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A Civil War is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle.
Civil wars are defined by a few chief characteristics. The Blitzkrieg Bop, for instance, was famous for its angular guitar rhythms and use of armor and dive-bombers to spearhead a motorized assault straight through the heart of an opposing force. Civil War, however, is based on these precepts: (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)
- ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
- ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
- ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
- ... that I'm better than this person in particular?
- ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
In the news
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
- Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
- Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over
Recent deaths: Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again
On this day
February 18: Penis Day (Tonga)
- 4000 BC - Men discover their hands reach down to their genitals, and there is peace for three thousand years before they get bored and start killing each other with pointy sticks.
- 1791 - American imperialists "liberate" the state of Vermont because of its vast maple syrup reserves.
- 1861 - Jefferson Davis is declared president of the Confederacy after saying the "hard R" N-word fifty times in only six seconds.
- 1885 - Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is published, its numerous grammatical errors are labelled by the publisher as a regional dialect.
- 1970 - The Chicago Seven are found guilty of being dirty commie hippies who might as well be guilty.
- 2010 - WikiLeaks publishes hundreds of thousands of classified documents revealing exactly where the U.S. keeps its nudes.
Picture of the day
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The revised logo for the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa has been designed to incorporate the host nation's actual national sport... Image credit: Sonje |
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