User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

Welcome to Aspiepedia, the autism-free encyclopedia that Dr. Anonymous Slashy, Ph. D. can edit. 40,983 different problems to whine about

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job? ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more? ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever? ... that I am inside your walls? ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay? ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love? ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living? ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten? ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush? ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water? ... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job? ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more? ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever? ... that I am inside your walls? ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay? ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love? ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living? ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten? ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush? ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water? ... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job? ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more? ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever? ... that I am inside your walls? ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?	News to whine about Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • M-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other Iranian leaders Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (according to Wikipedia) • Avicii (according to Wikipedia) Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends On this day... March 3: Beat Strangers to Death With a Lead Pipe Day 1800's - The inventor of modern pizza gets brutally hit with a comically large rock, it was not a welcoming "per favore". 1938 - Oil is discovered in Saudi Arabia, camel herders use it as a garnish for their camel steaks. 1972 - Jethro Tull releases an album based on what they consider "the most epic poem they've ever read in their life". 1991 - An amateur video captures Rodney King rudely getting in the way of an LAPD officer's jackbooted foot. 1992 - The practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes (Pictured) first emerges in Post-Soviet Belarus. 2007 - A misplaced comma found in the 1st edition of Infinite Jest haunts David Foster Wallace for the rest of his days. 2017 - Nintendo releases the Nintendo Switch, a device used to preoccupy your little brothers while you wash the pots and pans. 2018 - The UN bans the practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes, due to concerns about lead poisioning, and advises everyone to instead follow David Harbour's instructions for dealing with strangers.
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