User talk:Lollipop/archive 5

User:Lollipop/UnNews:Linda McCartney angry at former husband Paul's third engagement, comes back from the dead

Okay, I know you can do better than that. I've moved it to userspace in case you want to actually make it into something, because currently, it really isn't. Really, what is it? What is it supposed to be parodying or satirising? What's your angle? What's it actually about?

You can't just make stuff up and hope it comes out funny, mon; please, look at actual news and see how it does stuff and then do something to poke fun at that, or some such. This could be a parody of a tabloid, so perhaps look at one of those? Do something, at any rate, if you want it in the news space. 1234 ~ 18:37, 8 May 2011

Kinda rushed on that one. Good concept though. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:39, 8 May 2011

Perhaps you should finish articles in your userspace before moving them into the main arena... 1234 ~ 19:05, 8 May 2011

Please expand it lots and lots, it's really a good idea. And a great pic! This needs to be a keeper, so a little more work (maybe more playing with Paul's song titles, or the fact that he is dead himself, or other stuff like a hundred ideas. Yay! this UnNews. Aleister 17:16 12-5-'11

Sig

Yeah, but what was the idea? I rushed before because I was doing NAPLAN tests. Gen. Fudgem0bile Save money by killing hookers. 03:20, May 10, 2011 (UTC)

Inform MEH Gen. Fudgem0bile Save money by killing hookers. 01:11, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

Maxus

Mimo is my IKEA teddy bear and Maxus is my old empty pillow. Maxus is Mimo's best friend. I sleep with them and I also put them to watch TV. --Mimo&maxus 08:25, May 10, 2011 (UTC)

When I was little, there used to be a show called "Charlie and Mimo" about a boy and his teddy bear. Perhaps your name is Charlie? But I saw no Maxus on the show. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:45, 11 May 2011

When I was really young there was a show with two characters called Epi and Blass. Neither of you are called Epi or Blass. --ShabiDOO 00:50, May 11, 2011 (UTC)

Epi&blass would be a cool username. Alos, Mimo, put a picture of the real Mimo and Maxus on Uncyclopedia, we'd not bow down to them. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:54, 11 May 2011

I will. Mimo was inspired by Charlie and Mimo. Maxus is from maxilari which means pilow in greek. See? Maxilari --> Maxus. --Mimo&maxus 16:32, May 12, 2011 (UTC)

This is a picture of Mimo on his bike or something. Unfortunately I couldn't get a picture of Maxus cause... you know... he is a pilow. Enjoy! --Mimo&maxus 16:43, May 12, 2011 (UTC)

IKEA is awesome. There's a lot here in Ontario. The one in Burlington is the one I usually go to. It's like a maze there. You can spend all day walking around in IKEA. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:16, 12 May 2011

Do you like Mimo? --Mimo&maxus 10:16, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, he seems to be very nice. Show a picture of Mimo and Maxus together. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 15:42, 14 May 2011

Your welcoming

I just realised you're still copying the entire text... well, anyhow, there's a better way to do it. I copied the text onto a separate page so you can use it like a template... just use {{subst:User:Lollipop/welcome}} from now on, signing that, please; it'll put the contents of the template on the page for you, but'll also work a mite better and should save you a little trouble as well. 1234 ~ 02:12, 11 May 2011

STOP Edit conflicting me! -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:14, 11 May 2011

Anyway, I do {{SUBST:User:Lollipop/welcome}}, right? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:14, 11 May 2011

Sorry about that. Yeah. 1234 ~ 06:12, 11 May 2011

Good then. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:28, 11 May 2011

I have also just copied the whole shit. Thanx Lyri! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 10:41, 13 May, 2011 (UTC)

Lyrithya is the best and worst thing to come to Uncyclopedia. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:06, 13 May 2011

The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens

The Conservapedia Signpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!

Uncyclopedia By a concerned citizen After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them. MadMax By a slightly less concerned citizen This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell.

Don't check out these sinful pages! Satanic Images Satanic Messages Fornication They are a gift from God From their Satanic logs: 04:02, May 11, 2011 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.126.198.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No, YOU'RE super duper gay) 09:40, May 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Xxseanpikexx (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dear Mr Pike: Please get a life. Sincerely, everyone who has ever known you) 22:56, May 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Towcar (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Cyberbullying: Be nice, will you? Everything goes so much smoother when everyone dones their fake smiles and wears arbitrary masks...) 22:23, May 7, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked GoUncyclopedia! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahahahaahahah AND YOU STILL CANT SIGN POSTS) 19:05, May 6, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (dep. re. cat. ed. tags.) Takeover of the Week As you may have noticed this week, the UnSignpost comes from the lovely people at Conservapedia, a temporary change because occasionally we like to go a bit crazy. That said, we cannot neglect biopic of the week, so we are devoting it entirely to Jesus. What can you say about Jesus? He's not active on recent changes, hasn't been seen around here for what feels like 2000 years and when he was around he generally acted like he owned the place, and was, regrettably, banned indefinitely by Pontius Pilate: 20:37, Nissan 14, 33AD Pontius Pilate (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Making me cross! Ha ha ha) Honest, that actually happened. Incidentally, if there was a Cabal, they would take this opportunity to remind you to question nothing you are told. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #9,000 The liberal bias, there's just so much liberal bias. Satanic verse of the week Ain't Another Way

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:44, 12 May 2011

Ban Mania

Let's all go to Country Style...not as good as Tim Horton's, but still fresh as ever.

