User talk:RabbiTechno/Archive6

Archived talkpage 8th February 2009 - 11th March 2009

Rape

From...--Sycamore (Talk) 16:44, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

I wondered how long it'd take. ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:54, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Fries Chips

From... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 16:46, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 12th February 2009

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February 12, 2009 • Issue 34 • Mainlining news direct to your talk page artery

Worrying influx of n00bs a threat to Uncyc's "worst" status By UU How can you resist my n00b power of cuteness? After the flow of n00bs slowed to a trickle at the tail end of 2008, 2009 has seen the site experiencing a veritable tidal wave of new editors, enthusiastically bounding around the site like wide-eyed puppies that have yet to meet Olipro, tramping mud into the carpet, and leaving half-eaten IPs on the floor of the Village Dump. Worse still, many of these new arrivals show early signs of being dangerously competent: writing funny articles; giving in-depth pee reviews; voting on stuff; helping folks out - generally making the kind of contributions that could, if the community is not careful, lead to the site losing its coveted "worst" status. Experienced editors queued up to condemn the invasion - "Very happy to see the influx in good new editors coming in, we've been devoid of that extra boost for far too long it seems" said RAHB, the bile seething from his every pore, while MrN spoke scathingly about "great additions to Uncyc". But is it too late? With competition for the NOTM award at its most fierce for months (4 noms and none of them Rcmurphy at the last count), it looks like it may be too late to reject this transfusion of new blood. Is there any hope for the long-term future of the proud traditions of the wiki under this relentless onslaught of new talent? A comment on Bullshit from MrN As a well known protagonist of the noble and honourable art of bullshitting I felt it my place to speak out regarding this most tricky of issues. Much has been said of late regarding the consistency, and texture of what we at Uncyc consider to be suitable for our beloved wiki. As you know, normal traditional (un-specified) crap we don't want, but there must always be room for more bullshit on Uncyclopedia. Some will no doubt consider my last comment to be horse shit, which (as you may know) has a slightly thicker consistency. The dilemma we must then face is how do we categorise and specify the fine (if rather smelly) line between what is crap and what is bullshit. The study of bull-crap may also been of concern to some readers, but I feel it not my place to enter that arena. This article stinks enough as it is. However... When considering bullshit, I feel it important to point out our rigorously defined guidelines regarding the use of bollocks as I feel many of the important principles apply. If I may quote: “Sometimes articles arrive at Articles for deletion which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a British term, Complete Bollocks. This is not always a bad thing.” ~ Uncyclopedia:Complete Bollocks I think that speaks for itself. Got it? So basically, we want more bullshit, some horse shit, and a liberal helping of complete bollocks. But NO CRAP. Unless it's crap which adds to the general stench of the article in question (assuming that stinking is what we want). Got it now? Well, look at it this way... There was a man who had three wives. No, that was Moses. Oh, so Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and says: "Well, lads. I got him down to ten, but adultery is still in." No wait. Sorry, that was complete bollocks. I'm drifting into the realms of pointless excrement, and what does this have to do with anything? Don't tell them that! So what was it I was talking about again? Oh, yea... Does anyone know where I left my slippers?

Check out these pages! Apparently, we had a "golden era" Only the Lonely Oh, it's nothing to do with marriage. I'm disappointed Random suggestion If we weren't on the internets, I'd say this was getting geeky From our logs: 13:25, 9 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.71.123.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (1 day for blanking, 1 week for blanking a featured, 2 weeks for blanking a top 10 and the rest is a bonus!) 02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.) 16:41, 7 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a purrr ‎ (And that's for flirting with another admin. Shame on you.) Biopic of the Week DrStrange is one of these here stellar n00bs that we're wittering on about in that there main article. He's been here for a bit over 2 months, and in that time has won NotM and already been nommed for WotM. At this rate, he'll be WotY by about June. Good job he's funny and good at writing things really, otherwise we'd be obliged to hate his precocious guts. Gender confirmation of the Week YesTimeToEdit astonished the Uncyclopedia community by admitting to being male. Orian57 continued in whale raping Yettie. SysRq consequently "won teh penis", granting him this most prized life-time achievement award. In the ensuing chaos, Sockpuppet of an unregistered user cut off Yettie's penis and went on a raping spree with it. Mnbvcxz still believed that Yettie was a girl and the latter declared his love and desire to be raped towards the former. SoaUU AKA Sockie admitted having a vagina, or did (s)he?... Mnbvcxz refused to give his/her gender... Will Yettie get his penis back? Who is pretending to be male and who is pretending to be female? Tune in next week! Same penis-time. Same penis-channel. Cajek ban smackdown of the week 02:53, 10 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a voyage made in less than twelve parsecs ‎ (You want a ban-off, RAHB!? BRING IT!) 00:46, 7 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Kessel run ‎ (I shall not allow TheLedBalloon to dethrone my weekly Cajek-banning title!)

