From today's featured article
Jeffrey Epstein was a businessman, philanthropist, educator, feminist and child rights advocate. He was well known for his charitable work, his success in the finance sector, and his tropical work-study program, which gave socioeconomically disadvantaged young girls the opportunity to meet the foremost leaders in business and politics, so that they can learn from their example and become the next generation of girlbosses.
Because of Epstein's strength of character and moral integrity, he managed to live sixty-six long years without raping a single child. Epstein was posthumously granted the title of Knight Commander of the British Empire (KBE) by Prince Andrew, Duke of York, for this commendable show of restraint.
On 10 August 2019, after a long and tumultuous battle with depression, Epstein took his own life, by strangling himself while swandiving headfirst into the concrete floor of his prison cell approximately seven or eight times. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured)
- ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
- ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
- ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?
- ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
- ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
In the news
- Internet troll scores major win with stunning display of statesmanship
- Hannity scrambles to intervew Levi Parnas (Pictured)
- Pansexual announces she is Liberal Democrat
- Black Panther director on Gilliam's Brazil: "WTF?!"
- Trump tweets: "impeach the pres"
- Trump impeached, Christmas cancelled
- Epstein didn't kill himself, says Kotter
- Democrats blame 50m for voting wrong way in 2016
- Eddie Van Halen: Who's Billie Eilish?
- Dragnet reboot, Black Friday, debuts Friday
- James Dean named Sexiest Man Dead
On this day
- 1850 - After months of grueling compromises, Congress manages to avoid Civil War by rescheduling it another eleven years or so. Someone else's problem.
- 1870 - After American Civil War, the process of reconstruction is well underway especially in Virginia, where slavery (with extra steps) is being reintroduced.
- 1874 - The surrender of Robert E. Lee to Ulysses S. Grant is commemorated in a special postage stamp (Pictured), which is sold for the ridiculously expensive price of 10¢.
- 1917 - The Russian Civil War is delayed another several months as both sides attempt to discern their ideological differences.
- 1918 - The Finnish Civil War starts after a disagreement over which color to feature in the Finnish flag, eventually, the Whites and Blues compromise.
- 1992 - Boris Yeltsin promises not to nuke any American cities after he forgets the keys to his Nuclear Football in a bar somewhere in Rostov.
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