User talk:Javascap/Archive 3

RotM

It's still too early in the month for me to cast a vote in good conscience, but rest assured I will give you every consideration. You've done alright by me and right now I'm leaning in your direction. --OptyC Sucks! CUN 17:18, 8 April 2008 (UTC)

Your Powers of Perception are Incredible!

Hey, like most of the other lame-o's who seem to leave comments on your page, I just wanted to thank you for your review. Contrary to unpopular belief, I am not a very good speller. Thanks for the catch. There were a few others. And I definitely enjoy the props. Just throwing them on back. --Beavnation 01:45, 9 April 2008 (UTC)

Thanks

	Well, well, well. I never would have guessed that Javascap was stupid enough to vote for this tripe! Goes to show you never can tell.
	Thanks for voting!

Thanks for the review and the vote! -OptyC Sucks! CUN00:03, 30 Apr

Thankees!

Thanks for the review, Javascap, I'm just getting to changing those things right now... The links did prove a problem because I was struggling for things to link to. - 16:59 2 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Thanks!

Thanks for reviewing Veteran for me, you gave me some really good points. Perhaps you'll nom it for me after I make the necessary improvements? People don't really like self noms, I've noticed. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 19:25 May 5

HALP!

Doctor Miles Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Skullthumper has awarded you a cat brain for being part of the largest HALP! chain on IRC, ever

– Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:33 May 06, 2008

The List

OK, an attempt to explain how it works:

1. Edit the appropriate table, update no. of reviews + no. of in-depth reviews next to the name accordingly
2. Add the latest score to the end of the score average bit and remember to increase the nuber they're divided by accordingly
3. Update the percentage box, date of most recent review and the most recent review itself
4. Go to the foot of the table, to the three long total expressions; find the no. of reviews for that person and increase it accordingly, then do the same for the no. of in depth reviews
5. Hit the preview button
6. View the person's new average in the preview, then change their average in the final total box at the bottom
7. Put the latest checked review, who it was by and the date in the final space in the table
8. Put the name and the article checked in the edit summary
9. Save the page
10. Cross off the review you just checked on the maintenance list
11. Do it all again for the other reviews
12. Wonder exactly why we bother
13. ???
14. Profit!

Alternatively, just look through the history at my last few edits on it and see if you can figure out what's going on. It started out quite simple, but it's constantly growing and mutating to the point where it needs this level of explanation. Fun, isn't it?! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 11:40, May 6

Hmm, that was close... The trick with the bit at the end is not to add in extra numbers for people already on the table (as for Flumpa), but to change their existing number in that bit at the bottom. So Flumpa is 10 before the bottom of the table at the moment - count back 10 in the first mathy bit at the bottom and increase his 1 to a 2. Don't increase his 0 to a 1 in the second mathy bit, and then hit preview - that shows you his new average, so find his old average in the final long mathy bit and change it (I look for the average above his, which won't have changed, makes it easier to track down). Only add new numbers on the end and increase the "divided by" count if you add a new bod to the table. It really sounds long winded when you explain it like that, but you get used to it. Honest! Also: glad to hear the golf club missed both your legs! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 12:55, May 16

Veteran

I don't need you to re-review the whole thing, but just tell me if you think it's ready with what I added. I don't think I'm going to replace the image at the end, but I think I've followed your other advice and I'm pretty pleased with the results. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 12:08 May 6

PeeReview

Thanks for the kind, thoughtful review of my play. I shall certainly take your advice on board - though allow me a moment of slight pedantry - paedophile is simply British English for the American pedophile- so not a typo strictly speaking! --Knucmo2 15:19, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Ah, yes, my apology fr that, I completly forgot, for the moment, the AE usage in Brithish spelling (But it doesn't change the fact that was a good article!) Warm Regards, Javascap

UnSignpost Sunday Edition: May 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

