Portal:Society
Society is an abstract concept that envisions people and culture as a unified entity, thinking and acting in harmony. It represents a collective human aspiration, yet it is constantly mistaken as something already achieved. This illusion diminishes its true value and purpose, leading to its gradual decline.
Society only finds skinny people attractive, but is fat itself. Society doesn't like to stereotype people, except those damn Mexicans with their beans and rice. Society thinks foreigners should learn English before coming to America, but needs to find an English-speaker when it goes on vacation abroad. Society finds prison rape hilarious. Society believes America to be the greatest country on the motherfucking planet! Society preaches that gays should have equal rights... Just not in front of Society. Society knows that anyone who doesn't stand up during the Star-Spangled Banner is obviously a Communist. Society has no gender, yet seems to favor straight white men. But trust us, Society's not biased or hypocritical at all. (See more...)
Since the birth of time, there have existed many questions which man has struggled to find the meaning for. Queries which Philosophers through the ages have endeavoured to search for the answer to. This is conclusive proof that there remain certain aspects of our world that mankind (or even womankind, for that matter, though it may come as a bit of a surprise) cannot begin to comprehend. We, as mere mortals have struggled to cope with the vastness of existence.
Even The Theory of everything has its flaws: it assumes people are naturally naive and liable to believe everything they read. However, nothing should be taken at face value, as those that destroyed all of their electrical appliances for fear of suffering at the hands of the Millennium Bug will testify. (See more...)
- ... that complaining about anti-intellectualism is just another strain of anti-intellectualism?
- ... that prostitution may be the oldest profession, but passing the buck to someone else is the oldest hobby?
- ... that shopping without a shopping list is like hiking into the Alaskan wilderness without a map?
- ... that picking up chicks is as easy as i, 0, e, π?
British people, better known as Britons, Brits, Knobheads, Limey bastards, or, according to the Words With Friends dictionary, tea-sodden football hooligans, are a group of Celts, Romans, Anglo-Saxons, Norse, and Normans who inhabit a rainy island in the North Sea. Brits are generally considered to be those who inhabit the countries of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland; however, the Scottish, the Welsh, and especially the North Irish tend to either reject or remain blissfully unaware of the fact that they are British.
For some reason, Americans tend to assume British people have terrible teeth, and are usually bewildered to discover they have shockingly good dental hygene, unlike ol' Billy Bob McYank who only has one tooth and strums his banjo. Looking at the world map, with the prime meridian in the centre (we put it there because we invented time and we can put the line where the fuck we want to), we can see that Britain is in the centre and at the top; this is necessary to keep an eye on all you foreigners. (See more...)
COLUMBUS, Georgia - Hey, today is my cat's birthday. He is eleven today. I've had him for most of both his and my life. He's really nice, even though he attacks other cats. And people. He doesn't like people. Except me. We've had him ever since he was about two or three months old. We got him after my mother got done serving her community service at the animal shelter. That's where she served most of her community service, anyway. She also did some of her probation at Habitat for Humanity and at the airport. That's right. Half of the people who work at the airport as security screeners are people serving time. How else do you think 9/11 could have ever happened?
My mother had to do something like 200 hours of probation along with going to weekly AA meetings after she got a DUI. Guess where she got the DUI at? In a Chuck E. Cheese parking lot. Seriously. We went there because it was my fifth birthday. As I played, she got extremely wasted. Who knew they even served alcohol at Chuck E Cheese? Well, apparently they do. Or at least did. (See more...)
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