The Racer

“Heroes are a menace to society. The new most common type of hero is an Everyday Hero, but other types include the Superhero, an Unlikely Hero, a Fallen Hero, Guitar Hero, a Working-class Hero, an Anti-hero, a Jukebox Hero, a Sandwich Hero, and an hero. However, we all know that the only good kinds of heroes are a Dead Hero and a Fallen Hero.”

~ from Hero

“In The Racer, everyone's a badass!”

~ Advert

“Crawla Honcho is still more of a hero than you are.”

~ REELism on The Racer

As the quote above states, The Racer is one of the latest superheroes and an alter ego of Alex. He is known for preferring the usage of firearms in combat despite having every superpower in existence as well as causing the controversy regarding Terraria. Today, he is one of its most avid players and a real monster when you contend with him (especially when you oppose it!). However, he's actually a really nice guy but there have been some claims as to how his niceness has driven him bat fuck insane. He is also a profound swearer due to the fact that he serves as a figure against censorship, stating that it hampers the creativity of TV and film producers along with it doing more bad than good for the viewers.

Origin

When Alex was playing around in a cabbage patch at Chernobyl at the age of 10, he laid down and had a dream that he was beating various criminals and showing no mercy to all manner of worldly evil. After that, he went back to his headquarters in Topeka, Kansas to engineer a set of clothing that will make him indestructible. With his white long-sleeve shirt and shoes as well as his black cape, pants, and gloves he took on the identity of The Racer. In order to live up to his name, he went around and participated in various races to get some cash. Unlike most rich people, he saved his money until he can ultimately decide on what to do with it. After winning a few races, he bought a few cars and proceded with some more until he can build his own home somewhere in California. After accumulating billions and billions of dollars, he finished his base and built up a garage where all known cars go. He also set up his gun collection becuase he wants "the latest and greatest firearms." Well... He's watched his fair share of action films in his time and strongly enjoyed the firefights, so there's that. Using assets from shows such as Adventure Time and Phineas and Ferb, he has set himself up for greatness, and to fight for no apparent reason.

Alternate universe

It's been stated that The Racer takes place in an alternate universe where everybody is really skilled in some form of martial arts and nobody minds whenever a person is killed for no apparent reason. The only people who are defenseless here are babies. Effectively, this makes for a world where nobody is weak and perfectly capable of defending themselves. In addition, certain celebrities don't mind whenever he summons them. These measures were taken because he is the one going to take on the imminent evil organizations.

Powers

Due to the fact that The Racer got his powers from a cabbage patch, these ones come with the intent to kill his enemies (usually in a comic manner). Every July 1st, he can get a new power.

Killer bodily functions

Once again, he posesses all known superpowers, so he has killer bodily functions in order to make him stand out from the others.

Really loud burps

His burps are the most powerful ones a person can ever have, with the ability to cause damage equivalent to Hurricane Katrina or the San Francisco earthquake.

Flaming tears

Whenever a Racer cries, their tears can cause major fires, also capable of causing mass destruction. Luckily, they rarely cry.

Exploding farts

“Yeah, we got gas.”

~ The Racer on exploding farts

Of all his dangerous body functions, nothing could possibly be more deadly than his flatulence. It presents many uses such as a way to get out of a tight situation or take out his enemies quickly. In addition, they present an ability to expunge individuals with ominous purple gas that serves as a by-product.

Acid piss

A favorite amongst Racers, their piss is actually deadly corrosive acid. This power was requested by the guy himself as a way to humiliate and destroy his enemies at the same time. Think about it. If you had acidic urine and you were treating your latest victim with it, would you laugh? It's a pretty funny power. He can also give anyone his powers with them also being able to do the same. However, their personalities merge with him partially (see intro).

To Kill a Racer

In order to kill an individual with Racer powers, you need an implenent made with diamonds or a lightsaber because those things cut through any other substance. Then again, there's always the Heaven Gun- which can kill anybody.

Villains

So you ask, "Who would be willing to take on the Racer, a man capable of universal destruction?" Well, that takes us to the prime time: the Nest, named for their headquarters resembling a crow's nest (and the fact that it resembles the Seattle Space Needle). They possess a strong hatred of him and his kin. A gang of giant robots bent on planning his death, their ploys have failed because The Racer always wins; however, there are some exceptions to this statement.

See also

• Carlow Crab
• Mary-Sue character
• Fascism
• Being Better Than Everyone Else
• Herman Cain
• Test Drive

References

Bad Motherfuckers

Adam West • Biggie Cheese • Billy Mays • Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup • Blue Beetle • Bob Knight • Bruce Campbell • Bruce Lee • Charles Bronson • Chow Yun-fat • Christopher Walken • Chuck Norris • Clint Eastwood • Dirty Harry • Dolemite • Mr. Garrison • The Green Hornet • Jackie Chan • Jet Li • Joe Camel • Jack Dempsey • James Bevel • Jimmy Blackman • Jimmy Mozzarella • Juggernaut • Knight Rider • MacGyver • Manny Pacquiao • Martin Luther King, Jr. • Michael Biehn • Mike Tyson • The Milwaukee Cheese Bandit • Mohandas Gandhi • Mr. T • Notorious B.I.G. • Popeye • Qin Shi Huang • Quentin Tarantino • Rambo • Red Forman • Rick Astley • Sean Connery • Samuel L. Jackson • Shaft • Scott Aukerman • Steven Seagal • Tony Jaa • Wesley Snipes • Wonder Woman • Yogi Bear • Your Dad