May 11th, 2008 • Issue 2 • Scene XII

Wikia staff finally locates blockage in the Internet tubes: Spang's talkpage After endless days of searching itself, Wikia has discovered the source of all its problems. "It's not DPL," Wikia's local sexy janitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. "It's not those damn ParserFunctions either, or forums, or even Chuck Norris." When asked what the real cause of Wikia's distresses were, our source remained tight-lipped by stapling his mouth shut. Which was probably a bad idea, considering he ended up writhing in pain on the floor, bleeding all over the nice Wikia rugs. Thankfully, the UnSignpost has a trained doctor on its staff, who was sensible enough to call for medical help. After the sexy janitor was revived, he said "rar." When further questioned about the source of all Wikia's woes, he finally admitted it was Spang's talkpage. "Uncyclopedia user "Spang"'s refusal to archive his talkpage is slowly clogging up the arteries of the Internet," says a technical forum at Wikia. "The talkpage in question has already managed to crash all three of the computers in Australia." Upon being asked to archive his talkpage, Spang reportedly said, "No." When Uncyclopedia was asked to comment, the site had this to say: "FU SPANG". UnSignpost Releases First Issue May 8th, 2008: Uncyclopedia develops a new fungus... a newspapery one. "Through all the shockporn and Oscar Wilde references, we made it!" Founder Dr. Skullthumper said at a recent press conference. At the conference in Skullthumper's backyard, editor-in-chief Cajek, wearing a traditional light blue Mongolian Toga and screaming at birds, had more to add. "I would like to thank all the writers involved. Thank you, you gods of men. You captains of the human experience." Police are investigating the use of strong hallucinogenic drugs during the making of the first issue. So far, the investigation has reached the top of the Unsignpost empire, when detectives found Dr. Skullthumper forcing his staff to squirt automotive door-lock de-icer up their noses to "enhance the creative joo-joo." Local police then ordered the paper to rescind two award-winning articles from its May 8th release. Two of the most hardened criminals on the UnSignpost staff, Meatbone and Spider, are currently planning revenge. When asked if UnSignpost was, like the Daily Show, the Onion, or Uncyclopedia, popular enough to parody itself, Cajek said "No. Obviously not. We can't say we suck yet, or else people would be like 'yeah, they do suck!' We have to wait until people like us. Then, when they read us making fun of ourselves they'll be all like 'this paper ROX!'" In the meantime, the paper promises to not make fun of itself, and will stick to meta-parodying instead until "someone important says it's okay." Heavy metal music found to be beneficial when reverting vandals Ever find yourself stuck awake at three in the morning (EST), fighting a few vandals with no admins around? Studies show that your choice of music might influence how you revert. In a study involving Squiggle, RAHB, Cajek, Fnoodle, Dr. Skullthumper, and Starnestommy, in which they fought diligently for Uncyclopedia through the night, heavy metal music was found to be the best for the purpose of "ass-kicking". After sprinkling some magic over the statistics, they automatically became true. Cajek's Corner By Dr. Skullthumper Today, we're going to make a standard Uncyclopedia article, Cajek-style. You will need: Annoying text. Preferably some blinky things and <big> tags. A sense of humor. Something to complain about for a page or so. Now, we'll combine the elements together into something that might be called an "article". In reality, all you have to do is whine for a good few pages of text, then sprinkle the annoying elements - sparingly. Add headlines and split up paragraphs to disguise your rant as a well-formatted article, and you're done! Next week: Whoring your article Skull's Skullery By Cajek Hi kids! Today, we're going to travel with me, Dr. Skullthumper, through a normal day at Uncyc! 9:00am: Complain about Wikia. Post new topic in Village Dump about Wikia. Troll Special:Recentchanges. 10:42am: Troll talk pages. Post new topic in Village Dump about some random techie shit. Bother some guy. Revert some guy's edits. Get some guy banned. 10:44am: spend thirty minutes on IRC talking to an admin saying how that guy was my best friend, and I never meant to hurt him. 12:10pm: Vandalize some guy's userpage over and over again. 4:92pm: Forget what I was doing. Start over. 5:19pm: Enact wild scheme to make Uncyclopedia that much weirder. End day.

Check out these pages! Self-reference jokes alive and well! Get your Starnestommy sig space while supplies last halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp Game portal Kip the Dip unbanned From our logs: 02:49, May 7, 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.233.101.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Fun fact #12341: Cyberbullies have a miniature penis) 11:03, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wigger" ‎ (You people make me hate my life.) 11:04, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Lee Jorde" ‎ (I mean, seriously. I have better things I could be doing than wading through cruft. But I do it anyway.) 11:06, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Handcuffs" ‎ (Book 'im Danno!) Biopic of the Week Drama ~ Considered the most controversial user on Uncyclopedia evah, Klaus Drama is going strong, getting on average 50 people banned per week. Having studied acting for 40 years and written his own Dadaist version of Hamlet (entitled "defensive deity of personal preference"), Klaus has much experience making people nervous and uncomfortable. With his life-long boyfriend Jizz Rick (who demanded to be in the second issue of UnSignpost) Drama is conquering Uncyc one shouting match at a time. Reason to Leave Uncyc of the Week #53 Too many users leaving. Horoscope of the Week Scorpio ~ Expect gains and/or losses in business affairs this week. Oh, and tell that f**cker John that UnSignpost's registered horoscopologists told you he's the one stealing food from the employee fridge, and that if he doesn't stop, the writers of this horoscope will come to his house on Brickwood Lane and trash the damn place. Reason to Leave Alternate Universe Uncyc of the Week #97 Although the alien admins were nice at first, they're starting to lay eggs in our more important organs and eating our more favorite children. Sympathy Biopic of the Week Optimuschris ~ An American user born in mumble mumble, Optimuschris, author of HowTo:Become Stupid in 21 days, is an up-and-coming young Uncyc user, according to, like, lots of people. Whereas he was really friendly before, now, because he appeared in the UnSignpost, "OptyC" has gotten a huge ego, and refuses to "hang" with you. Feeding Trolls of the Week: "I actually made an account just to point out that you accuse ED for being "1000% Unfunny" for having a page for Chuck Norris when you have a link to your very own Chuck Norris page in the article. If you go through UC and just read a random article you probably aren't going to laugh no matter how hard the author tried (and failed, lulz). Encyclopedia Dramatica just wants to fill this goatse-challenging gap that you created with things that are actually funny, liek mudkipz. Plox 2 b nt hating us 4 bein funny kthxbai." - Uncyclopedia on its rival. Quote of the Week: "I feel like throwing myself into the goatse challenging gap we created. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" - Mordillo on the recent Goatse gap crisis

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 04:17, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

You busy at the moment man?

