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From today's featured article

Syria is a magnificent, beautiful land in the Middle East. It comprises everything from barren mountain ranges and barren coastlines to barren deserts and barren steppes. Syria is also rich in culture, with a detailed history that stretches back several thousand years.

The current head of state is President-for-Life Bashar al-Assad, who stumbled upon the presidency in 2000 following the tragic and completely accidental deaths of his father, then the president, and his brother Basil, former heir apparent. The country has been in a state of civil unrest for several years as a popular uprising against Bashar al-Assad has led to complicated and devastating war which has killed over 100,000 people and displaced millions more. Despite this, nine out of ten Americans cannot point out Syria on a map, and three out of ten believe "Syria" to be a brand of citrus-flavored soft drink. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that the history of Great Britain (Pictured) is greater than Frosties?

... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
...that the only cure for the hiccups is an orgasm?
... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

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In the news

Well, that says a lot...

Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland (Pictured)
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Trump presents new science project to Cabinet
Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures
Trump fires Zakk Wylde
Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys

Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' and Cincinnati Bengals' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10

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On this day

September 24: Weasel Stomping Day

3000 BC - Greek philosopher Atheises founds the Order of Dyslexic Atheists and declares as its motto "There is no dog!"
1541 - Paracelsus, Swiss alchemist, passes away after being drained by a bitter rivalry with the alchemist Parafahrenheit.
1789 - United States History: the position of Attorney General is established, to act as general over the army of attorneys raised during the Revolutionary War.
1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt proclaims Devils Tower the nation's first National Monument after obsessively sculpting the rock formation in mashed potatoes.
1939 - Adolf Hitler gets into a hedge dispute with his Polish neighbour.

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Children's books as they should be, without sugar-coating.

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