From today's featured article
According to God's True Word, here are the worst 100* ways to deliver bad news. If you have to tell someone you crashed his car, killed his dog or banged his mum, don't use any of these methods (or at least start at the top).
* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticize divine numeration policy. (Full article...)
In the news
- Santa Claus now "probably about a four" on the Kinsey scale
- Whirlpool Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson
- Jeff Bezos caught stuffing old fat dude into his trunk (Pictured)
- Trump releases abhorrent holiday stimulus package
- George H.W. Bush dies: Best and worst of his life
- Murphy Brown revival not cancelled, (Dan Quayle joke withheld in light of recent events)
- Solipsist suicide bomber "not true solipsist" says solipsist community
- Book finally sells after 27 years, now Hollywood's calling
- UnNews remembers Stan Lee
- How would Ye sound as a metal band?
- Vote your ass off
- Kang and Kodos offensive, claims documentary
- RWNJ vandalizes Halloween billboard ad
- It looks like your ad blocker is on
- UnNews remembers Burt Reynolds
- Trump blows up the outside world in Soundgarden tribute
- Supreme Court says Mississippi River is too gay, renames it to Mistersippi
- Louis C.K. goes outside in George Michael tribute
- John McCain dies at 81
- Metal Machine Music overtakes Chris Gaines as worst selling album of all time
- Fox News: 9 out of 10 Aretha Franklins are Patti LaBelle
- Halloween soundtrack arrives in October
- Madonna is 60. Feel old yet?
- UnNews remembers Aretha Franklin
- TV's Mrs. Garrett dies at 92
- Lordy, there are tapes!
- Trump would/wouldn't flip changes US history
- The Dark Knight: Ten years later
- Chevy Chase, Maryland to change name to Bill Murray
- Donald Trump farts
- A Saucerful of Secrets is 50 years old! Also Michael Jackson
Did you know
- ... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)
- ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
- ... that it is illegal to name your baby Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 in Sweden?
- ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
- ... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
- ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
- ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
- ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
On this day
- 10000 BC - Ug Nug Fug Nug is born, the famous musician responsible for the creation of the violin and other various sexually orentated musical instruments (ie the sexualin).
- 1067 - William the Conqueror invades the previously uninvaded British Aisles.
- 1732 - The Royal Opera House opens at Covent Garden, London. Screaming bitches heard from miles around, causes widespread riots.
- 1808 - Count Henrich von Flammenweffer invents Lava as a way of preventing skiers from taking over his favourite mountains in the winter.
- 1939 - Adolf Hitler invents oral sex and asks his enemies to blow him.
- 1940 - The French blow Adolf Hitler.
- 1942 - No people born on December the 13th, due to National No-Birthdays day. Experts attribute this phenomenon as having to do with a worldwide feeling of "I don't feel like getting any ass today" in mid March.
- 1992 - Bob like pie
- 1992 - Someone actually ate my shorts.
- 2002 - Fraidai the 13th, Satan renamed Hell to "Bloody Hell"
- 2003 - Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein found hiding in a camel hole during Operation Bomb-The-Towel-Headed-Sand-Brigand, and captured.
- 2003 - SARS becomes the new iPod.
- 2005 - On the twelfth day of Christmas, My true love gave to me, A summons from the local JP...
- 2008 - Uncyclopedia was teleported into an alternate universe where this sentence did not exist. It was returned to normal just now.
- 2012 - Dyslexic people celebrate that the world didn't end with the Mayan calendar yesterday. Everyone else still nervous.
- Today - That guy realizes that this is the only one about him even though it's his day and gets really really mad.
Be a writer
Unfortunately, anyone can edit Uncyclopedia. Click the Edit tab at the top of most pages (or the  link above sections) to try to add your own brand of funny. If you want to take on other tasks, our introduction will guide you through the basic principles of editing, unless you don't know how to read.
There are many resources to help you along the way:
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines — for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for even more resources
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