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41,070 different problems to whine about
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Today's thing that needs to suffer
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| Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...)
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Aspies should all know...
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*... that I am Batman?
*... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
*... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
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News to whine about
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On this day...
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December 12: Unfunny Joke Day (US) Wooly Animal Molestation Day (Wales)
- 1594 - Pickle loaf first made with dill dough.
- 1806 - Napoleon keeps his armies up his sleevies - a French word for chocolates.
- 1862 - Three baby seals walk into a club.
- 1900 - A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
- 1901 - Not learning their lesson, the same minister, priest and rabbi walk into a bar, knocking their heads. .
- 1929 - As a year, was really long and hard. That's what she said.
- 1933 - Hitler ties his shoes with little Nazis.
- 1945 - Joshua Ben Cohen discovers that finding half a worm in an apple is actually preferable to being a prisoner in Auschwitz.
- 1957 - Farmer Frank Peters in Kentuckistan leaves his gate open long enough for one of his chickens to cross the road.
- 1962 - Larry, a dog from Indiana, loses his nose when it is attacked by some drunk teenagers. Disgusted by his dog's hideous injury and not having enough money to pay a vet, the owner releases the injured dog into a forest on the other side of the state. After a few days of being fly-blown and delirous with pain, the dog begins to smell badly.
- 1964 - Researchers for the American Horror Book Readers Organization discover that many "Ghost Writers" are employed to write tales that involve ghosts. There is much laughter all round at the irony of this fact.
- 1965 - A boy takes a ruler with him to bed to see how long he slept. When he awakes, Leonid Breznev, the General secretary of the Soviet Communist Party, hits his stopwatch and informs him that he slept for 9 hours and 35 minutes. He also tells the boy that there are easier ways of finding out these facts and to please not call him again.
- 1966 - Not learning his lesson, the boy takes a saddle to bed, in case he has nightmares. He is sent to a gulag.
- 1981 - AIDS is unleashed upon the world by Jesus.
- 1984 - A baker robs a bank because he needed the dough - which he was able to steal from the lunch room which had its own bread maker, owned by a number of staff members who loved to eat fresh bread at lunch time.
- 1986 - So this guy comes into a bar, AW CRAP, sorry I said that wrong, it was suppose to be a donkey.....So this guy comes into a Donkey.
- 1987 - 3 men walk into a bar, one of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole joke plays out with a tedious inevitability
- 2002 - I hold a bukkake party, but nobody comes.
- 2003 - A man has the left side of his body amputated. He's alright now.
- 2004 - A clown is removed from a swing by hitting him in the face with an axe.
- 2005 - Uncyclopedia is created.
- 2005 the Third - In Soviet Russia, unfunny jokes don't laugh at YOU.
- 2012 - The month, year and day are the same number for the last time in the century.
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