Bad Motherfucker
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION WARNING: Simply viewing this web page is a Class I federal felony punishable by jail time and a hefty fine . Stop reading immediately and report to your nearest re-education center.
Greatest Uncyclopedian of All Time Bad Motherfucker Ph.D, Attorney at Law, General of the Army Get fucked.
Born Other names Sodapoppers Education Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College
Awards Hall of Shame , Writer of the Year 2023 Website https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3tRt0UbRtgdtlbpWGSujR0?si=72abd79c89ca4d91 Allegiance Blackman crime family , Mozzarella crime family , Parmesan crime family , Whiteman crime family , Bubbles crime family Criminal charge
Arms trafficking
Arson
Assault
Battery
Bribery
Burglary
Cigarette smuggling
Chop shop
Conspiracy
Contract killing
Counterfeiting
Drug trafficking
Extortion
Fencing
Fraud
Illegal gambling
Larceny
Loansharking
Money laundering
Murder
Racketeering
Robbery
Skimming
Theft
Truck hijacking
Tax evasion
Protection rackets Reward amount
Wanted by
U.S. Air Force Office of Special Investigations
U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Division
U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms
U.S. Capitol Police
U.S. Central Intelligence Agency
U.S. Coast Guard Investigative Service
U.S. Customs and Border Protection
U.S. Defense Criminal Investigative Service
U.S. Defense Intelligence Agency
U.S. Department of Homeland Security
U.S. Department of State’s Diplomatic Security Service
U.S. Department of Transportation, National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, Office of Odometer Fraud Investigation
U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration
U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation
U.S. Federal Protective Service
U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement
U.S. IRS Criminal Investigations Division
U.S. Marshal Service
U.S. Naval Criminal Investigative Service
U.S. Office of Special Investigations
U.S. Park Police
U.S. Postal Inspection Service
U.S. Probation and Pretrial Services
U.S. Secret Service Partner(s) Jimmy Blackman , Jimmy Mozzarella , Jimmy Parmesan , Jimmy Whiteman , Milwaukee Cheese Bandit , Bubbles the Clown Wanted since September 21, 2022 (join date) Time at large
September 21, 2022 - ????
This user is in the
This user is a
This user is a Field Artilleryman.
This user has been on Uncyclopedia for 2 years and 3 months .
This user has been an
admin on Uncyclopedia for
7 months and 22 days .
This user's real age is: 19 years and 15 days .
This user devours
babies . Whole.
This user is a
serial killer
, and they are standing right behind you!!
NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!
This user says things that may not be work safe.
This user is a fan of the Flint Tropics
This user is a fan of the Philadelphia 76ers.
This user's
sex appeal is such that people around the world compulsively shout their name during
intercourse .
This user is Jimi Hendrix's number one fan.
This user plays the guitar.
This user just died a glorious death!
This user is part of the Mafia. Gabagool!
This user just passed away a couple of minutes ago, due to a car crash.
This user loves to play baseball.
This user shot J.F.Kennedy. DON'T TELL THIS USER'S MUMMY!
HALL OF SHAME MEMBER, PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!!!
Hello! You're now wanted by every single federal agency in the United States. Get fucked.
Please vote below. Results will be shown when you have voted.
There were 17 votes since the poll was created on 20:04, 5 June 2023.
poll-id 4F1CED6E0D582E5E726F838EE5EF0313
Articles I've created The only person to duel Clint Eastwood and survive
I am the inventor of the penis balloon
I have 900 million pennies
I've walked across the Sahara Desert with only a pack of Newports and a fifth of Henny
I possess the JFK Love Files
I once fought the law, and I won
I hosted a Michael Jackson concert in Hell, and he's still performing there to this day
My personal car is the O. J. Simpson Bronco
I also used to drive Bonnie and Clyde's death car, but I traded it for the Bronco
I wrecked Dale Earnhardt at the Talladega 500
I was the first person to receive fellatio on Mount Everest Things I've learned the hard way Do not honk Ronald McDonald's nose Words and quotes to live by
“
What I want in a woman is protection. Loyalty. Companionship. Friendship. Ferociousness. I want her to protect me, and have my back to the bitter end. If I have a fight, I want her to jump in, even if I’m winning, even if she’s ninety pounds. I like strong women – not necessarily a masculine woman – but say a woman who runs a CEO corporation, a woman with confidence. Massive confidence. And then I want to tattoo my name on her ass and dominate her sexually.
”
“
This is the best mustard I've ever tasted!
”
“
Know your hole... and stuff your mouth...
”
— Dwayne "The Croc" Johnson
“
Where there is baseball, there is bound to be MILFs.
”
— Me
“
That's some grand cleavage, madam.
”
— Me
“
Lemme tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
”
“
I miss my ex-wife... SIKE lol
”
“
she's dead i killed her
”
“
First, take a big step back... and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don't know what kind of Uncyclopedia bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but all of Uncyclopedia is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an un-godly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
”
— Me, technically
“
America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, badass speed.
”
— Eleanor Roosevelt
JOIN THE UNCYCLOPEDIA MARSHALS SERVICE! Uncyclopedia Marshals Service
Awesome! A dollar! Click here to redeem it!
What I've been doing Burning down city hall and banging the mayor's wife
Fingering the president's wife
Placing banana peels on the top of stairs
Watching an elderly person struggle with opening a jar and saying "Allow me," only to tighten it even more
Throwing shit at people, like a monkey
Releasing a gorilla in a fake looking gorilla suit inside of a mall
Screaming "There's a hawk up my ass!"
Punting babies and small animals into tornados
Throwing hotdogs at the mall cop
Shooting wizards with shotguns
Rigging port-a-potties to explode
Pawning war medals
Assassinating the CEO of Skittles
Snorting three lines of gunpowder and eating a stick of deodorant
Robbing Fort Knox
Loudly struggling to open a Snickers bar in the Vatican
Torturing Colonel Sanders for the 11 secret herbs and spices
Why the fuck should I tell you?
Taping worms to myself and swallowing dirt
Naming my dick Notorious because it's B.I.G.
Having thirty sons named Chad
Sewing two hamsters together
Kidnapping baby monkeys and raising them
Disregarding bitches and acquiring currency
Getting stabbed to death by a man in a sombrero
Smoking a ridiculously huge cigar
Running over the cheerleaders
Hilariously chasing down a crying toddler with a lawnmower
Killing Private Ryan
Leaving goblins in the Denny's dumpsters
Pissing directly into a toaster
Stealing the Coca-Cola recipe
Watching a magician fuck up over and over again
Smuggling people into Italy for $20 dollars and a handjob
Destroying the Pyramids of Giza
Enslaving Bigfoot
Slowly weakening the glass at the world's largest aquarium
Stealing Tobuscus' online identity in a drawing game (This one is actually true, I was 10 years old, and it was actually in one of his videos)
Chugging lava lamps
Being Loud on the Western Front
Getting shot by Clint Eastwood while Morgan Freeman narrates it
Beating up Uncle Pep Pep
Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay
Conquering Nevada Things I've pondered about Will He Bonk Ya In The Chocolate Blactory?
Is Abraham Lincoln allowed to say the n-word? GAMBLE! GAMBLE! GAMBLE! My list of prestigious and totally legit awards and accomplishments
