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From today's featured article
We all want to be happy. Nothing is more miserable than feeling miserable - your friends don't want to be around you, it's harder to get a date, and blues music is really annoying. Worse than all this, though, it feels bad to feel sad.
Fortunately, there are some very simple tools that can help you be happy. True, when you're happy your friends probably still don't want to be around you, you'll probably still have trouble getting a date, and you still don't have a genre of music to listen to, but at least you can be happy about it all!
Positive Psychology experts have completed various studies related to personal happiness. They tend to be extremely boring studies, and not anywhere as near as much fun as the negative psychology experts' studies, but those aren't as significant in what we're doing here at the moment. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job?
- ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
- ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?
- ...that your fly is unzipped?
In the news
- Trump ought to create Nazi tanks, with the help of Elon Musk (Pictured)
- Support our fake album and win a free Palestinian!
- The Philadelphia Eagles steal the NFL's script and prevent the Kansas City Chiefs from 3‑peating
- Philadelphia will burn to the ground as a result.
- Taylor Swift also begins writing her new breakup song for Travis Kelce; it goes something like "Dreamed of a 3‑peat, but you fumbled the play – Lost the Super Bowl and me the same day."
- Ye has officially lost his fucking mind for the millionth time
- Donald Trump announces grand opening of the Sierra Gaza
- Biden announced as new Bond after signing with CAA
- Trump Taken audition leaked
- Kendrick Lamar wins five Grammys AND performs Not Like Us at the SuperBowl to over 100 million people, much to Drake's dismay
- Smokey the Bear revealed to be cause of LA fires
- NASA headquarters explode as major star goes on break
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • Eagles fans rioting and eating horseshit in celebration, again
Recent deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • David Lynch • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright • The Kansas City Chiefs Dynasty and Patrick Mahomes's legacy • A One Direction reunion
Upcoming deaths: Philadelphia • Travis Kelce's sham relationship with Taylor Swift and his career • TikTok, for real this time • Bashar al‑Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse
On this day
February 22: International Day of Spam
- 1996 - Need money quick? Need money now? Get a Payday Loan today! It's not like you have a choice you poor piece of shit haha.
- 1998 - Got bills you need to pay? Some student loans looming overhead? Donate some plasma to literal blood-sucking capitalists.
- 1999 - There are hot singles in your area! I don't think you can do anything with that information, I just wanted to tell you.
- 2001 - Retro fans! Buy a complete box set of every movie and television series released during the 1980s, only $25,999.99! comes in fourteen trucks.
- 2005 - Buy the last 49,367 Blu-ray discs of Peter Jackson's opus King Kong, I don't know use it as tinsel it's starting to leak chemicals.
- 2011 - Look like your best self, buy our signature collection of foundation and concealer, made from the ground up bones of the long extinct sea cow.
Picture of the day
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