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From today's featured article

NO TV.JPG

It's been a long day at the office for you. Driving home, all you can think about is walking through the door, grabbing a bag of Jalapeño Cheddar flavored Cheetos, plopping down onto your recliner, and watching reruns of The Cosby Show and Three's Company until you've passed out. Well, at least you wish that was all you could think about, but somehow you can't manage to get that image out of your head of that very large woman at your office having her clothes ripped off by that copy machine. Remembering this only makes the prospect of passing out in your chair that much more comforting, while also giving you a significant case of the chills.

You arrive in your driveway and close the car door, locking it tightly as you do every day, with the purpose of letting some of the more embarrassing things you keep in there stay secret. As you walk up the driveway, you quickly check your face for any signs of smeared lipstick, and similarly check your pockets for anything that might be incriminating. The last thing you want is a repeat of the last marriage. What a bloody mess that was... literally.

Inside your home, everything seems as normal as it always is. You quickly walk to the kitchen and grab your Cheetos. Mmmmm, nothing like that satisfying jalapeño cheesiness. As you take a seat in your beloved chair, you grab the remote and switch the channel to TV Land. Ah, Cosby is on, just like it always is at this time.

That's when it hits you. You stare down at your empty hands, look up at the empty shelf that once held a marvelous television set, and wonder at the reason for the positively empty feeling underneath your bum. You jump up in surprise, and, for lack of anything better to do in this situation, scream loudly:

"IS THIS SOME KIND OF FUCKING JOKE?!" (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
  • ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?
  • ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
  • ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
  • ... that the Uncyclopedia Discord link contains a virus called which infects your computer with the Uncyclopedia Discord?
  • ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
  • ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?

In the news

Sylvester-stallone-yearbook-high-school.jpg
Sly Stallone
(1946-Present)

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Aaron Rodgers finally signing with a team • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran peace talks

Recent deaths: Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly Stallone Stone • Brian Wilson • Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Diddy's chance at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices

On this day

June 29: Make Crude Jokes About Genitals Day
Calvinhobbes.jpg
  • 1194 – Sverre is crowned King of Norway, beginning a long reign of Danish Kings with unpronounceable names.
  • 1542 – The comic strip Calvin and Hobbes debuts, lightheartedly poking fun at such contemporary topics as the Protestant Reformation. (Pictured)
  • 1884 – The Picture of Dorian Gray is released by Oscar Wilde, consisting largely of crude jokes about genitals.
  • 1965 – The auto accident starting the "Paul is dead" hoax occurs in England.
  • 1972 – The U.S. Supreme Court rules the death penalty could constitute 'cruel and unusual punishment', particularly the more outlandish methods of carrying out the sentence, such as Texas' legendary alligator tank.
  • 1999 – Prince continues to party.
  • 2009 – Millions of Americans suffering from insomnia are miraculously cured when Jimmy Fallon receives his own late night talk show.

Picture of the day

Kaleidoscope rifle
 Distracted by the dizzying array of colours, your opponent is unable to aim her weapon.

Image credit: Nachlader
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Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,255 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.


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