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From today's featured article
Female genital mutilation (FGM), also known as female circumcision, is the totally necessary and completely safe cutting or removal of some or all of the external female genitalia. While there are countless essential medical and moral reasons for this healthy procedure, the main purpose of female genital mutilation is to help women control their sexuality and preserve their purity. Sex should only occur between one man and one woman, only when the two are married, and only for the purpose of procreation. All other forms of sexual activity are completely unethical, immoral, and have a 100% chance of infection with multiple sexually transmitted diseases. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
- ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)
- ... the muffin man?
- ... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... that Godot isn't coming?
- ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
In the news
- Trump gets uncredited from everything
- UnNews editorial about the January 6th attack (Pictured)
- 2020 refuses to concede, vows to continue one more year
- Trump sues Coronavirus for infection fraud
- Jesus is given a one-year ban
- TV series Glee responsible for all the problems of 2020
- Girl bleeding everywhere gets white water all over her slide
- The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World got updated by COVID-19
- Thanksgiving is cancelled (again)
- Trump urges Van Helsing: STOP THE COUNT!
- Joe Biden wins, CNN calls it "fake news"
- Dewey defeats Kanye
- Dollar Tree shit smear mystery solved
- Anti-maskers ignore Halloween
- Facemasks are a conspiracy by Silver Shamrock
- This week's horoscopes!
- UnNews remembers Eddie Van Halen
- Mr. Krabs's tax returns released
- Trump has the hoax virus
- CDC recommends eating boogers
- Kanye West talks about Rolling Stone's new 500 Greatest Albums list
- Joe Biden to remake The Mask
- Middle Eastern journalists cannot wait for the 9/11 20th anniversary
- Biden being controlled by Dark Shadows
- Conways take political break in order to watch Urkel reruns
- Satanic heavy metal drummer becomes born-again Christian
- Trump's vocabulary reaches 50 words
- Van Morrison's brain dies of COVID-19
- Trump attacks derpy pony
- US replaces SATs with CAPTCHA
- Q announces peace between Q's and Q
- Biden announces dead wrestler Kamala as running mate
- Biden selects Strong Woman as running mate
- UnNews remembers Ennio Morricone
- Supreme Court to David Byrne: "This is not your beautiful wife"
- The Big Bang Theory pulled for being pizza-face
- Your favorite show is renewed for 9th season
- The Police shorten band name to "The" over controversy
- TV's Cops cancelled 25 years too late
- Pink Floyd killed by coronavirus
- Kalifornische Beamte erklären das Ego von Elon Musk für wesentlich
- Trump declares COVID-19 a terrorist organization
- Your cat's gonna kill you
- Christof from The Truman Show dies aged 74
On this day
January 22: National Cover-Up Day
- 0 - The Messiah was definitely born to a virgin and not the result of a time-travel religion scheme.
- 1605 - Guy Fawkes was definitely not a secret Protestant double-agent trained to make Catholics look bad.
- 1914 - The squirrels had absolutely nothing to do with the assassination of Franz Ferdinand.
- 1952 - Adolf Hitler is obviously not swimming in the frozen Arctic sea as a merman after a radiation experiment gone wrong.
- 1977 - AIDS was not at all created by the FBI and pinned on the CIA after they won the inter-agency tennis match last summer.
- 2001 - The Twin Towers were definitely not brought down by the Swedish as revenge for all the shitty Ikea jokes.
- 2016 - The perfidious Russians never spent millions on Vermin Supreme's presidential campaign.
Picture of the day
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President Bill Clinton reading one of Uncyclopedia's most historic articles. Image credit: Y aka Yrtneg |
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