From today's featured article
I awoke with a start and reached for my alarm clock, still screaming away at me into the side of my head. The sound was excruciating, boring a hole into my significantly small brain and rattling it within my cavernous skull. Unable to reach the alarm clock, I rolled myself over to it, but lost control and fell off of my bed.
"Still gotta get used to this damned tail." I cursed through my teeth and kicked the clock into the corner, which must have either stopped the alarm or destroyed the entire clock. In addition to my tail, my powerful legs were something else I still hadn't adjusted to yet. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the WWF is the only "sports entertainment" organization endorsed by PETA and Greenpeace? (Pictured)
- ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
- ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
- ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
- ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
- ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
- ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
- ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
In the news
- Lady Gaga's dogs stolen, returned (Pictured)
- Björk responds to Anti-Asian violence
- Stan Marsh presents: 2022 FIFA World Cup sucks ass
- Biden responds to North Korea's "Stink" complaints
- BMI songwriters (but not ASCAP) to receive vaccine
- Governor Cuomo from New York is screwed
- Grodin Museum reopens to public
- Old movies are suddenly offensive
- Northeast getting another blizzard
- Just another dead doper and a dirtbag dies
- Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit
- Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President
On this day
- 1492 - First slice of buttered toast thrown into someone's face.
- 1667 - The blind, impoverished John Milton (Pictured) sells the copyright of Paradise Lost for £10 and buys a Milkshake.
- 1667 - On his way home John Milton is robbed, he hears the robber shouting victoriously "I Drink Your Milkshake" while running away.
- 1775 - Germany runs out of people to accuse of witchcraft and execute, and begins brainstorming on who to meaninglessly kill next.
- 1904 - Albert Einstein discovers that he's related to his sister
- 1984 - Mr. Rogers flips out and assassinates the Thomas the Tank Engine.
- 1999 - Rain of Tears memorial, mass suicides after first showing of Gigli
- 2009 - Somebody puts his helmet on backwards, his bike is immediately stolen because he can't see.
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