User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured) ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that you actually didn't know? ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads? ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible? ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes? ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured) ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick? ... that the butler did it? ... that your fly is unzipped? ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great? ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun? ... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today! ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics? ... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured) ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that you actually didn't know? ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads? ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible? ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes? ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured) ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick? ... that the butler did it? ... that your fly is unzipped? ... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great? ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun? ... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today! ... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics? ... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured) ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian? ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"? ... that you actually didn't know? ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads? ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible? ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?	News to whine about Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too On this day... March 29: National Treason Day 30 AD - Judas Iscariot betrays his best friend Jesus for a Coke, gets a Pepsi from the Sanhedrin instead. Heartbroken, he hangs himself. 1792 - King Gustav III of Sweden is assassinated when conspirators remove the structural dowels in his HATTEFJÄLL office chair. 1847 - American troops sack the Mexican city of Veracruz, steal the secrets of the fish taco from its denizens. 1857 - Indian Sepoys mutiny against the British after being forced to endure their take on Indian cuisine. 1951 - Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are arrested for giving the Soviet Union secrets of the nuclear family. 1973 - William Calley, U.S. Army officer responsible for the My Lai Massacre, is given numerous high-fives for his "epic" K/D ratio. 2019 - The United Kingdom leaves the EU, as per the deal, the entire British Isles will be towed into the Bermuda Triangle.
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