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From today's featured article
This is a personalized guide to surviving the business (and political) world, using a secret, highly developed technique known as Blaming Your Predecessor as written by Dale Carnegie's mentally challenged second cousin! Now that you've purchased this guide (or illegally downloaded it on the internet), you too can discover the secret to success in high places! (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the Silver Surfer has a very large family? (Pictured)
- ... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
- ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
- ... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that I hate Comic Sans?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
- ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
In the news
- Concurrent Kirkiversaries cause confusion (Pictured)
- Chuck Norris's ghost does massive fart, knocks Uncyclopedia offline several times
- Xbox begins rationing Game Pass to 2 hours of playtime/month, Trump launches personal Twitch stream to compensate
- Trump invents new lake to piss off Canada; even most Americans roll eyes
- Social Security retires, takes the money and runs rather than deal with the inevitable
- Britain abuses Emergency Alert System to tell people not to use BBQs
- Country you've never heard of changes name, not too different from old name
- Mr. Blobby burninates the whole of Europe
- Andy Murray becomes Pope of the United Kingdom
- HATSUNE MIKU IS SPANI— *ahem* I mean, Argentina loses to Spain at the 2026 FIFA World Cup
- Canada is on fire again
- The United States gives birth at 250
- Giraffe marries hippo in Mamdanistan, at a ceremony attended by the Illuminati, officiated by Happy Gilmore. Insiders claim the upcoming divorce album will "be lit".
- I asked AI to write me an Uncyclopedia article: the results surprised me
- We asked current UFC champions what their favorite Mitski song is!
- Seattle, FIFA troll homosexuals and homophobes
- Europe repeatedly melts into pile of goo
- Deltarune Chapter 5 to be released IN 3 MOTHERFUCKING SECONDS!!!
- Wikipedia co-founder permanently blocked, unblocked, and then re-blocked from his own creation; hundreds of Wikipedia editors swarm to Uncyclopedia
- Starmer to force UnNews to prioritise BBC over the "disinformation" we apparently provide
Ongoing: The gradual dehydration of Earth • Letterboxd outage • Argentina still refusing to accept defeat at the World Cup • Falklands War 2: Electric Boogaloo • Trump claiming victory in Iran... for, like, the 101st time or something
Recent deaths: A LOT of celebrity deaths in August! 😭 • Rukidi IV • Harald V • Lionel Messi's FIFA career • Victor Miller • Gloria Steinem
Upcoming deaths: Dick Van Dyke • Bitch McTurtleface • Dr. Fauci • Low Tier God • Bruce Campbell • New Mexico
On this day
September 11: International Worst Inventions Ever Day
- 13800000000 BC Universe invented. Previous universe wiped out due to Large Hadron Collider collision.
- 3000 BC - Egyptians invent papyrus. Moments later, the paper cut is invented. Still some moments later, some pretty expressive swear words are invented.
- 33 - Judas invents the noose.
- 1753 - An Oxford University student invents the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.
- 1934 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky invents the helicopter ejection seat.
- 1939 - Inspired by an awful experience at summer camp, Hitler invents his own franchise of camps.
- 1945 - Morning After Pill not yet invented; Barbara and George H.W. Bush invent George W. Bush.
- 1961 - Invention of the mullet (pictured).
- 1968 - The internet is developed.
- 2001 - Plane magnet is accidently turned on in Pentagon. Osama Bin Laden invents the world's first airplane/building hybrid.
- 2002 - Emo movement invented.
Picture of the day
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Little did you know, the Sun was flat all along. Image credit: MK |
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- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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