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From today's featured article

Telephone poles are long, vertical pieces of wood, erected on roadsides by the government to teach bad drivers a lesson. They were first conceptualized in 1911 by British inventor Leonard Telephonepole, during his stay in the United States. Telephonepole, apparently disgusted with American motorists for, as he put it, "driving on the wrong bloody side of the road," was seeking a more efficient means to cockslap inconsiderate drivers, which at the time had to be done either by telegraph, or by the rapidly disappearing Pony Express, both of which charged extremely high prices for their cockslapping services. Telephonepole wanted driving to be the great equalizer, so that not even the rich would be free to drive however they wanted without fear of being the victims of random acts of road-rage-inspired violence. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name?

... that this in not a DYK entry?
... that there is one imposter among us?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?

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In the news

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Florida Man found guilty of attacking Trump "as an alligator", sent to Alligator Alcatraz
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Kids and pregnant moms trying to gain "super autism powers" by binging on Tylenol • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in Washington

Recent deaths: FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' pride • New York Mets' postseason dreams • The US Government's money • Jane Goodall

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys', Cincinnati Bengals' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 • Kids and moms trying to gain autism powers from Tylenol

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On this day

October 4: International Holiday In Space Day, National Day of No National Holidays (Botswana), International Zombie appreciation day

1582- The Gregorian Calendar is implemented, skipping straight from October 4 to October 15. This new calendar replaced the Julian Calendar, and was the final straw in a massive flame war between Julius Caesar and Pope Gregory the Great.
1846 - Smithsonian Institution opens its first Air and Space Museum. Due to the limited technology of the day, the exhibits consist of a kite, a feather, and a weird-shaped greenish rock that "looks kinda like it coulda come from space, or som'thin".
1985 - The comic strip Fred Basset quixotically debuts in American newspapers.
1991 - Leo Fender, inventor of the electric guitar, passes away. His death is marked by a minute of silent rockin' out on the air guitar (pictured).
2023 - Alarms go off due to Apple setting it out, so we do not jump out the door with a cat.

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Picture of the day

Eugene Krabs stands in awe before his establishment as Donald Trump enacts his wonderful tariffs.

Image credit: SystemPhantom
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