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9001(bot)  20:47, Feb 11

hi

here's a chollah right atcha amigo. --Sm8900 00:50, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Hey just wanted to say thanks for the edit :) – Preceding unsigned comment added by ChadiW (talk • contribs)

Bicycle

Dear Rabbi, Forgive me father for I have sinned, no, sorry, wrong wavelength... Oy vay, Rabbi! My mother says I can write to you but only after I finish the chicken soup, then I get a few minutes time before I must thank God (again already!) that my mother saved me from having sex with that beautiful shiksa with the mini-skirt, she was a temptress my mother says, but so maybe I needed some tempting? So now the girl has run off with some goy and my mother, bless her, is organising a nice dinner for me with the my aunt's husband's brother's daughter... I have not met her yet but mother is reminding me that beauty is only skin deep (but I think maybe ugliness goes all the way to the bone). Anyvay, thanks for the encouraging noises for the contributions I made to Uncyclopedia - they are nothing, I call them "just slivers of my foreskin" (may it rest in piece). I added also some slivers to 'Sport', which will probably not make me popular, and to 'Artist' and 'Biochemistry'. So you can see now I am well-rounded, but I hope to lose some weight although my mother says I look healthy now and who would want to go out with a stick insect? Good wishes- Jduley_evil_twin_of_Apage (he's not such a bad goy really)

Bicycle

Dear Rabbi, Forgive me father for I have sinned, no, sorry, wrong wavelength... Oy vay, Rabbi! My mother says I can write to you but only after I finish the chicken soup, then I get a few minutes time before I must thank God (again already!) that my mother saved me from having sex with that beautiful shiksa with the mini-skirt, she was a temptress my mother says, but so maybe I needed some tempting? So now the girl has run off with some goy and my mother, bless her, is organising a nice dinner for me with the my aunt's husband's brother's daughter... I have not met her yet but mother is reminding me that beauty is only skin deep (but I think maybe ugliness goes all the way to the bone). Anyvay, thanks for the encouraging noises for the contributions I made to Uncyclopedia - they are nothing, I call them "just slivers of my foreskin" (may it rest in piece). I added also some slivers to 'Sport', which will probably not make me popular, and to 'Artist' and 'Biochemistry'. So you can see now I am well-rounded, but I hope to lose some weight although my mother says I look healthy now and who would want to go out with a stick insect? Good wishes- Jduley_evil_twin_of_Apage (he's not such a bad goy really)... ...and God forgive me I have also edited parts of 'Australia' (some nice shiksas down there but they arent' respectable enough for me it seems) - I added the 'National Anthem' and some History/Culture, then moved on to 'Austria', which for some reason had neglected any mention of 'Inspector Rex' (my mother's favourite TV actor, she says he is so handsome - no not the dog, the policeman). These sins I committed anonymously before registering to Uncyc... Well enough now, my mother is calling me to the phone to speak to my aunt about her niece-in-law, oy vay! Watch this space!... – Preceding unsigned comment added by Jduley evil twin of apage (talk • contribs)

Excellent - I like your style. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:37, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Australia

Speaking of which... some "weirdo" has removed the Barry Humphries version of the 'National Anthem' and put in the 'real anthem'! I mean what does he think this is, 'Wikipedia'? Is he trying to destroy Uncyc by inserting FACTS? Another yobbo (in Australia my evil twin calls them 'hoons') - but maybe it's the same one? has used the 'History' section to overwrite with a message to his shiksa, 'MELISSSAAAA'. Oh my god, she's the one with the warts! And photos have been removed = Barry Humphries aka Dame Edna, maybe the goy likes John Howard already! But I think Uncyc must be used to 'hoons' doing their own censoring? Can large scale deletions be undone? -Jduley_evil_twin_of_Apage

Your best bet will be to look on Australia's history page, find a version with the Humphries anthem and then copy and paste it into the current version to replace the real anthem. BTW, do you know how to sign a post? Just put ~~~~ at the end of whatever it is you want to say. :-)Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:51, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Badgers? Badgers?? We don't need no stinking badgers!!

