User talk:Dimario

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Thanks for attempting to save merkinkind. It was brave effort, but in the end they were crushed beneath the administrator's jackbooted heel. --Commander Jameson 08:56, 18 February 2006 (UTC)


Hey there diMario!!!! Merry Christmas to you too! Yayness! I am exited to hear from you!!! yay!!! she'll be getting married!!!!! well! I hope I'm invited!! Me and Indigo should go!! be strong!!!! The HRH MuCal. Tayor Lz4.jpgMUN (Praise!) (CMC!)

This is evil!!! I had the hardest time in the world finding this again! I don't know why....any way! I hope you and Wendy go well!! Miss you!! The HRH MuCal. Tayor Lz4.jpgMUN (Praise!) (CMC!)

Kitten in glass.jpg Tayor has decided to grace you with her presence.
She likes kittens, and apparently you too.


Now hear these words of wisdom, and good bye.

Why thank you! That kitten looks absolutely huffable adorable! And of course you are invited, and Indigo as well. They have not yet set a date however. Wendy is in Paris with her handsome Borg officer hunting for an appartment. Her spouse-to-be landed a pretty good job with the CERN in Switzerland but Wendy insisted they should live in Paris and you know how persistant she can be. Well, hope to catch you in the #chan one of these days. Otherwise, I might leave a msg on your talk page (that way I'll be easier to find as well) Ciao! -- di Mario 02:30, 22 January 2007 (UTC)


Thank you for your kind comments on the Zen article. I am a great believer too in the saying of Goethe, "In der Beschränkung zeigt sich erst der Meister", though I am not a master and certainly not of working within limitations (bad weekend: need to configure a Tomcat realm with Derby, proving a pain in the backside.) Uncyclopedia is frequently and perhaps unwittingly very Zen. Say something beyond affirmation and negation, or thirty blows! --Flying Pig 14:18, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

Something beyond affirmation and negation ey. Here is my feeble effort: If the God some people speak of really is all-mighty, then this God would be able to imagine some act or deed or concept it would not be able to implement. If logical reasoning were to be taken as an axiom, then the existence of such a god would be impossible. So logical reason applied to deities might be construed as both affirmation and negation at the the same time: we assume something, then deny it's logical consequences. Or, if you were expecting something more unorthodox, how about this joke:
A man encounters another man who is walking a dog.
"Does your dog bite ?" asks the man with no dog.
"No" replies the man walking the dog.
The man not walking the dog bends down to pet the dog. The dog bites him.
"Sacre bleu! Your dog just bit me!" exclaims the man not walking a dog.
"It is not my dog" answers the man walking the dog.
-- di Mario 19:18, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

I wrote the Star Wars Kid article, which was put on VFD soon after its creation. You, however, were kind enough to go on VFD and say that it shouldn't be deleted, and you even though that I should be n00b of the Month. I just want to say that was really nice of you and I thank you. --El Destructeso 23:47, 6 December 2006 (UTC)

It looked like a work-in-progress-in-its-very-early-stages to me, so it seemed a bit harsh to want to huff it. Kinda like pre-conceptual abortion, which somehow the rest of the world seems to disapprove of. But hell, I'm happy if you're happy. If you want to avoid these mishaps for future articles, you can create and work on them under your own namespace by simple entering the URL<insert name here>/your article's name here in your browsers navigation bar. Wikipedia will then warn you that that article does not yet exist and you can click a link to create an article with that name. When it is ripe for publication, you can move the article to the public namespace by clicking the [move] tab in the wiki menu just above the article's display view. It is explained in more detail here . Cheerio, and keep up the good work -- di Mario 19:16, 7 December 2006 (UTC)

To my dear Dutch uncle[edit]

I will look over your article soon, and will decide on an appropriate and onion-related course of action. Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:41, 25 November 2006 (UTC)


And in case anyone should wonder...well...the typos are there on purpose. I'm making them my trademark --di Mario 22:45, 20 March 2006 (UTC)

Yeah....thats whay we alll say -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)
In my case it happens to be true. I studied Youch Typoing! --di Mario 17:52, 21 March 2006 (UTC)


Sometimes my nails grow too long before I can find time to groom myself and clip them, and sometimes I just loose my eye-hand co-ordination due to too many WEs. The course I took in Touch Typing never covered how to deal with these events. It follows therefore that occasioanlly I will be making typing mistakes in my communications. Just to be on the safe side, and for identifying purposes if the body was too badly burnt in the plane crash, I will claim some typos as my trademark:

  • knoe instead of know, but not in derived words, and not consistently.
  • dee instead of die, and deed instead of died and dead, but not consistently.
  • ED = Entelligent Desing anytime I happpen to be on the chat channel and someone else asks what ED means and I feel sufficiently in the mood to answer the question. (Please notice the reversal of n and g in "Desing").
  • wierd instead of weird, but not instead of wired, and not consistently.

And off course, when spelling is an issue, such as in one of the captions for the photographs on my user page, I will be misspelling words whenever I think this adds to the general level of happiness.

