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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Boiling hot water has a number of household uses; some days, it seems like we couldn't even function without a cup of the stuff. Sure, we can all think of the typical uses for piping hot agua (tea; water torture; jacuzzi supplementation). But have you ever thought about its other viable, cost-effective uses? More specifically, have you ever thought about using it as an alarm clock, or sexual repression aid?

If you answered yes to the previous questions, you've just taken the first step towards unlocking the inherent power of steaming, blistering H₂0. And if you've taken this all-important first step, it's likely that you're ready for the ultimate in aquatic functionality. Go ahead friend; grab that handle, grip it tight, open your fly and funnel in that molten liquid stream!

aaaAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Now wasn't that refreshing? Of course it was. But the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (Pictured)

... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?

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In the news [edit]

Sly Stallone
(1946-Present)

Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" (Pictured)
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!
Hit videogame Deltarune about to be released tomorrow!!!
New York Knicks throw tantrum, fire head coach for barely missing the NBA Finals
Elevation Worship's Chris Brown filling in for mainstream Chris Brown until further notice
Taylor Swift buys back her masters
"Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War, now with Iran! • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • NBA finals • Aaron Rodgers finally signing with a team • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing

Recent deaths: Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly ~~Stallone~~ Stone • Brian Wilson • Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success and ego • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's leadership

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On this day [edit]

Fries with gravy and cheese seems like the least French thing ever, what the fuck Quebec.

June 22: "Oops My Bad" Day

1633 - Catholic Rome forces Galileo Galilei to recant his heliocentric beliefs, horde of neckbeards immediately descend on Vatican to pester bishops with their unwashed body odor.
1774 - Britain forces Quebec to act excessively French as punishment for losing the French and Indian War. (Pictured)
1898 - America, angry at being forced to take two years of High School Spanish, invades Cuba to liberate it from un-American rule.
1907 - The London Underground opens up three new above-ground railways, protesters angry at the incongruous nomenclature are killed after trying to block the trains that run there.
1941 - Nazi Germany makes the fatal mistake of starting a land war in Eurasia. Amateur hour.
1978 - Pluto's moon Charon is discovered, is later demoted to dwarf moon for being insufficiently colorful.
2015 - A Turkish F-4 Phantom II Jet crashes in Syria after several Kurdish children get stuck in the air intake.

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Picture of the day

Satan hates his job, too. You're not like Satan. Are you?

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