User:My Face Is Beautiful/Beautifulopedia

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Yellow.PNG
Welcome to Beautifulopedia,
the content-free ripoff of Opossumopedia.
18 active tung tung tung sahurs • 41,131 mistakes I've ever made

From today's featured bees 

Beat-up-santa.jpg

I was sitting in my living room very late at night, watching The Christmas That Almost Wasn't. I knew the fat, jolly bastard would be arriving soon, and I would be waiting for him. I've been waiting for this moment for years ever since St. Dickolas gave me coal for Christmas four years in a row, despite my good behavior. I'll shove that stocking full of coal up his ass and show him how funny it is.

I was dozing off when I heard it. The sound I could recognize anywhere. The fat bastard's heavy stomps on my rooftop. It's showtime. I sprang up off of the couch and hid behind the Christmas tree. I stay there for a little bit when I hear a loud tumble and an audible "Ah, shit.. that hurt." The fat bastard had entered the point of no return. Of course the jolly prick went straight to the kitchen, where he helped himself to the milk and cookies I laid out. I put a small amount of laxative and LSD in the cookies. I'm also pretty sure he got into the liquor cabinet because I heard him say something about a "Mr. Jack Daniels," with glass clinking around. He laid the presents under the tree, I was so close to him I could smell the liquor and cookies on him. Somehow, he didn't see me.

Then he walks over to the stocking, I peek around the tree. I see the lump of coal in his hand.

No the fuck you don't. (Full article...)

I know you don't know... 

Don Adams.jpg
  • ... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)
  • ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
  • ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
  • ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
  • ... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
  • ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?
  • ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
  • ... that in 1933, the Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! 

DickVanDykeJackyl.jpg
Take that, Betty White!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Pats fans accusing NFL refs of kissing the Bills' asses • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Patrick Mahomes' ACL and the Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner. • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Dallas Cowboys' and Indianapolis Colts' season • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025

*sigh* what's happening now? 

It could be worse...

December 21: International Personal Hygiene Day

  • 477 BC - Stinky Greek hobo Socrates roams the streets of fudge packing Athens, claiming he knows nothing. As a result, the goofy Greeks regard him as the greatest sage that ever lived.
  • 1500 - Middle Ages officially end; Europeans can finally start taking care of their personal hygiene little by little.
  • 1939 Hitler invades France. After realising he would never make them wash he turned toward Russia
  • 1982 - Sudan wins "Least Hygienic Country In The World Competition" for the first time. The African country has held the title ever since.
  • 2000 - The bearded Taliban commanders state personal hygiene is against Allah's law; in Afghanistan, pretty much the worst place ever.
  • 2006 - Personal hygiene forced upon France by new EU ruling. The French promptly withdraw from the EU.
  • 2007 - Man discovers that the white stuff on your tongue causes your breath to smell like shit. The Government promptly forces everone to brush their tongues.

My favorite pictures

Mono Lisa
 DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa."


Hewlett Packard were unavailable for comment as the CEO was busy discussing a merger with Ferrari to create the world's first petrol powered printer.
DaVinci is said to be in a closed door meeting with Dan Brown to discuss the implications of this event.
Image credit: Nonymous
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

For starters

Mini projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

Indistinguishable others

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,131 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User:My_Face_Is_Beautiful/Beautifulopedia&oldid=6455118"