Portal:Society
Society is an abstract concept that envisions people and culture as a unified entity, thinking and acting in harmony. It represents a collective human aspiration, yet it is constantly mistaken as something already achieved. This illusion diminishes its true value and purpose, leading to its gradual decline.
Society only finds skinny people attractive, but is fat itself. Society doesn't like to stereotype people, except those damn Mexicans with their beans and rice. Society thinks foreigners should learn English before coming to America, but needs to find an English-speaker when it goes on vacation abroad. Society finds prison rape hilarious. Society believes America to be the greatest country on the motherfucking planet! Society preaches that gays should have equal rights... Just not in front of Society. Society knows that anyone who doesn't stand up during the Star-Spangled Banner is obviously a Communist. Society has no gender, yet seems to favor straight white men. But trust us, Society's not biased or hypocritical at all. (See more...)
PERSONAL
ATTN: Staci Loman
1432 Kitchenside Dr.
Probably like, Ohio
Dear Ms. Loman,
I know this information is coming at an inopportune time in your life; having a deaf sister is never an easy burden to bear. And I know that the recent C+ in Geometry has severely affected your relationship with your parents for the time being, leading to a terribly unfortunate loss of car-borrowing privileges. I also heard about your cat Chuckles. Again, I’m terribly sorry. However, I believe the time has come for us to see other people. Other people, as in absolutely not each other. (See more...)
- ... that shopping without a shopping list is like hiking into the Alaskan wilderness without a map?
- ... that necromancy is just another way of getting a date, and that you shouldn't judge me?
- ... that picking up chicks is as easy as i, 0, e, π?
- ... that Russians only do a reversal when they are frightened, and you shouldn't encourage it at all?
Millennials (formerly christened Generation Y) are the generational cohort born roughly between the birth of AIDS and the Spice Girls (or 9/11 if you go by fatter definitions), who are or aren't the spawn of Baby boomers and older Gen Xers, did or didn't experience the "Nuthin' Nineties", did or didn't survive the Iraq War, do or don't vape, and are forever caught in an emotional quadrangle of economic despair, constant putdowns from their elders, crippling student loan debts, and shell-shock caused by the prospect that they will have to work until the day they drop dead.
Millennials appeared at just the right time to witness the economic and political golden age of the 1990s, but were not quite old enough to enjoy the rave scene – unfortunately, the rug was yanked out from them all too soon, as the excessive abuse of avocado toast and the economy (often simultaneously) presented their bill. Despite being in their 30s and 40s, many still make only minimum wage, reside with their parents, and rarely reproduce... (See more...)
COLUMBUS, Georgia - Hey, today is my cat's birthday. He is eleven today. I've had him for most of both his and my life. He's really nice, even though he attacks other cats. And people. He doesn't like people. Except me. We've had him ever since he was about two or three months old. We got him after my mother got done serving her community service at the animal shelter. That's where she served most of her community service, anyway. She also did some of her probation at Habitat for Humanity and at the airport. That's right. Half of the people who work at the airport as security screeners are people serving time. How else do you think 9/11 could have ever happened?
My mother had to do something like 200 hours of probation along with going to weekly AA meetings after she got a DUI. Guess where she got the DUI at? In a Chuck E. Cheese parking lot. Seriously. We went there because it was my fifth birthday. As I played, she got extremely wasted. Who knew they even served alcohol at Chuck E Cheese? Well, apparently they do. Or at least did. (See more...)
| “ | Look at these people. Glassy-eyed automatons going about their daily lives, never stopping to look around and think! I'm the only conscious human in a world of sheep. | ” |
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