PlayStation 3 (or PS3) is a big black computer used to play video games. Not the nickname for my penis. Nope, I've heard it all a thousand times, but the resemblance between the PS3 and my penis is just a coincidence. It would never be nicknamed that. No siree.
History[edit | edit source]
Before there was a PS3, there was the PS2 and the PlayStation Classic. Each iteration was bigger and better than the last, just like how the size of my penis grew substantially at the ages of 9 and 14, the respective years when I got my PlayStation and PS2 for Christmas. This is purely coincidental though, because it would be just silly to name my penis after such a stupidly sentimental game-playing machine.
You can play tons of cool games with the old PlayStations, even if they don't look so pretty anymore. My penis, also coincidentally, hasn't been very pretty ever since the boating accident; however, now that the skin grafts settled in everything has been looking a lot better. That's why my penis isn't nicknamed PlayStation or PS2. It also isn't nicknamed PS3.
Hardware[edit | edit source]
Out of all the major fifth-generation video game consoles, the PS3 has far and away the best graphics and hardware on the market. The Xbox has a DVD drive to play its disks, and the Nintendo Wii has a—well, I don't actually know what the Wii has, but it's probably about as advanced as an E-Z Bake Oven. On the other hand, the PS3 has a blu-ray player, which uses lasers to make things look really pretty and awesome somehow. They aren't the same lasers that grafted the skin from my thighs onto my penis, since they don't leave the dicks ... er, disks with any serious scarring.
Plus, the PS3 is 12.8" long, which is probably why people confuse it with my penis so often.
Criticism[edit | edit source]
Upon its release, the PS3 received flak for its exorbitant price of $600, making it more expensive than its competing consoles. While the manufacturers at Sony defended the price by championing its superior graphics, it should be noted that my penis is completely free. This makes it superior to not only the PS3, but also the Xbox and the Nintendo Wii.
Others worried that the expensive blu-ray format would deter third-party publishers from investing in the system, in case the untested format proved to be a failure. In the ensuing years, blu-ray sold just as well as its competitors, ultimately proving to be a smashing technological success. Much like blu-ray, my penis also scared off potential users at first glance, but it gained acceptance (well, to me at least) after the chronic, bubbling rashes began to dissipate.
These are still hardly grounds to nickname my penis after the thing. However, I will admit "blu-ray" would be a pretty cool nickname for anything, even a penis.
Games[edit | edit source]
LittleBigPlanet[edit | edit source]
I've never played this game but people say it's good. It's about a planet that people say is little, but it's actually big? I don't know. Something something my penis.
Final Fantasy 13[edit | edit source]
Final Fantasy 13 is a game, and also the nickname my ex-girlfriend gave her vagina. After we became official, she said she wanted to become "PS3 exclusive". I didn't have the heart to tell her that my penis isn't actually nicknamed PS3. Luckily, she ended up sleeping with someone else a month later, just like how Final Fantasy 13 got ported to the Xbox.
InFamous[edit | edit source]
This game is called InFamous for a reason, just like my penis. The reasons behind both reasons are very different, though. The game InFamous is called InFamous because a group of developers and investors decided that name would be catchy and be able to move units to gamers who would otherwise not know much about the game, such as me. My penis earned that name after I told this chick it's "famous", and that you "can get its autograph, if you want". She countered by saying "More like INfamous!" and then she pulled down my pants, revealing my horrifying skin grafts. The entire room burst out in laughter.
And that's why my penis isn't nicknamed PS3. It's nicknamed InFamous.
Quasi-Featured Article (8 April 2012)