Hey Loli...I can't really work on anything new with you until I get some articles and stupid cats sorted out...and the tournament thing Im working on. But once done, we will start again...WE WILL START AGAIN. Anyhoo...Loli, ive noticed youve had a couple 10 minute bans recently and such and some people are reverting things you post on their wall and so on. As a very friendly suggestion (even though I find it all very funny and helarious), id suggest that at the verry least that you be a little mindful of writing silly stuff on Admins walls and listening to them when they get irritated and if someone says Sorry twice in a row that you maybe say something like "no prob". Honestly, Loli, it would suck to see another Uncyclopedia buddy gone for a forced vacation. Seriously. Friendly advice Loli :) --ShabiDOO 00:11, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

First of all Ljlego said it was a joke ban. I went on IRC afterward and he said it was a joke ban. This isn't Wikipedia, where joke bans are only with admins. Like Skully banned you for a day once. That was a joke. If you speak your opinion, you... I should do my theory here. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:01, 13 May 2011

And the Uncyclopedia buddy gone for a vacation you reference seems to sound like this guy. First of all, I don't create vandal IP socks, and I don't constantly whine about other wikis. Ad I use the minor edit properly. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:02, 13 May 2011

Loli...take it as you want. I was talking about SPIKE :) As I said, I love your humour. Maybe Im completely wrong. Maybe im not. Upto you. Who knows. Lets have doghnuts. --ShabiDOO 01:25, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

Timmy's or Country Style? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:26, 13 May 2011

No I would prefer some over priced stale extra corporate doughnuts. Do they have crispycreme in Canada? --ShabiDOO 01:37, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

Krispy Kreme? Hell yeah! We sell them at Petro Canada gas stations. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:37, 13 May 2011

I also saw one at the TD Bank Centre in Toronto while walking in "The Path". -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:40, 13 May 2011

Man...that must have been a really interesting day. --ShabiDOO 13:32, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

The Path is an underground mall that connects Union Station to the Eation Centre. It's actually a bunch of malls. Search "the path toronto" on Google. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:04, 13 May 2011

I decided not to search and instead I bought a processed doughnut in the supermarket today. A thought crossed my mind Lolipop...are you a Cypriot Greek speaking squirrel!?!?!!? --ShabiDOO 00:31, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

First of all, Lollipop has two 'l's. Second, no i'm a lollipop. If you want a squirrel,you'll have to look at this fellow, he can turn himself into one. And third, which supermarket? Here in Canada we have three big supermarkets called Loblaws, Sobeys, and Longos...and then there's No Frills. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:36, 19 May 2011

I lived in Ottawa...where luckily there were lots of fresh produce stores and a bunch of markets. The Byward market is an institution!!! Selling cheap good food at the day time, and then a whole bunch of drunken partying at night time. What a blast!!! And I bet you its patio season now :) Probably just opening up :) Id take that any day over an underground mall :) And....you are a Lolipop! And you are a squirrel who speaks Cypriot Greek! Plplplplpppllplplp :) --ShabiDOO 00:44, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Shabidoo is a sockpuppet of Aleister! AAAAAAAA!!! -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:47, 19 May 2011

Minor thingy

When reporting a user to BP use the {{User}} template not the {{u}} template, it makes it easier for the one doing the check, and everyone else does it. On the topic, what is with Another n00b??? -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 22:50, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

He's making himself the next Gomphog. I remember Gomphog. When he got banned, I was scared I was going to get banned too. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:32, 13 May 2011

Why? And what's a Gomphog? Will this guy come back? Is he dangerous? Should I be scared? Mattsnow 23:35, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

This will explain everything to you. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:40, 13 May 2011

Look, folks, could we please ignore the useless banned things? There's half a chance they'll notice you talking about them, and such attention is the sort of thing that encourages them to keep up their idiocy. Just a thought. 1234 ~ 00:44, 14 May 2011

Look who's talking. Both Gompy and AN are on ?pedia. Poor you. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:04, 14 May 2011

What's ?Pedia? Is it dangerous? Should I be scared? Mattsnow 13:26, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

?pedia is a nickname for Illogicopedia. And yes you should be scared. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 14:24, 14 May 2011

So what directions are you taking with Lollism? Do you want all the religion things to be written with the same great grammar as the Christain one? Mattsnow

LOLism. Lollism is the religion of the Lollipops. LOLism is the religion of the LOLs. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 15:42, 14 May 2011

lol, OK, good, I said that because I'd like to know here you'd like to go with it, on case an idea pops in my head! :) So? Mattsnow 18:24, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

Put your idea on the page, and show me. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:25, 14 May 2011

I don't have any for now, but will do if my brain unclogs Mattsnow 18:39, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

Toilet plungers can unclog brains. Go to your local Canadian Tire and they'll sell them cheap. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:05, 15 May 2011

Bwahaha!!! I'll try that. I just read your script. Great stuff! It has a lot of potential. Mattsnow 19:39, May 15, 2011 (UTC)

HELP

My apologies for that, and this, but i dont know how to make a new message.--PoopManPoop 23:48, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

Ok see the + symbol next to the edit tab? That will create a new section for your convenience. -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 23:52, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

Also, on my template that has the archives and shit, there is a 'leave a new message' link. But what Frosty said, you can do that too. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:06, 15 May 2011

Got it. thanks. --PoopManPoop 00:23, May 15, 2011 (UTC)

No problem. I had a similar problem when I was a n00b. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:28, 15 May 2011

Linkin Park--PoopManPoop 01:01, May 15, 2011 (UTC)

Can we edit any article we want? the featured ones too? or is there an admin or something who checks if the edits are better or not?