Just wondering, because you've had Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/James Brown tagged for nearly a week now, and you're usually quite quick with the reviews. Everything OK on planet Javascap? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:57, May 14

That wasn't meant as a hurry up, I was just wondering if all was OK! However, thanks for the review - a better score than I was expecting, to be honest! However, have you never encountered the FU Spang phenomenon on here? I feel there's always a place for an in-joke in an article if it's subtly done and most casual readers won't even spot it. Anyway, I feel confident that I've not given you cake before, so have a slice for a good review:

Under User has blessed you with cake for being friendly and/or useful. Eat it quickly before he changes his mind. Warning: cake prepared in an environment which also processes nuts, and contains lactose, gluten, ground glass and arsenic, which gives it a lovely tang.

--SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 18:52, May 14

UnSignpost: May 15th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

May 15st, 2008 • Issue 2 3

The Bible Finally Catches a Break For years... or whatever... Conservapedia has attacked Uncyc for being too liberal. Today, Uncyc publicly derobes itself, and reveals its patriotic side. From now on, "Uncyclopedia" will be renamed "Falwellapedia" in honor of the late pastor, Jerry Falwell who died May 15th, 2007. Unsignpost spoke with the founder, Modusoperandi, in his isolated forest bunker. "I hate how the liberals treat us!" Modus shouted, along with his two followers. "Don't they see that when they make fun of us, the lord rolls over in his soon-to-be-resurrected grave?" The conservative propagandabot Fbooble is scheduled to "purge the site of any left-wing statements" by the end of the week, soon after it gains self-awareness and joins the Republican party. "HUMANS, CLOSE YOUR NOISE HOLES AND PAY ATTENTION!" Fbooble proclaimed at a recent press conference. "THE DEMOCRATS AND ALL THOSE OTHER LIBERALS ARE NEARING THE END." Fbooble, whose titanium wristwatch glistened in the afternoon sun, held up a copy of the Falwell Children's Bible near the conclusion of the conference and said "ALL PRAISE JEBUS, AND HIS INVINCIBLE ARMY OF DISCIPLES!" Although Fbooble is unclear on the details of religion right now, it promises to become ultraconservative when it does. Not all Uncyc users are happy with the transition. Although we could not find anyone who actually called themselves a liberal, we did manage to vandalize a hybrid just to equal the score. Unsignpost promises a lucrative year via advertising revenue for the Republican National Committee and a weekly "Republican of the Week" section. Changes by Fbooble will include replacing all swear words, such as ****** and ***********, with the word "daffodil," and deleting all articles. Shockporn deemed unworthy will be replaced with this image, and quotes not from the bible will be deleted with extreme prejudice. All non-American users, such as that one guy are to be called "fags", also with extreme prejudice. HTBFANJS Most Linked Article How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, one of the hallmarks of Uncyclopedia, has reached the top of the heap. Mordillo, an administrator who will be the least offended when we attribute absolutely false quotes to him, recently said of the page "Finally! Although I've never read it, I hear it's full of fatherly, patronizing advice for those newbs that write those articles I'm constantly huffing!" Mhaille, who has the most linked-to userpage on Uncyc, was slightly more angry at the recent news. "I'm only in 10th place? What the f**k?" While spying on Mhaille from under his bed, the news staff heard language that no human being was ever supposed to hear. Thankfully, the staff was smashed on Listerine, and may have just made up the entire event. Mhaille commented that "No, they didn't make it up, and if they do it again they had better bring enough Listerine for everyone." The user responsible for the 36,000+ links to How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid wishes to remain anonymous, but said to our reporters through a wiretap "I just got too carried away. I wish I could take it back, but I can't, and that's no reason for threatening my family in this way! Oh jeez, I hope you get this message, Uncyclopedia. All right, I'm hanging up now, and I hope you're not angry. *BEEP*" UnSignpost Releases Second Issue May 15th, 2008: Uncyclopedia has developed an open wound... a newspaperish one. Riding high on their success, Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek have "deployed their golden parachutes" and are "planning to pack up our shit" and "get the hell out of here." Wearing his trademark solid gold sweatpants, bought with the advertising from the first and second issues of Unsignpost, Dr. Skullthumper said "It was fun, I guess, but now it's time to move on. Like a wild hyena, Unsignpost has left its mark. There are no more stories to cover: no more people to attribute fake quotes to." Cajek, munching on a shish kabob of bald eagle babies, had nothing to add except maniacal laughter as he threw thousands of dollars into the air. Unsignpost, bankrupted by the two owner's antics, is planning to make the paper a paid subscription, unless something kooky happens, in which case it won't. In addition to subscriptions, Unsignpost is having a luau at Mike's house to raise money. "Oh, it'll be soooooo exciting!" Mike said. ...You know Mike. Anyway, Mike continued, "There'll be a silent auction, and a limbo contest, and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey! Oh! So exciting!" With the proceeds, Unsignpost hopes to add a "Week Box of the Week of the Week" section and a mascot. Maybe a shark. Protein folding: The latest in computer entertainment The editors of the UnSignpost strongly encourage the community to sign up for Uncyclopedia's Folding@Home team. Started in 2005 by rcmurphy, Codeine, Flammable, Paulgb, gwax, Mhaille, Carlb, Naughtyned, DrakeGTA, and RadicalX, the signup page has since gathered more cobwebs than new users. By joining F@H, you will get a free program that uses any extra unused CPU power to perform complicated calculations in the background. "Well that's great," you say. "So I'm helping compute protein folding, a never-before-possible situation to model on computers, and thus helping cure some of the most misunderstood diseases to strike humankind as well as advancing the knowledge of the human race into parts of science that were up until recently perceived as impossible. So what's in it for ME?!" You, yes you, will get the excitement of watching proteins fold in your very own home! "Wow!" exclaims part-time F@H user Dr. Skullthumper, "did you just see that? Did you just SEE the way that blue thing collided into that gray thing? Oh man, it was amazing! And in super-slow motion, too!" Other users have given the program similar reviews, describing it as "utterly transfixing" and "better quality entertainment than mitosis!" You, too, can join in the fun and the frenzy of the world of those wacky proteins - while saving the world!

