User:JJPMaster/mp
From today's featured article
Much loved '50s, '60s and '70s entertainer Radio Star was found dead at home in Los Angeles County in 1982, aged 47. Radio Star's career had been waning for several years due to the increasing popularity of his rival, Video, and initial reports on the story suggested suicide was a likely cause. However, in a dramatic turn of events, the police announced they were treating the matter as a murder investigation, and shortly afterwards arrested Video for the crime.
Radio Star had shot to popularity in the first half of the 20th century, and was a popular fixture on the wireless back in '52. Young people would lie awake intent at tuning in to him, and nothing stopped him coming through. The future was bright for Radio Star, and nothing seemed to stop his inexorable rise. Aided in his early career by the fact that there was nothing worth watching on TV, he monopolized the airwaves in a fashion not seen before or since (notable efforts by the ubiquitous Oprah Winfrey notwithstanding).
In the '60s and '70s, he had to contend with a new rival – TV Star, whose hot new gimmicks included "visibility", "motion", and hippy chicks grooving along to the music. Unfortunately for TV Star though, his gimmicks at this time didn't include "endless playback of popular songs", meaning his exposure was limited, and Radio Star was able to survive this initial onslaught. However, it turned out that TV Star was just a forerunner of the much greater threat around the corner, a threat that was instigated by those fiendish international masterminds: Freddie Mercury and Queen. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... I burning your dog? (Pictured)
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that you should invest in chicken stock?
- ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
- ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
In the news
- Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi
- World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four
Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus
Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP
On this day
April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq)
- 3141 BC - The world's first great pi was baked. It took years to eat.
- 1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO.
- 1503 - Disneyland Central America opens in the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan.
- 1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day.
- 1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell I can't remember. (Pictured)
- 2001 - The butterfly effect is proved in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China.
- 2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition.
Picture of the day
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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault |
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