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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... *... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? *... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? *... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?	News to whine about 5202-6491 hcnyL divaD Time travelers protest Trump's inauguration, reveal we're stuck in a time loop Taylor Swift and Hailee Steinfeld set for Celebrity Deathmatch as Bills-Chiefs halftime show Who's performing at Trump inauguration? (2025) David Lynch dies, weird town to investigate (Pictured) Los Angeles Rams rest starters in playoff game to disastrous results Donald Trump given three Nobel Peace Prizes Donald Trump uses his get out of jail free card California's real estate market is on fire... literally. And in shambles. Steve Guttenberg comes to the rescue... without those goofy sound effects South Korea's president arrested for "accidentally" declaring martial law while ordering pizza, sentenced to play in the Squid Game Trudeau resigns after making a mess for a decade, Canucks rejoice Alcohol gets the Surgeon General's Warning for cancer; sparking "Dry January" chaos Jimmy Carter kicks bucket at the ripe old age of 100 Panama Canal faces ominous threats from both global warming and Donald Trump Google reveals least popular searches of 2024 Luigi arraigned for gunning down health insurance CEO; pleads not guilty Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • College football championship game • Another Josh Allen/Patrick Mahomes playoff game. Spoiler Alert: refs rig game for Chiefs again Recent deaths: TikTok • A CEO who died peacefully and surrounded by his loving family • Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright Upcoming deaths: The Kansas City Chiefs Refs season • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Israel–Hamas conflict • Laura Palmer On this day... January 20: Act Like You Care About Politics Day 1265 - The first ever House of Parliament is convened, first item on agenda is, "Do the peasants have too much rights?" 1783 - Britain formally splits from the American Colonies after the Revolutionary War: Britain says, "you'll be back." 1789 - George Washington makes speech declaring himself eternal Godking of the 13 colonies, is brought back to his senses with a stiff drink and a good nap. 1953 - Senator Alfred "The Lorax" Ramsey introduces bill to Senate to save the endangered Truffula forest from the Onceler. 2017 - Donald Trump is inaugurated as the 45th President of the United States, satire dies a slow and painful death. 2021 - Donald Trump is expelled as Joe Biden makes his return as the 46th President, promising to reinstate the legality of satire but subsequently failing. 2025 - Robot Hitler is inaugurated as the 47th President, liberals immediately call for a hundred stern op-eds. 2065 - Barron Trump's floating brain becomes President, Americans wish for the simpler days of Mecha Hitler.
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