Check out these pages! MrN makes it Over 9000 René Descartes "That's disgusting! Where can I get a copy?" Spang tries to break Wikia again; fails, settles for MediaWiki instead Jar of dirt, possession thereof That Gray Thing on the Back of Your Screen The first ever WikiBand! From our logs: 22:23, May 9, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.71.223.144 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't add crap to pages(take that as literally as you want to, btw).) 07:26, May 11, 2008 One-eyed Jack (Talk | contribs) uploaded a new version of "Image:PASex.jpg" ‎ (Pineapple-shaped sexual aid. Stoled off the Internets for higher purposes. The end justifies the means, as Stalin said.)) (Huff log); 11:39 . . Spang (Talk | contribs) (hacked up "Blood": 102 revisions restored) Biopic of the Week Under user ~ By the great Lord Harry, pippings all! Numpty numpty numpty, loo fag wut? Tea time, London, England, Britain! Aluminium, football, dustbins up the dual carriageway, chaps with bad teeth, wot wot? I write long things wit' humoUr! In short, my good numpties: Don't f**k with England. ...even though I'm actually from Idaho. Crossword of the Week Across 5. Uncyclopedia is facing a _ _ _ _ _ _ challenging gap. 12. What happens if you mess with Unsignpost's writers. 14. Uncyclopedia is _ _ _ _ ing DOOMED. 19. Dr. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ is the one with the lame techie articles. That other guy is pretty cool, though. Well, the crossword thinks he's cool, anyway. Answers next week! ...maybe. Shape of the Week Octangle ~ After thousands of years of being the forgotten cousin of the triangle, and the bastard child of the rectangle and octagon, the Octangle has made a re-emergence. Appearing 20 (secret) times on the $100 bill, the Octangle is our... shape of the week! Doomsday of the Week Monday, around tea time: Uncyclopedia will suddenly shut down due to too many unfunny articles. Users will shake their heads in disgust, pity, anger, sadness, anger, defeat, pity and anger. The last article written will be Grand Theft Auto:Siberia Chuck Norris LOLLLOLOLOLLOO by User:SqueezeMeGently, and the last article featured will be Rough Gay Wolf Sex by User:TheAntiUncyc. User of the Week, not to be confused with Biopic of the Week: FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS ~ Although blocked infinitely, FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS was a boon to the community. We at User of the Week don't see any actual contributions from FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS because they were blocked infinitely, just in and/or before their prime. Which begs the question: Who is the real monster here? Certainly not FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS. ...Go quietly into the night, FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS, for we shall never forget ye. HanSolo's Weapon of the Week: ARCTIC WARFARE MAGNUM: It's a damn sniper rifle. No explanation needed. (not recommended for use on admins -ed) This Week In Uncyc, 1957 Week of May 15th, 1957: Recreated as a warning system for nuclear attacks, the megacomputer Uncyclopedia kept the Ruskies at bay. With its 5 megabyte database and kung fu grip, Uncyclopedia was a force to be reckoned with. This Week In Uncyc, 1765 Week of May 15th, 1765: The proud warship H.M.S. Uncyclopedia, christened earlier that week, began patrolling the Atlantic for Napolean's fleet. With a crew of 90, a Surface-to-Air missile battery on deck, and the world's first Lolcat, Uncyclopedia was a force to be reckoned with.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:45, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

the list

Yep, looks like you did okay on editing the list. Thanks for pitching in, Javascap! It may look like a waste of time at first, but it's actually a good weathervane for how pee review is doing. If only there was a list of people who edit the list, THEN we would have some good times! User:Javascap/Pee/Pee thanks again!   Le Cejak • <May 17, 2008 [2:34]>

