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From today's featured article 

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New York hobos is the name given to an enigmatic, feral colony of bipedal mammals that can be found loitering about in the slums of the mighty metropolis of New York. While it is not yet definitively known how they came into existence, or the reason for their odd congregations in already densely-populated urban areas, there exists a widely-accepted theory that their demeaning lifestyle of fetid fornication and bathtub gin is at the root. As of the 2010 census, there are an estimated 37,000 New York hobos, the majority of which are of the seemingly-lower caste, distinguished by their darker complexion.

New York hobos are considered to be a true omnivore, much like the common brown rat, and one will consume almost anything, but alcoholic beverages form a substantial part of its diet. A study conducted during the Reagan administration on the diets of the New York hobos came to the conclusion that the most-liked foods of New York hobos were (in order) alcohol, fast food, pizza, macaroni and cheese, rat feces, human feces, and cooked corn kernels. The study also concluded the least-liked foods were apples, raw beets, peaches, and raw celery. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)
  • ... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
  • ... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
  • ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
  • ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
  • ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
  • ... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
  • ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?

In the news 

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Downing Street denies this image.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Non-playoff NFL teams firing their coaches • Jim and John Harbaugh family vacation in Cancun

Recent deaths: Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • New York Rangers' fans livers and kidneys • Green Bay Packers', Carolina Panthers', Jacksonville Jaguars', Los Angeles Chargers', Philadelphia Eagles', and Pittsburgh Steelers' seasons • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • The Buffalo Bills' season. • Bo Nix's ankle

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career, maybe

On this day 

The French finally manage to defeat their most pernicious enemy: the French

January 18: French Armed Forces Day (France)

  • 1778 - James Cook discovers the islands of Hawaii, names them the "Sandwich Islands": Cook is later killed by Natives after he declares the Taco to be a folded sandwich.
  • 1886 - Field hockey is invented by hypermasculine men who feel that gliding on ice is like, "totally gay."
  • 1919 - During the Paris Peace Conference, the French Army give themselves the "Winner-est Winners" award, for having won the most in the conflict they have won.
  • 1943 - The Polish city of Kraków is liberated by the Red Army, the Poles are surprisingly ungrateful for some reason.
  • 1990 - Digital Underground's Humpty Dance becomes the No.1 song in America, listeners kill themselves in droves, having heard the voice of God.
  • 2013 - To curb certain "unfounded" stereotypes of French people, France invades Northern Mali: troops immediately go on strike due to lack of hazard pay.
  • 2024 - France surrenders. Though it is unclear who they surrendered to.

Picture of the day

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 Chairman Meow

Image credit: Socky
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