--PoopManPoop 01:01, May 15, 2011 (UTC)

Depends. If the article is liable to vandalism, it may be protected. There are two ways it can be protected. There is a protection that only autoconfirmed users can edit, and a protection that only admins can edit. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:03, 15 May 2011

How do we check if its protected or not? i guess i will read the beginner's guide till the brim and then buzz you here if i need anything. the more time you talk to me the less time you write cool and funny articles after all. --PoopManPoop 12:01, May 15, 2011 (UTC)

It's fine, we'll always be here to help you if you need anything. Heck, I sometimes have trouble with things myself. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:52, 15 May 2011

:) P.S. i dont know if smileys are allowed :| --PoopManPoop 05:41, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

What? Of course they're allowed! Don't be scared here, it's a fun place once you get to know a lot of the users. ;) -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:18, 16 May 2011

Most of us aren't as nice as Lollipop. But if you catch most of ua on a good day, then we loosen up a little and get nice sometimes. Welcome, and remember the three holy rules of Uncyclopedia and you will be el writero magnificento! Aleister' 20:26 16-5-'11

I'm Canadian, i'm supposed to be nice. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:27, 16 May 2011

Hey thanks guys. I will try to copy paste an article and try make one of my own. Finding a topic and the pictures are the only things making me spend countless(three to be exact) nights thinking. They and the fact that I'm Indian, and i am supposed to be NOT-funny.--PoopManPoop 20:47, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

btw, do you know who wrote Unnews: a 21 year old black man posing as a newborn by any chance?

Wait, Aboriginal Indian or Asian Indian? And give me the link to the article, and i'll find out. Or you can check the page history. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:15, 16 May 2011

Asian Indian. That article was deleted, i think. Why would somebody delete an article as good? --PoopManPoop 22:01, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

If you like it, go to an admin and ask if the article can be in your userspace. Then maybe you can work on it some more. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:08, 16 May 2011

How do i do that?--PoopManPoop 22:13, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

Ask Lyrithya, she's an admin. Ask her to move the article you want to your userspace. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:16, 16 May 2011

Woah just pipelining it into Lythia would have worked. Nice effect. i have posted on her page, well not yet but i have found the page. Thanks. So in my userspace means its my article?--PoopManPoop 22:22, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

Uh...no. In your userspace means that it has a title before it. For example: User:PoopManPoop/UnNews: Deranged scientist shocks world, himself.. Lyrithya will explain that more. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:27, 16 May 2011

Oh? Ok. and can you just tell me what time is it where you are right now? just tell e the time and i will figure out the random time it shows on timestamps. also tell me the zone you are in. --PoopManPoop 22:32, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia's default timezone is England. But i'm from Canada, as I said before. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:34, 16 May 2011

All i want to ask is, how can we change the time zone in which the timestamps are placed? I tried preferences, not working.--PoopManPoop 23:12, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

You don't. And no offense, I can only do so much to help you. If you want help ask on of these guys. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:28, 16 May 2011

Hey guys, how about starting another line? I'm starting to have difficulty breathing here. Mattsnow 16:14, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

I have made an unnews article, uploaded the picture and everything. added the links.. all i want to know is, how to publish it? and how to give a title..?--PoopManPoop 15:20, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

[[1]] tell me how it is..--PoopManPoop 15:42, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

It's...okay. Go to Pee Review if you want an honest opinion. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:31, 17 May 2011

uh, i typed the name of the article in up-for-review and it gave me a code to edit in the following page, like the one in which we write articles. And you know you can give an honest opinion too. --PoopManPoop 20:46, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

Save the page and let someone review it. I can't help you with anything sadly. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:48, 17 May 2011

Yeah because you're Canadian you're supposed to be nice..Yeah i will get into Pee review somehow. --PoopManPoop 20:59, May 17, 2011 (UTC)Thanks

One of our admins, Zombiebaron, is also a Canadian. Go ask him. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:01, 17 May 2011

Oh so we can talk to anybody we want eh. Sweet --PoopManPoop 21:02, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

I think it's time to create a new section. This one's flooded already. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:07, 17 May 2011

nOObs I tell you--PoopManPoop 21:12, May 17, 2011 (UTC)

nOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOObs --ShabiDOO 22:08, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

Canadians rule, and Quebecers are the greatest Canadians, so imagine how much we rule! It's insane! XD Mattsnow 01:08, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

You helped develop the anti-death drug!

UnNews:Old people more likely to die, study shows made it into queue, and now old people will never have to die again! Thanks for your vote, man!

-- 16:17, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

Hooray. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:20, 18 May 2011

Hoot, hoot. Raise-the-roof. -- 00:35, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

I just realized it was you that put Flying cars on QVFD. That...that...that was my article. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:49, 19 May 2011

The world just wasn't ready. -- 00:53, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!

Voting Takes a Back Seat By Chief Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum By Chief Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday.

Check out these pages! Like, yeah It's just words We will be linking to this page forever A page I found on recent changes while trying to decide what to put in this space From our logs Roman Dog Bird Special: 06:24, August 1, 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 years ‎ (I HAET MAHSELF!!!!!) 03:39, May 15, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Hihyyy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (i love your teacher too) 21:11, January 26, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.163.128.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (No. No I won't give Joe a dollar.) 04:15, February 14, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.79.173.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (LOLOL MAN TIMMAAAAYYYY! HEY THEY KILLED KENNY!!! IS IT THE YEAR 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!) 23:37, August 10, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XmabrosX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Overall, this user is fucking stupid and has no meaning what so ever. Who ever made him is a fucking idiot and deserves to die and go suck a fuck. Now I will make him angry.) 00:29, February 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 00:18, June 21, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered forlornly in my house this week to thrash out the biopic of the week, we were entirely shocked to discover that there was a user patiently awaiting his turn at the biopic. That user is TheHumbucker, who is a very promising user. Why? I hear you say. Well, because TheHumbucker has not only written 5, that's 5 as in the number between 4 and 6, featured articles, but has also done so quietly and without fuss. Splendid. We'd tell you where you can find him normally, but we haven't a clue since this is the first time we have heard of him; he suggests he might be Irish so those of you wishing to find him could try Ireland, or the other end of a rainbow. According to TheHumbucker: "Comedy is serious shit." Clearly he is only here until he remembers his Wikipedia log in. Newsroom UnTune of the week Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:08, 19 May 2011

