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From today's featured article
The Finals - the self-proclaimed best competitive shooter of this and all other universes. An elite club of connoisseurs has gathered around the game, which is why its average number of players on SteamBB is negative.
The player has to participate in a virtual competition. Unlike the million-dollar prizes and chronic hemorrhoids that the winners of Dota 2 or Counter Strike competitions get, the best players of The Finals receive... good vibes...
The game is sponsored by Republican Party of USA, Freemasons from Coca Cola, suits from AT&T and personally Mythbusters, a representative of all the above-mentioned groups. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured)
- ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
- ... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
- ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
In the news
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! (Pictured)
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents"
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Pats fans accusing NFL refs of kissing the Bills' asses • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Patrick Mahomes' ACL and the Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner.
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Dallas Cowboys' and Indianapolis Colts' season • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually
On this day
December 18: Suicidal Ideation Day
- 1271 - Genghis Khan renames local Chinese dish to Mongolian beef to secure his civilization's cultural legacy.
- 1892 - Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker premieres to a disappointed audience of dominatrices.
- 2005 - Civil War breaks out in Chad after a chronic whey powder shortage.
- 2005 - John Spencer, actor from The West Wing, smirks his last smirk after suffering a massive heart failure.
- 2006 - Saudi Arabia holds its first election to decide best system of governance: repressive Islamist theocratic monarchy wins by landslide!
- 2015 - The last coal mine in Great Britain closes, unemployed coal miners find jobs in broadcasting with their communication degrees.
- 2025 - Honestly, why do you even bother doing this? (Pictured)
Picture of the day
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During the late 1990s, the band U2 fell on hard times. Image credit: RadicalX |
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