Jillian Hall
Jillian Hall (born October 31, 1980 in Deepest Darkest Samoa)_ is an American-Samoan professional wrestler, athlete, actress, dancer, singer, and General Manager who currently works in the WWE on the RAW brand, under the name WWE RAW General Manager Jillian Hall. She is 6'4" and weighs 325 pounds. Her finisher is the dreaded "Samoan Spike," which is a thumb poke to the eye of her opponents.
She has a teenage daughter, by the name of Hilary Duff. Hall is the second cousin to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. She's also had more plastic surgery done than Henry Ward. She is also known for her admiration for messy oral sex and swallowing every drop.
Early Years[edit | edit source]
Jillian (also known as Jigglin' Tits Hall) was born on Halloween to an American blonde mother and one of the two "Wild Samoans" in Deepest Darkest Samoa. She is said to be the spawn of a Halloween demon ritual. Nonetheless, growing up in Samoa, Jillian honed her skull to be as rock hard as any other Samoans. Although she had light skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes, she still had a bit of Samoan blood in her and thus, had the ability to perform all kinds of devastating Samoan headbutts.
Because she was born in Samoa, she automatically had to become a porn star and professional toe sucker and plays chess with her daughter's pet hamster. She moved to the United States in the late 90's, when the Spice Girls were a big international sensation. One day, the Spice Girls performed a concert in a post office. Jillian, a young woman new to the American way of life, got up on stage and headbutted each of the Spice Girls unconscious. One person in attendance, Shane McMahon, was so impressed by this, that he signed her after receiving oral favors behind said post office.
Early Wrestling Career[edit | edit source]
Jillian, because of her Samoan genes, was quite large when she first debuted, and so, she went by the name "The Cum Dumptruck" when she first wrestled. Jillian took on many female opponents, but most of them were way out of Jillian's weight range. So Jillian took time off in order to "slim down" into the females weight range, which stopped at 200 pounds. When she returned, she made an impact by farting in Jerry 'The King' Lawyer's face, while he was commentating & eating a bowl of Product 19.
Jillian spent the next few years pleasuring herself so she'd feel better about herself . Jillian returned to OVW in late 2001, and was quickly called up to the primetime in 2002 as part of WWE RAW General Manager Eric Bischoff's "Three Minute Warning" team, in which Jillian was partnered up with a relative of hers named Rosey. In Three Minute Warning, the two Samoans would give any opposition to Eric Bischoff just three minutes to escape before they would jump on them and sit on their heads while farting. The team lasted just short of a year when WWE Chairman Vince McMahon realized that he had employed a female in his company without fake breasts. Vince demoted Jillian back down to OVW, ordering that she could'nt come back until she had gotten ridiculously huge breast implants first, as well as fixing her Samoan face. Jillian felt too good abouther heritage so she just went to tna
Ohio Valley Wrestling[edit | edit source]
Jillian returned to OVW on Easter 2003, now with really big breast implants to match her huge size and rock hard Samoan head! The combined forces of Jillian's head, boobs, height, and especially weight, made her an unstoppable force in OVW. Jillian was now making enough money that she decided to go to school and learn Wrestling Business Management online. Jillian spent her days wrestling and nights studying hard. This however, had a nasty effect on her body as it made her breast implants leak into her brain and caused her to grow a Rice Krispie treat on the side of her face. Because of her mutations, Jillian turned heel and started viciously attacking everyone in OVW with her right hand's thumb. This later became known as the "Samoan Spike" technique.
While checking up on his new prospects, Vince liked the idea of a giant, blonde Samoan girl with a Rice Krispie penis on her face that she would strike her opponents with. Also, as reported by his son Shane, she gave great head.
World Wrestling Entertainment[edit | edit source]
Eminem Days[edit | edit source]
Jillian had debuted on SmackDown! as a Public Relations manager for Fred Durst in order to fix up his image as a foul-mouthed white boy rapper. But despite her knowledge, bombshell figure, and adequate wrestling weight, most fans had only noticed the Rice Krispie treat that was on her face. Too lazy to get plastic surgery to have it removed, Jillian spent most of her days pretending it's not there.
Jillian led Fred Durst to WWE championships many times, but after "Dancing With The Stars" Season Two runner-up, Stacy Keibler had gotten jealous of Jillian's penis hanging around with Fred Durst, the two had started to feud with each other. Both were around the same height, but Jillian outweighed Stacy by at least 100 pounds, causing her to easily hit her finisher on Stacy. This is the first time WWE fans would witness the Samoan Spike since the 1980's (or if they were watching TNA, last week). Eventually, Stacy told Fred Durst that Jillian was a transvestite and after numerous deliberations in bed, Jillian was fired as his Image Consultant. Jillian remains a devoted Limp Bizkit fan.