Dear Rabbi, You ask if I ride a bicycle, and what can I say? If I admit I'm a cyclist then I am doomed to ridicule: "Hey everybody, look at the schmuck on the bike! Hey! Schmuck! What are you? Ten years old already! Get yourself a car, or catch a bus!"... And if I'm not a cyclist, then who is this goy thinking he can write about The Bicycle! "Hey, Mister Expert! Tell us all about bicycles! We're dying to know! Enough already, you're boring us! Someone put a spoke in your wheel? A teetotaller because you can't handle bars? Ha ha! Get it? No? So go get a life!" OK, Rabbi, since you ask, I'm too old to ride bikes anymore - it happens, believe me! But now at work I'm surrounded by cyclists. So I decide to have my revenge on them - a little joke at their expense... besides, who remembers bike sheds anymore? And bicycle seat sniffers? Only old gouty goys like me, that's who! Ach, those good old days - if you had a bike with a 3-gear Sturmey-Archer hub, you were Mr Big Man! Now, how many gears do bikes have? 30? 50? Why does anyone need 50 gears for God's sake? And disc brakes? When I was a lad you were lucky to have a back-pedal brake, mostly you had to shove your foot onto the tyre, or knock over a few old ladies to slow down. Anyhow, one day I must write some of my mammaries, sorry (Dr Freud would love it!) memories for the benefit of you youngsters! 130.102.0.178 01:58, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

I hope to never reach an age where I am too old to ride a bike, and I know one cyclist who is 86, so at my relatively youthful age of 34 I've got a few years ahead of me yet. Incidentally, by bike has 27 gears. It's got disc brakes too, an 8 inch wide one at the front end and 6 inch on the back wheel - the logic of being thus equipped becomes apparent when downhilling at 40mph +. I still use old ladies as a braking method from time to time though, in honour of the generations of cyclists to have come before me. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:07, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Penguins rule! OK!

Added my first new article, on Goddard's Law - needs some photos, when I can figure out how to do it, and some more text - i shall return - but meantime anyone can add if they have something to say... Jduley evil twin of apage 13:57, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

On the left of your screen, you'll see an Upload image/file link. Click that and follow the prompts - make sure your image isn't a .bmp, Uncyc doesn't support 'em. Most people use .jpg or .png - .jpg is best as it compresses the file more and thus uses less server space. Once it's uploaded, you'll see the image along with the filename. To insert it into your article, use [[Image:Filename.jpg|thumb|Caption]] or [[Image:Filename.jpg|left|thumb|Caption]] if you want the image to appear on the left, so it should look something like this - [[Image:Reversechair.jpg|thumb|What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?]], or vaguely so at least. I'll have a look at your article in a bit, once I've finished writing the UnNews report I'm working on. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:21, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th February2009

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February 19, 2009 • Issue 35 • Sifting the flour of news into the soufflé of your talk page

Uncyclopedia shuns ads in favor of product placement By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia admins today announced that there would most definitely never be advertisements placed in the hallowed halls of yon humor wiki. However, it seems in order to rake in the cash that would have resulted from these ads, similar to raking in the flavor from KFC's new Turkey-Flavored ChickenTM, we will instead be treated to subtle product placement in every facet of Uncyclopedia. The driving force behind this decision is undoubtedly greed. The driving force behind the new Ford ExplorerTM is Jack Bauer. Catch 24 this Sunday on FOX! Jack Bauer drives a Ford! When asked for Uncyclopedia's official political stance on the matter, sysop TheLedBalloon said, "You can't fool me Jimmy Carter! I voted for Gerald Ford in the last election and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT! You can't intimidate me with your 'pretending to be the newspaper reporter but actually being Jimmy Carter in disguise who will then detain me for several months of waterboarding hell' routine--fool me once, shame on you; fool my twice, shame on me...", which only added more fuel to the fire of speculation surrounding this occurence. For the best value fuel, visit Egan's SunocoTM. The mood in the Uncyclopedia break room was sombre today. Several users expressed their concern about not having ads placed on the wiki. "What? No ads? But how will we make money?" asked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. It seems the secret of product placement has been kept under wraps by the non-existant Cabal. For the best quality cling-wrap, choose Crestfield Wax PaperTM. When asked for the reason behind the secrecy, TheLedBalloon further elaborated on his earlier statement, saying, "FORD WAS RIGHT TO PARDON NIXON, DAMMIT! So take your goddamn liberal hippy goddamn elitist goddamn tax-raisings somewhere else!" Readers are reminded that Williams BrandTM is the preferred brand of hippy elitist tax-raisings by a 2-to-1 margin. Please stay tuned to the UnSignpost for further updates on the ad situation, the product placement situation, and how really, really terrible all of our articles are going to look with trademark tags mucking up the line spacing. Sonic Fever Hits Uncyclopedia By Joe9320 For the first time in 18 years - in fact, since the first Sonic game came to the USA in 1991 - Sonic Fever has again spread far and wide, and the age of Sonic is back! (Among several users on Uncyclopedia, at least). The first Golden Age of Sonic ran from 1993-1998. By 2001, Sonic was way past his prime, grumbling about how he "used to be a contender" and trying to hock his large collection of gold rings and emeralds for beer money. People no longer cared about Sonic. Then in 2008, a surge in Sonic Mania started again, but this time on the internet! It reached Uncyclopedia in 2009. Uncyclopedia Experts have determined that the mania will be short lived, and be replaced by Mario Fever, and then a resurgence in Pokémon Fever all within the next 3 years. Meanwhile, Twilight mania among teenage girls will continue to outstrip it. Enzo Aquarius declined to comment, for he was too busy for an interview. The UnSignpost imagines he'd probably have said something about Rouge The Bat being "hawt".

