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From today's featured article

Toast and juice.jpg

At 6:55 this morning, my alarm clock went off. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. Five minutes later, my alarm clock went off again. Still tired, I hit the snooze button and tried to fall back asleep. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)
  • ... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
  • ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
  • ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
  • ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
  • ... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
  • ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
  • ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?

In the news

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Downing Street denies this image.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Non-playoff NFL teams firing their coaches • Jim and John Harbaugh family vacation in Cancun

Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • New York Rangers' fans livers and kidneys • Green Bay Packers', Carolina Panthers', Jacksonville Jaguars', Los Angeles Chargers', Philadelphia Eagles', and Pittsburgh Steelers' seasons • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career, maybe

On this day

"Caesar, it's the middle of January, there's no more fireworks!"

January 13: Julius Caesar's New Year's Eve

  • 45 BC - Julius Caesar celebrates New Year's thirteen days late, after everyone else is already done with that sort of thing, angering the Senate. (Pictured)
  • 1610 - Galileo Galilei discovers the fourth satellite of Jupiter, but initially confuses it for a hemorrhoid.
  • 1942 - Henry Ford gets a patent for his new automobile, which is 50% more Nazi than regular cars.
  • 1996 - Annie Lennox accidentally breaks wind near a microphone, is immediately awarded two Grammys and a BRIT award.
  • 1998 - Gay activist sets himself on fire in St. Peter's Square to protest the Catholic Church's condemnation of self-immolation.
  • 2012 - Cruise ship Costa Concordia tips over on its side after a celebrity cooking class puts cream on their pasta carbonara.

Picture of the day

Ben Franklin, kickin' it oldschool
 Benjamin Franklin: founding father, inventor, politician, passionate kite-flier, and self-proclaimed King of Rhyme. In short, a true Renaissance man.

Image credit: Modusoperandi
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Sister projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,193 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.


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