Dear talk page

Please know that when I am not documenting my Lollidiscussions on the talk page, it does not mean I am not talking about you. I have a tendency to bring you up on IRC much more than I should. I will try and live up to the expectations, but I don't get banned a lot, and you say I do.--K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 00:53, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

I'm still quieted on IRC. Unless someone unquiets me, then I can't do anything about it. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:55, 20 May 2011

I just don't understand all the powerplays, which is all that is. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 01:57, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

I can explain a powerplay easily. Let's say Team A gets a penalty for something, and they lose a player to the penalty box. The other team has to give up a player as well, so it's even. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:06, 20 May 2011

LOL and congratulations on speaking sports and me actually knowing what you are talking about. Coming from big hockey schools in HS and College. Now explain to me why Lacrosse is the national sport of Canada? --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 02:19, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Nobody knows, or cares for that matter. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:55, 21 May 2011

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

You hypocrite, you edit conflicted me again! -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 02:15, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Hahahahahaha! I WIN AGAIN! Dude...we better not make this a game, or we'll be kicked out of the welcoming comitee. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:17, 21 May 2011

User:Lollipop/UnNews:Devin Fox gets restraining order from girl he's "hooked on"

Sorry, mon, but aside from maybe the quote in the second paragraph, this just isn't funny, nor does it really read like news, or at least not in any order that news would. Currently it just seems to start randomly and then jump around. The headline is what the news is about, so start there (change it to fit if need be) - and elaborate upon it, then go into the background. After that you can bring it back full circle or whatnot. If you work on the humour while you're at it, working in some jokes or ironies or whatnot besides things folks really are apparently saying, that would probably help a great deal as well, but at very least, please, fix the organisation. 1234 ~ 04:08, 21 May 2011

It's close to breaking into the UnNews scene, but the organization is lacking, as Lyrithya says. Tidy up the narrative, eliminate any possible sources of reader confusion and make it funnier and it'll get in. ~  Talk 04:13, 21 May 2011 (UTC)

Lolipop...lets give you credit where its due! Okay, its not WOW, but first of all...this really is the best things I've seen you do so far. There is an overall idea in your head, its not childish bathroom humour and you have some irony and 3 dimentional ideas. GO WITH THIS! --ShabiDOO 04:21, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Read my forum on VFI. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:28, 21 May 2011

I agree with Shabidoo, it is your best work so far. You've come up with a concept and stuck with it throughout the article, didn't digress and kept the piece more or less mature. It just needs a bit of improvement, but there is potential here. ~  Talk 15:36, 21 May 2011 (UTC)

I'll fix it up today, and it'll be back in mainspace UnNews in a jiffy. And is there any way I can take over the head job at UnNews since SPIKE left? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:13, 21 May 2011

This Lollipop is an opportunist! XD Don't give up on your article, bro. Mattsnow 16:25, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Anyone who wants to help on the article, please watch the video to notice anything else unusual. I know the video can cause a risk of death, but we'll do it for me. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:26, 21 May 2011

I just saw the video lol it's almost as bad as Friday! 2 ideas:

1. You could talk about that penny throwing thing at the beginning and try to find a meaning for it.
2. At about 2:30, there is a guy that is stealing his girl! You could talk about how they cut the video soon after because the singer punched his teeth out or something like that.

You can do it, Lollipop! Mattsnow 16:35, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

I talked about both of them. The penny is mentioned in the second line, and the other guy stealing his girl (or as I call him, the guy that looks like Rupert Grint a bit). -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:36, 21 May 2011

Yeah, but you could say how the guy needs dentures now, citing him like: "Fhe punffed rifft in fe fafe and I wanff comfenfafion or something... Mattsnow 16:42, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Also, at 0:55, you could speculate on what song the guy is making her listen to... But I think the idea of a restraining order and Devon being sued for literally punching the other guy's teeth out off-camera is hilarious. My opinion. Mattsnow 16:48, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

The revision you made work; it straightens out the narrative and eliminates any confusion there was in the first draft, so I mainspaced the story into UnNews after fixing a tense issue and cutting the Original tag (you can't have a source and claim it to be original - that's contradictory). ~  Talk 17:01, 21 May 2011 (UTC)

Hey, Humby, how would you like you and I to take over UnNews from SPIKE. I'll do the formatting and stuff, you do the UnNews audio. And I can get a few others to help. There will also be an award called the SPIKE award for greatest journalist(s) of the month. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:21, 21 May 2011

Shhhh

Shhh psst nudge nudge --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 05:13, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Too late. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 06:18, 21 May 2011

GO TO BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!! --ShabiDOO 06:23, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

*hits kevillips and Shabidoo with a frying pan.* Stop disturbing Lollipop. He's trying to sleep. Stupid night people, sheesh---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 06:51, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Not anymore, i'm awake now. And to Iwillkillyou, thank you for properly spelling it Lollipop, although per Shabidoo, having an 'lol' in my name is cool. Who else noticed another Another n00b IP vandal sockpuppet vandalize my sig? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:14, 21 May 2011

