User:My Face Is Beautiful/Beautifulopedia

the content-free ripoff of Opossumopedia.
20 active tung tung tung sahurs • 40,632 articles in English

From today's featured bees [Feature an article]

Isaac the Tank Engine is a fictional anthropomorphic character created by the Rev W. V. Awdry, also known as the author of Thomas and Friends.

After the Second World War spirits were at an all time low, especially in England, the spiritual home of the Church of England. The then head of the Church of England wrote to his followers as follows.

“

Well, this old war has brought us all down and then some, eh wot.

Never mind Miladdoes. This is the time when all good men rally together around a single unifying symbol, dontcher know, wot. This country, this people, and this church need a damned good bucking up, if I do say so myself. What we need, wot, is a new kind of hero, one that is accessible by the kiddies, wot. Something to bring the people back to the good old C of E, and get those knees on the floor and those heads bowed in fervour, dontcher know wot me old bean.

I challenge all of you true faithful chaps around the countries, and in our colonies too, to create a new kind of hero, dontcher know wot, jolly old bean, my good fellow, I do say so myself, even if I’m a jolly old muggins, wot.^{[Citation needed because no-one can believe this crap.]}

”

(Full article...)

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I know you don't know... [edit]

... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)

... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"

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Extra! Extra! Read all about it! [edit]

All taxes, all vape, all Rayner.

Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK (Pictured)
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Trump presents new science project to Cabinet
Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures
Trump fires Zakk Wylde
Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys

Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3)

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger in jail • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump, either by angry cartel members, "meanie judges", or (finally) releasing the Epstein files • Windows 10

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sigh what's happening now? [edit]

September 10: Kumquat Kicking Festival (Pakistan), International Hypocrisy Day

Before Time BC - Death is born in a small town in Kansas, Nascar becomes marginally interesting.
541 BC - Greek philosopher Hypocrites invents hypocrisy
540 BC - Hypocrisy condemned as immoral by Hypocrites
30 - Asked whether one should pay taxes, Jesus says, "Give unto Caesar what is Caesar's", but then cheats on his income tax.
1092 - Tap dancing invented.
1093 - Inventor of Tap Dancing shot in the head.
1640 - The world's first slide rule goes on display in Paris. Rioting ensues.
1892 - Oscar Wilde arrives in America, claiming at customs "I have nothing to declare but my genius". Actually he's got some fruit and Cuban cigars.
1897 - Lattimer Massacre - a sheriff's posse kills twenty unarmed immigrant miners in Pennsylvania. Up until the massacre, the mine wasn't very productive.
1913 - First fully-carpeted coast-to-coast ferret-run opened in the USA.
1939 - Canada declares war on Nazi Germany; German army takes the afternoon off.
1960 - American baseball player Mickey Mantle kicks a kumquat an estimated 643 feet.
1967 - Supreme Court hands down landmark decision in Pot v. Kettle which legalizes hypocrisy.
1982 - The following people are born: (2,394 James), (9887 Johns), (1 satayanarayan ranganathan rama appuswami ganapathy).
2000 - Millions board planes with shoes, liquids, and food. Angered by this, George Bush goes into seclusion to come up with a way to stop this. It takes roughly one year and a few phone calls to his friends in the Middle East.
2001 - Parachutes requested for all workers in the Twin Towers, George Bush says "NAH!' What's on TV?"
2001 - Billions and billions of Americans go to bed early in order to be well-rested for the September 11 terrorist attacks the next day.
2008 - The Large Hadron Collider is switched on ... nothing happens ... Swiss scientists decide to cut their losses and turn it into a badass thrill ride
2009 - Office of the White House announces low-altitude American Airlines 767 fly-over for 9/11 8th year memorial services at ground zero in New York City, on September 11, 2009. Flight officially named AA Flight 175 in honor of the brave civilians who didn't know any better that morning. Plane expected to be supplied with full compliment of fuel as a safety precaution, and to fly over Shanksville, PA, and the Pentagon. Five 20 to 30-year-old Arabs scheduled to take part in flight as show of peace to the Middle Eastern nations. These proud five men will be given boxcutters and a fake bomb in order for the US Air Force to simulate realistic crisis scenarios. Flight 175 "Resurrected," as it has been dubbed by President Obama, will have a pig in the cockpit, for security reasons. Scheduled to fly over WTC site at 9:03 AM.
2012 - The Large Hadron Collider Thrill Ride turns into a supermassive black hole and turns the Earth into something the size of a small pea

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