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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

*gets classical music mp3*

*ahem*... 3... 2... 1...

After gaslighting their followers that the non-existent country of France was a real place, and after stating that Jeffrey Epstein was "my best friend", this horrid Uncyclopedian user has earned their place as one of the most hated Uncyclopedians on the site. It eventually went way deeper than these surface-level facts, however, as it has been revealed that Alula has had a secret history of lying, pedophilia, and even more. These events have escalated so much, that recently, Fenris2010 has deleted their Discord account, and alongside it, have left the Uncyclopedian Discord server. So how did this story occur? (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name?

... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
... that in Spanish, "chinga tu madre" means "have a nice day"? Tell your friends!

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • Ace Frehley • Any hopes for a KISS reunion

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom • Coral reefs

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On this day [edit]

October 18: International Funk Day (Portugal), Radiation Day

0023 - God lost control of the universe yet again, causing countless miracles. Luckily, Jesus thought fast and found an explanation for all those fish everywhere.
1000 - Due to linguistical differences in many parts of the world, many people have unfortunately mixed up International Funk Day with International Spunk Day. Kleenex has a field day.
1955 - All Hell Breaks Loose in Wittinghermandershire Upon Broohavensmarshington, England when a portal to the dark underworld is discovered by a chimney sweep mistaking an inconspicuous closet door for that of the men's lavatory in a small, inconspicuous pub. The scene of dark beings invading the earth is compounded by the fact that the chimney sweep failed to realize that the "urinal" into which he chose to relieve himself was, in fact, a dark being. And, although dark beings are, in fact, dark beings, they do have feelings too and do not, contrary to popular belief, appreciate being urinated upon by chimney sweeps.
1960 - Funk music, Jazz's retarded brother is born.
1978 - U.S. President George Clinton puts Portugal under a groove. Portuguese population introduced to blow.
2002 - Jacques Chirac is elected in France, funky disco dancing ensues.
2002 - Parisians realize how gay Disco Dancing is, rioting ensues.
2006 - Kim Jong Il funks the world with Mass Destruction, giving celebration to all of the days' occasions.
2557- 25 different types of cheese are discovered on the bottom of the ocean. Scientists are baffled and manage to retrieve 16 of the different types. A German hypnotist later publishes the findings in a kids weekly coloring book; it becomes an instant best seller.

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Picture of the day

Eugene Krabs stands in awe before his establishment as Donald Trump enacts his wonderful tariffs.

Image credit: SystemPhantom
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