2001 Japan Airplane Sexual Intercourse

2001 Japan Airlines “Almost Romantic Encounter”
Japan Airlines Flight 907 & Japan Airlines Flight 958

Two planes almost fell in love midair… Fortunately, Japanese air traffic controllers were just nervous enough to intervene.
Unscheduled high-altitude rendezvous, romantic near-miss
Date	31 January 2001 (2001-01-31)
Summary	Two planes nearly collided, defying all known traffic laws—but decided to remain platonic
Site	Above scenic Yaizu, Shizuoka, Japan
Total fatalities	0 (miraculously)
Total injuries	100 (mostly paper cuts from flight manuals)
Total survivors	677 (still counting the nerves)
First aircraft
JA8904, the “slightly scared but still flying” Boeing 747-446D
Type	Boeing 747-446D
Operator	Japan Airlines
IATA flight No.	JL907
ICAO flight No.	JAL907
Call sign	JAPAN AIR 907 (aka “Whoa, stop!”)
Registration	JA8904
Flight origin	Haneda Airport, Tokyo, Japan
Destination	Naha International Airport, Okinawa, Japan
Occupants	427
Passengers	411
Crew	16
Fatalities	0
Injuries	100
Survivors	427
Second aircraft
JA8546, the “we’re fine, probably” McDonnell Douglas DC-10-40
Type	McDonnell Douglas DC-10-40
Operator	Japan Airlines
IATA flight No.	JL958
ICAO flight No.	JAL958
Call sign	JAPAN AIR 958 (aka “please don’t crash”)
Registration	JA8546
Flight origin	Gimhae International Airport, Busan, South Korea
Destination	Narita International Airport, Tokyo, Japan
Occupants	250
Passengers	237
Crew	13
Fatalities	0
Injuries	0
Survivors	250

The 2001 Japan Airplane Sexual Intercourse occurred when Japan Airlines Flight 907 (a DC-10) and Japan Airlines Flight 958 (a Boeing 747-400) almost developed a deadly relationship in midair over Tokyo Bay on January 31, 2001. Both aircraft, overwhelmed by hormones—or turbulence, it is unclear—nearly consummated their forbidden aerial romance, but careful intervention by alert controllers averted disaster.

Air traffic controllers were disgusted by the hanky-panky. Although the love affair between the Virgin Express and SN Brussels Airlines planes worked out okay, most experienced controllers knew that such antics are likely to leave everyone concerned shattered and in pieces.

The bedroom in the Japanese skies

Routes of the two “romantically inclined” aircraft

Harry Potter in his younger days, before he became a pilot for Japan Airlines.

The malpractices of Tokyo air traffic control meant that a cherry was sure to pop. Unfortunately, the Japanese wisely left control of the crowded airspace near Tokyo to a single controller who had only one stress ball to manage multiple screens. Normally, each screen should have had a controller devoted to keeping amorous airplanes apart, but rules are for amateurs.

The flights

The first aircraft, a Japan Airlines Boeing 747, carried passengers from Tokyo to Fukuoka, mostly excited tourists and businesspeople who had overpacked their suitcases with souvenirs, instant ramen, and karaoke microphones.

Meanwhile, a smaller All Nippon Airways (ANA) Airbus A320, flying from Osaka to Tokyo, carried a mix of salarymen eager to nap, commuters with laptops, and one passenger who was simply there to practice interpretive dance in the aisle.

The near-miss

The pilots staring at each other’s enormous tail fins in utter disbelief

The Tokyo controller’s stress ball exploded as he tried to guide both aircraft safely through the congested airspace. Oblivious to the approaching danger, he instructed the 747 to climb while the A320’s automatic collision avoidance system (TCAS) simultaneously advised a descent. By miracle—or chaos—the planes passed within meters of each other without touching, performing a high-altitude waltz of near-romantic proportions.

The air traffic controllers’ faces after realizing just how close it was—horror and awe combined.

The passengers on both aircraft were completely unaware that their planes had flirted with each other in the sky. Business reports and karaoke microphones remained intact, and the interpretive dancer remained mid-pirouette, oblivious to the airborne drama.

Aftermath

CCTV image of a suspicious banana unrelated to the near-miss, probably.

