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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Jesus of Nazareth. Many of you know me and the deeds I did. I was born to a virgin, am the Son of God, died for your sins, and rose from the dead. Everyone knows my story, and who I am.

But do you really?

So much of my life has been just plain mistranslated, and gotten wrong. Raised Lazarus from the dead... Please! Why would I want zombie boy walking around when he didn't like me tapping his sister in the first place? In all honesty I was happy to see him gone. Or at least I would have been. It seems that Lazarus wasn't really dead in the first place. He had a peanut allergy and didn't know it. Ate one or two too many nuts one night, and went into anaphylactic shock, and then a coma. Trust me, I was just as surprised as anyone to see him up and walking around when I showed up. And I had to pretend I was HAPPY to see him too. Man, it isn't easy being me sometimes.

I know it has been a while since I was alive, but so many people have the wrong impression of how my life went, I have to set the record straight somehow. With this autobiography, I hope to tell everyone what, truly, is what. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)

... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?

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In the news [edit]

"Time for a new political party that actually cares about the people!"

Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill" (Pictured)
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime

Recent deaths: Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly ~~Stallone~~ Stone • Brian Wilson • Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits

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On this day [edit]

July 3: International Hot Pocket Day

1775 – In the American Revolutionary War, George Washington goes to Cambridge, Massachusetts and takes command of the Continental Army, known for their delicious breakfasts.
1776 – The Declaration of Independence is peer reviewed.
1870 – Oscar Wilde graduates from Maudlin College, Oxford, with a double-first in Modern Classics and Flower Arranging.
1885 – "He who hath smelt it, dealt it" ruling in federal court sets new legal precedent.
1890 – The moderately severe United States Potato Shortage of the 1880s is resolved when Idaho is accepted as the 43rd U.S. state.
1978 – Conceptual artist Humphrey Crawford exhibits his piece Oil, urine and diesel on canvas (pictured).
1996 – Jeff Goldblum finally begins to figure out how to take down the aliens.
1983 – After a wild night of passion between a Pop Tart and a mediocre plate of Italian food, the Hot Pocket is conceived.

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Picture of the day

Mickeys - the drug of choice for today's trendy ravers.

Image credit: Rcmurphy
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