User:Xander/Wiggler Race

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“When you push it to the limit, safety is not guaranteed.”

~ Ad on the race
Um... Start your engines?

One person decided to put his newfound interests in a new sport. Getting bored of the other races, he decided to make his own- Wiggler Race.

Overview[edit | edit source]

As the name suggests, Wiggler Race pits 8 players on 2 Wigglers with 4 people occupying a segment except for the head. The leader of each Wiggler controls it and the others look around to see if there's any hazards or how far they are from their opponent. The objective of the race, just like all others, is to get to the finish line at all costs. Unlike other events, if your team manages to eliminate their opponent(s), they still have to complete the race in order to win. As of today, the rules have changed dramatically, yet it's still the same fun sport that it was when created. These changes will be discussed later in the article.

The Tracks[edit | edit source]

The numerous courses in Wiggler Race (or Wiggler Racetracks) are put in several categories: Crazy, Drag, Sprint, Circuit, and Angry. As expected, the courses can and will mix.

Crazy Courses[edit | edit source]

Crazy tracks are characterized by loop-de-loops, corkscrews, and other bizarre turns. These make the bulk of tracks in the sport.

Drag Strips[edit | edit source]

“Regardless of the layout, all Drag Strips are straight.”

~ Oscar Wilde

Besides that, there really isn't enough to say.

Sprints[edit | edit source]

Typical point-to-point affairs which also form the bulk of all Wiggler Racetracks. A good fourth of the courses present no railings whatsoever, so death by falling over is common.

Circuits[edit | edit source]

All circuit tracks in Wiggler Race have a predesignated amount of laps to go through in order to complete them which usually don't change. Some good examples include the F-Zero tracks and the Square of Sorrow.[1]

Angry Events[edit | edit source]

In this case, all teams are put on angry Wigglers, which go twice as fast and hit twice as hard. With the other hazards present, these are by far the most dangerous events in the Race. Racers are far more likely to have accidents in Angry Events as opposed to other races. Use these facts to your advantage.

The first race[edit | edit source]

After establishing the idea, Alex and Michael Carbonaro held the first Wiggler Race event on the Galactic Conjunction 6000. As the name suggests, it is the longest course in the sport ever- expanding its way through the known universe. Through all the planets and graceful maneuvers, Michael won the race by Alex's Wiggler falling when going through one of the loop-de-loops. As of now, he is the current Wiggler Race Champion who resides at the THOF to challenge anyone for his title. That day, it would be a mandatory requirement to go to the Galactic Conjunction as the first track any Wiggler Racer would go through on the start of their career.

The Cups[edit | edit source]

The amount of cups present in the sport is staggering. Let's not have this article from being too long, shall we?

Styles[edit | edit source]

You can go through a course like all other races, or you can play dirty- push your opposition into the various amount of stage hazards. For best results, ram your opponent.[2]

Changes[edit | edit source]

Throughout the months, Wiggler Race has seen a wide variety of minor changes starting on November 21, 2014.

Smash Update[edit | edit source]

“Why not?”

~ Alex

The Smash Update allowed 6 more Wigglers to compete against each other (24 players, bringing it to the suggested 32). Several new cups were introduced in the update as well, along with a new type of event called "Wiggler Smash!!" which subverts the rule in the race stating that "if your Wiggler's out, then it's out" by allowing respawns. Originally, the Smash Update was supposed to bring 2 extra Wigglers to the race; however, it was changed to 6- bringing up a total of 8 competitors.

New Year's Event[edit | edit source]

Three new events were introduced on New Year's Day- the Blue, Green, and Yellow Present Cups.

Cheating Policy[edit | edit source]

“Cheats are for pussies!”

~ Wiggler Race Cheat Board

Cheating is strongly discouraged in the Race, as it could bring dire consequences to the cheater, such as...

Death by Mario[edit | edit source]

Yup. The heroic plumber will chase you and ground pound you to kingdom come.

Wiggler Police[edit | edit source]

The Police will come and arrest racers for not playing fairly. Then there's the rocketeers, who ensure that nobody escapes them. Good luck!

Grunka Lunka Lecture[edit | edit source]

Instead of dying, how about a song that lasts from 2 to 3 minutes on why Wiggler Racers shouldn't cheat?

After a sentence is issued, the cheater is banned from competing within a fixed time. If they compete and violate again, they're gonna get it.

Other Variations[edit | edit source]

Want something completely different? Then try one of these events on any track!

Wiggler Smash!![edit | edit source]

Wiggler Smash is the equivalent of deathmatch in the Race. Unlike the original rules, you don't get eliminated from the race entirely from dying so you can come and take your friends out! Playing dirty is strongly encouraged and to win, you must have the most kills along with finishing the race.

QWOP Mode[edit | edit source]

In QWOP Mode, every player controls a body segment in the Wiggler. As expected, teamwork is strongly encouraged. In addition, your team gets to pull off some pretty cool moves like pit maneuvers; alternatively, you can have your Wiggler spin uncontrollably- taking out the competition as it moves at an incredible speed!

See also[edit | edit source]

References[edit | edit source]

  1. The number of laps in the latter will always be a multiple of 4.
  2. [1], "...they [Wigglers] usually rely on ramming into their opponents."