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From today's featured article
ALBANY, New York—A talking pineapple has been reported missing from the Hawaii Edumacation Department Headquarters in Hawaii City, Hawaii, after flunking thousands of public school students across the state. Almost every fifth grader will be forced to repeat their school year, because Hawaii state law says students must grasp the holy Pineapple over the mouth of the sacred volcano and pledge their edumacational excellence to the Hawaiian God of Wisdom, or they cannot continue to middle school (as upheld by the Supreme Court case "The State of Hawaii v. Outraged MAGA Parents", 2024). The pineapple’s exact whereabouts, whose pronouns are they/it, is still unknown. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (Pictured)
- ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
- ... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?
- ... that I am violently shitting myself right now?
- ... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused his wife - to be reelected three more times?
- ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
- ... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
- ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
In the news
- Andy Murray becomes Pope of the United Kingdom (Pictured)
- HATSUNE MIKU ARE SPANI— *ahem* I mean, Argentina loses to Spain at the FIFA World Cup
- Canada is on fire again
- The United States gives birth at 250
- Giraffe marries hippo in Mamdanistan, at a ceremony attended by the Illuminati, officiated by Happy Gilmore. Insiders claim the upcoming divorce album will "be lit".
- I asked AI to write me an Uncyclopedia article: the results surprised me
- We asked current UFC champions what their favorite Mitski song is!
- Seattle, FIFA troll homosexuals and homophobes
- Europe repeatedly melts into pile of goo
- Deltarune Chapter 5 to be released IN 3 MOTHERFUCKING SECONDS!!!
- Wikipedia co-founder permanently blocked, unblocked, and then re-blocked from his own creation; hundreds of Wikipedia editors swarm to Uncyclopedia
- Starmer to force UnNews to prioritise BBC over the "disinformation" we apparently provide
Ongoing: Lionel Messi singlehandedly restarting the Falklands War • Trump claiming victory in Iran... for like the 101st time or something • Chicago Bears moving to Indiana, keeping name? What? • Jimmy Hoffa getting found??? What the fuck?
Recent deaths: Argentina • France and England's ACTUAL final of the World Cup • Ann Widdecombe • Sam Neill
Still alive, bitches!: Mel Brooks
Upcoming deaths: PlayStation • Iran • Dick Van Dyke • Bitch McTurtleface • Lionel Messi
On this day
- 1066 – Fight Day established by humans; "You do not talk about Fight Day," proclaims the King, shortly before being impaled on a sword by Normans.
- 1298 – Battle of Falskirt: Edward Longlegs defeats Mel Gibson's Scottish hooligans in a poker game.
- 1949 – The United States ratifies the North Atlantic Treaty, officially enacting a truce with the hostile North Atlantic Ocean that would be honored until sea otters invade Boston in 1977.
- 1958 – The elusive and mysterious pond whale (pictured) is first described in scientific literature.
- 1977 – Sea otters invade Boston.
- 2006 – The first in a wildly successful series of prison journals is published on Uncyclopedia.
- 2007 – "Celebrating Fight Day may increase your risk of getting into a fight" says a statistitian after completing a 30-year research program.
Picture of the day
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Gosh, Wikipedia is starting to get a little too big... Image credit: DaMenace |
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- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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