Can everyone imagine....right now...lolipop is sleeeeeeping!!! Quiet, not disturbing a soul...dreaming about something pretty crazy....shhhhhhh! Let him sleep. DONT WAKE HIM UP!!!! --ShabiDOO 16:36, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

It's 12:37 P.M. in Canada, the afternoon. Why should I be sleeping? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:38, 21 May 2011

AWE MAN!!! SEE WHAT YOU GUYS DID!!! HES AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!! --ShabiDOO 17:08, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

No, I awoke myself. Hey, Shabi, would you like to pee one of my articles? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:25, 21 May 2011

SPIKE award

Another concept is the SPIKE award. The award will be for the UnNews journalist who takes the time to fix up UnNews and make new articles every month. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:40, 21 May 2011

That forum isn't where this proposal belongs. It's a pretty specific function. Put it in another forum or just do it yourself.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 17:43, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

(edit conflicted by the move, but worth saying regardless) Why the SPIKE award? Why not the zim ulator award? Or even better, why yet another meaningless award for people to vote on every month when we barely have enough activity to vote on and award the stuff we've already got? The name, the criteria, and the redundancy to other awards all spell trouble. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 17:44 May 21, 2011

I just remembered there is an UnNews award already. Never mind. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:10, 21 May 2011

Just before I'm raptured. . .

I wanted to stop by here and say I read your musical. You've got me singing and dancing and drinking, having a gay old time (but not in that way, wink), and you've really worked up a two part musical, yep. Thanks for pointing it out to me. WHOOPS, I just got raptured. And raptured again.Aleister 20:56 21-5-'11

Shouldn't have been singing, you fool! God hates fun, don't you get it?~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 20:59, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

I hope Puppy is okay, because there was supposed to be an earthquake in Australia. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:44, 21 May 2011

Poffle. Earthquake nothing. He's raptured! Aleister Judgement Day

p.s. But a good place to find out breaking news like this is "Above Top Secret", which you can get to by googlingas little as "Above Top" and hitting the "Fucking feelin' lucky" button.

Who needs a Puppy when you can have a full grown dog. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:14, 22 May 2011

You mentioned an interest in formatting...

...and it's not for a lack or articles on this wiki that need it. Are you familiar with Category:Ugly? Might be something to consider. Or something to take one look at and run away screaming from, one or the other... but some could really use it and aren't actually that bad of articles underneath it all, so if you like doing that sort of thing... 1234 ~ 02:16, 23 May 2011

Thank you. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:16, 23 May 2011

Do

you think you could make me a decent sig somehow? Even spike didn't like it and he's made of rainbow candy. 23:12, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Spike is dead, so you have nothing to worry about. And i'll gladly make one. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:38, 25 May 2011

Hey (sadly)

I know what with all the signature making and horse raping type of hobbies you would be really busy right now with. But, *wiping tear off eye*, is there any chance that you could make me a signature? Like a really FUCKKKKING AWESOME!! kinda? --PoopManPoop 13:57, May 24, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, sure. You've come to the sig master. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:38, 25 May 2011

Speaking about sigs, do you think mine would look better with only one color (the Mattsnow one) or as it is? And PoopManPoop, Lollipop is right: he is the master of sigs! Welcome to Uncy, I saw you have a great UnNews done, congrats, I'm gonna go read it right now (and vote against)( joke, we'll see). Mattsnow 02:17, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

I forgot to mention that about PMP's UnNews. It was really hilarious, and it was worth reading. VFH for you. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:21, 25 May 2011

I just read it and voted for on VFH. PoopManPoop is certainly gonna be nommed for noob of the month if he keeps this up! So, about my sig? Mattsnow 02:26, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

I never was noob of the month. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:28, 25 May 2011

Well, it happens just one time, if you happened to join when somebody else that was lucky came by... Maybe if PoopManPoop came a month earlier I would not have such a lead. But you know what? I think that just put some pressure a bit on me at first when I saw I was nominated. I felt like I had to write to keep having votes, honestly, and that may not be good. Maybe they should reconsider that award. SO ABOUT THE SIG? And were you as good with sigs when you joined? Who won it the month that you joined? If it's Aleister, there is nothing to worry about: there is nothing anybody could have done lol Mattsnow 02:41, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

When I joined, as you may have read, at first I struggled at Uncyc. I only became a regular here in January. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:43, 25 May 2011

Yes I read that, I thaught it was a joke. What did they ban you for? I think the place would suck if you weren't here, bro. Do you remember the forum I said LEAVE LOLLIPOP alone? I was here for 2 weeks! I'm surprised I was not banned. Mattsnow 02:57, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

My former account was Maniac mcpee, you can see a more detailed history here. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:02, 25 May 2011

Lollipop, you will forever be n00b of the month to me! Matt, I was nominated for n00b of the month and it just happened to be a powerhouse month of n00bs, with a field of 7, and my first from the pack lead fell to a tie for third. I assure you, win or lose, your penis is the same size as always, and no one will point and laugh if you lose. If you win, they may, but who knows? Just realize this is all fun. People whore their noms like it is real, but it's fun. That's fun with a capital F that rhymes with Hef, who has a lot of fun. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 03:02, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Herf's in his 80's and he gets chicks all the time. You were referring to Hugh Hefner, right? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:05, 25 May 2011

You are right, K-Lips, this place is all about having fun. The only time I didn't have was when one of my article was totally trashed out of VFH HowTo:Become an assassin after my first one, Heaven's Gate, got 14/0 and made the front page. You can be sure that won't happen now (I'll never get upset, come on, it's the internet!). BTW, I am happy to meet you, K-Lips, we didn't meet earlier. And Lollipop, why are you sounding like you are so depressed and all? You should be proud to have the reputation of being the best sig-maker here! AND ABOUT MY SIG, you didn't answer me!!!! Would it be better just one color or as it is???? Much love Mattsnow 03:50, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

