Portal:Television

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The Television Portal

Television is the end product of a signal produced by a stream of electrons impacting on the phosphors of a cathode ray tube. This relatively simple device also happens to be the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race's intelligence. Well, until the Internet that is.

Television also makes you think the images are moving. Television sets contain high levels of drugs which wirelessly and invisibly enter your body orally. The "picture" on a television screen is actually simply black with nothing. This has been considered by scientists as to why many children and teenagers are addicted to watching television; there are many bright colours in children's programmes, and bright colours can cause double levels of the "teledrug" (the top secret mixture of drugs in a TV set) to feed into the children's brains, so as they are mesmerised by the drugs, more feeds into their tiny little brains. This is said to be why the number of children with autism is increasing. (Full article...)

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Highlighted Article

JJ Abrams, producer from the Guardian.

A brutal fact of life is that we all want to be producers of something. It allows us to be in the background when people play the blame game in the foreground when the kudos come a callin'. This guide tells you how to articulate your "talent" and use this guide to Being an American Television Producer.

You'll get to be the coolest person on the planet. However, the profession has become increasingly complex as those Ivy League writers seek to downplay your "ideas" (evil schemes) and brutal moneymaking plans that you have. Your only weapon is a mobile phone and the largest say on how the cash is spent. Some of your time will go towards wooing investors and verbally annihilating your studio acolytes.

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Article credit: Sycamore

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Highlighted News

Blasphemy.

ATLANTA, Georgia -- As we know from Christian televangelists, the wrath of God is normally visited upon communities and businesses for their moral degeneracy, or their tolerance thereof. One need only to look at the hurricanes and tsunamis that have recently ravaged the promiscuous and permissive modern-day Sodoms of New Orleans and Thailand, among other places. But God is also wrathful at those who tarnish his message of love and faith with shitty TV shows and movies.

As a case in point, within the past four months God has tried twice to burn down the studios of outspoken Christian film and TV producer Tyler Perry...

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Article credit: GlobalTourniquet

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Did You Know...

…Neil Patrick Harris hates watching television, unless it's Grey's Anatomy or House MD?

…every time you turn on your television, your high school P.E. teacher cries?

…David Attenborough and Steve Irwin used to be very close friends?

…Tony Danza is actually the boss, but it depends on which witch from Charmed is your favorite?

…if you watch The Facts of Life backwards episode by episode, it unlocks the secrets of the universe?

…Bob Saget auditioned for the role of MacGuyver?

…William Shatner and Henry Winkler often share girlfriends?

…if your mom hadn't let you watch so much television, you'd find Wikipedia more entertaining than Uncyclopedia?

…Wade Wells isn't really a pixie, it's just her haircut?

…Now that The Big Bang Theory is over you can now say that it sucks?

…this portal needs more did you knows?

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Selected picture

What are you watching, Grandma??? This looks like some juvenile shit, can we watch Matlock?

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Image credit: Nightmare2123

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Highlighted Biography

Oscar at the orphanage.

Oscar, born in the early twentieth century, has become a well-known face around the popular Sesame Street. But unlike the other monsters, who have a reputation of being happy and friendly, Oscar has gathered a reputation for being grouchy. This begs the question; "Why would a man who lives on the happiest place on earth come off as grouchy?" Well, those who ask this are ignorant, and lack insight into this monster's life. A life which is more torn and twisted than this world itself. If only more people knew his story, they would come to see why he can be more or less angry at times. But sadly, this isn't the case. His life has brought him down and as he withers away from this world which has forsaken him, he leaves with the infamous nickname, Oscar the Grouch.

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Article credit: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user

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Things You Can Do

Shut up and watch TV, kids!!

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Things You Should Know

Inventors and pioneers: Alan Archibald Campbell-Swinton•

Alan Blumlein• Allen B. DuMont• Boris Grabovsky• Boris Rosing• Charles Francis Jenkins• Constantin Perskyi• David Sarnoff• John Logie Baird• Kálmán Tihanyi• Paul Gottlieb Nipkow• Philo Taylor Farnsworth•

Vladimir Zworykin