User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

Welcome to Aspiepedia, the autism-free encyclopedia that Dr. Anonymous Slashy, Ph. D. can edit. 41,062 different problems to whine about

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard? ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word? ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win? ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured) ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers? ... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit? ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money? ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard? ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word? ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win? ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured) ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car? ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die? ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers? ... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit? ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money? ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does? ... that the White House is really off-white? ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured) ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective? ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis? ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard? ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word? ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?	News to whine about "Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day... February 20: Hot Garbage Day 1792 - The Postal Service is first established, celebration ceremony is accidentally rerouted to San Francisco, Spanish California. 1872 - After some harsh wind, the Metropolitan Museum of Art opens its first exhibit, a giant pile of toppled over ceiling scaffolding. 1877 - Russian ballet Swan Lake is received poorly by critics after show swans descend into the audience and peck their eyes out. 1935 - The first woman to set foot in Antarctica wonders what all the fuss was about. 1986 - The Soviet Union launches the space station Mir, cosmonauts test whether communism can work in outer space. 2016 - A man in Schenectady, New York is the first person to describe someone's opinion as "hot garbage" (Pictured), is given medal for ruining English.
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