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From today's featured article
MOSKVA, CCCP -- World is full with shock at surprise launch of satellite with name of Sputnik 1. Satellite, make from alloy of secret construction, was lift to space by Semyorka rocket with fuel of liquid in morning of today, and at time that is now orbits about world making beep-beeps of electronic radio-type. Up on hearing of news Yanquis of Amerika are rush to hiding in underground shelter of bomb. Their fear and frightening is said by comrade Sergei Nesmeyanov, Ambassador of CCCP in place of Washington, to "Making us in office of Soviet Embassy be out loud releasing of laughter. I listen to President of Amerika on radio of Capitalist transmission get down on knees and be begging for citizens of Yanqui country to '...rise up and be throwing off of chain.' Today is victory of scale more large than winning of Europe in Great Patriotic War." (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Sigmund Freud told me he slept with your mother last night? (Pictured)
- ... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
- ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
- ... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
- ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
- ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
- ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
- ... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
In the news
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck (Pictured)
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
- United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports
- A new candidate enters the upcoming 2028 presidential race
- US government shitdown ends after over 1000 flights inundated with shit
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed
On this day
November 25: Feel Vague Anxiety Whilst Examining A Tattoo You Got On A Drunken Impulse Day
- 1622 - The toasted sandwich is invented in a joint venture by the Earl of Sandwich and the Duke of Toast.
- 1901 - Ernst Schrödinger, inventor of the Uncertainty Principle, was born on this day. Or was he?
- 1997 - Princess Diana dies in car crash after driver is distracted by the 'I love Charlie' on her right buttock.
- 2006 - Europeans give thanks for the farsighted move of kicking Ayn Rand off their continent.
- 2006 - Rush Limbaugh suffers great embarrassment after an assistant leaks information about his secret tattoo depicting two men engaging in immoral acts.
Picture of the day
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Experts advise against chlorinating the jean pool, as it causes the dye to bleed, and acid-washed jeans haven't been cool since '86. Image credit: RadicalX |
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