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The Finals - the self-proclaimed best competitive shooter of this and all other universes. An elite club of connoisseurs has gathered around the game, which is why its average number of players on SteamBB is negative.
The player has to participate in a virtual competition. Unlike the million-dollar prizes and chronic hemorrhoids that the winners of Dota 2 or Counter Strike competitions get, the best players of The Finals receive... good vibes...
The game is sponsored by Republican Party of USA, Freemasons from Coca Cola, suits from AT&T and personally Mythbusters, a representative of all the above-mentioned groups. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)
- ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
- ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
- ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
- ... that although the effects of alternative medicine are difficult to separate from a placebo, dumb hippies are easy to separate from their money?
- ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
- ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
In the news
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! (Pictured)
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents"
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Pats fans accusing NFL refs of kissing the Bills' asses • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Patrick Mahomes' ACL and the Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner.
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Dallas Cowboys' and Indianapolis Colts' season • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually
On this day
December 21: Personal Hygiene Day
- 678 BC - Sodomy discovered in Greece.
- 677 BC - Death penalty instituted in Greece.
- 631 BC - The War of 1812 ends.
- 521 BC - Two slightly inebriated Mayans and a French guy come up with an ingenious way to scare the shit out of the future population of the Earth by the means of a calendar.
- 477 BC - Stinky Greek hobo Socrates roams the streets of fudge packing Athens, claiming he knows nothing. As a result, the goofy Greeks regard him as the greatest sage that ever lived.
- 322 BC - Megalo-maniac Alexander the Great turns out to be a regular fag. In a letter to Aristotle, he confesses that the smell of male toil 'turns him on'.
- 10 BC - Roman emporer Politemus IV invents the square wheel. Round wheels were outlawed under pain of death.
- 1500 - Middle Ages officially end; Europeans can finally start taking care of their personal hygiene little by little.
- 1939 Hitler invades France. After realising he would never make them wash he turned toward Russia
- 1967 The interrobang is discovered. The horrible revelation drives its discoverer instantly insane.
- 1979 Star Wars Episode XXXIV: The rising of Darth Leia comes to theaters
- 1982 - Sudan wins "Least Hygienic Country In The World Competition" for the first time. The African country has held the title ever since.
- 1984 - The first horseman of the apocalypse descended to herald the coming tribulations, but no one noticed apart from John Greeves, a homeless alcoholic from Brighton, England.
- 2000 - The bearded Taliban commanders state personal hygiene is against the will of God; in Afghanistan, pretty much the worst place ever.
- 2001 - UK prime minister Tony Blair is voted "Best Looking Twat" by the readers of Womans Realm magazine.
- 2004 - Barry Scott surpasses Batman as the Queen of Clean with Clitoris Bang.
- 2005 - Bermuda Triangle mysteriously disappears.
- 2006 - Personal hygiene forced upon France by new EU ruling. The French promptly withdraw from the EU. All traces of the bathtub are destroyed and the french quickly return to smelling of bad cheese and garlic. Celebratory riots last into the new year
- 2007 - Man discovers that the white stuff on your tongue causes your breath to smell like shit. The Government promptly forces everone to brush their tongues.
- 2012 - World Ends only to be repopulated seconds later.
- 2017 - Saw XVI is a deathday movie which kills anyone who watches
Picture of the day
 |
Jo(h)n is far from able to grasp the grim reality. Image credit: OPOSSUM, Alula, DaniPine3, L10nM4st3r, as well as YouTube’s PilotRedSun, whose video inspired this image. |
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