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From today's featured article

The 2010 California Marijuana Initiative laid bare the soul of America. On the losing side, freedom and self-choice, the essence of the nation's contributions to the world. On the winning side, beer and wine companies, the backbone of a nation determined to drink itself silly, protecting their turf.

Proposition 19, as it was known to the public at large ("Goin' down to Freedomland", its actual name), would have allowed California citizens over the age of 21 to openly have, use, and grow a quantity of marijuana not to exceed what they could carry in a wheelbarrow. The U.S. Justice Department, saying that the passage of Prop 19 would "be a problem", publicly worried that Californians would mail even more fine bud than usual to their buddies in the prison states. After the votes defeat, however, Attorney General Eric Holder admitted that what he was really worried about was that all the good parties would have occurred in California, enticing the hot babes who populate D.C. to migrate west. (Full article...)

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... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
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In the news

Not my baby!

Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
Dingo eats a woman's baby (Pictured)
Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C. • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Showdown in NYC between Mamdani the Commie, The Andrew Formerly Known as Governor, and a Republican cat man

Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • A guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefs • Capitalism in NYC • Blue Jays fans' livers

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On this day

November 4: Artificial Limb Awareness Diurnal Period

200 - Oedipus: One Bad Mothafucka released by Mythic Records, goes triple platinum.
1600 and something - Descartes decides the mind is separate from the body, through logical reasoning and skeptical doubt.
2001 - God wins Mega-Ball lottery. Fix suspected.
2009 - List of people who steal lists is stolen.
2012 - Mexicans win gold, silver, and bronze in Olympic Lawn-mowing.

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Looking for protection for your stallion? Safe sex whilst getting your oats? Look no further than Trojan Horse condoms. For the serious rider. Available in "Large", "Extra Large" and "Ouch!".

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