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From today's featured article

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According to God's True Word, here are the worst 100* ways to deliver bad news. If you have to tell someone you crashed his car, killed his dog or banged his mum, don't use any of these methods (or at least start at the top).

* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticize divine numeration policy. (Full article...)

In the news

Jeff Bezos caught stuffing weird old fat dude into trunk of his car

Did you know

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  • ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
  • ... that it is illegal to name your baby Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclm­nckssqlbb11116 in Sweden?
  • ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
  • ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
  • ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
  • ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?

On this day

December 13: International That Guy Day, Speak with a British Accent Day (UK)

  • 10000 BC - Ug Nug Fug Nug is born, the famous musician responsible for the creation of the violin and other various sexually orentated musical instruments (ie the sexualin).
  • 1067 - William the Conqueror invades the previously uninvaded British Aisles.
  • 1732 - The Royal Opera House opens at Covent Garden, London. Screaming bitches heard from miles around, causes widespread riots.
  • 1808 - Count Henrich von Flammenweffer invents Lava as a way of preventing skiers from taking over his favourite mountains in the winter.
  • 1939 - Adolf Hitler invents oral sex and asks his enemies to blow him.
  • 1940 - The French blow Adolf Hitler.
  • 1942 - No people born on December the 13th, due to National No-Birthdays day. Experts attribute this phenomenon as having to do with a worldwide feeling of "I don't feel like getting any ass today" in mid March.
  • 1992 - Bob like pie
  • 1992 - Someone actually ate my shorts.
  • 2002 - Fraidai the 13th, Satan renamed Hell to "Bloody Hell"
  • 2003 - Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein found hiding in a camel hole during Operation Bomb-The-Towel-Headed-Sand-Brigand, and captured.
  • 2003 - SARS becomes the new iPod.
  • 2005 - On the twelfth day of Christmas, My true love gave to me, A summons from the local JP...
  • 2008 - Uncyclopedia was teleported into an alternate universe where this sentence did not exist. It was returned to normal just now.
  • 2012 - Dyslexic people celebrate that the world didn't end with the Mayan calendar yesterday. Everyone else still nervous.
  • Today - That guy realizes that this is the only one about him even though it's his day and gets really really mad.

Today's featured picture

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In an effort to extend its presence to areas that were previously only covered by UnNews, Fox News has founded a subsidiary in Middle Earth to stay competitive on the misinformation provider market.

Image credit: Kharpert

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