The Canucks are in OT. If they win, they're in the Stanley Cup finals. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:53, 25 May 2011

Are you kidding me or are you drunk? I don't care about your stupid Canucks, what about my sig!!! ( I, for one, am drunk!) Mattsnow 04:00, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Your sig looks fine, i'm not fixing it. Leave it the way it is. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:06, 25 May 2011

Hockey has GOT to have the longest season of any team sport, heck the SCP end up same time as the freaking World Series. --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 04:17, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Hockey's year round. Don't forget about free agents. Anyway I gotta go. Night. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:21, 25 May 2011

You really mean it Lollipop, I shouln't change it? How do you change it? You are a freaking master! Mattsnow 05:25, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Ok, when?--PoopManPoop 12:19, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

P.S. And uh, Lollipop. I know you liked my article and said VFH and all, but..ahem..uh....ahem..I can't really see your vote. *raising hands defensively* I don't even know how this thing's coming to be red. Bah! *runs away*--PoopManPoop 12:19, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks a lot guys there's nothing better than newfound appreciation. Add anonymity to it and you have got yourself a famous...ghost, I guess. I lost my chain of though at newfound :|. But thanks. :)--PoopManPoop 12:21, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

:D

• bows* thank you kind sir for the vote. Now, about the signature..? :P--PoopManPoop 20:29, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

It's coming. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:31, 25 May 2011

This is fucking awesome man. Thanks for the vote AND the signature. How are things rolling these days? -- -> That's Poop Man Poop 21:18, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

I've never had an article feature, shocking huh? I've had two articles on VFH, but they both didn't make it. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:19, 25 May 2011

Yeah then who wrote Fuck ChiefJusticeDS ? -> That's Poop Man Poop 21:22, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Lolipop...you outdid yourself this time on the sig!!! --ShabiDOO 21:23, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Shabidoo: I've progressed. PMP: It got huffed and I got banned for a day. Then Lyrithya rewrote it, and it got featured. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:25, 25 May 2011

Yeah that simply written PoopManPoop was just killing it. There's a reason they call him the sig master isn't there. Smooth shit man, smooth shit. haha you were banned for it? When i saw the article that time on the front page i thought man these guys must be laughing there asses off on it, even ChiefJusticeDS.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 21:28, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Funny, when I saw that FCJDS (that's my quick code name for Fuck ChiefjusticeDS) was featured, I complained to Chief that someone else made the article. Aaahh, jealousy. That was around November, I was still a noob. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:30, 25 May 2011

I still think you got away with just a day of the ban. it could have been worse couldn't it.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 21:34, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

I got banned only 6 hours after making a sockpuppet. I could of been infabanned. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:36, 25 May 2011

O Oh but nowadays everybody has a sock puppet. Yeah I have heard making sockpuppets used to be a bloody affair here back in the day, and a noble sport too. 6 hours is as cheap as Paris Hilton willing to fuck anybody outside a salon for pedicure money.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 21:43, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

You're not a sockpuppet or sockpuppeteer, are you? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:44, 25 May 2011

Yeah I was once you know. But you see, it doesn't really work. Your friends think it does, your mom thinks it does, even you sometimes think it does, but uh, it doesn't *stops knitting sweater and looks up slowly*. It's, how can I put it, like Joey says it, a moot point.-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 23:24, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

What is the name of your sockpuppet? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:44, 25 May 2011

Ok ok, PUT THE TOOTHBRUSH DOWN! I will tell ya, it's..uh you know..ChiefJusticeDS *flees from the spot*-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 15:53, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Phnerb unsignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!

Weekly update By Chief The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia! This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly. Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist. In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance. UnNews By Chief UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think. All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right?

Check out these pages! OMG! How do I shot web? What's a MediaWiki and how do I make one? Do you de-crat a Bureaucrat? From our logs: 22:19, May 23, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ ("Remove the first two linebreaks from the other thing, too, when you remove this top bit." COULD YOU BE ANY LESS CLEAR?) 18:25, May 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.91.100.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Dear Sir: I contend that your redaction of the content in that article in favour of the word penis, proves unequivocally that you lick balls.) 02:47, May 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Strico10 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Inserting Vanity: you give me some hope that i'm not the most pathetic person in the world) 22:13, May 22, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Holden Caulfeild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (breathe in and breathe out hands up and hands down back up back up tell me whatcha gonna do now keep trollin trollin trollin trollin (what?)) 00:36, May 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected Famine (Talk | contribs) ‎ (No reason.) Metal Zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron; zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron," zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron!!! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron? Newsroom UnTune of the week Screw you Roman Dog Bird

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:13, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Hi there.

I have an article on VFH, but not many people seem to like it. So I was wondering if you could go see if you can see the good in it, and if, and only if you do see the good in it, you could maybe vote 'for it? Thanks a bunch. -- 01:14, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Signatures

We've been over this before. All of this before, really... mon, seriously, please familiarise yourself with UN:SIG before you make any more signatures, and then actually heed the thing. Mainly you seem to have a habit of making them too big; if you can't tell how tall they are, right-click on them in preview and get the image properties; that should say. It was 12px maximum before, but as it is now 15px, it should be less trouble to keep them within that limit, so please, do so, especially as these are usually other people's signatures and thus they're just as likely to get in trouble over it as you.

