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Did you know... [edit]

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
...that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
... that this is why we can't have nice things?
... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?

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In the news [edit]

BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! (Pictured)
Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
PBS and NPR to lose funding
Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
New Easter Bunny is a fascist

Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom

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On this day [edit]

May 13: Nobody's Independence Day Day

28 - Jesus Christ comes home drunk at 3:45 in the morning, Mary wants him out of the house to get a job.
1568 - The forces of Mary, Queen of Scotch are defeated by Irish Whiskey freedom–fighters.
1917 - Three peasant children claim to have seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Fatima, Portugal. They deny it has anything to do with the marijuana they found growing there.
1992 - Sharon Stone gets laid on TV for the first time in history.
2003 - Saturday Night Live is still on the air, despite protests and an economic blockade by Cuba.
2005 - God sues eBay claiming that sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin at all. (Pictured)
2010 - Nuclear missiles are launched at Finland, smug bastards finally get what's coming to them.
2075 - I finally find my house keys.

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Microsoft Internet Explorer's Popup Blocker has always left something to be desired.

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