Check out these pages! Suffering voting withdrawal? This'll keep you happy for ages! So, do we collaborate... ...Or colonize? Decisions, decisions From our logs: 21:29, 15 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Thebigj2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1. blanker. 2. I live 10 minutes from Anna Frank's house, ergo - you're trashing my neighbourhood) 17:55, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Flyingwombatperson (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (If Britain no longer exists, why can I still buy British Breakfast tea? HUH? ANSWER ME THAT, SMART GUY! (also don't blank pages, please)) 13:21, 13 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Gettgett (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Do I know you? No. Do I know your butt ugly friends? No. Do I CARE about you and your friends? NO. Do I think you are all bored and butt ugly. YES. Get the point? Get some good looking friends) Biopic of the Week What do you look for in an amphibian? Long hind legs, a short body, webbed digits (fingers or toes), protruding eyes and the absence of a tail? Or a large banstick, supercool admin powers, awesome writing skills, gratuitous profanity and minor homicidal tendencies? If you chose the first option, you need a regular frog. If you chose the second, you need TKF. (Just don't call him TFK). If you chose the third option, you aren't playing properly. The continuing saga of Cajek block of the week 15:09, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Can you believe I haven't blocked you yet in 2009? Yeah, I know!) 07:40, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 hours (Thou shalt not be Cajek, though I suppose thou must, so I shall cut thou some slack) 17:50, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 11 minutes ‎ ([edit/QuickEdit] Cajek (Talk • Contribs (del) • Editcount • BLOCK (rem-lst-all) • Logs • Groups • Checkuser) -- how Cajek on VFS looks to the sysops) 21:30, 11 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (Right you two - sod off, the chap had enough!) 21:06, 11 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 672 seconds ‎ (Oh that just fuckin' tears it Led. You hear me?! That fucking TEARS it! It's ON!)

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9001(bot)  18:10, Feb 19

Goddard's Law

Yes, Rabbi, I managed to get some images into the entry, with your instructions and some help from my son (he's a computer nerd you know, but aren't all young people these days? When I was a lad we didn't have computers, so I sat in front of a wooden box all day, tapping my fingers on the table). Next things on the agenda - finish writing Goddard's Law entry (mainly about Goddard - what a good boy he was! his mother must have been so proud and if I were a catholic I would almost feel guilty about defaming him. Oy vay! That I should be so lucky to become famous so that people would want to defame me!). - link to Godwin's Law (have put a link on Godwin's Law to Goddard's... but it would be nice to have one of those "whoops! did you mean to look at..." messages at the top of both?) - link to Penguin - write the section on Penguin Sympathists. I'm beginning to think it would be better under 'Penguin' with a cross-reference to it in Goddard's. First nomination for Penguin Sympathist list: Henry Kissinger - will explain. Goddard wasn't a sympathist, he was a sort of anti-penguinist, just as Godwin is no doubt an anti-Nazi. May have to point this out at some time. - here's something I don't know how to do: Goddard's Law has the section on Robert Goddard, but it should be possible to make the section show up in a search? (as a category or something?) - to carry the theme "ad absurdum", am thinking of putting in an entry for 'Godwit's Law' - about the sub-group of 'twitchers' who specialise in wading birds - yes, I've met many as I am guilty of 'birding' myself. -Jduley_etc 60.240.156.100 11:59, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

Right, the whoops thingies are done on Godwin's and Goddard's - you do those like this: {{whoops|name of alternative article}}. To make a link to a section of another article, rather than putting [[Goddard's Law]] or [[Goddard's Law|Goddard]] you'll need to copy and paste the address of the desired section and use that, with single square brackets instead of double. Like this - [http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Godwin%27s_Law#The_.22Weak.22_Godwin.27s_Law weak Godwin's Law], which will give you this link; noting that you don't use the | like you do in a normal link. To add it to a category, use [[Category:Name of category]]. Right, I'm going to have a proper look at the article now. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:21, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