JBL Days[edit | edit source]
Jillian was later approached by cigar-aficionado JBL in order for him to manage her singles career. The two hooked up, made love, and took Quaaludes in order to help each other's careers out. JBL and Jillian's first feud together was with WWE Hall of Famer, The Boogeyman. During their feud, Jillian suffered all kinds of nightmareish torture, which included her having a hand full of worms shoved up her skirt (to fight the existing worms down there), having her mole being bitten off by the jobber, and listening to her own music.
Eventually, Jillian Hall had beaten champion The Boogeyman, Kristal Marshall, and Chavo Guerrero in a Fatal 4-Way around the world match for the WWE United States Championship at WrestleMania 22. This would mark her first title reign with WWE. After WrestleMania, JBL had become jealous of Jillian's success (and tits) and so, he fired the "Blonde Samoan Bombshell" after he lost to her in a Steel Cage pillow fight match, in which he had promised beforehand would not effect their friendship or business partnership. Around this time, Jillian boinked Batista.
United States Champion Days[edit | edit source]
After being fired, Jillian feuded off against known Samoan-hater, Melina Perez for the United States championship on many occasions. However, every match ended the same for Melina, with her getting a PerfectPlex from the top rope, followed by a Swanton Bomb, while still attached to the PerfectPlex. Once Melina decided to quit facing her (and also boinked Batista), Jillian would end up defending her title against the likes of Ashley Massaro, "Classy" Freddie Blassie, Kristal Marshall, Sid Justice, and Chavo Guerrero, again. The latter feud lasted all the way up until "WWE Bound For Glory 2007," when Hall lost the precious United States championship to Ashley Massaro via a Fruit Roll-Up.
Ashley Days[edit | edit source]
Right after Jillian Hall lost the title to Ashley, Jillian turned babyface and Ashley had gotten the chance to show her hot sexy ass off in Playboy magazine. At this time, Ashley Massaro was the Queen of the SmackDown! world. Jillian wanting to glom onto her spotlight, teamed with her & feuded with Michelle McSlut and Kristal (not the champagne). In one infamous match, Jillian actually bit the nipple off of Michelle McCool. As Michelle ran to the backstage area to complain to Don Taker & have her nipple re-attatched, Jillian pulled down her pants and shoved her skid-marked ass in Kristal's face.
Kristal tapped out in a matter of seconds and had to be carried backstage. Jillian then decided to fall in love with Ashley began to stalk her profusely. This storyline led to nowhere & Jillian eventually turned on Ashley calling her "Trashley" and shoved her in a smelly dumpster and sent her off to Survivor China.
Timbaland Days[edit | edit source]
Later on, Jillian found herself in a feud with one half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Timbaland, who also just happens to be a big time Hip Hop recording producer. Jillian used the Samoan Spike on Timbaland, but used the move incorrectly, and performed the move with her nether-region. After about two weeks of this, Timbaland's tag team partner, Michelle McCool returned from her yeast-infection injury and the two double-teamed poor Jillian backstage, constantly.
One night on RAW, Michelle McCool had coaxed & teased Jillian into defending her United States title against the tough Irish bastard, Matt Hardy. Interference and distractions from McCool however, had caused Jillian to lose the title to Matt, in an upset. Michelle McCool and Timbaland laughed about it profusely from the SmackDown! rampway. Eventually, Timbaland went on to get herpes from McCool, and had purposely made sure Jillian would not appear in any of his videos, after promising that she would after receiving oral favors on numerous occasions in return. Needless to say, this had Jillian all in a Tizzy!
In her final, untelevised SmackDown! appearance, she lost in a squash match (the more intelligent acorn squash won) and no one cared. She was then shipped off to Raw for more comic relief.
WWE RAW Days (June 2007-Present)[edit | edit source]
On her RAW Debut, Jillian Hall defeated Candice Michelle in "The Battle of the Ugly Divas with Big Fake Boobs" match with no DQ. The next week, she beat Edge in order to become the Number One Contender to the WWE Championship, which John Cena held for some reason. She beat him for the WWE championship at Starrcade '07 and celebrated with a in-ring sex session with Harley Race & a porcupine.
Since then, she occasionally appears on screen to remind you she is still employed by WWE, and that there is still one Diva lower on the card than Gail Kim. As of summer 2010, she was given a spectacular clean win over Melina, and is in the middle of a "Push to the Moon" back up to the undercard, feuding with Cyndi Lauper & Miss Elizabeth, both of whom, being her strongest rivals.
