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40,983 different problems to whine about
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Today's thing that needs to suffer
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| Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...)
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Aspies should all know...
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- ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
- ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
 - ... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
- ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
- ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
- ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
- ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
- ... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
- ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
- ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
- ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
- ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
- ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
- ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
- ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)
- ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
- ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
- ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
- ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
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News to whine about
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On this day...
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March 6: Roadkill Appreciation Day (North America & Australia)
- 3500 BC - In the first recorded instance of roadkill, Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses IV hits a small cat with his chariot. Shameful.
- 1869 - The first historical instance of so-called "cannibal roadkill" occurs when a horse-drawn buggy strikes a horse pulling a second buggy.
- 1934 - Hitler runs over a small ferret in his Volkswagen, precipitating his later invasion of Poland.
- 1962 - Julia Childs releases a groundbreaking roadkill culinary masterpiece titled Treadmarks and Tarragon.
- 1969 - President Nixon continues the Road Kill bombing over Vietnam.
- 1990 - Road Kill is officially the new Mystery Meat in school lunches.
- 1995 - Steve Ballmer runs over my dog after yelling at the top of his lungs "I'm going to fucking bury that dog. I've done it before and I will do it again. I'm going to Fucking Kill that dog."
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