From today's featured article
COVID-19 is a sexually transmitted disease that will inevitably infect your family, your neighbor, your dog, and you by turning your lungs into a mouldy sponge. It probably came about from someone eating an expired bat hotpot in Wuhan, China and sneezing it out. It is over 100% fatal in over 100% of cases and is likely worse than death itself which you'll find that out shortly. There is no known cure which you could afford unless you are Donald J. Trump. Some homeopathic entrepreneurs are marketing the drinking of bleach, finding internal sources of light and taking daily multivitamins containing hydroxychloroquine. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
- ... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
- ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
- ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
- ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
- ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
In the news
- Mike Pence turns into a pickle (
- It is all happening
- Lady Gaga's dogs stolen, returned
- Björk responds to Anti-Asian violence
- Stan Marsh presents: 2022 FIFA World Cup sucks ass
- Biden responds to North Korea's "Stink" complaints
- BMI songwriters (but not ASCAP) to receive vaccine
- Governor Cuomo from New York is screwed
- Grodin Museum reopens to public
- Old movies are suddenly offensive
- Northeast getting another blizzard
- Just another dead doper and a dirtbag dies
- Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit
- Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President
On this day
- 1527 - Spanish and German troops sack Rome, ending the Renaissance and the Era of Poofy Pants in one stroke.
- 1536 - King Henry VIII orders English language Bibles be placed in every church, along with wooden crucifixes and stores of holy water, in efforts to stave off vampire invasions.
- 1866 - Oscar Wilde's short story A House of Pomegranates makes the first use of pie charts in known literature.
- 1882 - The United States Congress passes the Chinese Exclusion Act, followed shortly by the Colored Folk Rights Denial Bill.
- 1954 - Roger Bannister becomes the first human to run the mile in less than four minutes and also pass the subsequent tests for drug use and being a robot.
- 2001 - During a trip to Syria, Pope John Paul II becomes the first pope to run naked inside a mosque.
- 2007 - Queen Elizabeth stands in line with the great unwashed to place a bet on a bobtail nag running in the Kentuckistan Derby.
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