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From today's featured article
Did you know...
- ... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)
- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ...that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that this is why we can't have nice things?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
- ... that this is why we can't have nice things?
- ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
In the news
- BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! (Pictured)
- Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
- Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
- PBS and NPR to lose funding
- Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
- Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
- Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
- Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
- Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
- World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
- Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
- New Easter Bunny is a fascist
Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers
Recent deaths: SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez
Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom
On this day
May 13: Nobody's Independence Day Day
- 28 - Jesus Christ comes home drunk at 3:45 in the morning, Mary wants him out of the house to get a job.
- 1568 - The forces of Mary, Queen of Scotch are defeated by Irish Whiskey freedom–fighters.
- 1917 - Three peasant children claim to have seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Fatima, Portugal. They deny it has anything to do with the marijuana they found growing there.
- 1992 - Sharon Stone gets laid on TV for the first time in history.
- 2003 - Saturday Night Live is still on the air, despite protests and an economic blockade by Cuba.
- 2005 - God sues eBay claiming that sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin at all. (Pictured)
- 2010 - Nuclear missiles are launched at Finland, smug bastards finally get what's coming to them.
- 2075 - I finally find my house keys.
Picture of the day
Microsoft Internet Explorer's Popup Blocker has always left something to be desired. Image credit: Blah Blah Blah |
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