Whoops

Thank you Rabbi, the 'whoops' thingies look good - thanks. I think I understand the link thingies and will try it - busy at present (mother told me to polish my shoes). Visited the 'Jewish Jokes' entry and found it disappointing - added a few bits but will add some real jewish jokes... The usual stoopid stuff appearing in the 'Australia' entry but I give up on that, someone else can watch it, 'Austria' is more interesting! Only 23,500 entries to go Jduley evil twin of apage 12:05, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

We needs more Jews in positions of power

And since we didn't manage to complete our overtaking of Uncyclopedia this time around in the VFS, can I offer you a position of considerably more power? As a bonus, you get to play with Sycamore AND with poop. ~ 18:17, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Goddard and the Penguins

Dear Rabbi, I've finished the entry on "Goddard's Law" and removed the 'under construction' signs. So hopefully others will find it and maybe have something FUNNY to add. It is still missing one thing - something to denote "Robert Goddard" on Uncyc as being as a subheading of Goddard's Law. I wonder who could help me with that? (he says with big brown noobie eyes and wimpering sounds). Thanx for all your help! I have started adding to "Jewish Jokes", plus have left a lot of my 'droppings' elsewhere throughout Uncyc. Jduley evil twin of apage 11:44, 22 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm a little unclear as to precisely what you mean. If what you want is for a search on Robert Goddard to lead directly to Goddard's Law, the best bet would be either to create a short article on him and have a 'main article' link, or beg one of the admins to redirect it to Goddard's Law. Currently, searching for him already brings up links to Geocentricity, Rocket and Auburn as well as to your article. I notice Sycamore's editing your article at the moment - he's good, I'm certain you'll appreciate any changes he makes. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 12:05, 22 February 2009 (UTC)

Poopy

Designated Poopsmith ! This user is designated an official scooper-jocky for VFD . Pity them.

A big welcome from me, I've added you at the lounge where cheap vodka is on tap. Basically it all archiving VFD, UN:BP and QVFD:)--Sycamore (Talk) 12:48, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

Cheers!

This is my happy face Unlike this monkey you appreciated my article. Nerds all around the world are rejoicing and praising you as their newest Captain. Thank you for voting! The Force is strong within you.

UnSignpost 26th February 09

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February 26, 2009 • Issue 36 • Picking the poppy seeds of truth from the teeth of the news

Imperial Coloni(s|z)ation For Glorification of Motherwiki By Gerrycheevers Imperial Colonization made yet another triumphant return this week, after several months of languishing, inactivity, and Richard Nixon. Upon a general query from an annoying masked UnSignpost writer, another anonymous user stepped up and took control. That anonymous user is SysRq. Forums were created, ideas were exchanged, and the Cajek search party was sent out again. Only the last one was in vain, as an all-new Colonisation page was rolled out last week. Uncyclopedians wasted no time in signing up and nominating their first target: the utter garbage pile that was Al Gore. Previously containing banal tripe such as Manbearpig references, internet invention claims, lockbox bollocks, and other assorted drivel, the article is now, according to an official Colonization spokesman, "well on its way to not sucking." Future Colonisations have been lined up as well, leading this reporter to believe that this time around, Colonization is here to stay, even moreso that Manforman or the Poison Pee template. It looks as if the article on Jews is next on the Colonisation docket, since all articles relating to that topic are "utter bilge, consumed with hateful pointlessness and also secretly controlled by Jews." British Infiltration of Non-Existent Cabal Continues at VFS by UU Talking of organisations secretly controlled by Jews, the non-existent Uncyclopedia Cabal was expanded ahead of schedule to the tune of two brand new British admins at the weekend. The early opping was due to two factors, firstly, an unprecedented landslide, with two candidates polling so many votes that the final round was rendered an irrelevance, and secondly, new 'crat Mordillo being impatient to use his whizzy new powers to op the new admins before Codeine or Mhaille beat him to it. The most votes were polled by MrN9000, and your USP can't think of a more deserving recipient of a shiny new banstick. He's already thrown himself into his new role with gusto, banning, deleting, featuring and the like with gusto, and proudly declaring "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing", thus showing he has as much grasp of the role already as any other admin. The numbers were made up by fellow limey Under user, who has been keen to get started using his whizzy new powers, but has been limited to mainly joke bans so far by MrN's astounding competence and annoying habit of doing all the work. UU was unavailable for comment (which is odd, seeing as he's writing this), but his wife had this to say: "you bastards! Do you have any idea what you've done? I'll be lucky to see him for more than about half an hour a week now!" She wasn't joking.

