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From today's featured article

Rounded head, stretched tail, as white as silk, they are alive, yet they hold the most magical history humankind could ever find. Sperm usually come in groups of two or three million sperm cells. They support each other, all the while fighting their way to individualism to reach the so-called egg cell. Sperms are like hippies: they all stink, all of them are the same, but we can't just have enough of them.

Most sperm cells can live up to five days, although this lifespan may vary greatly. Some people, usually aged 15 to 22 have sperm cells aged only a day, sometimes two, and when these sperms die, they need to "ejaculate" them out, literally. Others, however, can hold their sperm up to two weeks, while old people can hold theirs up to a year, possibly two. This data may seem interesting and convincing, but it does not represent the demographics of people who play World Of Warcraft and Second Life.

During the production and delivery, until penetration, a sperm cell will explore many different worlds that no one could ever possibly venture to. Different colours, different atmospheres, different tastes and different pressures; they will feel all of that. A chronicle of a sperm cell. It is so cool that the word "story" was replaced by "chronicle". (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured)

... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
... tennis isn't just a game?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?

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In the news

Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise (pictured)
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Austria wins Eurovision
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BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!!
Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
PBS and NPR to lose funding
Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
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Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church

Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG and Stranger Things 5 • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers • NBA finals and Stanley Cup

Recent deaths: George Wendt • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • Carolina Hurricanes' choke job in the playoffs • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success

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On this day

June 5: Vampire Appreciation Day

1879 - Politics invented, price of shit skyrockets due to high demand.
1956 - Walt Disney is frozen and his head incinerated in a series of funny mishaps.
1973 - Henry Kissinger mistakenly orders the CIA to overthrow the government of Chile, Kissinger later says "oops" to media.
1989 - The people of Germany celebrate the fall of the Berlin Wall, are later disappointed to learn the Capitalists won.
2001 - God sues Google over Google Earth due to breaching copyright.
2002 - Nosferatu flickers the lights at a local burger joint, to the relief of the workers therein. (Pictured)
2009 - Twilight movie is released, vampires protest at gross misrepresentation and are subsequently annihilated by the sunlight.

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If you don't buy their chicken, you might end up disappearing.

Image credit: Bezdomniy
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