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From today's featured article 

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Jimmy Blackman is widely regarded as being tied for being the greatest man, tied with his brother, Jimmy Mozzarella. Enlisted in the Marine Corps at the age of three, he retired, obtained every medal, and became a professional bank robber in the Mozzarella crime family.

Jimmy Blackman was born on December 6, 1969. Born out of a can of beans, he was the only member of the Jimmy family to come out of the can of beans fully grown. At the age of three, Jimmy decided to enlist in the U.S Marine Corps. Blackman was quickly rising through the ranks until he became the General of the Military at the age of six. Deployed in Vietnam, he, just like his brother, fought in the Vietnam War. Except, Blackman fought every single battle in Vietnam. How? Who knows, it's Jimmy Blackman, he can do anything. Jimmy was severely injured in the Hue-Da Nang Campaign, due to an accidental explosion of white phosphorus. However, he remained in the hospital for only three hours before he returned to battle, making mince meat of the Vietcong soldiers. Months later, Blackman stole a shit load of white phosphorus and immediately launched it on unsuspecting civilians. Hilarious! (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
  • ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
  • ... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
  • ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
  • ... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
  • ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?

In the news 

On this day 

November 28: Panic Day/Tell-someone-you-know-you-had-sex-with-someone-they-don't day
PANIC!!!

Picture of the day

Fox News: Middle-earth edition
In an effort to extend its presence to areas that were previously only covered by UnNews, Fox News has founded a subsidiary in Middle Earth to stay competitive on the misinformation provider market.

Image credit: Kharpert
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