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From today's featured article
The Reich thanks you for tuning in to this special broadcast of the Nineteen Thirty-Six Nuremberg Rally! All the beer and sausages in Bavaria can't keep you from this great sport, we know. The proud sponsors of this unequalled event, Otto Eberhardt Patronenfabrik, Fokker, and of course Schuberth Helme GmbH, wish to formally convey their joy in being associated with such an occasion. It's Day Two. Let's join the action! (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured)
- ... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
- ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
- ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
- ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
In the news
- Northeast getting another blizzard
- Just another dead doper and a dirtbag dies
- Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit (Pictured)
- Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President
- Hurricanes in the South Atlantic this season are common
- Long Island, for once, is warm
- LGBTQ activists celebrate President Joe Biden
- Longyearbyen bathing in sun for first time in 4 months
- GOP Senators, thinking they convicted him, accidentally acquit Trump
- Pacific typhoon names retired.
- Local shark tragically killed in human attack
- UnNews accidentally prints Lorem Ipsum in its article
- LGBTQ activists celebrate President Joe Biden
- Phil Spector: An UnNews Musical Tribute
- A look back at Bernie Sanders' presidency so far
- Trump gets uncredited from everything
- UnNews editorial about the January 6th attack
- 2020 refuses to concede, vows to continue one more year
- Trump sues Coronavirus for infection fraud
- Jesus is given a one-year ban
- TV series Glee responsible for all the problems of 2020
- Girl bleeding everywhere gets white water all over her slide
- The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World got updated by COVID-19
- Thanksgiving is cancelled (again)
- Trump urges Van Helsing: STOP THE COUNT!
- Joe Biden wins, CNN calls it "fake news"
- Dewey defeats Kanye
- Dollar Tree shit smear mystery solved
- Anti-maskers ignore Halloween
- Facemasks are a conspiracy by Silver Shamrock
- This week's horoscopes!
- UnNews remembers Eddie Van Halen
- Mr. Krabs's tax returns released
- Trump has the hoax virus
- CDC recommends eating boogers
- Kanye West talks about Rolling Stone's new 500 Greatest Albums list
- Joe Biden to remake The Mask
- Middle Eastern journalists cannot wait for the 9/11 20th anniversary
- Biden being controlled by Dark Shadows
- Conways take political break in order to watch Urkel reruns
- Satanic heavy metal drummer becomes born-again Christian
- Trump's vocabulary reaches 50 words
- Van Morrison's brain dies of COVID-19
- Trump attacks derpy pony
- US replaces SATs with CAPTCHA
- Q announces peace between Q's and Q
- Biden announces dead wrestler Kamala as running mate
- Biden selects Strong Woman as running mate
- UnNews remembers Ennio Morricone
- Supreme Court to David Byrne: "This is not your beautiful wife"
- The Big Bang Theory pulled for being pizza-face
- Your favorite show is renewed for 9th season
- The Police shorten band name to "The" over controversy
- TV's Cops cancelled 25 years too late
- Pink Floyd killed by coronavirus
- Kalifornische Beamte erklären das Ego von Elon Musk für wesentlich
- Trump declares COVID-19 a terrorist organization
On this day
March 3: Beat Strangers to Death With a Lead Pipe Day
- 1931 - The U.S. adopts The Star-Spangled Banner as the national anthem, instead of Battle Hymn of the Republic, which is objectively a better anthem.
- 1938 - Oil is discovered in Saudi Arabia, camel herders use it as a garnish for their camel steaks.
- 1991 - An amateur video captures Rodney King rudely getting in the way of LAPD officer's jackbooted feet.
- 1992 - The practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes (Pictured) first emerges in Post-Soviet Belarus.
- 2007 - A misplaced comma found in the 1st edition of Infinite Jest haunts David Foster Wallace for the rest of his days.
- 2017 - Nintendo releases the Nintendo Switch, a device used to preoccupy your little brothers while you wash the pots and pans.
- 2018 - The UN bans the practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes, due to concerns about lead poisioning.
Picture of the day
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The Pontius Pilot is infamous for some functionality issues. One typical complaint is that the Microsoft Crucifixion program often crucified incorrect and important data, such as the Messiah. Thankfully for its users, the file would miraculously reappear two days later after descending to the Recycle Bin, not three as some mathematically illiterate biblical scholars would tell you. Image credit: Savethemooses |
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