UnSignpost: May 22nd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

May 22th, 2008 • Issue 4 • Par 6

Oldest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered Renowned Uncyclopedia historian Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, has discovered the oldest non-Uncyclopedia related article ever written. "The fact that pie was the first article really opened my eyes. It really did. I see it all now: Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia... the construction and future of these wikis have been laid out before me." When asked what he meant, Spang said that, upon reading the first version of the article Pie, the future of Uncyclopedia was revealed to him. The version presently up is "but a pale shadow of what it once was." The fabled first version of the article is, according to Spang and fellow UnArcheologist TheLedBalloon, "The DaVinci Code of Uncyclopedia." One of the oldest contributors, 68.237.62.152, is said to be the creator of the fabled text, but could not be reached for comment... maybe 'cuz he was gettin' laid or somethin' cool like that. "If only the original version had survived!" Said Spang's lead balloon, who gained sentience upon glimpsing the article. "I want to know the significance of the Norris! The secret meaning behind the Wilde! The hidden power of the grue! I want to know the secret of the memes!" "First of all, how did a balloon become an administrator? Oh, right, this is Uncyclopedia." Said long-missing founder Chronarion. "Second of all, the current article you have up there is, although not as mystical, still sorta mystical... For example, look at that quote at the top! CLASSIC Oscar Wilde!" Questions arose as to why the original version was deleted in the first place, but Chronarion, who only made an appearance in one of our writer's drug trips, merely cackled, turned into a tomato, and vanished in a cloud of LULZ!!1. The mystery surrounding Pie continues, and Uncyclopedian historians are still seeking the truth. ...BUY A SUBSCRIPTION TO UNSIGNPOST to see further developments! Following Third Issue, UnSignpost Wins All Sortsa Awards n' Shit At the annual Uncyclopedia Signpost awards banquet, held every year in Dr. Skullthumper's backyard, the Signpost was the clear winner of the night, garnishing all 149 awards in all 144 categories. The press was not invited to the gala, but the Unsignpost has heard that several Uncyclopedia celebrities were at the event. Mike - you know Mike - said, "Oh yeah, we got Chronarion and Save the... whatever it was... We got 'em all! We even had Famine! Even though he still hates us, he still bothered to show up and drunkenly berate the guests! In fact, I think he's still in there, berating the furniture!" Unsignpost writers all agree that it's not pathetic to give yourself an award once in a while. We do our chores! We've been kicked around! Why don't we, the writers, get any recognition? The special boobie-prize, The Feel Okay About Ourselves Award for 2008, was accepted by Cajek on behalf of the writers instead of a paycheck. "Finally I get a god damned award." One of the writers dramatically grabbed the award away onstage and, crying, started screaming at the award itself. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?!? YOU BASTARD!!" Unsignpost is planning to make the awards banquet biweekly, in honor of the fact that the writers are extremely lonely, and just want a way to talk to loads of people without having to listen to "feedback". Newest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered Although searching through relics was fun for the Indiana-Jonesish stylings of more techie-minded Uncyclopedians, the Unsignpost has, all by itself!!, made a new discovery. Yes, the newest article, Jacob Zuma, created just at the time of this writing, is the newest article to date. No! Wait! It's RETARDIS. Wait, no, it's Broomstick. Oh whatever, the point is that we found it, and when it's deleted in three seconds, Unsignpost gets first gloating rights.

Check out these pages! Spang is Gay! The Monkey Spankers Complete Collection In Another Wiki, Far Far Away From our logs: 07:04, May 16, 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 134.225.176.229 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Uh oh! Don't mess with Grant Whitaker Island! Or whatever it is you said! ) 19:28, March 18, 2007 Famine (Talk | contribs) blocked You're a tool bag (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Come back when you have more tools in your bag) 12:37, May 17, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked You're a tool bag (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (NO U. Also, LOL coming back to blank after a one year ban) Biopic of the Week Example ~ The standard Uncyclopedia user, Example has never read HTBFANJS, has created hundreds of stupid forum topics that make no sense, and has bothered dozens of admins without being annoying enough to be banned. Although he/she/it has no opinions or original ideas, he/she/it has still managed to produce dozens of deleteable articles. Truly, Example is an example for us all... get it? GET IT?! Rorschach Inkblot Response of the Week: "HOW DARE YOU SHOW THAT TO ME!!" (slaps psychologist) "You're just like my two mothers: every Easter they do that to me... WHY???" Reason for Leaving Uncyclopedia of the Week: 8. Not enough users leaving. Horrifying Disease of the Week: The Genital Migration Virus ~ Normally found only in the most remote regions of the Congo, GMV has now "migrated" to the general populous. It can be transferred only by physical or emotional contact. There is, as of yet, no "known" cure for GMV, because Unsignpost's writers are keeping the vaccine secret until the government... well, we've said too much. Retraction of the Week: We at Unsignpost are sorry. In our last issue we stated that "slavery was kewl" and that "the Yankees will never take it away from us." Apparently, we were wr- wro... wwwrrrrr- I can't say it!! Letter of the Week: This week's UnSignpost was brought to you by the letter "U". Because without it, we wouldn't be able to spell "UnSignpost", let alone the sexiest of all U words, "undulate". Reason for staying at Uncyclopedia of the Week: 73. Can't find the door, no thanks to {{welcome}}.

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 20:11, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: May 29nd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

