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From today's featured article

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You’ve seen it on Oprah. You vaguely remember seeing it on a map somewhere when you were ten. You might have even seen it in awful crocodile-themed films produced in the eighties. So why not see it with your own eyes? Release the shackles of the nine-to-five rat race and take a trip down under, or if you’re stationed on the Antarctic base, up over, or if you’re South American, due west. How about you just head in whichever colloquially-named compass bearing that applies to your nation of residence and come on down to Australia. Or is that come on left? Nevermind.

Due its considerably large geographical area and relative abundance of nothingness, not to mention the various poisonous marsupials, reptiles, mammals and plants, it is advised that international tourists develop a clear itinerary. By doing this, your holiday will be efficient and cheap, and you’ll avoid a fate worse than death: getting lost in the Outback with no food or water. Or even worse — getting stuck in Adelaide. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
  • ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
  • ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
  • ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
  • ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
  • ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
  • ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?

In the news

Homeland renewed for 9th season
No, not that one.

On this day

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July 5: X Day; Day After We Kicked The Brits Ass Day (Southern US)

  • 334 BC – Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain"
  • 1687 – Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
  • 1689 – After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
  • 1946 – The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend.
  • 1967 – The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy
  • 1998 – Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp.
  • 1999 – Again, the aliens miss the due date.
  • 2000 – Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations.
  • 2001 – Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
  • 2002 – Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens.
  • 2003 – Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
  • 2004 – No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't.
  • 2005 – If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running.
  • 2005 – Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB.
  • 2006 – That's right, still no aliens.
  • 2006 – Zombies become extinct.
  • 2007 – Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again!
  • 2010 – The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page
  • 2155 – Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus.
  • 2156 – Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night.
  • 19447 – Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares.

Picture of the day

Lance Brick
 When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century.

Image credit: Sunsneezer
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