User:Crazyswordsman/slashy

Welcome to Aspiepedia, the autism-free encyclopedia that Dr. Anonymous Slashy, Ph. D. can edit. 41,064 different problems to whine about

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Today's thing that needs to suffer Asperger Syndrome (pronounced ASS-burger SIN-drome) is a semi-voluntary behavioural disorder in the guise of a more serious and involuntary neurodevelopmental disability. Statistically it affects an undue number of radio talk show hosts and Hollywood actors, though it has yet to be determined whether the behavior guides ultimate vocation, or whether the condition results from prolonged exposure to ego-stroking. Some theorists believe that the entire Japanese people suffer from Asperger's Syndrome because of their tendency to stay emotionally detached in all situations except seppuku. (more...) Aspies should all know... ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured) ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that there is one imposter among us? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that I hear voices outside my room? (Pictured) ... that nobody asked? ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else? ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends! ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured) ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that there is one imposter among us? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993? ... that I hear voices outside my room? (Pictured) ... that nobody asked? ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation? ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else? ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? ... that in Spanish, "¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón!" means "Have a nice day"? Tell your friends! ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person? ... that in Rhode Island any marriage where either of the party is an idiot and/or lunatic is considered null & void? And therefore, almost everyone in the state is, technically, a bastard? (Pictured) ... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state? ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless? ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)? ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"? ... that there is one imposter among us? ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit? ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?	News to whine about "Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z) • Melania Trump's big movie star career Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about On this day... February 21: Put Off Learning a Foreign Language Day 1848 - Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels publish The Communist Manifesto, 100 billion people instantly die. 1918 - The last Carolina Parakeet dies after calling the local constable a cracker. (Pictured) 1948 - Lazy people create NASCAR to have a sport where you can sit the whole time. 1952 - Winston Churchill wonders how he can get away with being such a flaming racist. 1965 - Malcom X is assassinated by the Nation of Islam, which is a real Nation of Islam sort of thing to do. 2017 - You uninstall the Duolingo app on your phone after you can't commit to 15 minutes of learning Spanish a day. Ay pobrecito.
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