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A Civil War is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle.
Civil wars are defined by a few chief characteristics. The Blitzkrieg Bop, for instance, was famous for its angular guitar rhythms and use of armor and dive-bombers to spearhead a motorized assault straight through the heart of an opposing force. Civil War, however, is based on these precepts: (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured)
- ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
- ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
- ... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
- ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
- ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
- ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
In the news
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
- Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
- Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over
Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?)
On this day
February 18: Penis Day (Tonga)
- 4000 BC - Men discover their hands reach down to their genitals, and there is peace for three thousand years before they get bored and start killing each other with pointy sticks.
- 1791 - American imperialists "liberate" the state of Vermont because of its vast maple syrup reserves.
- 1861 - Jefferson Davis is declared president of the Confederacy after saying the "hard R" N-word fifty times in only six seconds.
- 1885 - Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is published, its numerous grammatical errors are labelled by the publisher as a regional dialect.
- 1970 - The Chicago Seven are found guilty of being dirty commie hippies who might as well be guilty.
- 2010 - WikiLeaks publishes hundreds of thousands of classified documents revealing exactly where the U.S. keeps its nudes.
Picture of the day
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DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa."
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