Pot v. Kettle
Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at [Pot's] store solely because of the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle.
The facts of the case
The case originated in the small country town of Alabamaton, Mississippi. Kettle had entered Pot's store (which shall remain nameless) for a job interview. The application was flatly refused by Pot, citing "irreconcilable differences".
Kettle filed suit in civil court. At trial Pot amended the reason (saying he had mixed up the applicant's resume with his own divorce papers) but testified: "Ain't no black [thing] gonna work at my store, no siree." Dozens of boring motions eventually brought the case all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.
A nationwide frenzy
Deliberations went on for weeks. The main issues were many: Can one discriminate against people of their own race or creed for their race or creed? Was Kettle's immediate lawsuit justified? Are inanimate objects included under the Constitution? What is the best flavor of jelly? Should the black frying pan be allowed to work in Pot's store? Can I have a dollar?
Eventually a massive media frenzy surrounded the case. Many rallies for both sides were held in the streets of Washington DC, beginning the age of Free Love (for reasons unbeknownst to Humankind). Surprisingly, the case was not politically charged. Rather, culinary preferences charged the arguments: People who liked tea generally sided with Kettle, whereas people who also liked tea but preferred it from a pot were on the side of Pot.
None of the chaos mattered, however ...
The decision
- Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist: Kettle
- Justice Optimus Prime: Pot
- Justice Sandra Day O'Connor: Pot
- Justice Antonin Scalia: Kettle
- Justice Anthony Kennedy: Kettle
- Justice David Souter: Pot
- Justice Clarence Thomas: Kettle
- Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Pot
- Special Guest Judge Snoop Dogg: Pot
In a surprise, Pot won the case in a 5–4 decision. The deciding vote was Snoop Dogg's, who voted Pot because he thought the ballot was an order form.
The precedent
- Inanimate objects are on "the okay list" in the Discrimination Articles.
- People are allowed to make utterly idiotic statements without fear of tarnish.
To this day, no inanimate object has held a major political office (with the exception of Al Gore). There have been attempts at a re-hearing for several years, but to no avail. In popular culture, references to the case are common in instances where a pot (or kettle) makes a foolish statement in which they criticize a kettle (or pot) for having the same traits as the pot (or kettle) making the statement.
See also
- Supreme Court cases
- Roe v. Wade
- Alien v. Predator
- Pie v. Sponge
- Ketchup v. Catsup
- Pop v. Soda
- Ug's Club v. Thog's Head