Zim_ulator Thinks Dutch Is Sexy[edit]

Hey diMario! Thanks for your help and comments on my Beef Ring article. The voices in your head have been helpful... this time. --Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 12:51, 1 April 2006 (UTC)

Dude! Feel free to add Dutchiness to UnNews:Conflicted Nazi skinheads came out in droves. --Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 07:57, 5 April 2006 (UTC)

Hey Zim! I added a few paragraphs describing the official government reaction to this event. It's not exactly in your style, and probably has some awkward twists and turns of phrase. Feel free to improve on it any way you like. --di Mario 19:29, 5 April 2006 (UTC)

Have a blessing! --Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:38, 1 May 2006 (UTC)

Cheshire cat?[edit]

Hi!. I wanted to thank you for your addition of the cat to Captain's log, only I don't understand what it means. I'm not going to delete it, but I am going to temporarily comment-out the section in the article because I think it disrupts the flow where it is. It might work if added before "Ready room", but first I'd like your input on how it relates to the USS Article/stranded concept as a whole. --Bear 06:49, 16 April 2006 (UTC)

Hi bear, thanks for you kind words. I've re-read my addition and must now agree with you that it has no true relation with the concept. The idea originated mostly from my wish to find a use for that picture of the rather dismal looking cat. As it happens, shortly after uploading it I stumbled on USS Article and saw some potential. Via Cheshire Cat (appearing and disappering at will) I arrived at the Q and from there it was a small step to the Hollow Deck. But I agree now in retrospect that it disrupts the flow of your article. Leave it out, you have my blessing. My mistake. Perhaps you can salvage the Hollow Deck idea, which I hope you will admit is rather amusing.--di Mario 13:50, 16 April 2006 (UTC)
I do like the "Hollow Deck" concept. I have to give some thought about a sub-story for it. :) --Bear 14:46, 16 April 2006 (UTC)


I appreciated your poem and kind send-off on my talk page. After 5 weeks rest (or at least 5 week of concentrating on real life) I definitely feel better. :) ~ T. (talk) 10:28, 1 May 2006 (UTC)

loneliest job[edit]

hey, any chance you could mess with The_loneliest_job_in_the_world? maybe improve it a bit. i thknk it's good but prob not perfect, and i trust you not to just shit all over it with mad quotes. also you don't have to change it if you can't be bothered, also if you do change it i might just revert it anyway, if i don't like it, haha. cheers - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - - 15:59, 28 May 2006 (UTC)

I'll have a look at it later this week, probably Friday --di Mario 16:30, 29 May 2006 (UTC)
superb, thankyou. the runner but's survived and a lot of the edit to the tracies have, thanks muchly. when asylum is finally culled from vfh i'm gonna nom this, cos why not. - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:42, 30 May 2006 (UTC)
Glad to be of assistance. But currently numbers 1, 5 and 8 are missing from the sequence. So either you and/or I will have to come up with three more, or some renumbering is in order. --di Mario 23:23, 30 May 2006 (UTC)

The way of the Dragon[edit]

It has cropped up several times in conversation: "it is the way of the Dragon". I am a follower along that road. The Dragon is virtuous. Amongst other things, here are some dos/donts:

The Dragon is always honest.
The Dragon does not beg.
The Dragon makes its own decisions.
The Dragon smiles with some degree of benevolence unto lesser thingies.
The Dragon will forgive your mistakes, provided that you learn something from them.
The Dragon knows it is the best of all things possible, and thus feels no compelling need to proove anything.
The Dragon is lazy in a clever way.
The Dragon does not like water.
The Dragon speaks some French: "Le Bon Dieu, ces't l'Amour" (God is Love).
The Dragon is Love, in its own special way.
The Dragon has most of it's feet solidly on the ground, at all times.
The Dragon has some of it's heads in the clouds, at all times.
The Dragon is able to roar with such intensity that lion and lamb alike are scared out of their witse's end.
The Dragon has never roared thus since the beginning of time. Well, OK, there was this one time when he hit his toe real bad on a rocky outcrop, but that wasn't directed at other beings so it doesn't count. It scared the shit out of each and every of the then-living creatures, mind you!

My news![edit]

Eh, It's me, GERT5, the supa unfriend. I just put you up to this. This news articler of mine. The article was number 80, which I did'nt mention there. Anyway, thnks fr bng m frnd nd ll. Sorry, the wow-l's don't work rlly grt. BTW my accents are Matt Chapman, Eng "the-British-Kind" lish and Scots. I only know Manchester United. --Sir General Minister G5 FIYC UPotM [Y] #21 F@H KUN
Just read the Manchester United thingy. Not bad. And disappearing vwls I know of, being drunk most of the time and pretending to be drunk for the rest of the time. Wrg Blm! is a battlecry I invented, although I must admit that Erin Go Bragh! sounds impressive too. As for accents: contrary to what you might expect from my nick, I am a thoroughly Dutch bastard. I couldn't probably say one thing comprehensive to foreign ears even if my next drinky depended upon it. -- di Mario 11:35, 2 December 2006 (UTC)


I'm flattered that u used my unname as a (lichtend voorbeeld -> how do you translate that?) on how to use user:someone/unfit article. I also tried to put my name om the nationalities list, but it did't work. I want to ask you: Are we cheeseheads discriminated on this site? Do we get an allochtonenstatus? Do they have refugeecamps here? And last of all: do you write for the dutch onziclo.pedie too? I have done so for some time now (very productively I must say) & encountered some problems there which I can hardly discuss with anyone there, because there is NooBODY THERE! Which is the first problem I encountered. Even the (2) admins are hardly ever on the site. It's a shame & a waste. Do you know if Rongo is a user on this english site too? Groet:D.G.Neree 17:08, 10 December 2006 (UTC) (I've stolen your language box, I hope u don't mind. We dutch under us....(stonecoal english)D.G.Neree 17:22, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

