From today's featured article
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Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.
Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.
Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!
Hold on...
Why is my hair roller in here?
Wait...
This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?
Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.
Just a minute...
WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured)
- ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)
- ... that the WWF is the only "sports entertainment" organization endorsed by PETA and Greenpeace? (Pictured)
- ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
- ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
- ... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
- ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
- ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
 - ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
- ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?
- ... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
- ... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
- ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)
 - ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
- ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
- ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
- ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
- ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does?
- ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
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