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From today's featured article 

Symbol keep vote.svg DO...
For nominators: DO...
  1. ... Find articles that suck by checking here, here and here. Many articles avoid the police for years before someone trips over them.
  2. ... Read Uncyclopedia's deletion policy to make sure the article is eligible. If you abuse VFD you will be abused with the claw-end of a hammer.
  3. ... Check the page-history! It may have been vandalized or just edited by morons. If so, find a better version and revert to it.
  4. ... Add {{vfd}} to the article. Failure to do so may result in hemorrhoids. You have been warned.
  5. ... Vote and include a comment as to why you have nominated the article.
For voters: DO...
  1. ... Edit the section for the article you are addressing.
  2. ... Pick a space under the appropriate heading (Keep, Delete, Comment), adding your sig/comment, preceded by a '#', like so: '''#'''This article isn't funny. <nowiki>~~~~</nowiki>
  3. ... Remember to sign and timestamp your vote with four tildes. Unsigned votes will be removed and their owners defenestrated. You have been warned, again.

(Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
  • ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
  • ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
  • ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
  • ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
  • ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
  • ... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?

In the news 

Al Kitten Huffing.jpg
Let's Buy Weird Al from Musk – Uncyc's Next Big Adventure!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VIEurovision Song ContestRussian InvasionIsrael‑Hamas conflict • ICE actually doing their job and rounding up illegal immigrantsTaylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • Eagles fans rioting and eating horseshit in celebration, again

Recent deaths: The Kansas City Chiefs Dynasty and Patrick Mahomes's legacy • Jimmy CarterLiberal Party of CanadaAaron Rodgers' career • Jean‑Marie Le PenPeter YarrowAnita BryantYoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedomDavid LynchBob UeckerDame Joan Plowright

Upcoming deaths: PhiladelphiaTravis Kelce's sham relationship with Taylor Swift and his career • TikTok, for real this timeBashar al‑AssadDiddy's freedomJay‑Z's career and freedomLuigi MangioneKate MiddletonYour New Year's resolutionsLos AngelesLaura PalmerDEI, for better or for worse

On this day 

He really does look like a frog.

February 13: Simple English Day

Picture of the day

Age of Umpires
A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket.

Image credit: Hindleyite
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 38,926 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.