UnNews:Showtime announces Dexter: Bad Blood

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Sunday, February 5, 2023

"Yeah, Harrison, you should totally avoid killing that fucking bitch."

IRON LAKE, New York -- After many serious considerations, American TV network Showtime has decided to cancel their mega-hit 10-episode miniseries Dexter: New Blood, and inevitably replace it by another Dexter-universe miniseries, entitled Dexter: Bad Blood.

The new miniseries, which will also contain 10 episodes, will focus on serial killer Dexter Morgan as a teenager, and his relationship with his father Harry Morgan back then. A second storyline will tell the story of Dexter's son, Harrison Morgan, as he struggles with inner demons resulting from the fact that he has killed his own father. The demons will include Harrison's father Dexter, who will be a "bad demon" encouraging Harrison to hurt people, and Harrison's aunt Debra, a kind of good angel encouraging Harrison to avoid those negative actions.

According to Michael C. Hall, who has portrayed Dexter Moragn for the past 9 seasons, "Harrison has a somewhat vague memory of his aunt Debra, but since Dexter has been publicly revealed as the Bay Harbor Butcher, Harrison has been obsessed with collecting any media he could get his hands on presenting Debra Morgan. So now she has become a kind of 'guardian angel' in his head, protecting him from the bad influence of the voice and image of his father".

According to Hall, Dexter: Bad Blood will also present new characters, most notably a new father figure for Harrison, and the return of old characters from the original 8-season Dexter series, in addition to characters from New Blood.

It's still unclear if female serial killer and Dexter's eternal love Hannah McKay would return for the new miniseries. As every Dexter fan knows, Hannah is not the most reliable person in the universe, which would make her death between Dexter and New Blood somewhat questionable. Since Dexter told Hannah to tell Harrison that he's dead, it only makes sense that Hannah would do the exact same thing to Dexter, and make Dexter taste his own venom.

It's also unknown what would be the nature of Harrison's new father figure, and how much better it would be than Britney Spears's and Michael Jackson's dads.

In addition, it's completely unclear why the fuck the first storyline, about Dexter as a teenager, is even necessary. It would be The Sopranos prequel all over again. Who the fuck cares. Dexter killed a bunch of dogs and his dad told him to kill bad guys instead of trying to fix him. What do you think New Blood was all about? You already did a prequel, you fucking morons.

In conclusion, sometimes it seems like a good idea to do something, but the truth is that you really already did that thing in the past, so it's totally unnecessary to do it again. Waste of energy.

For even more details about Dexter: Bad Blood, please check out my already dead upcoming collaboration with "Weird Al" Yankovic, Alected. And don't worry about Harvey, he's about to replace Gal Gadot on Marvel pretty soon.

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