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The Tour de France is a mythical cycling race which takes place in a gorgeous, endearing, and alcoholic-filled nation called France. It is one of the biggest sporting events in the world, rivalling the Superbowl and the Timbuktu Camelshoe throwing contest. It is said to be the supreme test of human endurance and grit, and the most gruelling cycling event in the world, despite the fact that the Vuelta a Espana and the Tour of Grabashloyshka are just as hard.

The first Tour was held in 342 BC and was raced on horse carriages. It was named the Tour de Gaul and was won by a youth named Asterix, who was heavily suspected of underhand magic. His personal druid Michelix Ferrarix had a sulphurous reputation on the matters of performance enhancing potions and bad haircuts. After a horse strike and the inevitable elephant stint, the race was finally run on actual bicycles in 1903 and won by French plumber Maurice Garin. Garin was distinctive for being a very hard man on his bike, not striking and looking as pale as death on all his photographs. (Full article...)

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On this day

January 24: Plain Text Day
·41 AD - Roman emperor Caligula is skewered to death by his Praetorian bodyguards after he forgets their birthdays ten years in a row.
·1848 - A miner finds a whole vein of Bitcoins near Sacramento, California.
·1941 - Neil Diamond is born looking exactly like he does right now.
·1961 - A bomber carrying two H-Bombs crashes in North Carolina, irradiates state, no one notices as North Carolina is already filled with glowing mutant people.
·1970 - Computer nerds invent the computer, use only the colors green and black since they have no fashion sense.
·1972 - Japanese soldier found hiding in the jungles of Borneo, twenty-seven years after World War II ends: asks, "Is my mother dead yet?"
·1984 - Steve Jobs personally invents the Apple Macintosh (Pictured), which revolutionizes computing by introducing the color gray and something called a UI. Sounds lame.