User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay? ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time? ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand? ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize? ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian? ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord? ... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting? ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem? ... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks? ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay? ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time? ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand? ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize? ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian? ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord? ... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting? ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem? ... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches? ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke? ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks? ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay? ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time? ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand? ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize? ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian? ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939? ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?	News to whine about Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • *DMV* - the TV show, not the actual DMV. It ended on a cliffhanger: Everyone was still waiting for their number to be called. • Mr. Strickland Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora On this day... March 28: Turkey—the Country, not the Bird—Day 1453 - Constantinople wants to reinvent itself, changes name to Istanbul, but honestly everyone preferred Byzantium. 1784 - Benjamin Franklin proposes that the humble turkey be the national bird of the United States, since it's got a big juicy ass. 1871 - French revolutionaries form the Paris Commune, nascent leadership quickly devolves into squabbling over the finer points of Marx's Critique of the Gotha Program before getting skewered by French troops. 1979 - A nuclear meltdown in Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania actually mutates the population of Pittsburgh closer to normal. 1990 - George W. Bush gives the late Jesse Owens the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Bush now says he has black friend. 2018 - The traitor Gülen (Pictured) sits on his remote and changes the channel seconds before the climax to his favorite soap; God is with us brothers.
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