May 29th, 2008 • Issue 5

Uncyclopedia Second Most Active Wikia Site According to local Wikia staffmember Sannse, Uncyclopedia is the second most active site, next to Halopedia. "Yep. People are more interested in Halos than Uncys. I've never really bothered to look at either site, so I'm not sure why one is more active than another, but I'm sure it's because Halopedia is superior." Reporters on-site have looked into the rumors. Apparently, Halopedia is in fact not about halos, but instead is an entire wiki... devoted to a video game. "Oh lord, this is embarrassing," said Master Chief, the main character of said video games. "I thought I could keep this under wraps for a while longer, but you people in the press are like fucking vultures. WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!" Apparently Halopedia's nearest competitor, Uncyclopedia, is some kind of "humor wiki" meant to induce laughter. "Uncyclopedia's laughter is nothing compared with ours," said Evilpedia's founder, User:Dr. Doom, "Our laughter will ring all throughout Wikia, and then: THE WORLD!". Other statistics include the nerdiest wiki and Furwiki, the most disturbing wiki. Uncyclopedia is neither the largest wiki (Wookiepedia), nor the most active (Halopedia), but it does come very close to first in both categories. Who wants to be first place anyway? Nobody wants to win all the time! Like Unsignpost's father used to say: "You learn more from losing than winning!" and really, that's all that matters! ...AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! BASTAAAARRRDDSSS!!! Following Fourth Issue, UnSignpost Does Lame Clip Show After having not seen his boss for a few days, Cajek, or as his friends call him, "Cuntjek", and his team of writers have been forced to rely on past issues and a clip show in article form. "Don't look at us that way!" said that one guy we were talking about. "A few days ago, when Skull was around, I was only editor of the fetish section, now I'm in charge of the whole thing. Jeez, I hope Skull is okay..." The lame clip show was said to be almost entirely from the first issue, when the Unsignpost was "cool", and before the fetish section took over the whole paper. According to reports to this newsroom, the clip show article included the "weekbox of the week" from issue 1 that instructed Cajek and Skull to slather humor juice on an anonymous reader, and the "Goatse Challenging Gap" from issue 2. "Oh shit, what else we got?" Carjack screamed across the newsroom. As of this issue, the huge portrait of Dr. Skullthumper has been prayed to for nigh two weeks since his mysterious disappearance. Fnoodle, who usually serves coffee to the writers (albeit very angrily), has gone on a quest to find his former master. So far, no word of Skullthumper's whereabouts have reached the press. Serious: Dr. Skullthumper is a good friend, and I see him as an outgoing, clever guy, and I'm sure he will succeed in whatever he chooses to do while he's gone. -Cajek Letters to the Editor I am writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the wish of God for you to help me and my family, God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly. My family and I are true Christian's and worship's God truthfully. I got your contact through Internet during my research on some one who could help us. I am a female student from University of Nigeria, Lagos. I am suitable yrs old. I'd like any person who can be caring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction. Well, my father died earlier two months ago and left my mother I and my junior brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him before his death. I was a Princess to him and I and my brother are the only people who can take Care of his wealth now because my mother is not literate enough to know all my father's wealth behind. He left up to USD $27,350,000.00 dollars (TWENTY SEVEN MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND US DOLLAR) with a security company, and I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town. That is why I felt happy when I saw your contact which I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me secure and invest this money. I thereby need your help in bringing the box contaning the money out from the security company, based on your reply I will furnish you with more details on how we can proceed. I am ready to pay 10% of the total amount to you if you help us in securing this money and another 10% interest of Annual Income to you, for handling this business for us, which you will strongly have absolute control over. If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund, kindly reach me and I will let you know the next step to take towards actualizing this transaction as quickly as possible. Please, note that this transaction is 110% risk free. I look forward hearing from you soonest. Yours sincerest, Miss Lady Princess Irreverent Dear Princess, We at the Unsignpost are interested in your offer, but have no money. Could you please send us some? You could be in on an offer to make up to $27,237,84661 monies! Your Sincerestly, The Unsignpost.

Check out these pages! A Horrible Vision of the Future A Horrible Vision of a Puppet-Based Future Chinese Oscar Wilde and the Crappy Translation Somewhat Controversial Uncyclopedia:Wikipedia From our logs: 15:46, May 24, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Lil selina (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hahahaha, it's funny 'cause now there's no content on those pages!!!!) 23:58, May 25, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HA) 08:38, May 27, 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.36.41.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (love men FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK F) Biopic of the Week <insert name here> ~ Yes, we at UnSignpost have decided to do a biopic on YOU. YOU came to Uncyclopedia two weeks ago with little more than a dream and 45 bucks (or 30 pounds, if you're not American). YOU are what makes Uncyclopedia The Place To Be according to Home and Garden magazine. Without YOU, we wouldn't have that amazing article on stoats you wrote in 15 minutes. God bless you, {{USERNAME}}! UU's obscure British Dialect expression of the week: Bishy Barnabee. One for the coccinellidae fans amongst you - it's the loveable Ladybug! While the rest of the UK distances themselves from America by calling it a Ladybird, in Norfolk, they distance themselves from reality with this rather quaint expression. Slip it into conversation and impress your friends with your new-found linguistic diversity! (Why is it called that? Fuck knows, they're mad in Norfolk, quite, quite mad!) Unsignpost Founder of the Week: ...Uh, that one guy... you remember, right? He had a "doctor" theme going on? He left for a while recently? Well, anyway, he's busy with college stuff for now, and won't be back for a month or so. As soon as we find out his name, we'll get back to you. Animal of the Week: Stoat ~ Mentioned 12 times in this issue of Unsignpost, and at least one time in the Biopic of the fifth edition of the Unsignpost, the stoat was one of the largest carnivorous dinosaurs on Earth. Weighing in at 5 grams, the stoat has made its impression on human evolution, not only by eating humans but in other, far more disturbing ways. Template of the Week: The bad lyric generator ~ Never made it as a wise man, I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing. Tired of living like a blind man, I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling - Nickelback Last Minute Box of the Week: First of all, let me just say that we at the Unsignpost didn't plan this box very well. Oh sure, it has nice wikicodes on it that make it colorful, but really it's just smoke and mirrors. Not to discredit our tireless staff! They work round the clock to ensure... oh who am I kidding! They're such fucking MOOCHERS. GET OFF MY COUCH, YOU RETARDS! And now for a week box more to YOUR liking: Pole Dancer of the Week: Sparkle ~ Working as a pole dancer five nights a week at The Wink and Tickle down the street, Unsignpost's senior medical correspondent enjoys suing because of a "hostile work environment" and "tickling". Soon to be promoted to senior editor, this little number is distracting EVERYONE in the newsroom!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:57, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

