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From today's featured article 

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I was sitting in my living room very late at night, watching the Friday the 13th franchise. Something felt off, though. I don't mean in the way some horror movies might make you uneasy; something felt really, really wrong. That's when I heard it.

KI KI KI MA MA MA

I immediately got up and looked out the window. That's when I saw the bastard.

Jason Voorhees. Standing underneath a streetlight. No weapon. No credit card. No signup. No bullshit. He's not here to kill me; he's here to lay a goddamn beatdown, no two ways about it. I'll be damned if I let that happen. Me and him were staring at each other for about ten seconds before he started walking towards my house. Time to face the music. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina?

In the news 

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One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Trump's pet slothRobert RedfordU.S. Federal GovernmentJane GoodallThe Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane KeatonGaza WarDrew StruzanWindows 10D'AngeloYouTube player's old design • Ace Frehley

Upcoming deaths: DEIIran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBCDonald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefsCapitalism in NYC • 2025 Major League Baseball season

On this day 

Contrary to popular belief, the "Peeing Calvin" bumper sticker was not created by Oscar Wilde.

October 27: National "Peeing Calvin" Bumper Sticker Day

  • 1875 - Oscar Wilde decided to avoid his normal routine and go to the barbers before attending his routine denouncement.
  • 1956 - George Bush's first toenail grew in. Widely considered to be particularly unspectacular, this event is overlooked by hordes of Bush supporters who hold wild street parties, which begin with tea and quiet chatting and end in mass orgies.
  • 1959 - John F. Kennedy pees on Calvin.
  • 1998 - Mother of Pearl Sunday when several people attempted to create a zombie of Michael Jackson.
  • 2101 - Chuck Norris pees twice on Calvin. Then pees on Hobbes and Bill Watterson. Can you beat that, John?

Picture of the day

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It wasn't until Michelangelo's parents gave him a "Etch-A-Sculpt" that he decided to become an artist.

Image credit: Modusoperandi
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