User:JJPMaster/mp
From today's featured article
Rob Gronkowski, also known as "Gronky Kong", is tall guy who once play American football, now is tall funny guy make appearance on TV. Gronk have play as tight end, no make into wide receiver. Gronk have perverted sense of humor, you see. Hahaha, 69!
Gronk have play for team with Tom Brady, namely New England Patriots and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, play so hard against hometown team Buffalo Bills due to Bills dinosaur owner no pick Gronk. Gronk mad.
Gronk is crazy party animal, like party so much he use beer keg for wash bodyyyyyy. Gronk say no eat TIE PODS, but sometimes he no resist, due to TIE PODS is colorful like candyyyyy. TIDE POD yucky though, Gronk just eat to look cool.
Despite Gronk now hated in hometown of Buffalo, New York due to angry GRONK SMASH on Tre White, he still more likeable by light years than dummy ex-teammate Aaron Hernandez, who was angry gangster go kill people. Gronk one of few people who no get CTE from play football, but BORN with CTE, along with Cam Skattebo. Therefore being born with CTE, Gronk always nuts, but awesome. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)
- ... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
- ... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail?
- ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
- ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
- ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
- ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
- ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
In the news
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April (Pictured)
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
- Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
- Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
- Starmer announces plans to make tweeting illegal in the UK
- Trump given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war he started 3 hours ago
- Kansas City Chiefs impulsively fire Missouri as home state, moving to actual Kansas after missing playoffs
- UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday
Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • Some big shot musical award • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota
Recent deaths: 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career • Bills' Super Bowl window • Iran's government
On this day
- 1461 - The War of the Roses: no one outside of some damp island has any idea what happened during the war, I don't know, poppies started eating people?
- 1652 - New Amsterdam (later renamed to New York City) is settled, declared the "Greatest City in the World" by people with low expectations.
- 1848 - The Mexican-American War ends in the treaty of "Gimme Half Your Shit", in which America gladly welcomes all the land Mexico was kind enough to lend.
- 1850 - Brigham Young slaughters hundreds of Native Americans, is cursed in the afterlife to live in the, uhh, terrestrial kingdom? Seriously?
- 1922 - James Joyce writes random scribbles and publishes it, scholars are still confounded after decades of study.
- 1943 - The Battle of Stalingrad ends after all the Nazis just froze to death, General Winter, just don't think about it, O Beautiful for Spacious Skies...
Picture of the day
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"The cereal where you eat the box!" Image credit: InfiniteMonkey |
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