User:That Guy Huffed Me/:UnBooks: The Grim Repairman
The small street was very pleasant. It had beautiful trees where the pretty birds cheep all day long. It was not on a hill it didn’t even have a slight rise in elevation. The houses all had matching colours…except one. The house of course was not too different it just had an unpainted porch and untrimmed grass, because the ‘man of the house’ preferred to be referred to as ‘that lump on the couch’. It was the household of George and Amelda Waters.
Monday-The Call Before The War[edit | edit source]
George and Amelda were both into their late 50’s and therefore had many awkward fights, including this fight that occurred one Monday mourn. George was watching the early mourning news when there was a ring at the doorbell. George put his tea on the homemade table. The table made a large CREEEK sound followed closely by a KABOOM before the table imploded on itself sucking the tea and the coaster into oblivion.
“George, what was that?” Screamed Amelda from the upstairs bedroom.
“Nothing dearest” shouted George.
“George, that table didn’t fall part did it?” inquired Amelda “I’d wish we could just pay a repairman to fix our furniture”.
“NO” shouted George “I love being the handyman, I fixed the heater!”.
“Yes, but now it just shoots flames” said Amelda.
“IT KEEPS THE HOUSE WARM DOES IT NOT!!!” shouted George.
‘Ding dong’ said the doorbell
George ran to the door and looked through the keyhole. It was Bobby Kettle from two doors down. Bobby was short well-kept man with a daggy haircut and big round glasses. George was a good friend with Bobby but the fact Bobby was so overoptimistic ticked George off a bit. He let Bobby in.
“Hello Bob how are you?” said George
“Good thanks George, I just need to ask you something” said Bobby with a sickening enthiasm
“What?”
“Oh yeah, see I need that screwdriver I let you barrow back”
“Oh yes, it’s just in my basement"
“Good, so how have you been, I heard that argument you had with your wife”
“Hrmmm yes, about me fixing things”
“I hear a handyman is moving at the end of the street! Imagine a professial on street, oh boy! That might solve some of your problems”
“Oh, really”
The muscles on George's face tensed in a way most unpleasant
“Yeah, Ok, I better go down to get that screwdriver” said Bobby
Several hours pasted and Bobby finally emerged from the basement, bleeding intensely.
“What happened?” said George
“Well, it's nothing really, I just fell though some floorboards into a pile of nails. I’ll be ok it’s nothing a tetanus shot can’t fix” said Bobby
“That’s good”
“Hey, George, you know you’ve got a bit of a spider problem down there, their quite big actually ”
“How Big?”
“Not too big, about as small as a pony nothing I couldn’t handle, but they pack a nasty bite”
“Ok, I might call an Ambulance for you if it’ll be of any help”
“Thanks, hey George, can I also have a towel I seem to frothing at the mouth”
“What am I a fricking maid, get your own damned towel. Oh yeah and don’t get any froth on my law if you have to froth, go to the Woodwillowson’s lawn. I hate them so much.”
“Thanks anyway Geogre” wheezed Bobby
Tuesday-The Arrival[edit | edit source]
The next mourning, George awoke bright and early. He felt around the bed for his reading glasses only to find something cold and appeared to be made of leather.
“Darling, did you buy me a leather jacket?” Said George feeling the strange object
“No that’s my skin” Said Amelda
George shuddered and got out of bed. We went down stairs and outside to check the mail. And too his horror there was a letter, inside it read:
“You are invited to the Willowson’s welcome party for Grimes Grimily our street’s new repairman!”
As much as he hated the Willowsons at this moment for showing human compassion, he knew he would be there to show them up, and he would be sure that his wife would make the best welcome to our street meal.
"Hurry up with that bloody cake!" shoated Geogre
"It's not just a cake Geogre, It's a Blueberry cake" said Amelda
"Your right, it's more than just a cake. It's my last chance to upstage to Williowsons and overthrow there bloody dessert dictorship"
"Oh Geogre, you do over exaggerated a fair bit, Why do you hate the Willowsons"
"I have never over exaggerated anything in the history of the planet"
So they went to the Willowson's Welcome party at the Williowson family manor.
As he entred their home He was greeted by Mr.Williowson. Mr.Williowson was ugly rich frenchman, but didn't Geogre beleive he was that rich in fact doubted he was even french.
'Hello...er I mean Bonjour! Mr.Waters' said Mr.Williowson
'Hello, do you know where I put this coat'
'My son will get it, we are teaching not to rebel by teaching him to become a butler'
A 16-year-old boy in a suit appeared and took Geogre coat and set fire to it and gave the ashes back to him
'There is coat fascist!' said the 16-year-old boy in a suit
'Son please stop rebelling, and wear the trousers I gave you! Not that thing your wearing now'
'This is a Tutu dad, we need to rebel angaist the mainstream punk regime that has sold out our anarchist beleives'
Grimes Grimily came across rather eccentric only talking in a form of tongues, other than that he seemed quite charismatic, only devouring the faces of 5 guests.