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From today's featured article 

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BOGOTÁ, Colombia, Fake America -- Millions of rioting Colombians are being thrown into giant paddy-wagons by Bogotá police in a tense standoff. The people are violently rioting for the right to take part in the annual Eurovision Song Contest, a European song contest in which Israel and Australia have been permitted to participate.

Colombia has a rich music culture where their very simplistic yet camp and cliché musical style would fit in perfectly with Eurovision. However, for many years now, Israel has vetoed Colombians from joining the contest, claiming that "Colombians just can't be gay" (a prerequisite for any group to perform at Eurovision). In a recent interview for CNN, Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu raised serious questions about the ability of Colombian people to be flamboyant homosexuals. As we all remember, the best TV show in the history of mankind, Yo soy Betty, la fea, is actually a Colombian show; but that show is so rampantly homophobic that, along with Colombia's brutal machista culture, Israel has concerns about how much Colombians are able to express their gayness at the Eurovision. Netanyahu was quoted as saying: "Colombians are so manly, you can smell their ball sweat from a mile away. No one would take them seriously dancing around on stage in plastic pants singing about forbidden love". (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
  • ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
  • ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
  • ... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
  • ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
  • ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
  • ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?

In the news 

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On this day 

Typical German interloper driving honest Italian scribes out of work.

May 11: Printers and Printer Accessories Day (California)

Picture of the day

Colossus of Barbie
 One of the seven wonders of the pre-feminist movement, the Colossus of Barbie stands as a silent sentinel, ever-watching, over Toydom's "Valley of the Dolls."

In an ode to its majesty, Percy Bysshe Shelley declared:

That all the world remains, to seem, unchanged,
Her triumph o'er the rivers, wrath, and range,
Of her immortal gaze, fixed cold with steel,
I dare not but apease her wealth with meal.
But, yet, Man has not seen her to the test;
What's more, pity I couldn't bugger her like all the rest.

This is evidence that when the monument was built, people were of the belief that God was indeed a woman. Take that, Benedict XVI!
Image credit: Prettiestpretty
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