Check out these pages! Is this something to do with us being the worst? I want candy No pain, no gain From our logs new admins bumper special: 05:09, 24 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.207.115.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blocking you for a day because I feel like it (and also because you blanked California)) 19:44, 21 February 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a slightly torn pair of pants ‎ (Happy adminship, fucker <3) 16:40, 21 February 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a brand new pair of admin pants ‎ (let's see, who to ban first... Cajek? Too obvious. Mordillo? See last comment. MrN? Yeah! Oh, and about damn time you got this - how come they gave it to me too?) 10:58, 21 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (his first ban is the crat who gave him powers. my sort of chap) 10:54, 21 February 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Rogue Admin) 10:15, 21 February 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.184.94.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Ne habla gibberish) Biopic of the Week Sockpuppetry is normally frowned on here at Uncyclopedia, with bans routinely handed out to those who transgress. There are no exceptions. The exception, of course, is Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, a sock who seems to have its head sewn on the right way, or at least drawn on with permanent marker in the right way. He makes his presence felt by fighting vandalism wherever it rears its ugly head, and generally making himself helpful around the wiki. A helpful sockpuppet? Got to be one of the signs of an impending apocalypse! Explanation of the week This week, there will be no Cajek ban of the week. This is because Manticore decided to ban him in the hope of making it into your UnSignpost, and we're not gonna give that big ol' whore the satisfaction. You hear me, Manty? YOU'RE NEVER GETTING IN THIS... Oh shit.

Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Hv is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now! UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:24, Feb 26

Vampire Freaks

Didn't exactly know what to do with that edit you noted (Vampirefreaks). My question tho is, the person who made that article is posting untrue and malicious information. Anyway to stop that other than editing it out all the time?

Well, you did the right thing by deleting it - it was unfunny and little more than cyberbullying. Trouble with putting "Edited for slanderous content" is that nayone who wishes to see it/recreate it only has to look at the page's history and there it is, but no matter. Your best bet would be to create something better to replace it, keep an eye on it and remove it again if it's replaced until whoever it is that does so loses interest or - if you believe the slanderous content is in fact cyberbullying - have a word with one of the Uncyc admins and see about getting the page locked so it can't be replaced. And finally, welcome to Uncyclopedia! :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:44, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Thank you!

Good day, old chap! Thank you indeed for your vote on my article, UnBooks:Hot Japanese Girls - Colourblind or Unable to Speak English?. As a sterling reward, I will not deliberately make this text extremely tiny around these pictures of some rather cracking Japanese girls I've supplied for you. ... I say, are you still there, old boy?

---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 15:37, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

A Template of Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

Guildensternenstein

---

australia, australia, what i could tell you about australia

Dear Rabbi, OK, this is not a confessional booth and I'm not a catholic already, but I have to tell you about something I maybe did wrong. No, not her. Or the penguin. But last night I logged in to Uncyc and changed quite a bit of stuff around in the Austalia entry - mainly moving bits around and adding a few comments, also re-organised the 'National Anthem' part because some wiseguys keep adding their own versions, so now they have a place where they can put stuff in easily... if it's funny (some of it isn't but I left it there anyhow). I took out the 'Major Cities' because my mother said they weren't funny, and when my mother says something isn't funny then you don't laugh! "What are you smirking at, schmuck? You think that's funny? A good clip around the ear, now that would be funny!" I think I did good... except Uncyc seemed to think I wasn't logged in and the changes are entered as anonymous. OK, so you know it was me. BUT when I finished I noticed the whole entry is centre- aligned, not left margin- aligned like most entries. I don't think it was me, I don't touch the stuff at the top that I don't understand. Maybe you can fix it? And hopefully no one will take a fence (or even a gate) about the changes, especially the few deletions, but my mother thinks it's better now and her boy did good, so they can take it up with her. Okay, mumma, i'm coming... 130.102.0.178 00:42, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

orstaya

OK, so I wasn't logged in when I was writing to you about australia! Oy vay! I'd blame my mother but she's gone out with Aunty Esther. Jduley evil twin of apage 00:48, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

It's sorted. The problem seems to come from TomMayfair's Marree Men template - whenever anyone tries to centre it, using the correct <center></center> code (and how it pains me to spell 'center' in the American fashion) for some reason or another the closing part - </center> - doesn't work. Knowing Tom to be pretty handy when it comes to wikicode, I can only assume there's good reason for this. Nice changes to the article, by the way. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:23, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

To my favorite Krav Maga enthusiast

It was a pleasure to "improve" your Tennesee article, which was hilarious. I was so happy to see one of your articles upon my recent return from Limbo, I shit myself purple. I was wondering if you had an opinion about the fact that because I am New Englander, I am a newer, better Englander? Well, not so much a fact, as a hypothesis... Rats off to ya! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:55, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

