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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

MR. PINK: "Like a Whore" is all about a man who digs a girl with a big dick. The whole song is a metaphor for big dicks.

MR. BLUE: No it's not. It's about a guy who is very vulnerable, and needs to be held by big strong arms.

JOE CABOT: (looking through an address book) Tobey Maguire.. who the fuck is Tobey Maguire?

MR. WHITE: (grabs the book out of his hand and pockets it) You're not getting this back until the plot says so.

MR. BROWN: Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

MR. ORANGE: How many dicks was that?

MR. BROWN: It's how many I've taken before.

[the fellas crack up]

(Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (Pictured)

... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?

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In the news [edit]

Back to work, peasants!

Newsom picks Mississippi-born Maryland resident to be California senator
Writers strike ENDS!!! (Pictured)
Blackdick removed from Saw X
Bar fight breaks out at formal dinner party
Kevin Spacey FULLY ACQUITTED!!!
Twitter bird has ceased to be!
SAG-AFTRA on strike: Where are the B-listers?
Pat Sajak retiring from Wheel of Fortune, Vanna says, "GIV_ M_ A RAIS_!"
Vladimir Putin assassinated by Carrie Mathison
Singer Tina Turner dies at 83
Sweden wins Eurovision, Loreen becomes first artist to win twice since Johnny Logan
Uncyclopedia writers on strike!

Ongoing: Hollywood on strike · Russian Invasion · ABBA
Recent births: Ginny Weasley's baby
Recent deaths: Gary "Dream Weaver" Wright · The Writers Guild of America negotiations · Donald "Ducky" Mallard · The Writers Guild of America strike (2023) · Albus Dumbledore
Upcoming deaths: SAG-AFTRA strike 2023 · Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter

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On this day [edit]

Example of a shiny ass, on the hampster!

October 3: National Day of Retrofitting Your Hamster with a Metal Ass (Japan)

-1195 AD - The King of Persia launches a surprise attack on Rome with their new and improved rugs. Cesar Chavez's army crushes the attacks with a combined Pirate and Ninja fleet.
1423 - First recorded joke of a man making a pun on the word 'come'.
1915 - Steel prices skyrocket due to the large number of pet hamsters owned in Japan.
1952 - Due to shortages of metal after World War II, hamsters are forced to wear discarded cutlery.
1978 - Aluminium asses are proved to give greater power to weight ratio for the hamster.
1982 - Discovered that uranium hamster ass was "probably not a very good idea".
2004 - PETA activists blockade McDonalds fast-food outlets to protest against the cruel, barbaric process of retrofitting hamsters with metal asses.
2015 - Apple creates iLife, therefore having a lifespan of 6 months before something newer and better than you is released.

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