User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

Welcome to Aspiepedia, the autism-free encyclopedia that Dr. Anonymous Slashy, Ph. D. can edit. 41,063 different problems to whine about

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured) ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS? ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it? ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured) ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around? ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible? ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life? ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave? ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane? ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy? ... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured) ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS? ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it? ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured) ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around? ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible? ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life? ... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave? ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack? ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane? ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy? ... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured) ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS? ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it? ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'? ... that you should invest in chicken stock?	News to whine about "Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day... February 19: Alt + F4 Day 1600 - A volcano explodes in Peru. It's a good first line for a limerick, I guess. 1807 - Aaron Burr, former Vice President and guy who shot Alexander Hamilton, is imprisoned for treason; Burr is released following a quadruple rhyming triplet and an emotionally resonant leitmotif allusion. 1846 - The State Government of Texas is officially established in Austin, its first act: Mexican food sold within the state must include at least 200% recommended cheese intake. 1915 - World War I: The first attack on the Ottomans commences as the Australians attack the shoreline with drop bear reinforcements. 1949 - Ezra Pound decides that poetry is the perfect medium for his antisemitism, mostly because Jew can be rhymed with so many other words. 1954 - The Soviet Union transfers Crimea from Russian land to Ukraine, which will cause absolutely no problems in future. 1985 - EastEnders stars airing in the UK, causing more Brits to be visibly depressed.
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