SCP Foundation
NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION UNCYCLOMEDIA ARCHIVE DEPARTMENT
BY THE ORDER OF THE UNCYCLOMEDIA OVERSEER COUNCIL
Item #: SCP-9001
Object Class: Keter Neutralized Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9001 is to be hosted on popular wiki site Wikidot. The site is to act as if the data is from a fictional organization and that the organization is not real, to try to prevent people from having nightmares. In light of Incident I-9001-062018, nobody around SCP-9001 is to mention anything related to LGBTQ. Anyone mentioning LGBTQ is to be transferred to another project.
Description: SCP-9001 is a wiki containing the entirety of the Foundation database, as well as Foundation history and lore, stating that the Foundation is a fictional organization. The information has been publicly leaked on the Internet. Anyone describing SCP-9001 is compelled to make fun of the Foundation using self-depreciating jokes.
SCP stands for Shark Punching Centre, which are instructions on how to contain the object being described. Any object with unusual properties is taken from the original owners, and the Foundation is also a prison for people, animals, and objects who break the laws of nature. The Foundation also enforces the laws of nature, so nature does not have to.
SCP-9001 is like most wikis: a black hole that causes one to lose hours of their lives. The wiki also causes people to have nightmares, which can manifest in the form of bad dreams about things such as being trapped in strange places or being chased by scary creatures. Reported nightmares have involved objects currently in Foundation custody. SCP-9001 also causes people who are exposed to it to share information related to the Foundation publicly, including on communities such as Reddit.
Addendum 1: SCP-9001 uses a “box test” to explain object classes:
- Safe: Put it in a box and leave it alone, and nothing will happen unless someone opens the box to see what’s inside. After all, curiosity killed the cat.
- Euclid: This object class has nothing to do with that ancient mathematician it is named after. It actually means that nobody knows what the heck will happen if you were to put it in a box and leave it alone!
- Keter: Put it in a box and leave it alone, and it WILL escape and possibly torture or kill you!
- Thaumiel: You can use it as a box for other SCPs. Or you can leave it alone, if you're stupid.
- Neutralized: You don’t need to worry about what is in the box because it is either disabled or dead. Just like everyone I know.
- Apollyon: You can’t really contain it as it will just immediately get out of the box; you’re just screwed.
- Principalis: This is for that really long fifty-eight page story by Dj. Cactus. Its a black hole or something.
Addendum 2: The following is a VERY short list of objects contained by the Foundation, as described by people exposed to SCP-9001:
- SCP-173 is a statue that moves and attacks when it is not directly looked at. It is also known by many names, including the Sculpture and the Peanut.
- SCP-096 is a humanoid figure that seems to have extreme anger issues. If you look at its face, even if it is just in a photo or a video recording, you are dead within two minutes. Drawings don't count because they're crude and bad.
- I am SCP-426, and I am a toaster that can only be spoken or written about in first-person.
- SCP-1609 is a mulch that was once a chair. It seems to have a VERY bad temper and probably even PTSD, as it will attack you if you wear a lab coat in front of it.
- SCP-3008 is just an IKEA. It is also infinite, just like real IKEAs seem to be.
- SCP-682: a lizard (?) that will severely frick you over. Seriously, it LITERLY can't fricking die and survived the gosh dang heat death of the universe. So stay far, far, far fricking far away. For more information, see addendum 3-A
- SCP-5000: foundation agrees with 682
Inciedent Report I-9001-062018: On June 1, 2018, changes were noticed in SCP-9001 after SJWs were exposed to it. This led to a wave of backlash all over the Internet. SCP-9001's community also took a huge hit and some popular articles were deleted. Another website, known as SCP-9001-1, has also sprung up, and it refers to itself as "The RPC Authority". SCP-9001 was also declared Neutralized.As of 07/01/2018, all reports of SCP-9001's demise were deemed to be false and exaggerated.
Incident Report I-9001-052019: In May of 2019, someone from Russia, known as PoI-52019, tried to trademark SCP-9001’s logo. This led to a massive outcry in Russia. Foundation agents quickly came to the scene and PoI-52019 was forced to give up the trademark. Research on the background and intentions of PoI-52019 is currently ongoing.
Incident Report I-9001-112019: In November of 2019, PoI-52019 returned and tried to take over SCP-9001's Russian counterpart with the intent of turning it into an advertisement for their merch. The community raised over $50,000, and threats against PoI-52019 involving several objects in Foundation custody were made towards PoI-52019. Foundation agents in Russia are currently trying to use the Russian legal system against PoI-52019.
Addendum 3-A::__-*(^%*%^&&%&^&*^$%$%$&^^&^(*&(*o)()(
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Addendum SCP.2 Almost all text within the SCP Foundation can and will be censored, like this text that is absolutely pointless but not pointless enough because there is some thing cool at the end of this text!
[DATA EXPUNGED AND LOCKED UNDER 05-WHATEVS' PERMISSION AND VIEWING THIS EXPUNGED DATA WILL GIVE YOU EPILEPSY
Incident Report I-9001-032020:
Google Berryman Langford Memetic Kill Agent
See, now you're Dead
Incident Report I-9001-052022
SCP-9001 was offline from 5/19/2022 to 5/24/2022 due to an attack on Wikidot's servers from Russia. After SCP-9001 went back online, its Russian counterpart is now no longer accessible in Russia due to a geoblock in response to the attack. Following this incident, the Foundation is currently trying to find another way to contain SCP-9001 that does not depend on Wikidot.