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From today's featured article
Hello and welcome to our one hour special on the American Man, brought to you by cool, refreshing, Coors Light! In the next hour, you will learn the ins and outs of being a true man according to our sponsor, Coors Light. Silver Bullet!
Many of these qualities are (or should be) entirely obvious to any man living in America, sitting on his couch with his dumbass friends, a plate of wings on the coffee table, and a frost-brewed Coors Light in his hand to wash it all down with. However, for those wishing to study the subtle mannerisms of the species, for lesser men hoping to become less of a wimp (or straight), or for annoyed girlfriends/wives who are sick of repressing their rage for their beastly better halves, we present the following crash-course in manhood as our sponsor, ice cold Coors Light, would have us do so. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
- ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
- ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
- ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
- ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
- ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
- ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
- ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
In the news
- The Ohio State wins skibidi championship rizz (Pictured)
- Elon Musk "accidentally" does a tribute to.. y'know
- Time travelers protest Trump's inauguration, reveal we're stuck in a time loop
- Taylor Swift and Hailee Steinfeld set for Celebrity Deathmatch as Bills-Chiefs halftime show
- TikTok gets banned and unbanned in the US within 24 hours.
- Who's performing at Trump inauguration? (2025)
- David Lynch dies, weird town to investigate
- Los Angeles Rams rest starters in playoff game; backups tush-pushed out of playoffs
- Donald Trump given three Nobel Peace Prizes
- Donald Trump uses his get out of jail free card
- California's real estate market is on fire... literally.
- And in shambles.
- Steve Guttenberg comes to the rescue... without those goofy sound effects
- South Korea's president arrested for "accidentally" declaring martial law while ordering pizza, sentenced to play in the Squid Game
- Trudeau resigns after making a mess for a decade, Canucks rejoice
- Alcohol gets the Surgeon General's Warning for cancer; sparking "Dry January" chaos
- Jimmy Carter kicks bucket at the ripe old age of 100
- Panama Canal faces ominous threats from both global warming and Donald Trump
- Google reveals least popular searches of 2024
- Luigi arraigned for gunning down health insurance CEO; pleads not guilty
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • Ohio State championship win memes from Gen Alpha • Another Josh Allen/Patrick Mahomes playoff game. Spoiler Alert: refs rig game for Chiefs again
Recent deaths: Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • David Lynch • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright
Upcoming deaths: TikTok, for real this time • The Kansas City Chiefs Refs season • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Israel–Hamas conflict • Laura Palmer
On this day
January 22: National Cover-Up Day
- 0 - The Messiah was definitely born to a virgin and not the result of a time-travel religion scheme.
- 1605 - Guy Fawkes was definitely not a secret Protestant double-agent trained to make Catholics look bad.
- 1914 - The squirrels had absolutely nothing to do with the assassination of Franz Ferdinand.
- 1952 - Adolf Hitler is obviously not swimming in the frozen Arctic sea as a merman after a radiation experiment gone wrong.
- 1977 - AIDS was not at all created by the FBI and pinned on the CIA after they won the inter-agency tennis match last summer.
- 2001 - The Twin Towers were definitely not brought down by the Swedish as revenge for all the shitty Ikea jokes.
- 2016 - The perfidious Russians never spent millions on Vermin Supreme's presidential campaign.
Today’s featured picture
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Transformer is Optimus Prime's breakthrough second solo album, released in December 1972. Unlike its predecessor Optimus Prime, eight songs of which were leftovers from his Autobot days, this album contains mainly new material, and spawned the hit song "Walk on the I'm A Huge Fucking Robot Side". Image credit: Zombiebaron |
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