr. (allegedly born March 31, 1948) is purported to be a prominent liberal spokesperson for and inventor of global warming and environmentalism. He is portrayed by the liberal media as an author, a businessperson, former journalist, inventor of the algorithm, and recipient of a scientific prize.
According to Wikipedia, Gore has served as United States Vice President, Senator, and Representative, and has also served as a military journalist during the Vietnam War. However, despite efforts by the liberal media to prove otherwise, there is no completely irrefutable evidence that Al Gore exists. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... I burning your dog? (Pictured)
- ... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
- ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
- ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
- ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
- ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
- ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
- ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
In the news
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life
Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • M-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other Iranian leaders • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (according to Wikipedia) • Avicii (according to Wikipedia)
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Mexico • Smiling Friends
On this day
March 5: Jump to the Beat of the Party Line Day (Turkey)
- 1914 - Preparations for the wildest party known to mankind are well on their way
- 1947 - The wildest party known to mankind begins today, death tolls are still rising.
- 1991 - Emperor George Bush, Sr. takes over all of the Americas, except Hawaii.
- 1999 - The party almost stops over fear of the Y2K Bug. Then someone gets a fly swatter. Party continues.
- 2006 - Party nearly ends due to sudden Bird Flu epidemic. Ends with Bird Flu being deported to Britain and the death of Big Bird. Party Continues.
- 2008 - Aliens invade the Eastern Seaboard, destroying the cities of New York and Washington, D.C., party suspended until Will Smith blows up their mothership.
- 2148 - End of the World, the Turks party in Heaven, with Allah, Buddha and Jesus.
Picture of the day
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This film is brought to you by The Number Eight: The number of muppets it takes to save one. Image credit: Sonje |
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