User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured) ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace... ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool? ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks? ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like? ...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s? ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans? ... that it's a surprisingly simple process to starting your own religion? (Pictured) ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering? ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE! ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers? ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay? ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured) ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace... ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool? ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks? ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like? ...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s? ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans? ... that it's a surprisingly simple process to starting your own religion? (Pictured) ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering? ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE! ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers? ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay? ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that the Gay Agenda is out to get you? (Pictured) ... that other people can prevent forest fires too? ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace... ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool? ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks? ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like? ...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s? ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?	News to whine about He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico On this day... February 25: Gangrene Appreciation Day 1863 - Civil War surgeons discover a cure for gangrene, a rusty hacksaw and a stick to bite on. 1901 - J. P. Morgan becomes a billionaire after inventing the now world-renowned overdraft protection fee. 1945 - Turkey declares war on Germany. A little late to the party but every little thing helps. 1964 - Kim Il-sung turns North Korea into a verdant paradise, a utopia masquerading as a third-world country. It's basically an Asian Wakanda. 1991 - The Warsaw pact is officially abolished, thus ushering in a new era of peace and stability in Europe for a whole two hours. 1992 - The Khojaly Massacre occurs, part of an ongoing conflict between Armenia and Azerbaijan over the enclave of Nagorno-Karabakh aaaaaand you're asleep. Okay.
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