That said, would you also kindly stop using <font> tags? Deprecated and ugly and all that. 1234 ~ 03:05, 26 May 2011

there are rules governing signature makage too? *swings on the spot* -- -> That's Poop Man Poop 04:12, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

there are rules on how rules are made --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 06:23, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

And then there are rules stating where there'll be no rules. Yeah I know.:D -- -> That's Poop Man Poop 15:50, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

UN:R puts it best--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 16:47, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

I use both span style and font. Font is quick, I don't always have time to do a whole span style thing. But when it comes to sigs, i'll gladly use span style (I use span style on my sig). -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:08, 26 May 2011

Any news on my moldy sig dr.? 20:42, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

It will be out in a jiffy, Mr. Mold. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:56, 26 May 2011

Don't have TIME?!?. What If I didn't have time to bracket my wikilinks with [[? Ever heard of a concept called cut and paste? How about this solution to the devil of time: create a text document with the color tags you like to use. The font tag is going away, and when it does, every single page still using it will rise up and kill babies. Do you want that on your lazy ass conscience? Maybe depreciated tags killing babies is OK in Guelph, but in the civilized world we do try to stay up on our HTML standards, and not kill babies. But you go ahead and save that 20 seconds so you can get back to your cartoons. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:58, May 26, 2011 (UTC) PS, take the time to not kill babies.

Cartoons? I watch the news. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:00, 26 May 2011

oops I came off as a dick there, sorry, was trying to be funny. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 23:05, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

CNN? MSNBC? You mean CBC, Global, CTV, and SUN TV. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:06, 26 May 2011

Whatever the case, he's right about them going out and whatnot - they will indeed not work soon, and as you are agreeing to take the time to make these signatures for others, surely you have the time to do them right? Admittedly, at this point, the signature guidelines are more important, as ignoring them is apt to mess pages up now; they are there for a reason and should be followed regardless of whose signature it is. But both are valid concerns and I would rather prefer you not blow off either. 1234 ~ 23:08, 26 May 2011

If you're going to retire the font tag, might as well do it now. The sooner the better. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:10, 26 May 2011

Please forgive my ignorance, I ate some cheese, I know that is not an excuse for not keeping up on Canadian news networks, but my TV does not let me watch Canadian News Networks, and I <nodickery> didn't have time to look any up</nodickery> j/k and the babies thing, really, uncool. Everybody loves babies. On second reading, below, babies are not actually killed so they say.

The FONT Tag is deprecated which means that it is not valid 
in HTML pages that conform to the HTML 4.01 STRICT DTD (definition). 
My advice is to avoid using the FONT Tag on new pages and replace it 
in existing pages as and when you have the opportunity.
here

--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 23:19, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Vanity archives

Keeping these if they amuse you is all very well and fine, but please, stop moving them out of mainspace - if you want to keep them, copy them into new pages directly into your userspace, or some such, instead. And while you think you may be helping out with deletions, you're really not; though most of these are pretty obvious, not all are, and you've miscategorised at least one already; sometimes an ICU is better, and sometimes they're not even vanity, for that matter, so leave it to the admins to sort out. It's what we do, and what we've been voted into dealing with. 1234 ~ 01:39, 27 May 2011

It's not about helping or miscategorizing. I just find these articles funny. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:03, 27 May 2011

Okay. In the future, just copy and paste them, okay? 1234 ~ 02:38, 27 May 2011

To rephrase it yet another way is: when you find articles so delicious you must save them, please do not use the move function just leave the original as is, but please just copy the code to your userspace. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 03:24, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

Yes. Or I'll... I'll make you watch a video of a bunch of naked Belarussians dancing. I'll do it! 1234 ~ 03:41, 27 May 2011

She has that kind of power --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 05:27, May 27, 2011 (UTC)

A message from your idol. I mean, I`m your idol. No. You are my idol. No. I am the idol of you... SHIT! HARD!

Heh. I found something on Lyri`s talkpage. Heh. Your my idol... Or something. Very hard, this english. Anyway, you found the new thing I`ve been making, right? It`s paroding the Peter Rabbit thing, with a religious way. Anyhow, I cannot find Peter Rabbit in finnish, now english. Anywhere. Could you... sort of help me with this little thing? Please? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 10:46, 27 May, 2011 (UTC)

Gadly. Only if we have sexy sister bunnies. Trust me, i've read Peter Rabbit, I know how it goes. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:29, 29 May 2011

Do you all have Canadian Idol in Canadia? or Finlandian Idol in Finlandia? Because in America we do and its sucks. (gadly?) --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 04:34, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

We used to have Canadian Idol. It was on CTV. It got cancelled. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:40, 29 May 2011

I don't feel well

It was the grammar, lack of links and sectioning that made this feel unfinished for the most part. The links are easy to fix, and the sectioning... well, why does it start new sections in certain places? Chapters? Areas? Just seems random, currently, so you might want to look to that. As for the grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc... well, you know. Fix it. Even if it is intentional, think about it; would the guy really be writing it down? It's a transcript of his internal monologue, mostly, not his diary (or it'd be written in past tense or some such), so you may as well do it proper or it's just apt to look bad.

Sorry I come across as evil; it's really my cat who's the evil one. Usually. Hopefully this helps, though. 1234 ~ 01:54, 30 May 2011

I worry about the kittens. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:12, 30 May 2011

Kittens'll be alright --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 03:11, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

The Kitten's names shall be Eenie, Meenie, Miney and Frankie. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:13, 30 May 2011

HALP!!

