User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

Welcome to Aspiepedia, the autism-free encyclopedia that Dr. Anonymous Slashy, Ph. D. can edit. 40,977 different problems to whine about

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured) ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network? ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them? ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris? ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads? ... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name? ... that those actually were the droids you were looking for? ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know. ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder? ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now? ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured) ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network? ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them? ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris? ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads? ... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name? ... that those actually were the droids you were looking for? ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know. ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder? ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now? ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured) ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network? ... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them? ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris? ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem! ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?	News to whine about World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity On this day... March 24: International Do-It-Yourself Day 1857 - Oscar Wilde pens his story The Soul of Man under Socialism while under something else. 1943 - Jackson Pollock unveils his long-awaited third exhibition, featuring the classic Angsty Orange Tiger. 1964 - The ping pong incident occurs at my high school, and will torment me for over forty years until my son avenges me. 1991 - The first child is admitted to the hospital for Phonics addiction in the beginning of a nation-wide pandemic, resulting in thousands of kids becoming 'hooked'. 1994 - Kitty porn makes its first appearance on the primitive internet. 2007 - The first human trials of Neuroipods suffer drawbacks when a vast majority of test subjects contract iEllepsy. 2010 - Sarah Palin kicks off the first annual Alaskan Sasquatch Appreciation Day.
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