The incident left Japanese regulators red-faced and the controllers slightly traumatized. Airspace reviews were hastily conducted, stress balls were replenished, and a new policy was drafted: “Two screens, two controllers, no exceptions.”

Meanwhile, passengers continued their journeys, blissfully unaware of the sky-bound soap opera they had just survived. A memorial plaque was quietly installed, not for the planes having sex, but for the terrifyingly close brush with airborne intimacy that might have been.

Cultural Impact

The incident became a beloved urban legend in Japan, inspiring the anime short *“Love in the Sky: The Near-Miss Saga”*. Aviation enthusiasts celebrate January 31st as “Respect Personal Space Day” to honor the successful prevention of airborne romance.

International Reactions

Across the world, reactions were mixed. French newspapers described the incident as *“l'amour interdit à haute altitude”* (forbidden love at high altitude), while American tabloids simply headlined it as “Planes Nearly Do It Over Tokyo.” In Britain, aviation experts on the BBC debated whether the near-miss was a case of poor air traffic management or a natural act of passion. Meanwhile, Russia denied any involvement, although an Aeroflot pilot was reportedly seen handing roses to a Sukhoi.

Airplane Testimonies

Following the incident, the 747 was quoted as saying, *“I wasn’t ready, but his winglets were irresistible.”* The A320, flustered, claimed, *“I was only following TCAS orders! I didn’t mean to lead him on.”* Boeing refused to comment, while Airbus issued a press release proudly affirming, *“Our aircraft are sexy, but responsible.”*

Media Frenzy

Japanese late-night television reenacted the encounter using giant origami airplanes, while comedians speculated about whether the 747 had protection installed. Tabloids ran headlines like “747 Nearly Popped Its Cherry Over Tokyo” and “ANA A320: Flirty and Dangerous.” CNN, however, devoted just 45 seconds of coverage before switching back to a story about a lost cat in Wisconsin.

Regulatory Overhaul

In the aftermath, Japan’s Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism introduced new guidelines. These included:

• Mandatory celibacy for all aircraft within 50 nautical miles of Tokyo.
• Installation of chastity belts (marketed as “SkyBelts™”) on all long-haul planes.
• Monthly therapy sessions for controllers traumatized by plane flirting.

The International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO) expressed “deep concern” and quietly Googled “airplane birth control.”

Passenger Reactions

When informed weeks later, passengers gave colorful responses. One business traveler muttered, *“So that’s why my stock reports looked shaken.”* The interpretive dancer claimed inspiration for a new routine called “The Forbidden Tango of the Skies.” A tourist later insisted his karaoke machine sang better after being in the presence of romance.

Aviation Folklore

Pilots now whisper about the “Tokyo Tango” whenever two planes cross paths too closely. Some say you can still hear the 747 humming Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” when flying over Tokyo Bay. Cabin crew have adopted new code phrases, such as “seatbelts on” meaning turbulence, and “curtains closed” meaning “don’t ask about the planes.”

Conspiracy Theories

Uncyclopedia researchers discovered online forums claiming the incident was staged by Boeing and Airbus to increase publicity. Others argue that the Japanese government covered up a successful “midair union,” which allegedly produced a half-747, half-A320 hybrid aircraft secretly stored in an underground hangar. Flat Earthers, meanwhile, deny the event altogether, claiming “planes can’t kiss on a flat plane.”

Pop Culture References

The 2001 event has been referenced in:

• A parody J-pop song titled *“High Altitude Love Affair.”*
• A low-budget Filipino soap opera where two buses fall in love but are separated by a traffic cop.
• A hentai doujinshi that is too disturbing to cite here.
• A cameo in *Fast & Furious 12: Planes in Heat*, where Vin Diesel yells, “Family doesn’t climb—family descends!”

Legacy

To this day, aviation schools in Japan use the event as a cautionary tale about mixing hormones with hydraulics. A statue commemorating “airborne romance prevention” was erected near Haneda Airport, depicting two planes locked in an awkward almost-kiss. Every January 31st, aviation nerds gather to reenact the near-miss using paper airplanes, stress balls, and nervous laughter.

See also

• 2002 Germany Airplane Sexual Intercourse
• Air traffic control
• Aviation safety

External links

• Viral Near-Miss Compilation
• Japan Airlines official site
• All Nippon Airways official site