User:My Face Is Beautiful/Beautifulopedia
From today's featured bees
BAT FUCK ORIGAMI is a mathematical proof developed to cope with the problem of folding bats into a size and shape suitable for packing into an artillery shell. In the early 1670s, weapons designer Henrich Gustav von Feldermausficken was working under commission of the King of France to develop a terror weapon called the Bat Fuck Howitzer. The most formidable engineering problem was how to fire a bat from a cannon without destroying it. Feldermausficken hit upon the idea of folding the bats into the smallest possible package.
The folding problem was assigned to physicist Eugen Edelsheiss of Dresden, Germany, and thereafter became known as the "Edelsheiss Bat Folding Problem". His inspiration was drawn from the then little-known techniques of origami, the Japanese art of paper folding. Anecdotally, the solution came to him in a dream following a long night of absinthe consumption. The original models were done by hand and took several months to finish. (Full article...)
I know you don't know...
- ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)
- ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
- ...that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
- ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
- ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
- ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
- ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
- ...that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
- Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
- Epstein list predictions
- Starmer bans pornography nationwide (Pictured)
- Ozzy Osbourne remembers Uncyclopedia
- Obama to Democrats: "toughen up, you fucking pussies!"
- Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison"
- Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
- Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
- Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
- Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
- United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
- Lawyer is unable to remember what the trial is about, defendant is convicted of burglary
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)
Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota • Texas flood victims • LA ICE raids • Connie Francis • Alan Bergman • Bill Cosby's TV son • Bryan Kohberger's freedom • Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer
Upcoming deaths: DEI • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • Joe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates
*sigh* what's happening now?
July 28: National Fondue and Chocolate Day (Switzerland) (pictured)
- 1020 – Swiss man Arkov Chenbort accidentally drops chocolate into vat of fondue. Entire village enjoys snack.
- 1439 – A continent-wide fondue shortage in Europe causes citizens to whine, moan, complain, and otherwise be unhappy.
- 1794 – Robespierre is sent to the guillotine for declaring white chocolate the Chocolate of the Revolution...and for thinking July could be renamed Thermedor.
- 1956 – The first video game is introduced, allowing the player to move a dot to one of two locations on a projected screen using punch cards. Legendary gamer AAA makes his debut, setting the all-time high score of 13, which stands to this day.
- 1972 – On a trip to Vietnam, Jane Fondue is captured in a photograph that caused chocolate sales to soar, at least to her for a while.
- 1999 – After widespread internet rumors concerning chocolate shortages are proven to be false, many of the instigators are banned from the internet.
- 2007 – Bashing one's head against a brick wall is officially substitued for fondue and chocolate in some of the poorer areas of the world.
My favorite pictures
Hello Kitty getting her groove on. Image credit: IMBJR |
For starters
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines – for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
Mini projects
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Because -
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,379 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.
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