User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured) ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten? ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name? ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies? ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience? ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them? ... that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (Pictured) ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory? ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I. ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked? ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise? ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall? ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now? ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured) ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten? ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name? ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies? ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience? ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them? ... that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (Pictured) ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory? ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I. ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked? ... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise? ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall? ... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now? ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured) ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten? ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name? ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies? ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience? ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?	News to whine about World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora On this day... March 25: International Moose Preservation Day 26 AD - The Pontius Pilot is released in Rome, now Roman citizens can plan their Crucifixions from the comfort of their own villas. 1763 - The oboe is created in France, right before it drowns to the underworld being the only last remnant of France existant. 1847 - The Slate industry in Wales suffers a sharp decline after import tariffs on seriously why are you still reading this sentence go to bed. 1929 - The stock market crashes, putting an end to the Roaring 20's, and ushering the Squeaking 30's. 1950 - The Spanish Inquisition, the television adaptation based on the historical event, makes its debut on Fox quite unexpectedly. 1990 - The case of Pot v. Kettle goes to the Mississippi Court of Appeals. 2003 - Black & Decker begin preliminary research into self-toasting bread, but their prototypes end up incinerating the stomachs of consumers. 2005 - Moose preservation is celebrated on the internet for the first time.
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