Portal:Society
Society is an abstract concept that envisions people and culture as a unified entity, thinking and acting in harmony. It represents a collective human aspiration, yet it is constantly mistaken as something already achieved. This illusion diminishes its true value and purpose, leading to its gradual decline.
Society only finds skinny people attractive, but is fat itself. Society doesn't like to stereotype people, except those damn Mexicans with their beans and rice. Society thinks foreigners should learn English before coming to America, but needs to find an English-speaker when it goes on vacation abroad. Society finds prison rape hilarious. Society believes America to be the greatest country on the motherfucking planet! Society preaches that gays should have equal rights... Just not in front of Society. Society knows that anyone who doesn't stand up during the Star-Spangled Banner is obviously a Communist. Society has no gender, yet seems to favor straight white men. But trust us, Society's not biased or hypocritical at all. (See more...)
PERSONAL
ATTN: Staci Loman
1432 Kitchenside Dr.
Probably like, Ohio
Dear Ms. Loman,
I know this information is coming at an inopportune time in your life; having a deaf sister is never an easy burden to bear. And I know that the recent C+ in Geometry has severely affected your relationship with your parents for the time being, leading to a terribly unfortunate loss of car-borrowing privileges. I also heard about your cat Chuckles. Again, I’m terribly sorry. However, I believe the time has come for us to see other people. Other people, as in absolutely not each other.
- ... that the interstate is over thataway? Just follow the sign telling you to seek Jesus, the one next to the dancing armadillo...
- ... that the interstate is over thataway? Just follow the sign telling you to seek Jesus, the one next to the dancing armadillo...
- ... that petting zoos are gonna get a whole lot more fun?
White people (also delicately called Crackas, Caucasians, and Honkies) are pasty, melanin-deficient humans who have been sprinkled throughout the planet to exploit its resources and boss around everyone of more humble colors. White people are smart (in ways that don't really matter) and complain about stupid stuff, even though they have it better than every other race.
Whites discriminate against everyone else. Non-whites, by comparison, don't discriminate against whites, because they don't have majority power, so it isn't discrimination even if they do. And whites have stupid names to insult members of other races. No one else does that. These albinescent people are the only race that believes in space aliens. (George Clinton and Louis Farrakhan don't count, because they are space aliens.) In fact, whites love to hear themselves talk so much that they assemble entire collections of their own words (known as books).
EDDY'S HOUSE, Next to the White Castle – Eddy and all his friends threw a totally sweet party at his residence Friday night while their loser friends attended Comic Con. Eddy and company purposely scheduled the party so as not to feel awkward leaving them out. Mandy was there, and Steve brought all the liquor. Everyone expressed total relief that Jimmy and all the guys who play D&D were too busy dressing up as Stormtroopers to show up since they always cause all these awkward silences and it really sucks when they get drunk because they're so annoying.
According to sources close to Eddy, Jimmy announced he would attend Comic Con some time in early March this year. Since the announcement, Eddy's compatriots have allegedly been planning the party to end all parties in secrecy, revealing plans only to close friends and guys they knew who were great when they come to these kinds of things. Plans were nearly compromised mid-June when Jimmy's brother Alex saw Steve making a list of people to invite. The immediate cover of a surprise birthday party for a college friend was deployed. The party committee has since operated in top secrecy, ending contact with all non-essential acquaintances.
| “ | A society grows great when old men cut down all the trees to sell the wood for a 4.3% increase in shareholder value this quarter. | ” |
— Greek proverb
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