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From today's featured article

Uh, hello? I just wanted to take a moment to be serious... just for a sec.

I know you think the internet is just fun and games, but hear me out: there's some serious shit going on that I think you should know about. This isn't stuff I just wrote down because I thought it was important. This stuff is serious. I mean really serious. Please, calm the fuck down and listen to what I'm saying.

And I swear to GOD, if someone deletes this page because it's "too serious for Uncyclopedia" again, I will hunt them down. This is serious shit, okay? (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that in Israel, chess sets contain rabbis rather than bishops? (Pictured)

... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?

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In the news

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated 4K Director's Cut • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' morale • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Windows 10

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • Cowboys', Bengals' and Ravens' season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom

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On this day

October 14: International Hit an Annoying Person in the Head Day

1066 - William the Conqueror punches an opposing soldier in the head at the Battle of Hastings.
1922 - A man is punched in the head after he uses the elevator to ride a single floor instead of taking the stairs opposite the elevators.
1999 - A PC spits a CD out of its CD-ROM drive, hitting Bill Gates in the head. This is the first confirmed instance of artificial intelligence.
2003 - George of the Jungle was captured by a nearby tree, which promptly clubbed him in the head. Apparently the tree was meditating when George's distracting collisions occurred.
2025 - <insert name here> is brutally hit over the head with clubs for being an Uncyclopedian.

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Picture of the day

Symphonia, the Greek goddess of rock (Opera in Roman mythology) was one of the lesser goddesses born to Tethys and Oceanus. She is said to bless those who truly appreciate "a killer riff" by turning herself into a sculpture made out of stone (it is assumed marble). She is considered a lesser goddess because this happened only once.

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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