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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

It may come as a surprise to many people that the cult of the celebrity, seemingly a modern phenomenon, has in fact been around since the earliest days of history. Indeed, BIBLE!, a weekly magazine specialising in celebrity news and human-interest stories, was first published in what is now the Middle East on October 22nd, 4004 BCE and enjoyed several thousand years as a best-selling title until its eventual closure in the middle of the 2nd Century CE. Despite this, demand for the magazine remained high and as a result the entire print run was collated into a compendium issue which remains in print and sells many millions of copies each year. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)

... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
...that you actually didn't know?
... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?

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In the news [edit]

Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured)
Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game

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On this day [edit]

July 8: Pregnancy Appreciation Day

1300 - The Navajo invent Antbortion.
1682 - The Ovum is first viewed through a microscope.
1838 - American Evangelists begin teaching that being born again is necessary for salvation.
1973 - Backstreet abortionists are run out of business by legal abortion clinics.
1974 - Planned Parenthood is founded, preforming free abortions in exchange for money and referring friends to do the same.
1981 - The first successful hotwiring of a uterus is preformed.
1998 - AMA publishes: HowTo:Deliver a Baby, A Concise and Easy-to-follow Guide Developed, Tested, and Approved by the AMA (No, Not that AMA. The Other One) and Reprinted with the Permission of the JAMA (Also a Different One).
2008 - Sarah Palin's daughter's unborn child falls pregnant

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