Whya, you old regenerating Dutchie! No prob. Us Dutch Socialists must band together to fight the evil forces of global capitalism and besides, it's always nice to hear you native tonque spoken when far abroad. Not that I am, technically, but Uncyc is not Kansas, Toto. I'll try to answer your questions in turn:
  • lichtend voorbeeld -> shining example. Steenkolenengels -> pidgin. There is an online translator here, it does rather well for short expressions:
  • automagically linking words to pages by putting double square brackets around words seems to be broken for new edits. I had some issues myself with it lately. So that may be the reason that you are unable to add your name to the dutch users page. Also, the process is rather sensitive of spelling: speces become underscores, and what happens when you've got dots in your name is a mystery to anyone. No wait, I see you put the language box on your homepage. That should do the trick, now I remember! Yes you are shown automatically in the list now. Sorry for the previous misinformation.
  • cheeseheads getting bad press lately is a bit my fault. I have a rather large personality (as befits a member of our proud people) and misbehave with some regularity on the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. Ze geven gewoon een grote bek terug, heel gemoedelijk allemaal. For the IRC info page, there is a link to it in the Community Portal I believe. Anyroads, its on and the channel is calle #uncyclopedia.
  • I know of the dutch version of uncyc but I only visited once, out of curiousity. I find the livelyness of the original more to my liking, and besides, it is good for my english. User:Rongo being a red link is a sign that no one of that name is known on this english version.
Well, that is quite a lot of info for starters, but feel free to ask me further questions, though I do not know much of the technicalities. Groeten uit Almere -- di Mario 17:51, 10 December 2006 (UTC)
Well I'll be.....! Someone just answered me in more than five words. Used as I am to the dutch site! Ik ga over in het nederlands=sneller. Dank je wel voor het antwoord. De nederlandse site is een beetje traag en er gebeurt in vergelijking weinig. Toch blijf ik daar maar schrijven. Hier ook.

Je hebt gelijk wat de dynamiek betreft, die is hier even wat....dynamischer. Het komt ook door de verwerkingstraagheid van de ned. site. De problemen met de admins zijn verholpen geloof ik. Nou, veel unspiration gewenst. Verder met schrijven (gemene giechel, handenwrijven). Kijken of we de berg flauwekul zo groot kunnen maken, dat zelfs Atlas onder de last bezwijkt en we het Armageddon een stapje dichterbij kunnen brengen (Ho! Stop! Zo is het wel ver genoeg. Af!!!). Groeten uit Am*dam van D.G.Neree 20:58, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

Ik heb je onbedoeld een klein beetje in de maling genomen, sorry. In your first response to my contribution, you mentioned me mentioning you as a shining example. Actually, I was cheating a bit there. The wikia software has some macros to its powers and the {{USERNAME}} macro is one of them. It expands to the user name of whomever is looking at that page. Have a look at the source code of this page in that paragraph (or this paragraph, for that matter) and you'll see what I mean, [[User:<insert name here>|<insert name here>]]. No offense meant. By the way the <nowiki>tags</nowiki> are usefull too.
Nice trick! I'm just starting to learn Wiki-magic. so far I'm just smearing texts, images & boxes all over the page. Most of it is still abracadabra to me.

Got to learn little by little. Do you know if the english words work in the dutch version too? 17:44, 12 December 2006 (UTC)forgot to loginD.G.Neree 17:45, 12 December 2006 (UTC)

Probably, if the Dutch version is powered by the same wikia software as the English. Or else, just experiment around a bit. That's the way I learn new techniques: tweaking, pulling at loose bits, introducing deliberate errors and seeing what happens. And if all else fails, you could always try to locate and read the manual :) -- di Mario 18:20, 12 December 2006 (UTC).
I can't get it to work on the dutch site. The admin i asked is reluctant to find out, because of the discussion here on Uncyc. It's a beatiful spell though: A very high Big Brother shock content. I put the formula on the page 'Sjabloon:Gebruikernaam' & tried to change it. I'll take a look at the wikihelp pages. Do you know anyone here who vould help me out? D.G.Neree 16:40, 17 January 2007 (UTC)
If anyone would want to check it out:
Sorry, DG, I have no experience with templates whatsoever. Perhaps you could ask in the English chat channel #uncyclopedia at Some of the English admins are quite savvy in this respect. -- di Mario 18:21, 17 January 2007 (UTC)
Thanks, i'll try there. 18:24, 17 January 2007 (UTC)


Sweetsprize.gif Braydie has awarded you some sweets!
For voting for HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble

--—Braydie 17:09, 13 December 2006 (UTC)

Why thank you! I will ferment them at once! You are aware that unprocessed sweets are capable of rotting teeth away, aren't you ? -- di Mario 19:28, 13 December 2006 (UTC)
Err, no I wasn't aware... this is no way is part of the master plan that will wipe out all of uncyclopedia as we know it. First I'm starting with cool Users, then the admins until there is no one left. Heh, your welcome. --—Braydie 19:32, 13 December 2006 (UTC)


Santa cross money.png Premier Tom Mayfair does not share in your pagan ways.
Nor does he celebrate capitalist retail. He hopes that you
convert to Communism before it's too late. Do the right thing.
Пролетарии всех стран, соединяйтесь!
Hammer and sickle xmas.png|

