User talk:That Guy Huffed Me/:UnBooks: The Grim Repairman
From Pee Review[edit source]
User:That Guy Huffed Me/:UnBooks: The Grim Repairman[edit source]
It's hardly finshed, but it's stil quite long, any feedback?--SIR T H A T G U Y H U F F E D M E 
throw a snowball 02:38, 13 July 2007 (UTC)
It is off to a good start, though I couldn't guess what book it is you are parodying (my knowledge of Eng. Lit. is not extensive). If you really plan on seeing this through I'd advise you to look up some websites about writing a novel.
I'm not claiming that I am able to write well, but it seems to me you could spruce up things a bit, make the dialoges a bit more lively (use exclamation marks! But sparingly! And never two in a row!!!).
You might want to reveal a bit more of the background of you characters:
- What was the main recurring theme of the "awkward fights" the Waters had had?
- Do they have any children?
- What is their professional background?
- How did they end up in that small street?
- Do they share a passion?
- Dark secrets?
- Interesting secrets?
- Dirty little secrets ?
In my opinion, a novel should somehow conjure up an atmosphere, a sense of foreboding, especially when it is about the Apocalypse (that much I understood).
Your characters should act from an inner motivation, and interact with each other in a more or less plausible if not natural way.
The images on the other hand are well-chosen. Beautiful black and white. You might want to experiment with their placing, as the text grows. And make sure that the images are there to support the text, so they should be relevant to the events regaled and their subscripts should provide a link to the story.
Well, this advice is all a bit vague, I realize that, so feel free to ignore it as you see fit. Cheerio from the Dutchlands, -- di Mario 15:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC)
I'll move the disussion to this page, it seems more logical. That_Guy_Huffed_Me wrote (on my user page, circa july 20, 2007):
- Hey diMario, thanks for you review on User:That Guy Huffed Me/:UnBooks: The Grim Repairman! I'm sorry didn't reveal a bit about the characters or do all the great stuff you mentioned. I feel very limited, if I make this thing to long no one would read it and it would not do very well on VFH. That is why I had to make as short as possible, unfortently in my haste I forgot about charter devopment. I will use your advice and keep writing, thank you.
- No need to excuse yourself, you are the author and you make all the decisions for this UnBook. Others may dispute them (as I did) but it is your baby and you should stand squarely behind it, with a stern determined look on your face (plus an open mind of course). UnBooks being longish: my personal instinct is that articles should be concise, but UnBooks may grow to the size of a short novel (say 10.000 - 13.000 words (?)). After all, they are a book and not an harticle. Those whome have no stomach for reading such a long text won't, and those inclined in Eng. Lit. will be delighted. So I'd say there is plenty of room to develop your characters. If, otoh, you wish to make it a rather short text, then I would advise you to condense the dialogue in favour of providing some background to your characters. I hope this helps, -- di Mario 16:40, 20 July 2007 (UTC)
Review now