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From today's featured article

WalpurgisNight01.jpg

The oft mentioned and generally popular quasi religious festival, Walpurgis Night is a cult descended from a German Witch ceremony celebrating summer on May 1. Rumours of a bi-annual event are in the offing with the recent New Age acquisition of several English towns.

Initially religious significance was ascribed to the festival along with occult leanings; however the movement has survived several eras through sponsorship right up to the present day. Universality of many areas has been present though all the changes including a Bonfire and there is a refusal to acknowledge the celebration prior to the advent of the Gregorian calendar.

Corporate concerns are the chief purpose of the celebration today and it has been reported that several media conglomerates are planning a takeover. Tom Cruise has also announced that the Church of Scientology would like to purchase the copylefts for the event. (Full article...)

Did you know...

Commie eats children.gif
  • ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
  • ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
  • ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
  • ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
  • ... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?

In the news

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"It's for the children's own good!"

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Bill Cosby's TV son • Bryan Kohberger's freedom • Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • Joe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates

On this day

August 11: Sexual Harassment In The Workplace Day
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  • 1492 - Alexander VI is elected Pope. He becomes known for making lewd and improper suggestions to the cardinals.
  • 1858 - The First ascent of the Eiger. After this ascent, an Eiger Counter keeps track.
  • 1966 - John Lennon holds a press conference apologizing for stating that the Beatles were "more popular than Jesus." He clarifies, "I meant to say we were more popular than Mohammed."
  • 1969 - The first men land on the moon. While collecting moon rocks, Neil Armstrong "accidentally" rubs up against Buzz Aldrin.
  • 1972 - The last United States ground combat unit departs South Vietnam. Says an Army spokesman, "Thank goodness we've learned our lesson! No more pointless guerilla wars without an exit strategy for us!"
  • 1993 - President Bill Clinton takes interest in the new White House secretary.
  • 2004 - Bill O'Reilly makes several drunken phone calls. He later wakes up to discover that he is the now the Democratic Representative for New Hampshire, and president of the international Gay and Lesbian Alliance.
  • 2006 - Harry Whittington declines to play naked Twister with Dick Cheney. Instead, the two embark on a quail hunt where Dick shoots Harry, claiming it was an accident.

Picture of the day

Jesus on Raptor
 Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account. From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE)

Image credit: Tshell
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