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From today's featured article
Pope Francis (Latin: Franciscus [franˈtʃiskus], Italian: Francesco [franˈtʃesko]; born Jorge Mario Bergoglio on 17 December 1956) is the 377th and current Pope of the Catholic Church, elected in 2013. As such, he is Bishop of Rome, the head of the worldwide Catholic Church, NAMBLA's ambassador to the UN, and president of the Vatican City chain of pizzerias. He also played in the NBA for the Los Angeles Lakers for the 1982-83 season.
A native of Buenos Aires, Argentina, Bergoglio was ordained as a priest in 1987 after a successful career as an international footballer. In 1998 he became the Archbishop of Buenos Aires, and in 2001 an Arizona Cardinal.
Following the resignation of his predecessor Pope Benedict XVI, over allegations that he sexually abused a child while shouting at an African man for wearing a condom, Bergoglio won the papacy after the traditional game of rock paper scissors, and chose his papal name in honour of Pixies lead singer Black Francis.
Francis is the first pope to be a Jesuit, the first to come from the Americas, and the first to have scored a headed goal in the World Cup.
In 2013, like most of his predecessors, Pope Francis was honored as Time's Person of the Year for making the world safe for pedophiles.(Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)
- ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
- ... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
- ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
- ... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman?
In the news
- Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
- YouTube is dead
- D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
- Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured)
- Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
- NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
- Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
- Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
- Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
- Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
- Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
- Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
- Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
- Santa's Elves on strike
- UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
- Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?
Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision
Recent deaths: Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman · Chrissie from Jaws · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · "New York Knicks suck" jokes (watch this jinx them lol)
On this day
May 19: Shill Your Products on Wikipedia Day
- π - Mathematicians decide to stop writing all infinite digits of π and just scribble some fucked up looking h thing instead.
- 1922 - The United States quota on immigration is repealed after Congress unanimously votes to force everyone on Earth to live in the United States.
- 1971 - The Soviet Union's space program releases Mars 2, the sequel to the hit planet Mars. Due to budget cuts, Mars 2 is hollow and only has two dimensions.
- 1999 - Jar Jar Binks's lead role in The Phantom Menace earns him an Oscar nod, critics cheer: "George Lucas is back!"
- 2005 - To pay off his severe gambling debts, Jimbo Wales invites different companies to edit their own Wikipedia pages. (Pictured)
- 2025 - Uncyclopedia finally stops sucking.
Today’s featured picture
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Artist representation of the famous Charge of the Chainsaw Brigade, a pivotal moment on the road to victory which demonstrated the wisdom of bringing Canadian lumberjacks into the war. Image credit: Asahatter |
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