User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured) ... the muffin man? ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise? ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility? ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information? ... that it's a surprisingly simple process to starting your own religion? (Pictured) ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke? ... that Earth is the best planet in the world? ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured) ... the muffin man? ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise? ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility? ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information? ... that it's a surprisingly simple process to starting your own religion? (Pictured) ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke? ... that Earth is the best planet in the world? ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven? ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves? ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured) ... the muffin man? ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise? ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility? ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join? ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?	News to whine about "USA! USA!" Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day... February 23: Vin Diesel Saying the Word "Family" Day 1455 - The Gutenberg Bible is first printed, God brags that he is now a published author. 1923 - Werner Heisenberg plans to describe the uncertainty principle to his peers, but is unsure if they'll like it or not. 1941 - Scientists first create Plutonium, but instead of getting cool superpowers they just get cancer and die. 1947 - The International Organization for Standardization is founded to make Americans feel insecure about the customary system. 1999 - Kurdish leader Abdullah Öcalan is sentenced to death by Turkey due to mustache jealousy. 2015 - Vin Diesel (Pictured) says the word family so many times it doesn't even sound like a word anymore.
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