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Did you know... [edit]

... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?

... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
... that in Spanish, "chinga tu madre" means "have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?

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In the news [edit]

BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! (Pictured)
MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles to HOF
Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
PBS and NPR to lose funding
Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
New Easter Bunny is a fascist

Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez • Jayson Tatum's Achilles

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom • Boston Celtics' playoff run and repeat hopes

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On this day [edit]

May 14: "Aren't Space Stations Just Spaceships That Can't Move?" Day (U.S.)

468 BC - The color of the sky deemed to be blue by Greek philosophers.
1607 - The settlement of Jamestown, Virginia is founded in the middle of a swamp, local mosquito population ravaged by Human flu.
1846 - The United States snatches Mexico's purse and pilfers 500,000 square miles of sweet land.
1974 - NASA accidentally launches the planned Skylab station into the ocean. (Pictured)
1975 - Vehicle meant to retrieve Skylab from the ocean accidentally launched into outer space, vehicle renamed to Skylab.
1976 - Astronauts stage a mutiny against Earth after being tethered to a giant claw for three months.
2007 - After billions of dollars of research and intense study, Bill Gates finally hits puberty.
2008 - The Secret Service find George W. Bush hiding behind a vase in the White House cantina: "Is my presidency over?" Bush says.
2075 - I lose my house keys again.

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Picture of the day

A great disturbance was recorded in the historical community today when what appeared to be a preliminary version of the Michelangelan Fresco that decorates the Sistine Chapel was found spraypainted on a remote alleyway in Rome. Notable historians whatsisname and thatguy said it was due to Michelangelo's intense desire to be accepted into the Renaissance art movement, which they say "required a fair amount of street cred."

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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