Uncyclopedia Gold
From today's featured article
This girl at my school is a Fundagelical Christian or something like that. She always wears these shirts that say "God will save you" which I know is bullshit, because that God dude didn't do shit to save me from getting caught by the cops for putting that Hamster in the microwave at the gas station down the street. Hey, the sign said "Free for use", it's not my fault they didn't specify the use. And anyway, I don't see the need for handcuffs. It's not like it was my hamster in the first place.
Fundagelical Christians are also often seen with bumper stickers saying such messages as "Jesus loves you" and have that stupid little fish logo. They are responsible for any corny sayings with the word "Jesus" or "God" in them.
But I'm wandering from my main point, which is that Fundagelical Christianity is very confusing. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina?
- ... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
- ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
- ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
- ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
- ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
In the news
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." (Pictured)
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • The New England Patriots barely beating crappy opponents • Mike Tomlin screwing the Pittsburgh Steelers • Giants fans hiding in a corner
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they will probably miss the playoffs • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard
On this day
December 4: e-nternashonal Badt Ingrish Daiye
- 1697 - Breetneyish proofessoor koyn fraze : "De raheen een Spaheen stais maheenley ahn tha plaheen."
- 1776 - Da You-S de-feat Ingrand een Teh Wor off Eendie pen dance
- 1918 - Wootroow Weelsoon, taht vas zum presidant zum der Ooonitid Steeeets, goeing tu Verseis en sa-id sheep too speek off piss toks vith teh kontrees, hoo fuight en WWW1.
- 1951 - Generel Mcarther deliverz hees "Oold Soldjers neffer dye, dey jaast faid aweigh" speajh tew Kongress
- 2006 - Und Jeebus sayd undo da poepple, "Whoom doo yoo tink eye am?", und da poepple repped, "You are the exhiological replication of our being, the vast immiturication of a higher homosapianism, the essence of zoology," und Jeebuz sez, "Eh?"
Picture of the day
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I wonder what they're trying to tell us this time... Image credit: Kaizer the Bjorn |
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