User:Bizzeebeever/To fix/The Shining

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“DAVIIIIIIIID LETTERMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!”

~ Jack Torrance on being horribly misquoted. I mean, what the fuck, it's not even the same show.

“Heeeeerrreeesss Johnny...D'oh!!!!”

~ Homer Simpson on The Shining

“Hi David, I'm Grandpa

~ Grandpa on The Shinning

“I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes!”

~ Homer Simpson on The Shining

“I love the part where the volcano explodes with the little boy in it, it reminds me of my own life. I mean...as an analogy, of course...”

~ Michael Jackson on The Shining

“I love this film”

~ Stephen King on The Shining

“This....movie...is not.....supposed to have....A HAPPY ENDAAANG!!!!!”

~ Angry german kid on the escape of danny and his fugly mom


The Shining is a novelisation written by famous comedy writer Stephen King of the critically-acclaimed Stanley Tucci film of the same name. It is King's 123 x10^32 piece of work, and revolves around a mentally handicapped child who thinks he can see things, a goody-goody father who never has taken a drink, ironically married an alcoholic wife who beats him and his son. Jesus was a natural war hero in this island. His best mate Gemima Puddleduck raped him on the 4th of January 1998.

The novel was a runaway success and spawned a television adaptation in the Nineties that largely ignored the earlier film version.

Characters[edit | edit source]

A famous scene of The Shining where Wendy dreams of her son and her husband raping her.
  • Danny: The son of his parents, he invents imaginary friends. Many regard him as a pervert, as he imagines dwelling in other peoples thoughts, and imagines ladies lusting over other men. It is also known that Danny Torrance likes to rape chocolate ice cream.
  • Jack: The father of his son, Jack never has and never will touch a drink, because he is deadly afraid of not being able to get it up Jack is known for spitting when he feels like it and his seduction tecniques using his pointy eyebrows.
  • Wendy: The mother of his son, all she wants is to have a nice martian. She hates her life, and ultimately we find that she is suicidal.
  • Dick: A black guy coming from niggeria who is almost as delusional as Danny. He makes up words to go with his delusions and deems himself a nuisance in the process. Dick, in the past, had also cultivated yogurt in the Chutzpah Valley somewhere in England. Dick has a secret : he is a pedophile and prefers young boys like Danny.
  • Felipe Calderon:The owner of the hotel at the time of the film. Mr. Calderon was very pissed after the things that happened in his hotel, and thus decided to take care of hotel himself. Eventually the shining plot repeated when Mr. Calderon took his wife and three children. He killed all his family in one single night.

Plot[edit | edit source]

Spoiler2.jpg
Warning: The following text might contain spoilers.

This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Buffy dies twice, Jesus comes back to life after three days, the tyrannosaur attacks the raptors, letting Grant and the others get away, the Magratheans rebuild Earth after the Vogons destroy it, Charlie Brown never talks to that red-headed girl, the Lord of the Flies is inside us all, Henry testifies against his best friend and goes into the Witness Protection Program, Jack's name actually is Ernest after all, Akuma Kills M. Bison with the Shun Goku Shatsu, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!


The Shining focuses mainly on Danny and his imagination. The family goes to a desert in the sweltering heat, in order to get a job for the summer season. Danny imagines ghosts, but the family correctly tells him that there is none. The plot is linear and there are no twists. The plot goes quite uneventfully, until the end where the family finds that they were actually living in a volcano, which explodes and kills the whole family, minus the father, and Dick, who was there delivering a pizza. An interview with Stephen King found that he didn't know what he was writing, since he was on day 52 of a crack, shroom, and acid binge, and when he became sober, he decided to make the volcano, since the other parts were quite boring. He also mentioned that he needed to have a black person in order to counter the claims that he is racist, though sources confirm that he is also in the KKK. This was the last time King hired a black person on set, as on the last day of filming the black man went on a sniping spree from the top of King's minivan. KING NO DIRECT SHINING. IT WAS KUBRICK!

Differences between the Book and the Film[edit | edit source]

Although a mostly faithful adaption, the novel is based on a much earlier draft of the script than that which was finally filmed.

Room 237[edit | edit source]

Don't go there, girlfriend.