User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap! ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms? ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge? ... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured) ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"? ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy? ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer? ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%? ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society? ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish? ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap! ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms? ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge? ... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured) ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"? ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy? ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer? ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%? ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society? ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish? ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay? ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay? ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism? ... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap! ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms? ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?	News to whine about Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too On this day... March 30: International Cleavage Day 13B BC - God creates the Milky Way after squeezing stellar matter out of her insanely big knockers. 1692 - Twelve women are burned at the stake for inciting men to sin with their exposed bra straps. 1867 - America buys Alaska from the Russians because of its stiff Mountain peaks and vast tracts of fertile land. 1945 - Woman wears clothing that shows cleavage. The husband beats her. 1950 - The first film in Indonesia gets released, known for having at least one uncensored boob scene. 1977 - Marvel Comics designs a bra with a nipple window, claims its a proud Kryptonian tradition. 2012 - Big butts are now in! But you still can't be more than 120 pounds. Hey, I don't make the rules.
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