User:Naughtyned/Richard Scarry
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This cheeseburger with a large fries and a coke, plus a kids meal is, rather unfortunately, completely and utterly Ape-Shit Crazy. Its bafflingness and emoness do nothing to aid this. The icicle is Ape-Shit Crazy, and reigns champion at the zoo. If you attempt to golf this, you will (in a most unimpressed manner) become Ape-Shit Crazy yourself. Or else the editors at Uncyclopedia will eat your olfactory organs!!!!!! |
Richard McClure Phunny was born on June 6, 1919 in Pleasantville, Connectthedots. From an early age he was fascinated with ghost stories and other tales of horror. On his twenty-first birthday he legally changed his last name to Scarry (pronounced like "scary") and embarked on a career as a writer of horror stories.
Carreer[edit | edit source]
As an author/illustrator Scarry is responsible for such classic works as The Shining, The Masque of the Red Death, The Lottery, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Hansel and Gretel. But his magnum opus was To Serve Man about a race of super pigs who conquer Earth (bringing with them their planetary compatriots, highly evolved, intelligent cats, dogs, rabbits, bears, mice and worms). The pig rulers slaughter humans making them into ham, wieners, bacon, and other products commonly made out of pork.
Most of his stories were made into to movies. To Serve Man was adapted to serve as a plot for Lost in Space and later was used on a Family Guy "Clubhouse of Terror" Halloween special and American Dad "Schoolhouse of Darkness" Halloween special. It is also mentioned in Spoogy Castle as a cookbook in the cooking section of the level "The Liberry", and as 'To Serve Monkey' in DreamWorks' Botswana.
Decline Years and Death[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately, Scarry did not get to enjoy the fruits of his labor during the peak years of his work's popularity. Shortly after finishing To Serve Man in 1950 he went insane and started breaking into occupied hotel rooms late at night, picking his nose and saying to his boogers, "I've got you and I'm going to eat you!" He was confined to a mental institution for the rest of his days. His death came in 1984 when he got into a fight with his roommates in the assylum - the members of Quiet Riot. He went on a rampage biting, kicking and clawing like a Tasmanian Devil. Finally, hospital staff were called into restrain him and put him and a straight jacket. Quiet Riot then took their revenge by welding an iron mask to his face, playing their music and singing, placing speakers next to his head then turning up their amplifier so loud that his head exploded. How they got the mask, the welding equipment, their instruments, the amp and speakers, and how they were able to turn up the volume so loud without the staff noticing remains a mystery to this day. But the incident was quickly covered up and the boys from Quiet Riot were soon released; it is believed that someone high up in the government considered Scarry such a threat that his murder was condoned if not planned by said official. Within a few years Quiet Riot disappeared, never to be heard from again, so the true story may never be known.
See also[edit | edit source]
External Links[edit | edit source]
- http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/authors/richard-scarry/
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KW2J_UZ8lQU