Spacer.gifSpacer.gifPremierTomMayfairChe.png RedPhone.png Unsoc.png Hammer and sickle.png 22:53, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

But...I am a card-carrying member of the Socialist Party! Sob! -- di Mario 23:00, 14 December 2006 (UTC)


And happy new year. ~Sir Rangeley Icons-flag-us.png GUN WotM UotM EGA +S (talk) 19:52, 17 December 2006 (UTC)
Oh nosies, not both of them! di Mario breaks down and cries -- di Mario 20:07, 17 December 2006 (UTC)
Karatechimp.jpg zim_ulator wishes you a Merry Kaizum Me!
the first holiday officially sanctioned by the church of zimizm (cOz)!

I hope Satan Klaus bring you beef rings Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:05, 19 December 2006 (UTC)

Roast potato.jpg flyingfeline finally gave up on Tesco and started
making her own Christmas cards. Oh joy.

Sorry if the glue sticks your fingers together.

Belated, but yeah. Merry Christmas, and have thee a potato in a hat. :) -- Paw print.jpg 11:22, 26 December 2006 (UTC)


I'm pretty sure that was Hubbard, the space telescope guy. Or maybe the space telescope guy was Hubble, Fred's neighbour on the Flinstones. Herbert was the guy from that office related comic strip. Unless you were kidding, in which case all of the above is true. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:35, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

Well if I were kidding then who was the one that married Roberta Heinlein ? -- di Mario 18:43, 15 December 2006 (UTC)
Harlan L. Isson. Obviously.--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:50, 15 December 2006 (UTC)
Cool! I always thought it was that Israelite bastard of Russian extraction...wotsisname...Yitsak Asimovski. -- di Mario 20:24, 15 December 2006 (UTC)
It's getting awfully geek in here. If I stay I may end up bringing out my sliderule. /me sneaks off of page, me goes to Trek/comic convention --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:40, 15 December 2006 (UTC)
Wot, you have only one ? Slide-rule I mean. I have three: The Geo (circa 1969), the Aristide (circa 1972) and the Pocket (acquired at an antique show, 1983, of unknown vintage). Plus I have a genuine ZX 81 with the 16-Kb extension memory in pristine condition lying somewhere around (sorry, I forgot where exactly). -- di Mario 20:50, 15 December 2006 (UTC)
Most of the crap from my childhood/near-adult years was either stolen, water-damaged or sold...the last piece I have is my Amiga 500, which stares at me from it's original box as it rests sedately on my counter.--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:55, 15 December 2006 (UTC)
Water-damage is a big concern for me as well. I keep my treasures in the attic, where they should be approximately + 1 meter above spring tide, if calcultations are correct. I never owned an Amiga 500 though, I went zx81 -> Amstrad Joyce -> PC Clone (1984). -- di Mario 21:03, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

oi oi[edit]

why all the sulking? - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 17:41, 26 December 2006 (UTC)

Jackamort, ole fwiend. Nothing important. There was an unfunny harticle aboot me hometown of Almere (in the dutchlands) - which I had nothing to do wiv - an' hit got NRVd or VFDd or some such thingy. Rightfully so, I 'astens to hadd. Still, it feels like a bit of the Blinkenlit was extinguished for ever and a a short while in haddition. Plus, 'tis the season too be jolly but the honly thing I know ow to hdo is be Drunk. -- di Mario 17:50, 26 December 2006 (UTC)
ah right. if the article was rubbish it's probably best gone. rewrite it good maybe? uncyc needs dutch misinformation. i've not been drinking lately, i'm a good lad. i have been stoned for 35 days straight though, my brain has liquified - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 20:48, 26 December 2006 (UTC)
Thanks for the support. Rewriting certainly is a option, but I have so much to drink and so little time...Impressive, though, liquefied brain. Mine is more like a pickled squishy jellyfish and kinda sloshing around. -- di Mario 18:05, 27 December 2006 (UTC)


Please find somewhere else to sulk and add pointless comments like "abstain" and other such nonsense. If you don't have a clear vote, go edit an article or something. VFD isn't your personal forum. Thank you. Bone F clear.png Sir Famine, Gun Petition » 12/27 15:42

* I stand corrected on the sulking reprimande. Won't happen again. It was wrong of me (though quite funny or so I thought - had me lauging all afternoon). I apologize. Indeed, VFD isn't my own personal forum. At some point in time I even had the idea of adding another area to the voting tables, so that they would look like this:
  • delete Not funny -- <insert name here> 12:48, 26 December 2006 (UTC)

