Today's thing that needs to suffer
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| Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...)
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Aspies should all know...
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- ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)
- ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
- ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
- ... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
- ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
 - ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
- ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
- ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
- ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)
- ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
- ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
- ... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
- ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
- ... that if I had to describe myself in three words, I would say "not very good at maths"?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
- ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
- ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)
- ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
- ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
- ... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
- ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
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News to whine about
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On this day...
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March 26: Fast Food Day (U.S.)
- 1845 - Fast food, then called fasting from food, is invented in Ireland: millions starve due to new trend.
- 1940 - First McDonald's restaurant opens in San Bernardino, California, life expectancy drops to levels unseen since the Civil War.
- 1965 - Fox in Socks, the first depiction of a modern-day rap battle, is published by Dr. Seuss.
- 1994 - After complaints from vegans, McDonald's switches from beef fat to vegetable oil for their fries, vegans celebrate, give money to company that kills millions of cows.
- 1997 - Someone orders an iced coffee from Starbucks, destroys the economies of three South American countries.
- 2011 - McDonald's attempts to make Happy Meals healthier, billions of apple slices rot inside their teeny plastic bags.
- 2016 - New FCC regulations on misleading advertising forces Carl's Jr. to release new 30 second ad of a fat man crying, alone.
- 2018 - Wendy's delivers epic clapback against dumb bitch on twitter with sesame seed allergy.
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