Outside of WWE[edit | edit source]
In her spare time, Jillian likes to Tivo episodes of "Family Guy" and also help out her daughter Hilary by baking cookies for school fund raisers and attending PTA meetings.
She has been seen around her district of Samoa, with the likes of Tank Toland, a 325 pound midget that is about 3 feet tall. Tank, a she-male and was cut from the RAW Diva search for having too much advantage as far as pec size, compared to the other divas and Triple H.
After realizing that big tits are all that a person with a penis wants in life, Tank quit life and is now a senator. Her new boyfriend, hair-stylist Mike Farole, was first spotted carrying luggage to all of the WWE events Jillian is scheduled for just in case a wrestler needs a cream pie. Farole, a man with a faux hawk, met Hall at a concert for his favorite band, Nickelback, and fell in love 2 weeks later.
Jillian Hall's bra size is a 42 GGG and enjoys the Shake Weight workout (sans the actual Shake Weight). Jillian also enjoys hunting for plastic surgeons, so she can eat them & gain their power. She also has a very large labia, often confused to be male genitalia to the untrained (and lucky, if unseen) eye.
Jillian's Moveset[edit | edit source]
Jillian's Finishers[edit | edit source]
- Thumb poke to the eye ("Samoan Spike")
- Knee strike to gut into a full force Powerbomb ("JillianBomb")
- Full Nelson Bulldog ("Hall of Fame")
Jillian's Singature Moves[edit | edit source]
- Running Butt Press (also known as the "Butt Avalanche" or the "Assvalanche")
- Top Rope ass ram
- 6 Top Turnbuckle Diving Headbutt
- 1086 degree Splash
- Double Spiral Moonsault
- Standing Missle Dropkick
- Wheelbarrow Hold to Spinning Facebuster (Double Team move)
- Cartwheel Elbow Drop
- Cartwheel crotch Drop onto opponent's head
- Spinning Scoop Slam ("Black Hole Slam")
- Handspring Back Elbow Smash (The "Tajiri Attack")
- Two-Handed/Double-Handed Chokeslam ("Goozlebomb")
- Smothers and rubs opponents face in her cleavage(skim milk)
- Stomp/Step-on opponent's boob
- Sit on head and pass gas or break wind
- Strip off clothes
- Sing a song
- Humiliate Opponent any way possible
- Slaps boob in opponent's face
- The Cock sucker
Wrestlers managed by Jillian[edit | edit source]
- Fred Durst
- John Bradshaw Layfield
- Lindsay Lohan
- The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
- Tizzy McGuire
- Melina Perez
- You
- Me
- Dolph Ziggler
Taneesha terseimas
Jillian's Theme Music[edit | edit source]
- Indy Days-2001 - "Playa Hatin" by Mase
- 2002 - "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child
- 2003 - "Toxic" by Britney Spears
- 2004 - "Fuck Wit Dre Day" by Dr. Dre
- 2005 - "Trapped In The Closet" by R. Kelly
- 2006 - "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" by Three Six Mafia
- 2007 - "Fuck Wit Dre Day (again)" by Dr. Dre
- 2009 - "Too Tight To Handle" By Jennifer Lopez
- 2010 - "Deep Cunt" - self-performed
- Present - "Orgasm Through Torture" by Cannibal Corpse
Championships and Accomplishments[edit | edit source]
Jillian Hall is a twenty-time World Champion.
- 2-Time WWE Women's Champion - 2007
- 1-Time WWE United States Champion - 2006
- 1-Time Cordon Bleu Champion - 2006
- 2-Time International Canadian Champion - 2005
- 1-Time Pokemon League Elite Four Champion 2005
- 2-Time Sports Illustrated Women's Champion 2005
- 3-Time Mid-Atlantic South World Champion - 2005
- 6-time "Ass of the week"
- 1-Time Magical Girl Champion 2005
- 1-Time Southern Rednecks, Christians, Hillbillies, and Hicks (SRCHH) Champion - 2004
- 2-Time Superstar Wrestling Champion - 2004
- 3-Time WOW Women of Wrestling Champion - 2003
- 1-Time Samoan - Female Of the Year - Champion 2002
- 4-time "Cameltoe of the Month"
- 10-Time "Boobs of the Month"
- 2-Time Iron Chef Champion - 2009 and 2010
- 1-Time Spelling Bee Champion - 6th Grade
- Slammy Award for Moment of the Year (Having her "growth" bitten off by The Boogeyman) - 2006
External links[edit | edit source]