-- di Mario 17:48, 27 December 2006 (UTC)

but fortunately for both of us, one of the more techy-oriented voices in my head pointed out that that would potentially break any automated scripting intended to babysit the VFD page. The mad voices argued and argued, but the techy voices won by pointing out that this would probably make Baby Jeesus cry and/or certainly un-amuse the admins. I guess being insane protects me at least from some bad things...
* Abstaining otoh is a valid vote. It means "I can't make up my mind". Otherwise in essence you'd be saying "if you are not for, then you must be against" and we all know what messiness can arise from such a stand. If you care to agree with us on this point I will for my part agree to abstain in silence for now and in the near future. Can't make any long-term promises though, they are experimenting with the medication...
-- di Mario 17:48, 27 December 2006 (UTC)
To be precise, probably fortunately for you you didn't mess with the tables. As for the abstain, it is not a valid vote, and only adds clutter. "I can't make up my mind" helps nobody. Personally, I throw out all votes which aren't either clean-cut "delete" or "keep", because there is no other vote which helps us decide whether or not to keep an article, in its present state.
I am not saying "if you are not for, than you must be against". I'm saying, "If you have an opinion, then state it. If you don't, find another page to add witty comments to, because lots of pages need lots of help."
VFD is the page of life-or-death here. It needs clear, concrete decisions, with a minimum of clutter and distractions. At least, that's one of my main goals here. Bone F clear.png Sir Famine, Gun Petition » 12/27 22:15
Okay, the percieved greif ends here as far as I'm concerend. VFD = only add crud if I'm really really serious about it. Roger. Willco. Im's get the msg. At least I do when on this comby & levels of medication. Who knoes where life will stand in another six months ? Maybe I won't be able to spell u-n-c-l-c-y-p-i-o-d-i-e-a ey ? Fried brains, always a serious hazard for the proffessionally insane. The lord shall provide, an if he don't the Socialist Government of the United Provinces of Teh Low Lands by the Northern Sea will. Or me buddies of the soccer team. Or, failing them, my lesser brother. There is always someone. -- di Mario 22:33, 27 December 2006 (UTC)
Thank you for being so pleasant about it. I guess the nice admins are right in the idea that genial banter can solve issues as well as banning can. It just takes soooo much longer. They must have more patience than I have. Thanks again! Bone F clear.png Sir Famine, Gun Petition » 12/27 22:53
But your troubles were not wasted. You have now one powerful ally, whome could for just the sake of a finicky decision as easily have been several powerfull foes. We are Dutch, savvy, seasoned, grey, and not to be trifled with. Oh, and certifyably insane. I don't do the eye-rolling bith anymore though, due to insurance problems (wrecked the previous Volvo that way we did). Plus between us we speak a tally of the European languages. Might come in handy for the up-coming first Uncyclopedian Unconference (Dussseldorf, august, 2007). -- di Mario 00:54, 28 December 2006 (UTC)


Oh boyo are I is one fried! The main compy humming happily on Gentoo just went horridly dead after an incongruous update. Hell & green thingies. I wazze plannink to do the taxums stuff, entries closing march 31, forthcoming. Jeepurs Creepurs. Guess I'm gonna have to use the backup compy instead... -- di Mario 20:49, 27 March 2007 (UTC)


GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, Dimario! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

You gave some good stuff to use in HowTo:Beat the Odds. I will use it (though I'm going to tweak it to fit the tone). Thanks.--Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 20:46, 6 May 2007 (UTC)

Oh, aren't you so smart, with your intellectual knowledge and whatnot :) I'm going to keep the line as is, because Bernard Brecht is not exactly a household name. And that's all she wrote.--Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 20:12, 9 May 2007 (UTC)
You are a clevar bud yourself too! Trying to provoke me by misspelling Bertold as Berthold! It nearly worked, you cad. Har har. Good show. Jolly fun. Now pull the other one, it's got bells on. -- di Mario 20:22, 9 May 2007 (UTC)

Well, well, someone's a busy bee. I think I'm going to use the European one. Very nice idea, and coming from a European too! Congratualations, you're officially American (as you've accomplished the self-hating thing to a T)-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 21:19, 9 May 2007 (UTC)

Also, another of my articles is up for VFH, if you wish to vote for it. Gotta get the word out.--Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 21:21, 9 May 2007 (UTC)

You said not to mention it[edit]

But I will anyway. Excellent review, some really good ideas there. I'm kind of busy at the moment so don't be surprised if it doesn't change right away but when I get round to it it should be good. Thanks. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Kelpan (talk • contribs)


Halfcookie.gif User:Ljlego has awarded you half of a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.

For voting for Hodgepodge. Maybe, if we try hard enough, next time we'll get it up and you'll get a full cookie.-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 14:14, 13 May 2007 (UTC)


di Mario! OMG!!!! How are you?? has Wendy been married yet???? OMG!!! Tayor Lz4.jpgMUN (Praise!) 14:23, 20 June 2007 (UTC)

I are indestructible, an a full-blown Dutchy Bastard at that. Old Wend is not so fortunate alas. She married her Handsome Borg Officer in Paris in the spring time 2006. It was quite an occasion. Tout-Paris were present, and much haute-couture flew around. But after a few weeks of nuptial bliss, it turned out he had already been married before being assimilated, and after much soul-searching he went back to his first family. Wendy was devastated of course, and refused to speak wiv me for weeks. On top of that, it turns out she has some kind of genetic grue misfortune which causes her to age rapidly. Although only one and a half year of age, she looks like she's bin a grue forever and though this distinction is considered to be an honour by most people grue, it saddens my heart for she really lookes like eternity will reclaim her any moment now...-- di Mario 19:42, 20 June 2007 (UTC)

Pee Review[edit]

For you, sir:

GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, Dimario! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

For your helpful and very nice review of UnNews:Lisa Simpson a suspect in bizarre double-homicide. I incorporated a few of your suggestions, and I may nom it on VFH.(Unless of course you would like to, that is.) Anyways, thanks! P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 15:43, 14 July 2007 (UTC)

teh lager[edit]

