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“To regret one’s own experiences is to arrest one’s own development. To deny one’s own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one’s own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.”

– Oscar Wilde

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In the news

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RWNJ vandalizes Halloween billboard ad (Pictured)
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Supreme Court says Mississippi River is too gay, renames it to Mistersippi
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John McCain dies at 81
Metal Machine Music overtakes Chris Gaines as worst selling album of all time
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Halloween soundtrack arrives in October
Madonna is 60. Feel old yet?
UnNews remembers Aretha Franklin
TV's Mrs. Garrett dies at 92
Lordy, there are tapes!
Trump would/wouldn't flip changes US history
The Dark Knight: Ten years later
Chevy Chase, Maryland to change name to Bill Murray
Donald Trump farts
A Saucerful of Secrets is 50 years old! Also Michael Jackson

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Did you know

... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?

... that The Oldest Trick in the Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.
... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that Godot isn't coming?
... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?

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On this day

October 20: Run out of ideas for Uncyclopedia anniversaries day

This sign was erected on October 20th...no, wait, it was the 21st. Never mind.

1735 - A French pot head trips on the remains of Napoleon, nobody gives a damn.
1846 - Engrish troops invade Minnesota, realize they took a wrong turn on the way to France and turn around. Indians scalp and rape several.
1864 - Abraham Lincoln issues the Emancipation Proclamation as a joke; unfortunately, nobody gets it.
1965 - A flying saucer lands in California, Scientology briefly becomes popular, at least until the government fire bombed all the celebrities.
1969 - Oscar Wilde is discovered painting a mosaic of Islamic extremists with his urine. Extremists eat sacred cows in retaliation. Gandhi is shocked and appalled, the movie Gandhi II is released as a result of real world events.
1974 - End of an Oil embargo crisis: Most OPEC nations end a 5-month oil embargo against the United States, America tells them to fuck off; invents electric vehicles.
1980 - The world was taken over by the governmen- er... um... Hey guys.. how are you? What with those guns pointed at my head?
1982 - Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, killing several million hikers and causing US$390 trillion in damage. Government cover up of the tragedy includes flying monkeys with super-soakers.
1988 - Two U.S. Army roflcopters collide in Fort Campbell, Kentucky, killing 1337 squirrels.
1990 - China begins plans to hack google and steal information on McDonalds cheeseburger prep.
1990 - South Korean scientists recreate mohammed from cloned DNA of Chihuahua. The world fell into darkness.
1998 - Beer first enters my stomach. Thousands rejoice.
2005 - Screw this, I'm off.
π - The US Supreme Court declares that π has just as much of a right to be a year as any other year and declares the next 20 years to be the year π as back pay for this injustice over two millennia old.
2006 - Actually, I think we have enough for today, but the rest of the month is going to be a pain, well, it's time to go "research" events.
2012 - The apocalypse at the end of the world is discovered to have been caused by unyclopedia running out of ideas for anniversaries.

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Today's featured picture

Cliff Williams of popular music combo AC/DC seen here practising his scales on his custom bass guitar. This bass couldn't produce any tunas, or even any tunes.

Image credit: Col.swordman

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