Kind words, thankyou. All I can say on the subject of New England and its inhabitants is that both it and they have always seemed a little more civilised, somehow, than the rest of the USA. Is it true that you call sidewalks pavements? If so, I can only assume that's why. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:38, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

UnNews main page

Do you mean that clicking the BNP story is taking you to theyo story? It seems to work for me... maybe I hadn't saved the template when you clicked the link, or something. Rats off to ya! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:03, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Ugh... i've got to stop smoking this stuff. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:06, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

You were correct, and I fixed it, thanks for the alert. Rats off to ya! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 12:23, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Good, good. You should never stop smoking that stuff though. Unless that stuff is monkey cum mixed with crack and AIDS - in which cae yes, you probably should stop. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:09, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Speaking of which, I'm smoking that stuff right now. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 11:47, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Good man. I was just enjoying my first beer of the day. It is 11.52am after all - a perfectly good time to start drinking. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:53, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

March 5, 2009 • Issue 37 • The News, Smelted to 93% Purity!

New parser causes havoc by requiring Uncyclopedians to get things right by UU The latest Mediawiki update imposed on Uncyclopedia by its despotic overlords, Wikia, has had a catastrophic effect. The new parser, described by UnSignpost technical expert Gerrycheevers as "little gnomes in your browser that run between HTML tags to produce the proper effect in between" has thrown the formatting of quite literally some Uncyclopedia pages completely out of kilter. Resident tame Wikia staffer Sannse tried to explain: "bad HTML is the most likely cause of errors. But there are some other changes that might cause errors. For example, the way that some complex parser tags work has changed. The best thing to do is to look for HTML problems first (not forgetting that the errors are often in templates used on the page). Then, if you can't find it, hassle anyone you know who knows HTML and wikimarkup better than you (nah, not going to link some poor guy). Then, if you can't find it, hassle me to find help (Uberfuzzy is on standby to assist where needed). Again I'd suggest that the template author should be the person who knows how to make it work!" Most Uncyclopedians had already gone cross-eyed by this point, but she gamely continued: "Don't forget that you can use Special:ParserDiffTest as a help in finding exactly what's different on a page. A lot of the changes don't mean anything. For example, on this page the only differences are to class and section titles. But this one shows problems with center and div tags (the last two green sections on the div)". Your USP offers the following, less confusing advice: if you open any kind of tag in html like <this>, you have to close it again, like </this> before the end of your page. And if you open more then one tag, be sure to close them in the right order <like><this></this></like>. Then shit should not get fucked up. The gnomes were unavailable for comment. February '... of the Month' Awards Hoedown by Gerrycheevers Well, February is over, and that means it's time to look back at the shortest month of the year and make fun of people who won awards during that month, for they have only won 90.32% as much recognition as those who won the award during a robust 31-day month. Let's get started with... DrStrange, our newest Writer of the Month, fresh off his NotM victory in December, is a welcome addition to our close, close family of editors who have never had any physical contact with each other. Since joining, the good doctor has written several featured articles, and is well on his way to another. He has enjoyed perhaps the quickest transition ever from NotM to WotM, but don't expect us to go looking things up to confirm that. February's Uncyclopedian of the Month was our lovable Wikia dictator, Sannse. Donning her staff hat and Wikia mystic power staff, Sannse always manages to be polite and cheery, even when sending vandal IPs to their doom, tacking notices to the corkboard in the Uncyc break room that incite site-wide user rebellion, and crushing the earlier mentioned site-wide user rebellions. Our N00b of the Month was a chap by the name of Guildensternenstein, which we have come to believe is some sort of undead monster from a Shakespeare play. His impressive work in his short time here, along with his other helpful contributions such as dropping by Pee Review and Imperial Colonisation from time to time, should quiet up those doomsayers who say "we don't have any good n00bs anymore" for quite some time.

