User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

Welcome to Aspiepedia, the autism-free encyclopedia that Dr. Anonymous Slashy, Ph. D. can edit. 41,062 different problems to whine about

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured) ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around? ... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography? ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior? ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno? ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends! ... that Ram Ranch really rocks? ... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured) ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something? ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else? ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"? ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website? ... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries! ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? ... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured) ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around? ... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography? ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior? ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno? ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends! ... that Ram Ranch really rocks? ... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured) ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something? ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else? ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"? ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website? ... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries! ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? ... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured) ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die? ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around? ... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography? ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior? ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno? ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends! ... that Ram Ranch really rocks?	News to whine about 1977-2026 US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day... February 19: Alt + F4 Day 1600 - A volcano explodes in Peru. It's a good first line for a limerick, I guess. 1807 - Aaron Burr, former Vice President and guy who shot Alexander Hamilton, is imprisoned for treason; Burr is released following a quadruple rhyming triplet and an emotionally resonant leitmotif allusion. 1846 - The State Government of Texas is officially established in Austin, its first act: Mexican food sold within the state must include at least 200% recommended cheese intake. 1915 - World War I: The first attack on the Ottomans commences as the Australians attack the shoreline with drop bear reinforcements. 1949 - Ezra Pound decides that poetry is the perfect medium for his antisemitism, mostly because Jew can be rhymed with so many other words. 1954 - The Soviet Union transfers Crimea from Russian land to Ukraine, which will cause absolutely no problems in future. 1985 - EastEnders stars airing in the UK, causing more Brits to be visibly depressed.
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