Protected page

Uncyclopedia Gold

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Premium subscription)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Sorry, but this content is available only to Uncyclopedia Gold members
Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
155 active editors • 41,099 articles in English

From today's featured article

Donald Tusk.png

WASHINGTON, DC – America took a well-earned break from presidential politics after Donald Trump disappeared from his Mar-a-Lago retreat last week. The State Department assumed that Trump had absconded from his job and was off selling crap hotels to third world countries, until Secret Service agents found Trump imprisoned inside a WW2-era bunker some miles south of Berlin, mutilated to resemble a walrus.

Trump's naked body was sewn into a walrus suit made out of stitched together flesh and filled with blubber. His legs had been sawed off, and his shin bones were reattached to his face as tusks. Trump's matted hairdo was resewn into his new walrus scalp, a sick reminder of the human man he once was. When Trump's rescuers rolled his flabby, piniped body out of the bunker, the sunlight revealing every scar sewn onto his walrus form, every pool of dried blood seeping from his unhealed gashes, the Commander-in-Chief could only scream and hork. His captors had deprived him of his humanity, perhaps forever. President Tusk was then shipped to the Smithsonian National Zoo of Washington D.C., where he now lives his life as a genuine walrus. (Full news...)

Did you know...

Chausettesrouges.png

In the news

Trumpangy.jpg
"Nyaaah, it's not worthless, mommy, I WANT IT!"

Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Bills Mafia drinking themselves to death • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day

Recent deaths: Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career • Bills' Super Bowl window

On this day

He'll grow out of it

January 28: Kill Baby Hitler Day

  • 1813 - Jane Austen publishes her first novel, "You'll Have to Read This in 9th Grade", is instant bestseller.
  • 1890 - Dozens of time travelers attempt to kill Baby Hitler, are stopped by those same time travelers after finding out world would be much worse.
  • 1922 - The largest snowstorm in American history collapsed the Theater of Underpants, killing 98 people.
  • 1956 - Elvis Presley scandalizes television after going full-frontal on the Ed Sullivan Show.
  • 1965 - A maple leaf accidentally falls on a picture of the newly designed Canadian flag, is accidentally included after photocopies are sent.
  • 1985 - Africans choose to starve rather than benefit from corny "We Are The World" song.
  • 2016 - The CIA develop disease which turn third-world babies into abortions, call it Zika virus, redundant as alcoholism already exists.

Picture of the day

America NRV'd
 One of God's many duties involves making sure all the world's contributions are of an acceptable standard. Unfortunately this involves the tedious task of clearing out a large amount of crap every so often. Dissidents who note that this stamping and clearing arbitrarily kills millions are placed on the "naughty" list.

Image credit: Spang
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Other areas of Uncyclopedia

Sister projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,099 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.


Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Uncyclopedia_Gold&oldid=6442864"