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From today's featured article 

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The documents contained herein are of a confidential, classified nature, hence the large red stamp to be found atop this passage. They have been classified according to Provision 401q of the Super-secret Document Protection Act of 1965. That means that not even Greg from accounting is allowed to view the observations, inferences, quibbles, and miscellanea contained in the aforementioned documents. Gives you some perspective, doesn't it. Therefore and thus, someone thinking about, considering, and/or about to open this manila folder in which these documents are contained is subject to torture by unpleasant bodily means at an undisclosed location. Oops, it's already open. Oh well, no crime there. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)
  • ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
  • ... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
  • ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
  • ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
  • ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
  • ... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
  • ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?

In the news 

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Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • M-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other Iranian leaders

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (according to Wikipedia) • Avicii (according to Wikipedia)

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends

On this day 

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March 4: Galileo Galileo Galileo Figaro

  • 1849 - Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead.
  • 1852 - Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away.
  • 1855 - Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry, if I'm not back again this time tomorrow.
  • 1861 - Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters.
  • 1862 - Too late, my time has come, sending shivers down my spine, bodies aching all the time.
  • 1865 - Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go, gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.
  • 1874 - Mama, ooh, I don't want to die, sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all.

Picture of the day

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 Imagine a world in which the sum of all human knowledge is in your hand.

Image credit: SunnyChow
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