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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... *... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up? *... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers? ... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up? *... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers? ... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?	News to whine about "He ah-no give me ah-good coverage!" Google reveals least popular searches of 2024 Jay-Z and Beyonce sit their children down and have a talk with them Luigi cosplays as Robin Hood and guns down health insurance CEO; (Pictured) Americans rejoice South Korea's president tries to order pizza, declares martial law instead Biden pardons Princess Peach and Blossom ... and Hunter... and Fauci... Special Counsel Jack Smith pardons President-elect turkey, meaning he gets away with January 6th Cicely Tyson demolishes Aaron Paul in Netflix "boxing" match Project 2025 to be implemented in 2026, riots ensue The Onion buys InfoWars. Extra true conspiracy theories coming soon! "Nope!" says, judge Epstein pal Trump picks sex pest pedophile as attorney general... only for him to pull out Trump picks Led Zeppelin to lead EPA Obama smears poop on daycare Kardashian and Aniston endorse bestiality UnNews publishes official 2024 post-election guide for liberals having to deal with Trump Joe Biden named winner of 2024 election, confusion erupts in America 2024 U.S. election cancelled due to absence of electoral votes, anarchy likely to follow TikToker Peanut the Squirrel swatted, killed for "illegal guns and drugs" Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel-Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • NBA and NHL seasons • Athletes doing the "Trump Dance" • Bill Belichick going insane Recent deaths: Brian Thompson (United Healthcare CEO) • Democrat party • Diddy's career • The Eras Tour • Alabama football's championship bid • The white guy from The Mod Squad Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Benjamin Netanyahu • Jay-Z's career and freedom • Kate Middleton • Aaron Rodgers' career On this day... December 17: Sea Turtles Choking on Star Wars Memorabilia Day 1862 - General Ulysses S. Grant orders the expulsion of all Jews from Mississippi, Tennessee and Kentucky. Both Jews are upset. 1918 - One thousand workers march on Government House in Darwin, Australia after being given spoiled vegemite. 1988 - Fatwā issued against Salman Rushdie after cameo in Bridget Jones's Diary. 1989 - First episode of hit animated sitcom The Simpsons, "Please Cancel After 8 to 10 Seasons", airs. 2002 - First sea turtle to choke on Star Wars garbage (Pictured) is honored on opening crawl in Attack of the Clones. 2010 - Tunisian kebab vendor Mohamed Bouazizi sets himself on fire after a promotional stunt gone wrong.
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