Why thank you! Glug-glug-glug-glug-glug...glug-glug-glug-glug-glug. Two Lagers down the hatch...(some time passes)...Hey! That garden gnome just mooned me! Come here you little bugger I'll fix your attitude *tries to stand* Whah! Whome tied my shoelaces together! Bastids! *crashes headfirst into the telly* -- di Mario 16:09, 20 July 2007 (UTC)

I will shower you with yellowy goodness![edit]

GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, Dimario! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

Hey diMario, thanks for you review on User:That Guy Huffed Me/:UnBooks: The Grim Repairman! I'm sorry didn't reveal a bit about the characters or do all the great stuff you mentioned. I feel very limited, if I make this thing to long no one would read it and it would not do very well on VFH. That is why I had to make as short as possible, unfortently in my haste I forgot about charter devopment. I will use your advice and keep writing, thank you.

An Award[edit]

Miscellaneous Achievement Award
An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays has awarded you a Miscellaneous Achievement Award for Non-Specific Excellence.

Thank you for your helpful and thorough Pee Review. -- educated Ape (sacrifice) (Riot Porn) 19:55, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Sweet Christ![edit]


I thank you humbly for the opportunity to impose myself upon the tiny box marked Today's featured article. My own little box in this dark corner of the interweb. My welcoming visage, greeting all who visit this cartoonish funhouse of crazy people. The depravity, flowing like gravy down the chin of a senator. This is my honor.

Much appreciated, you bastard.

Yours always,

(dictated but not read. Transcripted by your pal, THINKER 04:33, 8 August 2007 (UTC).)

hai daar ![edit]

Beste DiMario, mijn naam is Sgt pepper. Ik vertegenwoordig een site genaamd Oncyclopedie (oke, ik ben ook maar lid). Volgens DGNeree ben je ereder gevraagd voor de Oncy maar er is een heleboel veranderd. Zo stellen wij nu normen voor ieder artikel. Ook hebben wij nu zo'n 570 artikelen (ongeveer) en zijn we dus flink gegroeid. Dit met name door, jawel, het toeneemde aantal leden. Aangzien jij best wel wat evaring hebt vraag ik je hierbij dit: kom jij ook schrijven voor de Oncy ? Racties kan het beste Hier achterlaten. Sgt pepper 19:19, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Following up on that review.[edit]

Yes, it's true. HowTo:Stop Being a Nerd is up on VFH. Thanks for your review! Necropaxx (T) {~} 20:04, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

Alea iacta est -- di Mario 18:10, 15 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for voting!(again)[edit]

For helping me out with my page, and then voting for it, I award you this template:

Lumps2.JPG The Led Balloon has awarded you a handy pamphlet, so that you will always remember how to check for lumps.
Thanks for voting on my article, and giving me TWO FEATURES IN A ROW! Also: beware the deadly lumps!

Thanks again, P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:31, Aug 19, 2007

Oncyclopaedia Neerlandica[edit]

Oncyclopedische Orde van Sophia

diMario, het is met grote trots dat ik je het wapenschild van de Oncyclopedia Neerlandica mag overhandigen. Draag het met ere. Dan volgt nu een willekeurige stroom van woorden om de weerwolven op deze site op het verkeerde been te zetten en het te doen voorkomen alsof we in een soort geheimtaal met elkaar praten. De geheime code die toegang geeft tot de schatkamer is "No Pasaran" en wordt afgeleid uit eerder genomen stappen op de kronkelige weg naar vergetelheid in extase en onzekerheid. Laat je niet kisten. Weet dat er altijd iemand is die niet naar je luistert en zo voort. Dan om te besluiten een paar nietbestaande woorden: Draalt epibrorische wandranken voortaal ongeplucieerd. Kraaldruipers staande bij ogenschijnlijk dramdraaierige neuskegels. Met vriendelijke groet, D.G.Neree 15:10, 24 August 2007 (UTC)

And here the translation, for if any of the admins here might think we're plotting against them:

diMario, it are with large pride that I you the weapon shield of the Oncyclopedia Neerlandica can hand over. Carry it with ere. Then some words to put the wolves on this site on the found oneself leg and it now follows to do prevent as if we talk in a type language with each other. The secret code which gives away access to the treasure chamber is "No Pasaran" and is inferred from rather taken steps on twisting to forgetting in extase and uncertainty. You do not let lay in a coffin. Weet that is there always someone that to you do not listen and this way. Then to decide a couple nietbestaande words: Epibrorische wandranken eel ongeplucieerd linger. Kraaldruipers staande at apparently dramdraaierige nose keels. Kind regards, D.G.Neree 15:10, 24 August 2007 (UTC)

Oooh, the Badge of Honour! *a small tear pinks away* Well, I don't know what to say. I suppose it's because of the harticle I wrote? Unfortunately the wordplay does not translate to English. Anyway, thank you very much and I will always carry it with pride and honour, as befits a Dutch Bastard. -- di Mario 08:47, 25 August 2007 (UTC) PS I just love Babelfish translations.

