User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... the secret to good advertising is to lie? (Pictured) ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians? ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic? ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists? ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured) ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word? ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him? ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great? ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class? ... the secret to good advertising is to lie? (Pictured) ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians? ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic? ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists? ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured) ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word? ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him? ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great? ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does? ... that you should invest in chicken stock? ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class? ... the secret to good advertising is to lie? (Pictured) ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians? ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic? ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?	News to whine about 1977-2026 US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again On this day... February 18: Penis Day (Tonga) 4000 BC - Men discover their hands reach down to their genitals, and there is peace for three thousand years before they get bored and start killing each other with pointy sticks. 1791 - American imperialists "liberate" the state of Vermont because of its vast maple syrup reserves. 1861 - Jefferson Davis is declared president of the Confederacy after saying the "hard R" N-word fifty times in only six seconds. 1885 - Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is published, its numerous grammatical errors are labelled by the publisher as a regional dialect. 1970 - The Chicago Seven are found guilty of being dirty commie hippies who might as well be guilty. 2010 - WikiLeaks publishes hundreds of thousands of classified documents revealing exactly where the U.S. keeps its nudes.
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