User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... *... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank? *... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank? *... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?	News to whine about Taylor Swift buys back her masters "Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard Qatar personally gifts Trump a plane Austria wins Eurovision (Pictured) MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles into HOF New cast and plotlines announced for longest running Filipino sitcom BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big." Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank PBS and NPR to lose funding Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!) Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers Recent deaths: Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez • Jayson Tatum's Achilles and Boston Celtics' repeat hopes • George Wendt • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer Upcoming deaths: DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen On this day... May 31: "Stop the Devil's Handshakes with a Bowlful of Cornflakes" Day 1584 - Martin Frobisher sails from England to Frobisher Bay, Canada. He is stunned to find somewhere he's never been named after himself. 1830 - The first cigarettes are introduced and are approved by the Surgeon General as a treatment for pink lung disease. 1884 - John Harvey Kellogg, after seeing a field of corn covered in flakes of snow, patents yogurt enemas and pornflakes. (Pictured) 1924 - The Soviet Union signs an agreement with the Chinese government, designating Outer Mongolia as One of the funniest place-names in the world. 1945 - Babe Ruth, in the heat of the game, kills the umpire, and is given a stern warning. 1961 - Scientists release research confirming anchovies are more at home in tomato sauce than water. 1974 - Syria and Israel sign an accord to resolve the hostilities over who gets first dibs on "Kojak" re-runs.
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