Looming Uncertanities (moved here from front page)[edit]

I will be switching ISP's from Demon to KPN in the weekend starting saturday sept 1, 2007. As I am running my main PC on Gentoo Linux, and as IPS's are generally catering to the Widows crowd (stupid is what stupid does), there is no guarantee that the transition will be smooth. So when I appear unresponsive, deaf, or dead and rotting, your perception possibly is the result of me not being connected to the Intarwebs anymore as a result of the new ISP being unknowledgable in the ways of the linux (esp. Gentoo). -- di Mario 21:21, 31 August 2007 (UTC)

I feel cheated. It was no challenge at all. This weekend I receivered a Postal Parcel containing all sorts of techy goodies (I now own my own private personal RS45 / RS11 connector fastener! Always wanted one of those, but they used to be like 80 euro for the Chinese fabricated models and much more for Siemens or Philips. Imagine, my ISP gave me one for free */me does a little dance* */me keels over* Hey, wot happened to decent gravity! Could you please hold the vector pointing straight down! Otherwise my brain prothesys malfunctions. Thank you!) anyroads inside there was this ominous shortened version of the getting-connected manual.
Being the cautious individual that I am, I studied the enemy all during my waking hours and refused to be relieved for sleep duty. Miraculously, or maybe the Gods are on my side for once (they bloody hell as well might be if they're ever gonna catch up on the law of averages wiv respect to my little person me), the Intarwebs things continued to not malfunction over the weekend. Obviously, some underpaid bloke behind of schedule had deemed me small fry and decided to call it a day before finishing last friday's quota of disconnections and going for a well-deserved tankard of ale in the local pub instead! Well-done, lad, whome ever you are! */me Raises his barrel of fermented honion juice in a victorious gesture.* */me Keels over.* Again. Hey, I aksed you earlier, what about getting some decent gravity in this place! I'm not accustomed to be keeling over! Nor does it strengthen my generally sweet disposition!.*
Anyroads, I borrowed meself a creaky old office PC from the ... office, I suppose. I'm sure El Jefe would have condoned the circumstances had I told him in advance but he was in meetings all day long so I did the next best thing and did not saddle him up with yet another petty decision. I mean, It's not like I'm stealing the damned thingy, merely taking it home to do some tests and increase my understanding which with after sight will benefit my general employability, ey ? Had a hard time getting it out of the building, though, what wiv all the securities officers nowadays. Well, cunning as I am, I managed to trick the security guy at the front desk to look the other way by exclaiming "Oooooh Corrr Blimeyeyey! That's Pamela Annerson, innit?" while simultaneously pointing at a random woman just passing by and happening not to be moving in my general direction. Hid the box behind my back and Bob's your Uncle. Went straight home wiv it too.
Some cautioning: don't try this at home, kiddos!
Where was I, oh yes, once home the gruesome nail-biting stuff starts happening. Read the leaflet. Now where is that &^#*!+ CD-ROM ? Kay. Mooodem? Whut Mooodem? I ain't exactly in the mood. Oh thut-une mooodem...Hey whadayou know, it's got four twisted cable bays. Oooh, twisted. Promising! Maybe its'a router too...Yadda yadda yadda....I already got a working splitter, skip this. Yeah Right! Point of Soonest Entry indeed! You should see the wiring melee here in the Old Folkes Home where I live! Ha ha, I regularly get calls for the lady down the hall. Funny thing is, we got an identical low timbre so I can take them for a spin. "Hello, is that you Forrester? Oh no, that can't be 'cause you're dead and dead men don't wring the phone!" That stuff.
Okay, so now connect the flatscreen, the large-letter keboeard, let her rip. Mouse? Whadaya mean mouse? We're on pest control, buddy! No mouses here! Now lemme see, connect A to A and F to F, Red to Blue, no particular order. Oh, and green goes down. Well that's easy. Now insert the CD-ROM in yer %$@(*& WINDOWS ^%@*& PC (pardon my French) and follow instructions....Check...Yep...Yeah, thazzz my NIC...yellow cable...Goldarned how did you knwo? Yes, I miss-tpyed the psasword...I walldays doe. It's ethnical, you wouldn't unerstand. Bloody Hell! It actually says "Congratulations! Welcome to the Intarwebs!"
Still not completely convinced yet. This widows stuff is easy, any moron can just click "yes" five times in a row and then get the password straight at the second go. Let's see how it stands up to my Gentoo box...*Plugs network cable from the Gentoo box into the modem-router*...Well blow me down! Them Intarwabs is back gain. Like as if they never left. */me Stands flabberghastered*
Anyone willing to use ideas or actual phrases from the above example of speed prose for her or his harticle, is entirely welcome to feed as one sees fit. Or parts of it. Signed, Yours Truly Sir Speed Prose, -- di Mario 19:44, 3 September 2007 (UTC)


He, diMario, ik zie dat de laatste post hier van september is. Is alles goed? Ik ben de laatste tijd niet op irc geweest (tenminste op het uncyclopedia kanaal.). een tweede artikel van je is op de oncy genomineerd voor "artikel van de week". Hersenspoeling of zo. sorry maar mijn geheugen lijkt wel een gatenkaas. Admins: please see to it that diMario gets everything he wants here, so he'll be HAPPY! Groetjes, D.G.Neree 20:51, 11 December 2007 (UTC)