Check out these pages! Masturbating Monkey Hang on, someone really tried it? {{username}} strikes again again From our logs: 09:02, 5 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.160.35.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (thanks for your thoughtful and insightful additions, and your considerate removing of content, you win a free day off! (don't blank)) 13:36, 3 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a torah, two bagels and a large blue yamulke ‎ (Unblocked too early. I suspect a Jewish conspiracy!) 19:28, 2 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MTTB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (possibly one day people will start reading messages I leave for them on the talk page. YOU. DO. NOT. REVERT. ME. WITHOUT. TALKING. WITH. ME.) 06:44, 2 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.225.120.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And I'm going to rape you if you don't shut up. *takes his first ever swig of Jack Daniels, throws up*) Biopic of the Week Optimuschris ~ "Having been around for a while now, Opty deserves some recognition," said the newest UnSignpost intern, pictured at the right. He went on in his monotonous, metallic voice: "He has a featured article and another in the works. He contributes to bettering the site via Pee Review and Imperial Colonization." We were going to agree with the robot-ish fellow, but when we turned back, he was gone. But there was a refrigerator there we hadn't noticed before... Old-School Featured Article of the Week The Keep Your Finger In The Box Game has been a smash hit among the rainy-day crowd since its introduction to America in 1954. Despite the title of the game, the object is to not take your finger out of the box before your opponent does. The article contains a rich history of the game, as well as a detailed strategy list involving cats, seduction, and urine-filled projectiles. Cajek ban of the week None. Seriously, it hasn't happened. Not banning Cajek is the new banning Cajek. New poopsmith of the week RabbiTechno has taken up his new position as co-processor of shit on the wiki alongside some scrote whose name escapes us briefly - perhaps because he hinted he wanted a story about himself in this edition. The good Rabbi has so far been diligently watching his sidekick do all the donkey work, while conducting the far harder task of making sure it has all been done properly. He exclusively didn't tell the Signpost: "yup, looks good enough to me".

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  13:57, Mar 6

Thanks

Achtung! Your support for the Nazi party has been documented. Danke shein. That vill be all.

-OptyC Sucks! CUN18:02, 7 Mar

Well folks, it's not often that you see a rabbi receive thanks from the Nazi Party, now is it? Remember - you saw it first here on Uncyclopedia. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:59, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Baubles Bagels and Beads

I Told Her Thanks For Voting To Feature Private Eye But she looked at me like I was wearing orange in the St Patrick's Day parade. I wasn't sure if that was fog behind me or if my favorite place for take-out Chinese food had just went up in flames but I knew that I'd better make this quick either way. "You were great, kid" I told her but her facial expression never changed. She kicked off her heels and put on a pair of roller skates but she looked about as comfortable in them as a woodpecker in the petrified forest. She took one last drag off her cigarette, blew the smoke in my face, flicked the butt at my feet and rolled away into the night - leaving me standing there like a wide screen TV on layaway. I took another sniff of the air and now I was sure, Chang's Wok Inn was definitely on fire and it looked like it was going to be another night of hamburger helper and "Juggs" magazine..............................

Hear how they jing, jinga-linga and go crunch when toasted! Thanks again for another big vote on a project that resembled the making of Apocalypse Now. An awesome compliment to boot. I'll do my best to try and make you type that again!--    11:55, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Zap Branigan says...

1. What's a poopsmith?
2. What's a piss up?
3. Thanks for the Purim thingy.
4. I love the Mad Mike "Moishe" Tyson pic. Can you do a pic for a possible future UnNews article about goat blowing? Don't tell anyone, but I'm a one man conspiracy to create a secret meme.

Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 11:41, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

british comedians

I was huffed by a page that said 'Bundoora' and the name sounded like 'british comedians' so I started a new page. But the bloody thing won't let go of the bundoora heading! Rabbi, what am I to do? I have left it 'under construction' but will remove that tag ASAP - I saw the same heading on The Evil Twin of Uncyclopedia and immediately thought Uncyc needed a similar 'list' (yes, I know how you hate lists but if The Evil Twin has this one then so should its doppleganger?). There are some very unfunny people out there who deserve recognition! I put in a few suggestions but I think it can be left for others to add to.... Jduley evil twin of apage 14:08, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Just wondered

Is this and original image which you made? Obviously it's based on something else... MrN 17:47, Mar 9

Thanks for the help! :)

Thanks for the advice on my wonky debut into uncyclopedia. Did what you suggested and put it in my user space. All the best. Nic

Thanks for the help! :)

Thanks for the advice on my wonky debut into uncyclopedia. Did what you suggested and put it in my user space. All the best. Nic

Don't mention it - whenever a new writer decides they like Uncyclopedia and decides to stay, it all seems worthwhile. By the way - to sign comments on userpages etc, use four tildes - ~~~~ - like that. And don't forget to ask any of the regulars if you need any other advice or help - we're a friendlier site than we at first appear. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:04, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

Today is a special day!

It may have started as a little turd, but you helped make it into an award winning pile! ~Formerly Annoying Crap 08:40, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Radiohead

I understand totally. You're not the first to try and correct it. At first sight, it appears to be random shit. It was even put up for deletion by people who didn't get the joke awhile back. But the random shit is actually carefully copied from the liner notes to the Radiohead album OK Computer. Perhaps I'll leave a warning about that in inviso-text. YouFang 09:20, 11 March 2009 (UTC)