Eh Lollipop, I am starting a new article on Rand Paul, I searched for a template for a long time, do you know a nicer one than the one I put on the page? Also, can I steal templates from Wikipedia? Please prepare me a maple syrup lollipop! Mattsnow 20:51, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Go ahead. They deserve it. They are mean to us. They say that our humour revolves around I burning your dog and Oscar Wilde. Those were big in like 2005 maybe. And there will be a Syrupy Lollipop coming your way. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:07, 30 May 2011

Well it raised an unnecessary shitstorm I'm afraid. The ad fail was so bad, I shoud've just take a screenshot. But what about my question, bro? Mattsnow 21:25, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Best before Friday!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!

Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor? By Chief Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!? Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined. The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer. The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist". Rank admins! By Chief Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted. Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost.

Check out these pages! Slut! Blog! Words! Numbers! Zombiebaron! From our logs: 23:49, May 31, 2011, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.232.79.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (it takes a certain talent to write that much about someone who apparently sucks so badly) 12:38, May 26, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.201.66.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'd ask you to cease all twattery but then you'd have nothing to do all day.) 03:15, May 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gomphog ‎ (Stealing Gomphog's subpages. Reportedly.) 07:12, May 30, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Tayythunder (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Being racist against templates...) 15:21, May 27, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.107.188.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Take a break and read HTBFANJS Just calling everyone gay is... Gay? Be more creative eh?) 13:43, June 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Being Zombiebaron a little bit too much) Biopic of the Week Now I don't know about you, but Cat the Colourful is a name I have seen quite a lot, but in the same way I see grass quite a lot. What I mean by this is that he/she/it is always there, pottering away in the background. While everyone else fights and brawls over the correct font for the main page, Cat the Colourful is there voting on an article, making thoughtful additions to an article, uploading pictures of rabbits killing themselves and generally being helpful. This is the part of the biopic where I normally complain about the users annoying habits, and this week is no exception; you know what I really hate about Cat the Colourful? It's his signature, there's a picture in it and colours. A stupid username about being a colourful cat with colours in it? His signature should be black, that would be funny because it isn't colourful at all! No? Well con-cat-ulations Cat the Colourful... I'M WITTY DAMMIT! From the Editor Every week we receive literally no feedback on the UnSignpost. But last week Lollipop complained that we had not covered all the big news of the week. So, in order to please him and his imaginary friend Alex, Tom Mayfair and MrN9000 have also made edits to the wiki after not doing so for a while. I hope that satisfies Lollipop in the way a woman never will... for free at least.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:10, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

UncycloProject:Comedy

I have started a new project on Comedy, it is a project to organize what we have on comedians, and write articles on key comedians. I'd like to enlist you on this team. Ultimately I hope to have a Comedy portal like the others found on the top of the main page. I thought an organized approach to new articles, ie researching subjects that we are not familiar with, then writing a satirical biography mixing fact with fiction and humor. Let me know if you are interested. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 03:40, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

I'll make the portal, as i'm good with templates now. I'd start from the very beginning. Ever heard of the Two Black Crows? Morecambe and Wise? Clark and McCoullugh? Fibber McGee and Molly? -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 03:43, 2 June 2011

I will show you what I have done so far. I sporked the television portal to my userspace and am filling it in slowly but surely.List of people we have thought of already feel free to add. a very rough not ready for prime time work in process. Yes I have heard of Fibber I listen to them all the time. Morcambe and Wise sound familiar. But you have the idea. I am afraid some people do not know our comedic history. And I thought this project would be a good way for us all to learn about some greats, and share our knowledge of obscure. You will notice the list has research links to help with the ones we are uncertain of. ps did you want to have a mentor? you asked about adopt a n00b, which of course you are not a n00b, but there really are not that much difference. I have 3700 edits, far more than the 500 required to adopt. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 04:03, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

Shame on you!

For the sake of non-existent dramatic effect, I shall repeat myself. Shame on you! And why is the shame "on" you? Because you were foolhardy enough to vote for the featurisation of A Series of Unfortunate Events, my latest article. Don't you realise that you should have hacked into the Uncyclopedia servers and removed both the article and its nomination page from existence? Well, you obviously did not and now look what has happened: A Series of Unfortunate Events made it onto the front page! This could well cause the fall of the southern hemisphere, and it's all your fault. 15:02, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

/Abbott_and_Costello

see above --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 03:42, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

After this, we have to make A butt and Costello. Or should this article be about A butt and Costello? -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 03:43, 3 June 2011

at least have A butt and Costello redirect to whatever you use. But there is such comedy gold for an abbott and costello article that goes beyond a play on words. But I put that image there for you in case you wanted to have it like "not this" or something. My classic premise for writing about real things, is be mostly factual but get a key part of the story almost exactly opposite of real. Abbot and Costello as Laverne and Shirley, or Abbot and Costello as Lewis and Clark. Something on those lines, then they tend to write themselves. If you read my articles they are almost all like that. King of the Hill is really about Sanford and Son and so on. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 03:49, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

Or put a picture of Bugs Bunny and Lou Costello and call it "Rabbit and Costello". -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 03:51, 3 June 2011

Truth is stranger than fiction - that is kind of what they already did. But cats not rabbits

--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 03:59, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

I've seen that one before. Tweety's first appearence. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 04:00, 3 June 2011

What?!

I am not among your best buddies?..WHAT!!*taking out his .50 mm.*-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 18:30, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

Last time I updated the list, you weren;'t a regular yet. But i'll add you, i'll pur Mattsnow in Another n00b's spot, and you in Mattsnow's current spot. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 18:32, 3 June 2011

Take that Mattsnow! :D..-- -> That's Poop Man Poop 19:07, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

No, he was moved up. You are at the bottom of the list. Also, please write more UnNews articles. The black guy posing as a baby made me laugh really hard. I assume you've read the Onion. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 19:09, 3 June 2011