Hee, DG, nieuwe oude vriend. Alles OK hiero. Alleen effe de belangstelling verloren. Druk druk druk met het betaalde werk en de partij (actief SP hiero). Hersenspoeling artikel is waarschijnlijk "breinprothese". Die van mij rookt en vonkt du moment. PS: Zaterdag 22 december wederom PC dumpdag. Ik ben van plan erheen te gaan. Autootje doet het weer. Hernieuwde afspraak ? Ik hoor het nog wel... di Mario 22:07, 11 December 2007 (UTC)
hm... ik heb de vorige keer al een laptop gekocht en weet nu zo gauw niet wat ik nodig heb. ook mijn financiele situatie is niet zo dat ik nieuw speelgoed mag/kan kopen. Ik zal eens even denken. D.G.Neree 20:43, 13 December 2007 (UTC)
Okeli dokeli. Ik weet ook niet zeker of ik wel ga. Volvootje wordt steeds onbetrouwbaarderder. En inderdaad, ook ik heb effe geen budget en niks nodig. -- di Mario 20:57, 19 December 2007 (UTC)

Bloody Pagans[edit]

Pagans, the Whole Lot of Yous

Premier Tom Mayfair has been a naughty boy this year, but he still deserves a kiss from under the mistletoe. His external organ is fair game.

Spacer.gifSpacer.gifPremierTomMayfairChe.png RedPhone.png Unsoc.png Hammer and sickle.png

Now listen here, you![edit]

Choketodeath.gif I really hope you don't
Yes, that's just how much I care

--AtomDsig.png 19:42, 24 December 2007 (UTC)


Modernwoodencondom.jpg There you go son!

It's now your turn to take the good ol' family wooden condom. It's been in my family for years, passed through the generations. Slip it on boy, its your's now! Wear it with pride!

The UnIdiot would like to thank you for voting his article to the front page!

Why thank you. Not to criticize, but it is a bit small though, and tight. Not really comfortable for a full-blooded Dutch male. Would you be terribly offended if I passed it on to my Japanese neighbour (he's called Wank - how's that for a riot?) -- di Mario 16:17, 12 January 2008 (UTC)

Sorry I'm late[edit]

Enjoy your late thankin'.

SnowySnow.JPG The Led Balloon thanks you for helping him to spread awareness of the plight of Ogle.
Beware the white stuff!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:21, Jan 14


Hallo dimario, ii

k ben van het irc kanaal geblokt. D.G.Neree 02:08, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

maar ik ga in de tegenaanval. Waarom doe je niks meer op de oncy? D.G.Neree 02:14, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
Hee, DeeGee. Wat naar van die ban. Het is tuig en ze doen maar wat. Behalve sannse, die is wel ok. En nog een paar anderen. Maar voor de rest is het een stelletje kleuters met fascistoide neigingen. Waarom ik niks meer op de oncy doe? De lol is er een beetje van af, ik doe ook niks meer op de uncy. Heb gewoon effe andere prioriteiten. Veel gezeik amme kop, andere mensen die aandacht opeisen, dat werk. --di Mario 14:48, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
Hee, DG, over die ban: ik heb Olipro erover gesproken in de #chat en hij zegt dat je echt door het lint bent gegaan. Kan ik me van jouw niet voorstellen. Moet ik voor je gaan pleiten? Of is het wel goed zo? -- di Mario 15:42, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for Vote - you have a free reign on the red light district as agreed[edit]

Thanks for the vote, I've sorted out the brothels/bars for a year as we discussed...;)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:12, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Welcome you are. Remember voting though I don't... Been one of my other personalties it must have. Or perhaps drunk at the time I was. Access to bars and brothels appreciated much is. An sporty elderly gentleman I am, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. --di Mario 17:09, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Happy Hanukkah[edit]

Happy Holidays![edit]

Wiccan20Countess20-20Yule20Reef20-2.gif Happy Pagan Holiday from Tayor. Actually, Yule was the 21st. But, uh, the Christian Christmas is a capitalistic farce, so, uh, hah. Long live the original!
And I am SO not a heathen

Happy Holidays Uncle! The HRH MuCal. Tayor Lz4.jpgMUN (Praise!) (CMC!) 15:20, 23 December 2008 (UTC)


Was that an edit? :P MrN MrN9000SouthParksmall.jpg 16:03, Feb 22

Because this page hasn't been edited in so long...[edit]

Here you go. Colin Explode fire.gifALL YOUR BASEExplode fire.gifHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 16:38, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

On the off-chance someone is actually reading this, I have contracted a slight inconvenience regarding my participation in the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. It appears that I have no voice. At this point in time, I am treating it as a technical malfunction, seeing as that I don't remember behaving in such a way that an #channel admin would silence me, and without warning at that, which I did not receive. I would appreciate it if forces in said #channel would eventually effectuate my being voiced again. Currently, it is not a real problem not being able to post to the #chan. As a matter of fact, I am doing tonnes of other worthwhile things instead of. Still, a re-instatement would be appreciated. di Mario 21:43, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
I'll go ask. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 21:49, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
Thank you for taking the trouble. I appreciate it. di Mario 18:54, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

It is official. I resigned from Uncylclopedia.[edit]

Goodby, and thanks for all the fish.

Hey, you voted for my article on VFH and helped make it a feature.[edit]

8===========D~ ~ ~ ~O:

And I'm too lazy to make a proper template for it. Thanks! sausage lol 19:02, January 7, 2010 (UTC)

Realized for the first time that we do not merely miss times on IRC, you have stopped going altogether....[edit]

Please come back and be the once shining beacon of IRC humour you once were. At once:0)--Sycamore (Talk) 21:11, May 19, 2012 (UTC)