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Did you know...
- ... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?
- ... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
- ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
- ... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
In the news
- Support our fake album and win a free Palestinian! (Pictured)
- The Philadelphia Eagles steal the NFL's script and prevent the Kansas City Chiefs from 3‑peating
- Philadelphia will burn to the ground as a result.
- Taylor Swift also begins writing her new breakup song for Travis Kelce; it goes something like "Dreamed of a 3‑peat, but you fumbled the play – Lost the Super Bowl and me the same day."
- Ye has officially lost his fucking mind for the millionth time
- Donald Trump announces grand opening of the Sierra Gaza
- Biden announced as new Bond after signing with CAA
- Trump Taken audition leaked
- Kendrick Lamar wins five Grammys AND performs Not Like Us at the SuperBowl to over 100 million people, much to Drake's dismay
- Smokey the Bear revealed to be cause of LA fires
- NASA headquarters explode as major star goes on break
- The Ohio State wins skibidi championship rizz
- In an alternate universe, Notre Dame wins and saves us all from this monstrosity
- Elon Musk "accidentally" does a tribute to ... y'know
- Time travelers protest Trump's inauguration, reveal we're stuck in a time loop
- TikTok gets banned and unbanned in the US within 24 hours
- Who's performing at Trump inauguration? (2025)
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE actually doing their job and rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • Eagles fans rioting and eating horseshit in celebration, again
Recent deaths: The Kansas City Chiefs Dynasty and Patrick Mahomes's legacy • Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean‑Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • David Lynch • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright
Upcoming deaths: Philadelphia • Travis Kelce's sham relationship with Taylor Swift and his career • TikTok, for real this time • Bashar al‑Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse
On this day
February 13: Simple English Day
- 1689 - William and Mary run Damp Islandland with each other, instead of having fights like normal marriage.
- 1880 - Stealy Inventorman finds out about light bulbs from some of his friends, so he steals it and makes lots of money, but loses friends along the way.
- 1960 - Angry wine people, after Damp Islandland gets big explodey mushrooms, decide to make their own big explodey mushrooms.
- 1990 - After drunk commies collapse into a big pile of nothing, Nofunzoneland and East Nofunzoneland come together to have no fun together.
- 1991 - Shooty Shooty Freedomland bombs a shelter and kills 400 innocent sandy people, for looking like the people who will blow up the Twin Towers 10 years from now.
- 2008 - Big Parliament Man of Underland, Kevin Rudd, makes a sorry for his pale people friends killing all the brown people.
- 2017 - Brother of fat, bad Korean rocket man is stuck with poison by murder people, because sometimes, friend, family is hard.
- 2021 - The British watch calmly from the sidelines as Orange Man is acquitted from incitement of insurrection.
Picture of the day
A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket. Image credit: Hindleyite |
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