Uncyclopedia Gold
From today's featured article
Death of The Author is an essay written originally by Literary Critic, professional mime, Philosopher and frenchman Roland Barthes. In it Barthes stated his view that creating texts is detrimental to health, as every author has, at some point in history, died.
In his autobiography "The Life of Roland Barthes, Great Literary Critic, Philosopher and Lover", Barthes writes that the idea for this text came to his mind while he was reading Twilight, and wishing a horrible death on Stephanie Meyer. He describes this moment as "one of those moments that made me feel as the unique great philosophiser of language things that I am."
He refined his theory while reading The Da Vinci Code, when he was only able to reclaim the will to live by realising that Dan Brown would eventually cease to do so. He observed: "while this theory does seem to carry grave implications for authors such as myself, it does at least make the reading of singularly poor fiction slightly more bearable". (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured)
- ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
- ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
- ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
- ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
- ... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
- ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
- ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
In the news
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID to "protect the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards
Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city?
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons
On this day
March 10: Opposite Day
- 1810 - For opposite day, Napoleon Bonaparte decides to wear stilts or something I don't know.
- 1922 - Gandhi, in a fit of anger, nukes the peaceful country of East Volta. You've never heard of East Volta? Exactly.
- 1952 - Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista decides to celebrate opposite day by taking the land and wealth from the poor instead of the rich.
- 1977 - Astronomers discover the rings of Uranus, they of course keep their cool since they pronounce it "Urine-us" like a bunch of nerds. Still sounds like pee though.
- 1994 - O.J. Simpson makes history, becomes the first African-American man to get away with the murder of a rich white woman, signalling monumental progress for people of color who also happen to be filthy rich.
- 2011 - Tiny politically unstable oil-rich Middle Eastern country drone strikes a wedding in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
- 2020 - Donald Trump blacks out his Twitter page for BLM.
Picture of the day
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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault |
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- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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