Siggy things

Dude, can you get around to adding the date to your sig in some way? Or at the very least, add the date on reviews you do - it's a pain having to check through to the history on your reviews when I update the list. It's a small thing, but it would please me greatly. Ta! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:03, May 29 Yeh about this: they way you've added the time doesn't exactly work, because what your using is the "current" variables. They just display the current time, not the time at which you posted. - [17:14 30 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise I think I've fixed it for you, now. That should work. - [17:17 30 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Ninjastar

For 50 reviews, you get this. For 50 in-depth, it's the far more rare Platinum Pisser - so well done, and keep it up! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 10:55, Jun 3

Also, I'm putting together a little page of pics of decent folks. Care to donate your likeness? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 11:38, Jun 3

Late thanks!

Thanks, son! But Uncle Sam didn't thank me! All you bastards can GO TO HELL!! Eh, got any change, son? I sure hope no one writes an incredibly offensive article about me. Wait, where ya goin, son? Thanks for voting for Veteran.

~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 18:43 Jun 3

Your sig

You've got a sig page, but you appear to paste all of the code on a page when you sign. Am I confused, or is it just me? Do you need help? Are you drowning in a sea of debt? Are those high interest rate credit cards sapping away more and more of your income? Does 4.7% financing sound good to...oh. Sorry. These aren't my cards. Who swapped my cards? /me storms off

me storms back. Also, your automated comment making thingy doesn't work properly. It makes a new page. That's just silly. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:53, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Ah, yes, that pesky signature. IF it worked as I hoped it would, I would just use {{User:Javascap/sig}} but sadly, it doesnt work, yielding this, Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀. For that reason, I am reduced to copying and pasting the ENTIRE code, to get this result. Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀ 03:11 August 12 2024 . I think you will agree as to which one is fancier. On the side note, to leave a message, you just click the button so it adds a new section to the default page (in this instance, my talk page!). If you type something into it, it instead tries to write a new page at the designated target (in that instance, whatever you typed in the box!)

Didja ask on IRC for some sig help? I'm no expert, myself. All I know is:

1) Click "My Preferences"

2) In "Nickname", add {{SUBST:nosubst|User:Javascap/sig}}

3) Click "Raw signature" (so that there's a checkmark)

4) Click "Save"

5) Make a page called User:Javascap/sig

6) Enter your sig code (--<span style="color:orange">[[User:User:Javascap|J]]</span><span style="color:purple">[[User_talk:User:Javascap|talk]]</span>) there

7) Save page

What's the problem with your sig, anyway. Did it stop calling you after it moved away to college? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:21, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

Javascap, what you need to do, is actually this...

Create a page User:Javascap/time. At this page put the date formatting you wish to use (include all colour tags, size tags etc. You should enter it like this for each variable (I think you've already been doing this, or I changed for you (actually I think I did it for you, but meh): August. Then go to "My Preferences". Go to the "Nickname" box and enter the code Modus suggested ({{SUBST:nosubst|User:Javascap/sig}}, but with {{SUBST:nosubst|User:Javascap/time}} after your main sig substing bit). Then you can sign all your posts with THREE tildes. That should work. - [18:27 4 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Y'know, you don't see many VFH thanks templates about these days, do you?

Don't care. I still use 'em. Here's one now:

*pop* Yeah, er, thanks for *pop* your vote for *pop* that... oh lord, her whole dress is made of... *popop* *pop*

