UnNews:UnNews' Interview with God: Part 3

Wednesday, December 22, 2021

G.O.D. Almighty.

THEMYSCIRA, Unknown -- UnNews is proud to present, for the third time as far as we know, an exclusive interview with God. Like The Human Centipede and Wyclef Jean's The Carnival before it, the God Interview turned out to be a trilogy. And turns out God is The Notorious B.I.G. after all. So the closest thing to a bathroom mirror we have is this shit right here:

God

Yo, it's been only like 4 months, bitch. Give it a rest.

UnNews

I know, I know. Sorry about that but we freed Britney like you said and that COVID shit isn't going anywhere. Also I don't live in North America so I can't even see the new South Park movies. Anyway, hello & welcome back to you Biggie. How are you?

God

Fine. You #freedbritney but you gotta free her ass too. Without the hashtag. She ain't doing enough fucking shows. And do you think Themyscira is in fucking North America 2021? We are currently in Bulgaria 1451. I have no Amazon Butthole Plus here too. So what did you wanna axe?

UnNews

Same shit as before, dude. When's the pandemic going to end? What's the fucking meaning of it?

God

Oh man. Didn't you see Independence Day?

UnNews

Sure...

God

Same shit, man. Aliens are germs. Aliens have always been all about germs. COVID is the alien in the movie who wanna kill all mankind. The only way is to work together, Israelis and Arabs and Bulgarians and shit.

UnNews

I see... what else can we do? That answer was kinda general.

God

So did y'all notice that all the aliens in the movies are evil and all the aliens on TV are good?

UnNews

What about American Horror Story? And E.T.?

God

AHS Season 10 is post-COVID and E.T. is evil, he just wanna go home and no contact with mankind except that boy. The boy is his fucking phone company.

UnNews

So like... we need to watch more TV?

God

Yeah this like good germs and bad germs, you gotta watch a lotta Dexter New Blood & shit. Are we done?

UnNews

And after we watch TV, Joe Biden will kill COVID?

God

You need to mix the good and bad germs together so they can fight each other. You need to turn Dexter New Blood into a reality show or some shit. Because you are currently living inside the movie.

UnNews

Independence Day?

God

Yeah, that shit is the reality right now.

UnNews

Wow. I guess we're gonna start working on that. I think the Dexter writers ain't quite lame enough but we'll see.

BIG

Good luck, man. Peace.

UnNews

Well, there you have it. We just hope that all the correct people are reading this and will know what to do. Thanks a lot, God! Keep safe!

COVID-19