User:JJPMaster/mp

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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Alice Springs, Northern Territory, Australia;

John Biasedreporter: We're here in Alice Springs with Lindy Chamberlain-Creighton, who says her baby was eaten by a dingo earlier this morning. Lindy?

Lindy Chamberlain-Creighton: I was out on that big-ass rock out near Alice Springs when this damn dingo ate my baby!

John: A dingo, you say?

Lindy: They look all cute from a distance, but they're savage! They should be hunted to extinction, then thrown on the barbie with some shrimp! They're all monstehs! They would probably be delicious with vegemite! Now I'm hungry. Thanks a lot! (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that AMC's hit series Breaking Bad Wind (Pictured) featured the actors' real farts?

... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?

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In the news [edit]

Free bus passes and shawarma for everyone! Until the money runs out..

New York City goes full Commie, elects Zohran Mamdani as mayor (Pictured)
Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
Dingo eats a woman's baby
Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C. • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC

Recent deaths: Charlie Kirk • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • A guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefs • Capitalism in NYC • Blue Jays fans' livers and kidneys

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On this day [edit]

November 6: Rickroll Day

1962 - Rick Astley born (homosexual).
1987 - Astley robs a bank and finds himself involved in hopeless gunfight but vows never to give up. Has idea for song.
2007 - the first recorded Rickroll amuses internet uses for 15-20 minutes.
2010 - the last recorded Rickroll, performed by your dad.
2025 - Kids these days. Don't even know what a Rickroll is.

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Picture of the day

Franz Kafka started his career as a newspaper cartoonist, before being sued by Gary Larson in the court of his own mind.

Image credit: Modusoperandi
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