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From today's featured article 

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A Civil War is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle.

Civil wars are defined by a few chief characteristics. The Blitzkrieg Bop, for instance, was famous for its angular guitar rhythms and use of armor and dive-bombers to spearhead a motorized assault straight through the heart of an opposing force. Civil War, however, is based on these precepts: (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
  • ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
  • ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
  • ... that I'm better than this person in particular?
  • ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
  • ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
  • ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?

In the news 

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1977-2026

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein FilesWinter Olympicsr/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over

Recent deaths: UncyclopediaCatherine O'HaraLamontBrad ArnoldNFL season • Lindsay Vonn's legSome kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny titleJames Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured)Robert DuvallKurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy • WeedDick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again

On this day 

Start with the Greeks they said...

February 18: Penis Day (Tonga)

Picture of the day

FIFA 2010 Logo - Armed Robbery Edition
The revised logo for the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa has been designed to incorporate the host nation's actual national sport...

Image credit: Sonje
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,066 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.