Portal:Society
Society is an abstract concept that envisions people and culture as a unified entity, thinking and acting in harmony. It represents a collective human aspiration, yet it is constantly mistaken as something already achieved. This illusion diminishes its true value and purpose, leading to its gradual decline.
Society only finds skinny people attractive, but is fat itself. Society doesn't like to stereotype people, except those damn Mexicans with their beans and rice. Society thinks foreigners should learn English before coming to America, but needs to find an English-speaker when it goes on vacation abroad. Society finds prison rape hilarious. Society believes America to be the greatest country on the motherfucking planet! Society preaches that gays should have equal rights... Just not in front of Society. Society knows that anyone who doesn't stand up during the Star-Spangled Banner is obviously a Communist. Society has no gender, yet seems to favor straight white men. But trust us, Society's not biased or hypocritical at all. (See more...)
PERSONAL
ATTN: Staci Loman
1432 Kitchenside Dr.
Probably like, Ohio
Dear Ms. Loman,
I know this information is coming at an inopportune time in your life; having a deaf sister is never an easy burden to bear. And I know that the recent C+ in Geometry has severely affected your relationship with your parents for the time being, leading to a terribly unfortunate loss of car-borrowing privileges. I also heard about your cat Chuckles. Again, I’m terribly sorry. However, I believe the time has come for us to see other people. Other people, as in absolutely not each other.
- ... that you don't exist, but are merely an illusion created by your own brain, which also doesn't exist?
- ... that petting zoos are gonna get a whole lot more fun?
- ... that being at one with the universe is half as easy as being at two with the universe?
White people (also delicately called Crackas, Caucasians, and Honkies) are pasty, melanin-deficient humans who have been sprinkled throughout the planet to exploit its resources and boss around everyone of more humble colors. White people are smart (in ways that don't really matter) and complain about stupid stuff, even though they have it better than every other race.
Whites discriminate against everyone else. Non-whites, by comparison, don't discriminate against whites, because they don't have majority power, so it isn't discrimination even if they do. And whites have stupid names to insult members of other races. No one else does that. These albinescent people are the only race that believes in space aliens. (George Clinton and Louis Farrakhan don't count, because they are space aliens.) In fact, whites love to hear themselves talk so much that they assemble entire collections of their own words (known as books).
COLUMBUS, Georgia - Hey, today is my cat's birthday. He is eleven today. I've had him for most of both his and my life. He's really nice, even though he attacks other cats. And people. He doesn't like people. Except me. We've had him ever since he was about two or three months old. We got him after my mother got done serving her community service at the animal shelter. That's where she served most of her community service, anyway. She also did some of her probation at Habitat for Humanity and at the airport. That's right. Half of the people who work at the airport as security screeners are people serving time. How else do you think 9/11 could have ever happened?
My mother had to do something like 200 hours of probation along with going to weekly AA meetings after she got a DUI. Guess where she got the DUI at? In a Chuck E. Cheese parking lot. Seriously. We went there because it was my fifth birthday. As I played, she got extremely wasted. Who knew they even served alcohol at Chuck E Cheese? Well, apparently they do. Or at least did.
| “ | Look at these people. Glassy-eyed automatons going about their daily lives, never stopping to look around and think! I'm the only conscious human in a world of sheep. | ” |
-
Art
Peak pretentiousness -
Business
Money, money, money! -
Comedy
The science of funny -
Culinary
Food for the soul -
Film
Enter the Matrix -
Games
Recess time -
Gay
A gay ol' time -
Geography
Get lost -
History
Factually wrong -
Literature
Literally illiterate -
Internet
A series of tubes -
Music
Rock on! -
Politics
Politically incorrect -
People
The people's portal -
Religion
Speak of the Devil -
Science
Playing to be God -
Society
We live in one -
Technology
Breaking stuff easier -
Television
Turn your brain off -
Theatre
To be or not to be -
Video Games
Better than sex -
Zoology
Beware of furries -
Portals
Meta-Portal -
Community
The Community -
Main Page
The Uncyclopedia
