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From today's featured article

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Syria is a magnificent, beautiful land in the Middle East. It comprises everything from barren mountain ranges and barren coastlines to barren deserts and barren steppes. Syria is also rich in culture, with a detailed history that stretches back several thousand years.

The current head of state is President-for-Life Bashar al-Assad, who stumbled upon the presidency in 2000 following the tragic and completely accidental deaths of his father, then the president, and his brother Basil, former heir apparent. The country has been in a state of civil unrest for several years as a popular uprising against Bashar al-Assad has led to complicated and devastating war which has killed over 100,000 people and displaced millions more. Despite this, nine out of ten Americans cannot point out Syria on a map, and three out of ten believe "Syria" to be a brand of citrus-flavored soft drink. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
  • ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
  • ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
  • ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
  • ... that torture is better to give than to receive?
  • ...that the only cure for the hiccups is an orgasm?
  • ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?

In the news

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Well, that says a lot...

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys

Recent deaths: Ozzy OsbourneChuck MangioneHulk HoganResident AlienDown syndromeTom LehrerThe systemFUBARCartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence StampThe Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet slothJoe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford

Upcoming deaths: DEIR. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan BergmanDallas Cowboys' and Cincinnati Bengals' seasons • MSNBCLil Nas XDonald TrumpWindows 10

On this day

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September 24: Weasel Stomping Day

  • 3000 BC - Greek philosopher Atheises founds the Order of Dyslexic Atheists and declares as its motto "There is no dog!"
  • 1541 - Paracelsus, Swiss alchemist, passes away after being drained by a bitter rivalry with the alchemist Parafahrenheit.
  • 1789 - United States History: the position of Attorney General is established, to act as general over the army of attorneys raised during the Revolutionary War.
  • 1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt proclaims Devils Tower the nation's first National Monument after obsessively sculpting the rock formation in mashed potatoes.
  • 1939 - Adolf Hitler gets into a hedge dispute with his Polish neighbour.

Picture of the day

Little Miss Psycho
Children's books as they should be, without sugar-coating.

Image credit: Bonjo Nelson
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,686 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.