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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Terraforming is the hypothetical process by which a planetary body's properties are modified to allow for the building of Costco Wholesale retail stores there. The process was first proposed by astronomer Carl Sagan, who wanted to build a Costco on Venus, as his local Costco was far too crowded, especially on the weekends, making it unsafe to drive in the parking lot. It's generally agreed that humanity has neither the technology nor the societal will to sustain such a gargantuanly expensive venture. Still, this hasn't stopped engineers and scientists from speculating how best to build a Costco on other planets. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we have no pornographic content?
... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?

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In the news [edit]

Great mealy-mouthed meatballs!

New Easter Bunny is a fascist (Pictured)
4chan hacked, nobody cares
Vatican commits simony
YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE
Scientists revive some dead wolves because they can
Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations
Wayne Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record broken by Putin's Instagram buddyboo
Donald Trump receives prestigious award for destroying the stock market
Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence
Kardashian and Ye do washed up things

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Everyone ditching some Disney live-action remake for A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Meghan Markle's Netflix show • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • Columbus Blue Jackets' playoff bid

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Gawr Gura • Google's ad monopoly

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On this day [edit]

April 19: Clitoris Awareness Day

1559 - Scholars at the University of Padua, Italy, discover the first clitoris in recorded history.
1775 - In a New York study on sexual behavior, researchers find the clitoris to be more important to sexual pleasure than the actual vagina, small penises find new hope.
1913 - The sale of vibrators are banned in France, due to electrical grid overload issues.
1957 - Oral sex becomes a popular alternative to intercourse, condom sales decline.
1998 - Windows 98 is released, memory leaks in the OS cause Bill Gates to be declared the world's "Biggest Clitoris". (Pictured)
1999 - Bill Clinton has a threesome and sorely disappoints, policy wonks tells Americans not to jump to conclusions.
2011 - Aperture Science launches new official holiday, supposedly better than Christmas.

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Picture of the day

Symphonia, the Greek goddess of rock (Opera in Roman mythology) was one of the lesser goddesses born to Tethys and Oceanus. She is said to bless those who truly appreciate "a killer riff" by turning herself into a sculpture made out of stone (it is assumed marble). She is considered a lesser goddess because this happened only once.

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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