User:JJPMaster/mp

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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Rachel Jobe Chengler, (Ray-chel Jo-🐝 惩-ler) known unprofessionally as Rachel Zegler), is a Columbian-American daughter of a dedicated Friends fan, and the worst casting in the history of film, twice. She is known mostly for her award-winning performance in Steven Spielberg's Westo Sido Storyo, which is West Side Story but with a slightly more Puerto Rican cast, and actual wooden actors instead of Natalie Wood. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured)

... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure aids?
... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?
... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?

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In the news [edit]

Eh?

Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian (Pictured)
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
New Easter Bunny is a fascist
4chan hacked, nobody cares
Vatican commits simony
YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE
Scientists revive some dead wolves because they can
Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations
Wayne Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record broken by Putin's Instagram buddyboo
Donald Trump receives prestigious award for destroying the stock market
Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • The 1-game "playoff runs" of the mid-tier NBA teams • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Gawr Gura • Google's ad monopoly

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On this day [edit]

April 24: Regretting Eating Those Novelty Chocolate Easter Bunnies Day (U.S.)

∞ BC - Time begins, to the disappointment of trillions.
1353 - Badger maulings reach record levels in Europe.
1704 - The first regular newspaper is published in America: The Boston New-Letter, containing overly-opinionated columns and hyped-up headlines. Circulation soars.
1856 - The word chairman is introduced to the Oxford English Dictionary as "A person with a proclivity to stand sitting."
1862 - The American Civil War on spelling begins, the letter 'u' in 'color' being the first victim.
1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born, sadly, he was born in Croatia.
2005 - George W. Bush declares, "America is officially full," all immigrants rerouted to Nunavut.

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Picture of the day

Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.

Image credit: Mhaille
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