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From today's featured article 

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"The Manassa Mauler" (Jack "Joe Palooka" Dempsey) (June 24, 1895 – May 31, 1983) practically punched his way out of a wet paper bag to reach his troubled youth as a hobo from Manassa, Colorado. He then climbed the ladder of global respectibility and fame as a bully. Dempsey became the World Heavyweight Boxing Champion, a distinction he held from 1919 until 1926. His is a brutal and hard story of blood and guts, sweat and mucus, and stool and urine - all six of which he scared or beat out of almost everyone he pounded into obscurity. His is a rags-to-riches to Dementia pugilistica story that will soothe your children into being well-behaved citizens. It is a true fantasy for every real man, but a raging nightmare for Dempsey himself, who was destined to actually live it.

Dempsey's boxing prowess was such that he finally reached the pinnacle of his profession: the position of door-man/resident VIP autograph dispenser at Jack Dempsey's New York Restaurant which, in spite of being owned by Frank Sinatra and other mafia kingpins, was named after Dempsey. He maintained this job until his untimely demise on May 31, 1983, right at the peak of his intimidating 'bully-boy-autograph-dispensing' career.

Dempsey is a legend, and is considered by all the boxing greats, apart from Gene Tunney, Harry "The Dreadful Darkie" Wills, and Pierre "Pipi" Le'Fortune, to be the 'baddest bully' in all of boxing. This eternally ephemeral truth is universally agreed upon by everyone from Kid Galahad to Mike Tyson, and from Roberto Duran to Cassius Clay. They all pay homage to Dempsey, the king of bullies, whose tale of ring-rage is a horror story of crushed nose-bones, cracked ribs, smashed brains, and sheer heart attacks.

Only God could have created Jack Dempsey, therefore The Manassa Mauler is proof of the existence of a gentle and loving deity. (Full article...)

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In the news 

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Jimmy Carter 1924-present

Ongoing: Russian Invasion • Israel-Hamas conflict • United States presidential election • FOOBAW season!
Recent deaths: Tito Jackson • The Sims 5 • Dame Maggie Smith • Kris Kristofferson • John Ashton (no, not Gomez. That guy from Beverly Hills Cop. The one who isn't Judge Reinhold or Paul Reiser or Bronson Pinchot. Yeah, him.)
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Kate Middleton • NFL fans' attention to their wives and girlfriends • Noam Chomsky • Google as a monopoly • Fútbol season • Coldplay

On this day 

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October 6 : Anniversary of the Invention of Fire, World's Most Dangerous Day To Be Flammable

  • 4,327,340 B.C. - Fire is invented. Matches, which had been in use for years beforehand, now finally have a use.
  • 4,327,339 B.C. - The competition to create the biggest bang results in the accidental creation of aerosols.
  • 105 B.C. - The Greeks invent a fire which doesn't go out when in contact with water. They call it "Greek Fire".
  • 103 B.C. - A hasty rebranding of "Greek Fire" goes wrong, and the newly renamed "AlphaFire+" is scrapped. Nobody bothers to write down the formula.
  • 1081 - King Wilhelm IV of North West Prussia dies. The North West Prussia Gazette finally has front page news that doesn't involve the word "sauerkraut".
  • 1611 - Several people are executed for "petty theft" in Hungary, much to the amusement of the Austrians, who framed them.
  • 1612 - Hungary goes to war with Austria.
  • 1613 - Several Austrians are extradited to Hungary, where they are executed for "obstructing the cause of justice". Hungary withdraws from Austria, after 40 million people have died.
  • 1846 - Mr. Georges "Bang-Bang" Firework, of Sparkler Street, Catherine Wheel, New Jersey, finally invents the trampoline.
  • 1859 - Mr. Henry "Boing-Boing" Jumper, of Trampoline Terrace, Bouncy, Ohio, finally invents the firework. Various historians later switch the facts to amuse themselves.
  • 1910 - People realise fireworks are better at night.
  • 1913 - Parties are held throughout London, celebrating the fact that they have just signed a peace treaty with Germany.
  • 1936 - An Austrian physicist discovers the long lost formula for "AlphaFire+". Unfortunately, his lab then burnt down.
  • 1957 - Historians jump with joy as they discover what Edward Crapper invented.
  • 1995 - Several Hungarians nick a firecracker from an Austrian shop, and then proceed to blame some Austrians.
  • 1996 - The Hungarians are burnt at the stake, ironically using their own firecracker.
  • 2002 - The official date of the discovery of fire is discovered by historians. They attribute the discovery to Mr. Alfred "Burn-Burn" Hotstuff.

Picture of the day

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 Like Jesus, Michael Jackson just wants the little children to come to him.

Image credit: Sonje
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