Portal:Society
Society is an abstract concept that envisions people and culture as a unified entity, thinking and acting in harmony. It represents a collective human aspiration, yet it is constantly mistaken as something already achieved. This illusion diminishes its true value and purpose, leading to its gradual decline.
Society only finds skinny people attractive, but is fat itself. Society doesn't like to stereotype people, except those damn Mexicans with their beans and rice. Society thinks foreigners should learn English before coming to America, but needs to find an English-speaker when it goes on vacation abroad. Society finds prison rape hilarious. Society believes America to be the greatest country on the motherfucking planet! Society preaches that gays should have equal rights... Just not in front of Society. Society knows that anyone who doesn't stand up during the Star-Spangled Banner is obviously a Communist. Society has no gender, yet seems to favor straight white men. But trust us, Society's not biased or hypocritical at all. (See more...)
There’s nothing I enjoy more than long walks on the beach. Some of my other hobbies include watching the sunset from a picturesque grassy knoll, indulging in fine wine with a scrumptious foie gras dinner, and candlelight conversations on French film. But I think you'll agree that nothing is quite as sexy as me taking a long walk on the beach.
Can you Imagine it? Me with my salon-fresh sandy blonde hair flowing in the breeze (courtesy of Tina; you're a miracle worker, honey!) and a sporty J.Crew sweater tied casually around my waist, lobbing a stray Frisbee back at some snot nosed little urchin. You'll see me on the coast looking pensively out at the sea, reflecting back on all of the endearing little things I did that week. (See more...)
- ... that necromancy is just another way of getting a date, and that you shouldn't judge me?
- ... that Jesus stole my girlfriend? Yeah, she left a note on the fridge. Said he had a cool hippie look and sandals. That bitch.
- ... that God kills a kitten whenever someone reads an article on tired internet memes?
- ... that picking up chicks is as easy as i, 0, e, π?
The Aztecs, long considered as the Mesoamerican equivalent of Spartans, were a collection of ethnic groups well known for perfecting the delicate art of ripping the still beating heart from a man's rib-cage. Their intricate culture of random violence and ceremonial organ theft became known throughout the West through the chronicles of Spanish explorer Hernando Cortez in which he described the natives as "batshit insane lunatics" and "get me the f**k out of here".
Many of these unique cultural hallmarks stem from the Aztec’s religion which roughly dictates that their pantheon of gods require round-the-clock blood donations to continue functioning or the world would implode on itself [citation needed]. However, since the local population felt less than eager to kill themselves, the Aztec high council simply decided to outsource the task to other Indians, in the most hilariously invasive ways possible. (See more...)
STANFORD, California – Groundbreaking research from Stanford University has concluded that the more you hit a child in the head with a hammer the less they seem to care.
The study proves that hitting children with a hammer only bothers them to a certain point, and that after several strikes children stop their complaining, whining, and breathing, the three things that many parents say annoy them the most.
This is all contrary to the prevalent belief that hitting a child, especially with a hammer, will only make them cry more and that you should instead practice loving but stern parenting. The study proves that if a parent is persistent with the "hammer to the head" technique that they will eventually see results such as described above. (See more...)
| “ | Look at these people. Glassy-eyed automatons going about their daily lives, never stopping to look around and think! I'm the only conscious human in a world of sheep. | ” |
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