Thanks Javascap. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:21, Jun 4

UnSignpost: June 5th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

June 5th, 2008 • Issue 6

Sixth Issue Relies on Guest Writers For the sixth issue of Unsignpost, guest writers from outside the fold have been chosen to write a bunch of stupid crap. Among them are the illiterate administrator Zombiebaron and reformed drug mule ThePaleOne. The community's outcries were heard soon afterwards, probably. Jack Phoenix, a respected Wikia staff member, said of one of the articles "Nobody cares about Cajek trolling Wookiepedia anymore. In fact, I'm kind of ashamed of Uncyclopedia for doing something like this. It's like I'm at a well-written version of ED." The Unsignpost staff, full of miscreants and malcontents, hung its collective head in shame and went to the corner for a sit down. Qua, who wanted to be in this issue of Unsignpost to whore his userpage, issued a statement at the press conference located at his Mayan temple: "Why didn't they do an injoke article on the fifth issue? Am I the only one who cares? Where have the lols gone, my friends? Where have the lols gone?" In response, the Unsignpost sent a secret "Fifth Issue Of Unsignpost" article directly to Qua, where it will be housed until his death. The Unsignpost writers, who have had a cut in pay since the leaving of Dr. Skullthumper, are now relying on the work of random people found on IRC for their inspiration. We now present to you an article in the Unsignpost by somebody else about a guy who works at the Unsignpost... /me headdesk [note: "me" refers to the entire Unsignpost staff] Wookiepedia Too Cool For Cajek by ThePaleOne It has been reported on #uncyclopedia that Cajek, our resident editor, has been banned from the "Star Wars Wiki", Wookieepedia. There has been an outrage in the star wars community, as they find Cajek to be a charming and respectable fellow [ed note: Cajek did NOT write this!]. Even us here at the the UnSignPost believe so, ( but don't tell Cajek that! ) [ed note: I SAW THAT! YOU'RE OFF THE CASE!] I spoke to one Cajek fan, Darth Vader, to see what kind of impact this has had on the community. "It really is tragic to see him get banned," said a distraught Vader, with tears dripping from his helmet, "I just don't understand it! How can there be no Cajek?! We've seen his greatest and sometimes his somewhat lameness. But we will be EPIC FAIL without him" Vader's emotionally wrecked state shows the devastation caused by the Wookieepedia senate's unruly vote. I just hope Palpatine wasn't behind this, I voted for him too! I sat down with another fan, Jar Jar Binks, to discuss this radical move. "Mesa think its outrageous! Mesa no like Wookieepedia afta this! This beein worse than <insert name here>'s bombad faggotry!" And indeed it is. Personally, I denounce the Leftist Bias of Wookieepedia and their slander against Cajek. What did he ever do to them right? Personally, I hope Something really bad happens to those immature, pubescent, oxycotin sniffing children. In other news, 52% of Uncyclopedia agrees that Cajek should be set on fire on Sunday's Luau against 45% for drowned in his own discharge. 3% were undecided. Random Mumblings: "Monster" By Zombiebaron Alright. So. This is going to be cool. Because. You see. Therefore. Once upon a time. There was this really big house. Inside the house was a monster. Oh. This is a newspaper. Well, in that case, the monster was operating a grow op. Right. And the monster was named Skullthumper (because this is his fault, really, when you deconstruct it down to the last proton). Yeah!!!! But. Going onwards and upwards. The cops busted the grow op. It was fucking huge, man. THIS IS NEWS. IN THE UNSIGNPOST.

Check out these pages! Unprovise: Content free content anybody can edit on the content free website anybody can edit, now with extra do-whatever-the-hell-you-want. Voatse.cx User:Under user/SparkGallery The Uncyclopedia Genome Project From our logs: 12:50, May 28, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Benhagerty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (KILL EVERY FIRSTBORN SON) 01:36, June 1, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.156.118.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You're still at the stage where you afflict pain on the girl you secretly like, aren't you?) 06:03, May 31, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 218.186.12.8 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah BATMAN!) 18:16, May 31, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Don't do that to Zombiebaron!) 19:25, May 31, 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Don't do that to Dr. Skullthumper!) 19:47, May 31, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 9000 seconds ‎ (Don't do that to TKF!) May "Of the Month" Award Winners Dr. Skullthumper ~ WotM ~ Oh! Gee! Right when he wins Writer of the fucking Month (WotfM), he abandons us! Well, *sniff*, good riddens! GO THUMP SOMEONE ELSE'S SKULL, THEN! *sniff* SEE IF I CARE! Cheapinitreal ~ NotM ~ Someone who indulges in Kitty Porn was BOUND to win best new contributor. We at Unsignpost are especially proud of this little noob, someone who will follow recent up-and-comers such as NoTimeToRevert and Beatboxing Jim. Heerenveen ~ UotM ~ Every nerd deserves his/her day in the sun. That day, and that sun, belong to "Hv". You will see him scampering around, voting, deleting, and peeing. Say hi to him once in a while, dammit! Sawblade5 ~ Ugotm ~ Sawblade5 is best described as a person obsessed with Gobshite of the month. Ever since this writer can remember, Sawblade5 (but not his younger brothers, Sawblade3 or 2) has been nominating users for banning or gobshiting. Finally, the gobshite queen has been crowned! Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Spanish Nobody Cares and the Crappy Translation UU's obscure British Dialect expression of the week: "ivver sin a cuddy lowp a yat?" ~ Now we're moving into the realms of supremely useful English. The delightful Cumbrians use this regularly to ask each other "ever seen a donkey jump a gate?" I think you'll agree, there is hardly a conversation that goes by where this expression wouldn't come in handy! MrN9000's VFD vote/nomination of the week: Wet socks ~ Kerkill: Two year-old sockcruft. --Dexter111344

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 05:15, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Join The CMC! Make Your Inner Cow Happy!

Moo, Javascap!

What is it about cows that gets us all hot and bothered? Where do cows come from? What are cows?

These are the questions that drive the Cow Moo Cult and its brethren, who are very, VERY interested in cows and cow by-products.

The CMC is devoted not only to cows, but to helping Uncyclopedia through general acts of goodness and through motivating people with cow-treats and the like.

So, Javascap, why not join the CMC? It's free (unless you count virginity as money) and it's fun (and it's full of clichés)! You'll get a pretty template for your userpage and a nice title for your signature! What could be better? Sign Up Now!

Double moos from your cowy friend,
the CMC

Consider this as a way of "paying me back", because that cleverly hidden SPECIAL:USERLOGOUT had me fooled. Also, let's pretend it says "Berry" instead of "{{{1}}}", because it would be embarrassing to admit that I'm not using it properly. // Berry; speak to me // 19:12 7 June 2008

Pic

Hi Javascap, fancy adding your likeness to this? (Use this in case you didn't know). --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:36, Jun 9